Why Is It Hypocrisy To Have Different Rules For Adults Than Children?? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 125 Old 03-30-2007, 05:55 PM - Thread Starter
 
karina5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,917
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
This may sound old-fashioned, and I hope not, b/c I don't think I am in most ways, but when I see posts that say this, I usually think, "what's so hypocritical?"

For example....this is something I have a bit of guilt about, but once in a while I have some McDonald's French Fries (guilty indulgence). Someone said to me once, "Oh, *YOU* have them, but you don't allow your son (he is not yet 2) to have them. How hypocritical of you!"

I felt, "No, he is a child, and I am an adult. If I choose to put crappy processed food w/ 0 nutrients in my body, then that's my choice. Meanwhile, he is thriving on his organic apples, veggie burgers, etc..." (By the way, I don't eat the french fries in front of him).

Also, he doesn't drink coffee or wine. I do. He doesn't get to watch violent movies. I just saw The Departed.

kwim??? I just don't feel that different rules for an adult automatically = hypocrisy.
karina5 is offline  
#2 of 125 Old 03-30-2007, 06:00 PM
 
marnie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: going back to nyc
Posts: 768
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
IMO the examples you laid out are not hypocritical. i can cross the street without holding someone's hand just fine, and have been able to do so for many years now. but my 3 year old doesn't have the same attention span i do and it's not as safe for her. i don't find that (or coffee, or french fries, etc.) to be hypocrisy.

on the other hand, i have issues with people who lie to their children and expect their children to be honest with them. "bending" rules of ethical conduct, IMO, can be hypocritical. but just doing things you don't permit your kids to do? not necessarily.
marnie is offline  
#3 of 125 Old 03-30-2007, 06:01 PM - Thread Starter
 
karina5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,917
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by marnie View Post
IMO the examples you laid out are not hypocritical. i can cross the street without holding someone's hand just fine, and have been able to do so for many years now. but my 3 year old doesn't have the same attention span i do and it's not as safe for her. i don't find that (or coffee, or french fries, etc.) to be hypocrisy.

on the other hand, i have issues with people who lie to their children and expect their children to be honest with them. "bending" rules of ethical conduct, IMO, can be hypocritical. but just doing things you don't permit your kids to do? not necessarily.
Marnie, I agree with you. But I have seen some people take this to the extremes.
karina5 is offline  
#4 of 125 Old 03-30-2007, 06:21 PM
 
nd_deadhead's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Posts: 2,149
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 4 Post(s)
The holding hands across the street example is perfect.

Eating french fries and feding your child healthy food is not hypocritical. As an adult, you can make your own food choices (and suffer the consequences, if you make too many poor ones). As a parent, it is your job to help your child learn to make healthy food choices.

In our household, we try to have as many rules as possible apply to both grownups and adults. No one hits in our family. We all sit at the table until everyone is finished eating - no matter how badly I want to clear the table and clean up the kitchen, so I can go do something else. Everyone wears a seat belt and a bike helmet. No one uses profanity. We all knock on a door (and are granted admission) before entering someone's room. We all speak to each other politely.

If there are two sets of rules in the house - a strict one for kids and a lax one for parents - THAT would be hypocritical. A philosophy of "do as I say, not as I do" is hypocritical.

An occasional french fry when your child isn't even around? No way.

If the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

nd_deadhead is offline  
#5 of 125 Old 03-30-2007, 06:47 PM
 
philomom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Pacific Northwest
Posts: 9,431
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
Not sharing french fries is not nice. Just do without them if your child is dining with you. You should set a healthy example for your child anyway.
philomom is online now  
#6 of 125 Old 03-30-2007, 06:49 PM
 
Thalia the Muse's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Posts: 2,829
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
(By the way, I don't eat the french fries in front of him).
In the original post.
Thalia the Muse is offline  
#7 of 125 Old 03-30-2007, 07:22 PM
 
Nicole77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 630
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by nd_deadhead View Post
The holding hands across the street example is perfect.

Eating french fries and feding your child healthy food is not hypocritical. As an adult, you can make your own food choices (and suffer the consequences, if you make too many poor ones). As a parent, it is your job to help your child learn to make healthy food choices.

In our household, we try to have as many rules as possible apply to both grownups and adults. No one hits in our family. We all sit at the table until everyone is finished eating - no matter how badly I want to clear the table and clean up the kitchen, so I can go do something else. Everyone wears a seat belt and a bike helmet. No one uses profanity. We all knock on a door (and are granted admission) before entering someone's room. We all speak to each other politely.

If there are two sets of rules in the house - a strict one for kids and a lax one for parents - THAT would be hypocritical. A philosophy of "do as I say, not as I do" is hypocritical.

An occasional french fry when your child isn't even around? No way.
: We all have to be respectful to each other, big or small. However, we do not all have the same privileges (or the same responsibilities) and sometimes the answer to why you need to do something just is because I said so. Not often, but sometimes. I am the parent; it is my job to lead and guide sometimes.

"There is no belief, however foolish, that will not gather its faithful adherents who will defend it to the death." -Isaac Asimov read.gif

 
 
 
 

Nicole77 is offline  
#8 of 125 Old 03-31-2007, 04:59 PM
 
snyderjoint's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: Blandon, PA
Posts: 68
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think that it's necessarily hypocritical, but I do believe that a parent's job is to guide a child to make good and healthy decisons early on. I'm going through this with my 3 year old nephew now. I don't believe my sister should do things that she does not permit my nephew to do, pretty much just because I think it's unfair. My sister doesn't allow her child to watch tv or eat junk food, however I think all things in moderation are ok. But then she watches tv herself, and she still eats junk food... among other things that I've seen my nephew not permitted to do. When I have my own children If I say they can't do something I belive the whole family should not be permitted to do it. Just my 2 cents.
snyderjoint is offline  
#9 of 125 Old 03-31-2007, 05:17 PM
 
Krystal323's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In a world of dreams
Posts: 3,394
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
well. we have house rules. that sometimes get bent. if I'M going to bend them, i tell my kids why (i.e. we can eat in the living room tonite b/c i am exhausted and want to lay ont eh couch, we can make it a movie nite)....but i don't just arbitrarily do things in front of them that i tell them they can't do, b/c IMO that's a bit rude. hate to use this example (esp as a pagan ) but to me it's a matter of "don't lead them into temptation"--why dangle pretties in front of the kiddos then tell them "noooo not for YOU just me"??

and i totally see that you're not doing that

i eat my frenchfries too, but if I choose to do it in front of the kiddos, then I think it'd be kinda mean to not let them have ANY. so i eat them alone, or i get a small amount and we share. to me, keeping unhealthy foods out of them isn't as important as modeling politeness and sharing. and of course while we're eating, i will probably mention how none of us should really eat this stuff cause it's not good for us! and fwiw my kids pretty much hate french fries. they're 7 and 4.

just a sort-of-related story: once i was at a friend's house (very busy party-type thing goin on), and my kids were thirsty, so she told me to just get them something. WELL. my kids don't drink cow's milk, and there was only soda and cow's milk in the fridge. it never occurred to me that she would have 3 diff kinds of soda in her fridge and only allow her kids milk and water she was appalled that I gave my kids soda at all, let alone allowed her kids to see mine drinking what hers weren't allowed. we had a fair-sized blowup about it, and I felt really bad! but, do you think you'd relate more to me or to her in that situation??

Freethinking Earth-mama of five. uc.jpg

Krystal323 is offline  
#10 of 125 Old 03-31-2007, 06:09 PM
 
jlpumkin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Middle GA
Posts: 1,353
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I don't know if this is hypocritical or not but I think that what kids don't see won't hurt them. In our house we don't use foul language around our children. We expect them to have clean mouths. But when we are away from our kids or they are in bed we might have an occasion more colorful language is more appropriate. So fries that your child doesn't see isn't a problem for me. And since you mentioned your child's young age- I think that under 2, I not sure I would have shared even if we were together...

And I like the post about drinking wine... another excellent example I think of age appropriate behavior.

Librarian & mommy to my jog.gif(2002) & jammin.gif (2005) married to superhero.gifsince 1999
jlpumkin is offline  
#11 of 125 Old 03-31-2007, 06:17 PM
 
mamachandi's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Posts: 1,586
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I agree with the pp's~ but i would be careful about the food thing. My best friend has done the same thing (except with meat) ...she raises her kids vegetarian and her dh is a veg too. she has *meat* when not with them. her dh knows but not the kids. as they got older a relative (who was not fond of her) outed her to her kids and her oldest had a meltdown about it and felt very betrayed by her. her daughter is a very strict vegetarian and cried when she found out her mother had been doing this, all these years. So I'd be careful on that. would you be ok if your children found out you were eating the very food you had been telling them all along was bad? In other words the other things you do as an adult -they know about,mostly (not in all situations but will eventually when they grow up and will be ok with) `Hypocrisy aside,there is a trust issue there, that I think you may be overlooking. Gently, Chandi
mamachandi is offline  
#12 of 125 Old 03-31-2007, 06:57 PM
 
Blue Dragonfly's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Posts: 1,020
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think its hypocritical (and yes, occasionally I am a hypocrite).

Why shouldn't a three year old have the choice to put something crappy in their body? I don't think they "should" but I don't think I "should" either. I believe talking to your children about what is healthy and why, asking them how junk food makes them feel (both in the moment and afterwards) is more likely to produce a thinking, rational, questioning and self-reflective human being than not letting them make choices. How can they learn to make choices (between healthy and not) if all they are ever shown is what is healthy? Yes, they may develop a taste and preference for healthy food (which I would very much want to encourage) but that isn't learning to make a choice.

As for wine - lots of places children are given wine - very watered down or small amounts. Its only in North America where we consider wine to be only an adult thing (and look at all the binge drinking teenagers).

Some things - like the crossing the road, or other potentially immediately life threatening things - are not so negotiable - but I still think children should have a say. Maybe they don't want to cross the road right there. Maybe they should be offered the opportunity to run wild in a safe place.
Blue Dragonfly is offline  
#13 of 125 Old 03-31-2007, 08:13 PM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 18,301
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
i was just coming to say the exact same thing as the previous poster. Sure sometimes it is hypocritical. welcome to being my child (although for big things that i absolutely put my foot down, if it is a rule for them it is a rule for and I just have to change if I am not there already). They are free to call me on it when I am being a hypocrite. i am very open with them that i have bad habits and while I may not be able to kick them I am certainly not going to make it easy for them to adopt them. When they can afford to buy pop (for example) and pay the ensuing medical bills (when they can truly own all the consequences) they will be free to drink as much pop as they want. or whatever.

as for certain privileges I truly believe privileges and freedoms are things people have to earn (or should have to earn). So crossing the street etc not at all hypocritical. when they can they may but until then i get to call the shots for everyones safety. and I get to be in charge because I have proved my ability to cross the street safely.

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
#14 of 125 Old 03-31-2007, 09:25 PM
 
Jessy1019's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Flemington, NJ
Posts: 3,514
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Dragonfly View Post
I think its hypocritical (and yes, occasionally I am a hypocrite).

Why shouldn't a three year old have the choice to put something crappy in their body? I don't think they "should" but I don't think I "should" either. I believe talking to your children about what is healthy and why, asking them how junk food makes them feel (both in the moment and afterwards) is more likely to produce a thinking, rational, questioning and self-reflective human being than not letting them make choices. How can they learn to make choices (between healthy and not) if all they are ever shown is what is healthy? Yes, they may develop a taste and preference for healthy food (which I would very much want to encourage) but that isn't learning to make a choice.

As for wine - lots of places children are given wine - very watered down or small amounts. Its only in North America where we consider wine to be only an adult thing (and look at all the binge drinking teenagers).

Some things - like the crossing the road, or other potentially immediately life threatening things - are not so negotiable - but I still think children should have a say. Maybe they don't want to cross the road right there. Maybe they should be offered the opportunity to run wild in a safe place.
We are mostly this way too . . . certain issues of life and death are non negotiable, but the kids can choose how they talk, what they eat, what they wear, what they watch, etc.

Proud Anti-Adoption, Atheist, Reproductive-Freedom Fighter Mama
Rylie is 7, Ronin is 3.5
Jessy1019 is offline  
#15 of 125 Old 03-31-2007, 09:27 PM
 
Rivka5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 1,246
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
If I had the same rules for my child as I do for adults, then if she ever hit me I would cut off our relationship and not allow her near me again. If she were whiny and demanding and refused to let me have five minutes to myself all day long, I'd have some sharp words with her and then physically separate us. If she woke me up in the middle of the night, night after night, without being in any particular kind of crisis, I'd explain to her that I really needed my sleep and that she'd have to find some other way of keeping herself entertained and happy at night.

But she doesn't have the same capacities, judgment, or ability to accept responsibility that adults have, so I *don't* have the same rules for her as I do for adults. I cut her a heck of a lot more slack.

Alexandra 4.11.05 and Colin 2.9.09. Click on my name to visit my homeschooling blog.
Rivka5 is offline  
#16 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 02:01 AM
 
Ambrose's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Brainerd, MN, USA
Posts: 3,895
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rivka5 View Post
But she doesn't have the same capacities, judgment, or ability to accept responsibility that adults have, so I *don't* have the same rules for her as I do for adults. I cut her a heck of a lot more slack.
:

GREAT MOM to dd (5) and )ds( [sept 26 2006]
Ambrose is offline  
#17 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 08:32 AM
 
velochic's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Location: Dreaming of the Bavarian Alps
Posts: 8,413
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Dragonfly View Post
Why shouldn't a three year old have the choice to put something crappy in their body?
Because that 3 year old child does not have the frame of reference that you do about the choices he/she is making. Because their little brains are forming synapses and their little bodies need a completely different set of amino acids, vitamins, proteins, and minerals than adults do to complete the building process. Because after a certain age (18 or so), we are simply trying to not let our bodies break down, while before that we are trying to build up our bodies. Because a 3 year old isn't rational enough to understand that what they put in their bodies can affect them the rest of their lives. Because we are their parents, and it's our job to gently guide them to make decisions based on OUR frame of reference, while respecting their opinons. And because if children are capable of making their own decisions, we, as parents, are no longer a necessary part of life.
velochic is offline  
#18 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 10:21 AM
 
Nicole77's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 630
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
Because that 3 year old child does not have the frame of reference that you do about the choices he/she is making. Because their little brains are forming synapses and their little bodies need a completely different set of amino acids, vitamins, proteins, and minerals than adults do to complete the building process. Because after a certain age (18 or so), we are simply trying to not let our bodies break down, while before that we are trying to build up our bodies. Because a 3 year old isn't rational enough to understand that what they put in their bodies can affect them the rest of their lives. Because we are their parents, and it's our job to gently guide them to make decisions based on OUR frame of reference, while respecting their opinons. And because if children are capable of making their own decisions, we, as parents, are no longer a necessary part of life.
Yes, exactly.

"There is no belief, however foolish, that will not gather its faithful adherents who will defend it to the death." -Isaac Asimov read.gif

 
 
 
 

Nicole77 is offline  
#19 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 10:36 AM
 
Amris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: I am loving and being loved.
Posts: 2,197
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
Because that 3 year old child does not have the frame of reference that you do about the choices he/she is making. Because their little brains are forming synapses and their little bodies need a completely different set of amino acids, vitamins, proteins, and minerals than adults do to complete the building process. Because after a certain age (18 or so), we are simply trying to not let our bodies break down, while before that we are trying to build up our bodies. Because a 3 year old isn't rational enough to understand that what they put in their bodies can affect them the rest of their lives. Because we are their parents, and it's our job to gently guide them to make decisions based on OUR frame of reference, while respecting their opinons. And because if children are capable of making their own decisions, we, as parents, are no longer a necessary part of life.
:
I would also like to point out that children are very much more "in the now" than adults are, and don't understand very well the idea of long-term consequences. All they know is, "does it feel/taste good NOW?" or does it NOT feel/taste good NOW? The larger concept of, "Yes, it may feel good now, but it'll make you fat in a month" is not something that they can conceptualize.

Heck, I remember clearly thinking, as a kid, that I would NEVER be 18, EVER, because 10 years was eternity. As for being 30, well.... that simply was an obvious unreality, because that was even further away than eternity!

So their cognizance of certain things is not sufficient to allow them to make truly informed decisions.
Amris is offline  
#20 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 07:17 PM
 
Mama Poot's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: Youngstown OH-Gotta Live Somewhere!
Posts: 6,151
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by philomom View Post
Not sharing french fries is not nice. Just do without them if your child is dining with you. You should set a healthy example for your child anyway.
I'm really sorry here but are you effing serious? Sorry but I really disagree here. No, I don't allow my toddler to eat junk food and he eats 100 times better than I do, but if we're going out to eat, I'm going to order whatever I please and if it includes something that isn't kid-friendly then so be it. I am the adult, he is the child, and that is how life works. If I want a beer with my fries, I'll order it. But I'm not gonna give him alcohol out of fear of looking like a hypocrite. I really don't feel adults should have to give up mundane things like fries just to appear to be setting a better example for your children. Shooting heroin in front of your kids will mess them up- eating Mickey D's in front of them? Meh.
Mama Poot is offline  
#21 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 07:33 PM
 
Brigianna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: who knows?
Posts: 9,522
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think whether or not it is hypocrisy depends on the reason for the difference. I think distinctions based on ability are fine--my 4 yr old does not have the ability to stay home alone safely. My baby does not have the ability to eat solid foods safely. My 7 yr old does not have the ability to drive a car safely. My toddler does not have the ability to metabolize alcohol safely. These are simple matters of ability. But on matters of ethics or morality or values, I think different standards are hypocritical. I know several parents who have "no profanity" or "no lying" or "no miniskirts" types of rules for their kids, while they themselves do these things. That, I believe, is hypocritical. With food, I think it's a grey area, depending on the age of the child. I don't think a parent eating fries but not allowing her 2 yr old to do so is necessarily hypocritical, but with a 12 yr old, I think it probably would be. I'm not sure.
Brigianna is offline  
#22 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 07:55 PM
 
tatangel19's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: In the NoVa jungle and longing for wilderness
Posts: 400
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mama Poot View Post
I'm really sorry here but are you effing serious? Sorry but I really disagree here. No, I don't allow my toddler to eat junk food and he eats 100 times better than I do, but if we're going out to eat, I'm going to order whatever I please and if it includes something that isn't kid-friendly then so be it. I am the adult, he is the child, and that is how life works. If I want a beer with my fries, I'll order it. But I'm not gonna give him alcohol out of fear of looking like a hypocrite. I really don't feel adults should have to give up mundane things like fries just to appear to be setting a better example for your children. Shooting heroin in front of your kids will mess them up- eating Mickey D's in front of them? Meh.
I am inclined to agree with Mama Poot. If I, as the adult, am charged with raising my children to be reponsible adults then IMO one of the first things they need to learn is you can't have everything you want, when you want it, just because you want it. I don't think having adult priveleges makes you a hypocrite, but judging by the uproar over french fries, this is about a much greater issue to a lot of people. The ''I want it, you have it'' mentality is what starts global conflicts, and while I am not going to deny my kids something''just because'' if I feel it is best for them not to have something, I simply won't give it to them! That's why I am the parent, to make these decisions. Eat your french fries in peace. A minor indulgence does'nt make you hypocritical, it makes you human, and I know it is much easier for me, at least, to look up to and trust someone who is human, and approachable, than someone who appears to have no flaws, YKWIM?:
tatangel19 is offline  
#23 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 08:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
karina5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Posts: 3,917
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by velochic View Post
Because that 3 year old child does not have the frame of reference that you do about the choices he/she is making. Because their little brains are forming synapses and their little bodies need a completely different set of amino acids, vitamins, proteins, and minerals than adults do to complete the building process. Because after a certain age (18 or so), we are simply trying to not let our bodies break down, while before that we are trying to build up our bodies. Because a 3 year old isn't rational enough to understand that what they put in their bodies can affect them the rest of their lives. Because we are their parents, and it's our job to gently guide them to make decisions based on OUR frame of reference, while respecting their opinons. And because if children are capable of making their own decisions, we, as parents, are no longer a necessary part of life.
Thank you. You said this very well. I'm surprised there are people that think this way (that a child should have and is capable of the same choices an adult is). Seriously, that blows my mind. I am all about choices and empowering my child, but really, what is the point of me being a parent if I give him no boundaries????
karina5 is offline  
#24 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 08:26 PM
Banned
 
MillingNome's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Location: hunting in Gilead
Posts: 6,399
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rivka5 View Post
But she doesn't have the same capacities, judgment, or ability to accept responsibility that adults have, so I *don't* have the same rules for her as I do for adults. I cut her a heck of a lot more slack.


:


And as they do get older, I loosen the reigns. But til then not that I am that hard on them!
MillingNome is offline  
#25 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 08:57 PM
 
MommytoTwo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Actually, its Mommy to Three now
Posts: 3,915
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not hypocritical. As an adult you can make whatever choices you want for yourself. As a parent you do the best for your child even if that isnt what you always do for yourself. There is a difference between adults and children.

Quote:
what is the point of me being a parent if I give him no boundaries????
Ditto
MommytoTwo is offline  
#26 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 09:08 PM
 
GuildJenn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Toronto
Posts: 4,776
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's a really interesting question. I don't believe in all the same rules obviously, for reasons mentioned above.

However, when it comes to food I basically believe that if my child can't have it, then it shouldn't be eaten in front of him/her. (I know the OP doesn't do that.) So we're not talking about a difference in philosophies about rules in general, just about that specific rule.

I personally believe that sharing food is a central experience of human beings and human nature, and that although some things should be consumed in moderation (and sometimes adults need to police that) that what I value about eating as a social activity is that it is shared. And I do think that for the same reason that a child might eat a whole box of cookies (not having the capacity to think ahead), he or she might feel waaaaay more left out not getting a french fry than it would seem on a logical, adult level.

So although I might only allow my child one french fry, if I were having some, I would allow him that taste. I'd also allow/expect him to have one taste of brussel sprouts too. :-) My son's 19 months old but this is how he's been introduced to everything in our diet, pretty much, except peanuts and other choking things, and lunch meats and that sort of thing (which we just eliminated from our diet too).

In other words I might limit quantities of certain foods, but I wouldn't limit them completely. And once in a while I might not even do that. I'm not totally sure yet. For me I think the social nature of food and my desire to include my son in all the wonderful cuisines we try out trumps any damage done by a single fry, a very small piece of chocolate, etc. And really I should exercise moderation for these things too!

We don't drink pop, so that's not an issue, but that's probably my hot button - I would be glad if my son never ever drank pop, but he'll come across it some day. I think we'll treat it like dessert at that point.

For wine and coffee I'm more strict, but I think once he's 8 or 9 a *very* small taste might be ok then.

~ Mum to Emily, March 12-16 2004, Noah, born Aug 2005, Liam, born January 2011, and wife to Carl since 1994. ~
GuildJenn is offline  
#27 of 125 Old 04-01-2007, 10:11 PM
 
Amris's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: I am loving and being loved.
Posts: 2,197
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't think eating junk food in front of a child is appropriate. It teaches then several things that they're better off not learning.

One should never forget, as one eats french fries in front of their child/ren or smokes or drinks in front of their child/ren.... there's no one in the whole entire world that your child wants to be JUST LIKE, more than you.

http://www.harrychapin.com/music/cats.shtml
Amris is offline  
#28 of 125 Old 04-02-2007, 08:04 AM
 
wemoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Posts: 6,360
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by karina5 View Post

kwim??? I just don't feel that different rules for an adult automatically = hypocrisy.
I agree. Young children do not have the cognitive development to be able to make sound decisions. I would never do something like eat ice cream in front of my kids if I just told them no, but I might eat some after they are in bed. I don't think that is being a hypocrite and I wouldn't feel bad about doing it.

coffee-drinking caffix.gifsocial worker in HIV/AIDS ribbonred.giflady-loving ribbonrainbow.gifbike-riding bikenew.gifmom of two twins.gif
wemoon is offline  
#29 of 125 Old 04-02-2007, 08:12 AM
Banned
 
sephy26946's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Posts: 9
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Why does he not get meat burgers? A kid needs protein. And I think that rules should change the older you get.
sephy26946 is offline  
#30 of 125 Old 04-02-2007, 08:51 AM
 
podalyria's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2007
Location: slopes of Table Mountain
Posts: 83
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
interesting topic.
Children (incl babies, toddlers) learn by example, the mimic the behaviour of their caregivers. They think we are wonderful and everything we do is good. So what kind of confused message are we giving them by eating something but denying it to them? I certainly don't think we should keep unhealthy food in the home or offer it to our children, but if you are eating it and enjoying it then share the fun! I wanted to keep Ds pure and not allow a single morsel of anything evil like crisps, fries, sweets, ice-cream,chocolate etc to cross his lips. I soon realised this was impossible with MIL, aunts offering the above when we visited. : It wasn't worth all the injured feelings to deny, deny, deny. Now if Ds asks for something we are eating or drinking he can have a small piece. He is allowed watered down wine and beer too.
Eating and feeding our children is such an emotive issue, considering the long term effects of eating junk food (obesity, shortened life-span, diabetes, heart disease). It's almost on a par with smoking in front of your child.
How depressing.
We set boundaries and limits by imposing them on ourselves first. If we are not principled how is our child going to be?
podalyria is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off