Has anyone actually read Ezzo's stuff? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 38 Old 06-07-2003, 06:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I decided it was a case of "know thine enemies" so I checked out three of his books from the library. I get so mad I can't even make it though a page without having to put it down and rant to someone. He isn't really even advocating a parenting style; he is just reacting to attachment parenting. His whole book is designed to put down parents who practice AP. Was his childhood so crappy that he has no compassion left for babies even? I do not get it!

If you haven't read it, read it. It will make you mad, but you will be better able to argue against it if you know how ridiculous he is. He portrays us a slaves to our children who are raising monsters. I would love to give him a piece of my mind.
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#2 of 38 Old 06-07-2003, 06:25 PM
 
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i haven't read every single page, but i have read a lot. it makes steam come out of my ears. he's the kind of person who deserves to be kicked in the crotch repeatedly.
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#3 of 38 Old 06-07-2003, 06:56 PM
 
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I have read most of his mainstream books, like Babywise, BabywiseII and Childwise and parts of teenwise. All that said his mainstream books are so much milder than what he advocates in his series of parenting course called "Growing Kids God's Way"

Yes, now i read through his books and I think I must have been SOOOOO depressed to stick it out and make it work. Actually it worked well with me son, he slept through the night at six weeks just like promised, but now he is aggressive and doesn't trust me and wants me to be his sole caregiver, all at age 3. I am working hard to repair the damage already done to his little spirit. Anyway now I think how sad how many other babies are going through his crap and how many toddlers and preschoolers are being spanked many times in an attempt to "Grow your kids God's Way"

Regina
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#4 of 38 Old 06-07-2003, 08:54 PM
 
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Regina, congratulations on finding your own way and deciding to trust your natural mothering instincts and abilities instead of Ezzo. Your son and family will benefit greatly.
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#5 of 38 Old 06-07-2003, 09:25 PM
 
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I read it.. or most of it.
When I found out I was pregnant, I went immediately to the book store.
I knew NOTHING about birthing or parenting.. so I just randomly selected a bunch of books and started reading.
I got so so so depressed by them and started wondering how I was going to do this.. pregnancy, birthing, parenting..

Until a friend told me I had bought the wrong books (lol) and pointed me in the direction of Dr. Sears, Ina May etc.

You cannot IMAGINE my relief!
Buying books is a serious thing.. a great lesson in doing research first.

Anyway, Ezzo was one of those "wrong books."
It made me sooo sad.
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#6 of 38 Old 06-07-2003, 09:39 PM
 
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i just couldn't bear to read most of it. i tried but my body was reacting against the tenets so i checked out other parenting books instead.
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#7 of 38 Old 06-08-2003, 12:46 AM
 
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I read them simply to be able to debate *against* them better 4ish years ago. I had read the baby book while pg with DD and it felt so "right" and comforting, then DD was high needs and really attaching to her helped so much. When I heard about Ezzo I got in many debates and decided to read it so I would know "the truth." DH always hides the Ezzo books at the bookstore---- he is soooo cute

Kay

 

 

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#8 of 38 Old 06-08-2003, 02:09 AM
 
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Read Babywise in two successive trips to the bookstore (could not bring myself to purchase even for the sake of research).

He is odious and obviously hates all children for being so "demanding". Jerk. Who knows how many babies are made sick or die because their poor parents believed his advice.

Denny
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#9 of 38 Old 06-09-2003, 12:37 AM
 
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I read about half of it a couple of years ago. A friend of mine was given a copy and I wanted to see what the fuss was all about.

I cannot believe the manipulating and patronizing language that man uses in his writing! I was not a parent when I read it - but I was still offended.

Gary Ezzo has no integrity and it sickens me that his books are still out there. Of course, his publishers dropped him and what does he do but start his own publishing company.

Ick.
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#10 of 38 Old 06-09-2003, 06:29 PM
 
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A [religious] friend of mine suggested it, so before dd was born I bought and read it. I didn't know much about babies at the time, so I was enticed by the promise of the baby sleeping through the night at 7 weeks. I remember thinking that the whole schedule I was supposed to follow sounded complicated, so I marked the page in the book and decided to come back it once I actually had the baby.

Then I had the baby, and I did pull the book out to reread the section. Before I coud get to it though, the dog chewed the book up into a million little pieces! No joke - was that devine intervention or what?

Even if the dog hadn't intervened, I remember thinking that scheduling a baby that young didn't feel right (which is why I never pursued the Ezzo philosophy again!)

~ Meredith, mom to dd(Jan '02), ds1(May '04) and ds2 (June '07) ~ :
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#11 of 38 Old 06-09-2003, 09:43 PM
 
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I've actually had a lot of trouble finding them, which is a good thing! I did find a copy of Babywise II at a different library branch and looked through it. I think it was the revised edition - didn't he change the stuff about feeding schedules once babies were showing up malnourished as a result of his advice?

His view of babies and children is just awful. He portrays them as little manipulators that are trying to make the parents' lives hell, even though he's careful about the language he uses. It made me sick. It's as though he doesn't see them as human or lovable at all. So sad.
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#12 of 38 Old 06-09-2003, 10:58 PM
 
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I found Babywise at my favorite children's consignment shop. Its was $1.50 so I bought it and told the owner, whom I know, I was buying it to throw it away so that no other parent would fall victim to it. She didn't know about it and asked some questions. Since I hadn't read it I did my best to repeat what I've read other places.
I actually read most of the book. I skipped over the parts about burping, etc

I agree with the above posters that he seems to view children as a nuisance to his sex life. He so stresses that parents need to put the baby second.

Like my dh said, I'd like to meet his kids.

I find it most offensive that he teaches this as a Christian method. As if there is only one way to raise a good Christian child. And to be a person of no medical or religious training he has a lot of gumption.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#13 of 38 Old 06-09-2003, 11:00 PM
 
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I'd be happy to send my copy to anyone who wants to research it. I certainly don't need it.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
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#14 of 38 Old 06-10-2003, 08:10 AM
 
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I just want to ask-What are this man's credentials? Is he even a Dr? Is he just some guy that decided he considered himself an authority on parenting and Christian parenting at that? I find it sad that anyone would just take any book on parenting at face value that way. I understand the desire to have babies sleep through the night, but to just take someone at his word this way without doing any other research at all is absurd to me. : I haven't even come close to reading his books, and I can already say that this guy ticks me off. As a Christian, the things I read from him go against EVERYTHING that I believe is important to "growing kids Gods way". I think I'm going to have to read it though. My curiosity is getting to me. I promise to burn it when I'm through.

I'm at the TTC point in my life right now, and I *luckily* have not had people (even well meaning family members) giving me any kind of parenting advice or anything like that. I have discovered my parenting style on my own, based on the kind of person I am and the mother I want to be. I am VERY curious about what advice I will get when/if I get pg. I am just waiting for someone to mention this guy. When/if that happens, I feel sorry for the person suggesting it. I just wanted to say that I find these Ezzo threads informative, eye opening and very disturbing as well. I find it disturbing that we as mothers/parents need a book to tell us how to raise our children. I am all for informative reading, but you should take what you read with a grain of salt and not as if it were your parenting 'bible'. How can we ignore our childrens individual personalities in order to make some carbon copy Ezzo cult babies? It's just weird. I mean, I have never in my whole life thought that babies were 'supposed to' sleep through the night. If only I knew they could be trained to, I wouldn't have waited until I was at an age that I felt ready to bring children into my life. If I had only known that they should fit around all of MY schedules and needs, I wouldn't be childless at 30:
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#15 of 38 Old 06-10-2003, 09:08 AM
 
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I've only flipped through it at the bookstore. I almost bought it when I was pregnant because I didn't know what it was - but I bought the Baby Whisperer instead. The BW wasn't much better but at least she didn't advocate CIO. Even as a first time mother newly pregnant I could see how her Eat Activity Sleep You schedule was never going to work for me and how she never seemed to talk about what was best for a baby but what was easiest for a parent. But I digress...

The thing that is the most scary about Babywise is that he disguises the hostile things he says in this gentle tone. When you read a paragraph, you're sort of with him in the beginning until he throws in a really outlandish statement out of nowhere.

He also clearly disguises the fact that he has no medical training and is a pastor. A few people I knew that read the book were shocked when I told them that.

"We shape the clay into a pot but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want" Lao Tzu
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#16 of 38 Old 06-10-2003, 12:00 PM
 
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To the un-initiated or inexperienced, the books main attraction is its title. It gives one the "feel good" confidence that you are going to be above all the stress and in control of the situation, much like a 1930's British Hospital Matron. Decidedly detatched.

Much like the opening line "you know more than you think you do." from Spok's first book.

Quote:
Originally posted by FirstTimeMom
The thing that is the most scary about Babywise is that he disguises the hostile things he says in this gentle tone. When you read a paragraph, you're sort of with him in the beginning

Snip

That, was a favorite trick of the Nazis before ww2, when entertaining the world's press or officials.

Beware those who kill with a honey(d) tongue.

His books are a manual to child sadists. Pitty the innocent parents that now pay for his heartless tripe.

a

The anti-Ezzo king
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#17 of 38 Old 06-10-2003, 12:12 PM
 
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I can't even completely read T Berry Brazelton. I started to but had to put that down! I could NEVER make it through Ezzo.
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#18 of 38 Old 06-10-2003, 12:28 PM
 
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I read Babywise and Babywise II. I bought them when DD and DS were around 6 months old, when I was looking for some help with how to get them to sleep better. A friend told me about the books and so I practically flew to Border's to get them because DD and DS were hardly napping and were sleeping so erratically that I never knew which end was up. So I read them both cover to cover over a weekend.

Back then, I had never heard anything about Ezzo or even knew that what I was doing was called something ("AP") - I was just mothering in the way that came naturally to me, and fit my values of wanting to respect my babies and bond with them. So even though Babywise promised good sleep, happy children, and so on, I just kind of ignored it because I knew it was nothing I would ever do. (Later I found "The No Cry Sleep Solution" coupled with "Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child" which were the magic yet gentle bullets I was looking for, and they worked like a charm.)

As for Babywise II, I found it more funny than anything else. I don't know, maybe it's because I just couldn't take it seriously at all, having already read Babywise the day before. Babywise II is all about discipline for the pre-toddler and toddler. It's awful.

It's only more recently I've learned about WHY I reacted against Babywise, and why it is bad.

The whole thing taught me a valuable lesson about trusting MY instincts though, so that's one good thing about the books! :LOL
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#19 of 38 Old 06-10-2003, 12:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I just read this quote this morning regarding picking a LC:

Quote:
Be equally leery of any consultant that advises something that the American Academy of Pediatrics expressly warns you not to do, such as advising you to sleep with your baby.
Um, is he aware that the AAP expressly warns parents not to do PDFs (parent directed feedings)?
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#20 of 38 Old 06-10-2003, 12:58 PM
 
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I'm going to kind of, sort of, hijack this thread a little bit. I have read a couple of his pages myself and find the man an uneducated, authoritarian idiot. That said, has anyone here attended a church where some of the members use his crap? It has not been taught in the church since we've been members and it is only hinted at by some people. However, one of the really influential "popular" families (for lack of a better term) does use it and infact the mother helped to present the message on Mother's Day morning. As part of her talk she stressed the importance of a strong marriage and put up a quote by Ezzo. It was really surreal for me to be sitting there looking at this quote on three big screens in our sactuary. I've thought of going to the minister and letting him know what a loon and liability Ezzo is. My DH is a lawyer and he can't read any of the guys stuff without going nuts. He has said if the church tries to teach a formal class, he's going to the elders and if they go along with it he will make them offer an alternative like Dr. Sears. I'm torn as sometimes I juat want to leave and other times I feel like I should stay and try to set a good AP example with Carrie. I know she's the only nursing toddler many have known. I guess my fear is instead of people thinking it is beautiful and good, we'll get looked at as the flakey family. I don't care what any of them think of me, but I would hate for any vibes to come Carrie's way, KWIM? Would love to hear from anyone on this situation. All advice appreciated as I have really been struggleing with it lately.
TIA, Pamela
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#21 of 38 Old 06-10-2003, 09:50 PM
 
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After reading all these things about this guy, I feel very fortunate. I received the Babywise book from my sil. I read it and was prepared to have my baby. Fortunately, I took birthing classes at my local hospital that is very AP. I was educated about Babywise, and from that moment on an AP cloth diapering momma. After dd was born I started the parenting classes there as well. I hate to think what kind of mom I might have been if it were not for the hospital. I was then introduced to Dr. Sears, and looking back at Babywise, cannot believe I even thought about raising my dd that way. Yikes!!!!!


Colette
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#22 of 38 Old 06-11-2003, 02:03 AM
 
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Pamela, I can't really answer your question, but I hope someone does. I hadn't heard of it until very recently when I started frequenting parenting boards, so if it has been offered at any church I've attended I wouldn't know. I do know that if I ever see it offered at my church, I will protest and write letters and provide all the documentation necessary to try and stop it. And I'm childless! Are all the churches any certain denomination or is it all churches? I go to a Southern Baptist church. Just wondering.
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#23 of 38 Old 06-11-2003, 09:48 AM
 
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Pamela: I know there are moms on this board who have had exactly the experience you are describing. Do a search for Ezzo threads, and I'm sure you'll come up against their stories. I know one mom left--or was asked to leave--her church because of her conflicts with these Ezzo-ites. They can be very cultish, like your "friend" giving that enlightening: Mother's Day talk!
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#24 of 38 Old 06-11-2003, 11:40 AM
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I have read "Babywise" much of "Babywise 2" "PFP", much of "GKGW" and a lot of his bullhockey online.

I was kicked out of a church over this crap (I'm part of the "unprepared for parenting" article as well as a few others)

One additional note of caution: I have noticed that many parents (even committed AP/gentle parents) tend to take on some of the authoritarian negativeness found in these books when they're reading this crap....you might feel irritated with your children and insecure about your parenting methods...this stuff is so sly and crafty that even the strong can be weakened by it!!

Debra Baker (just put my name in a search engine and you will find Ezzo info )
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#25 of 38 Old 06-11-2003, 01:14 PM
 
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Debra: thanks for posting; you were the member I was referring to, but I was a little unsure if I had your name right, so didn't want to give hewr the wrong steer...

and ITA with the idea of getting those negative thoughts stuck in your head!
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#26 of 38 Old 06-11-2003, 01:43 PM
 
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Quote:
Like my dh said, I'd like to meet his kids.
Thats what I always say, too. One reason I find Sears so reassuring is that his kids are happy, successful adults raising their children in the same way they, themselves, were raised. It says a lot to me that what, two of them, choose to work w/ their dad. You never hear about Ezzos kids (I think he had two) and there is certainly no "Ezzo & Sons" ministry or anything.

Kay

 

 

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#27 of 38 Old 06-11-2003, 04:14 PM
 
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FYI~

You can do a web search and find out all kinds of stuff about Gary Ezzo. He and his x-nurse wife started teaching parenting classes at their church when their 2 daughters were much older...like teens I believe. John MacArther's church...Grace Community here in So CA. John shut him down. He has since been booted out of 3 or 4 other churches. A few years ago, there was a letter sent out by pastors written by John MacArther, that declared Gary Ezzo unfit for Christian Leadership at a church. Reasons were his unaccountability(refusing to provide scientific or medical proofs of the claims in his book regarding his parenting style), stepping up to the plate and clarifying his expertise or lack there of in his education that would give credence to any of his claims.(Gary is not a Dr. nor does he have a degree of anysort in child psychology, or development) and his constant bent toward creating division in the church body and the lies he has told regarding church leaders who have butted heads with him.

This guy is a loser, a liar, a dangerous giver of advice and a very sorry excuse for a Christian. I had a stack of information that was over 100pages long that I used to keep copies of and give to people who did GKGW and Babywise. Cases of children with failure to thrive because they were on 4 hr feeding schedules, kids left in carseats in the closet so they didn't bother the parents while the learned to sleep through the night, children as young as 2 and 3 with eating disorders because their food intake was soooo mismanaged.

My personal experieince was that I left the main campus of the church I attend when my first son was born 8.5 yr ago. People would stop and ask me if I was going to *grow him up God's Way?* duh, of course! But see, the church had GKGW classes and everyone did them. A year or so later our pastor stood at a pastors meeting and apologized to them for ever introducing the program to the Body of Believers at our church. Never had anything created so much division and tension between members. His wife told women in the women's fellowship to get rid of the books, don't give them away she said, burn them so no one gets a hold of them.

I could go on all day. I've seen first hand the sick and twisted brainwashed things these parents do to their kids. My one friend is appalled and ashamed that they did this to their first ds...they have video of her dh running around the back yard trying to distract him and her voice saying, poor thing...he can't eat for another hour: they had him on a 4 hr schedule from week one! at 4 months she had a nurse tell her he was starving, that's why he didn't poop for a week or 2 at a time. And the schedule that is supposed to make your life easier and make sure the kid doesn't *run the house*? what a joke. I have never seen people so in bondage as the people on the eat-play-sleep-make sure they have their alone time in a play pen-schedule. They can never go anywhere or do anything because they must be home and in bed for all the forced naps and feedings! I wonder how many adults could live off this schedule they inflict on babies? I know I couldn't.

i have to stop. I get crazy pissed about this stuff.
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#28 of 38 Old 06-11-2003, 07:47 PM
 
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I can;t imagine not feeding my child of hitting my 6 month old for spilling food
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#29 of 38 Old 06-13-2003, 11:19 AM
 
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Quote:
And the schedule that is supposed to make your life easier and make sure the kid doesn't *run the house*? what a joke. I have never seen people so in bondage as the people on the eat-play-sleep-make sure they have their alone time in a play pen-schedule. They can never go anywhere or do anything because they must be home and in bed for all the forced naps and feedings!
I, too, know quite a few families who tell me that this way of life is so much better. In fact, a friend of mine who has a 3 yo and infant twins is on that boat. You know why we've come to be good friends? I'm the only one who's life was flexible enough to accomodate her schedule and I have a soft heart! (That and she is totally fine with the fact that I disagree with her on that front.) All her other friends who support her in the scheduled way of life can't disrupt their schedules to come help her when she needs it.

It's so sad in so many ways.
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#30 of 38 Old 06-13-2003, 03:31 PM
 
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Lenswyf, I wonder if we know the same family! A friend of mine has a 3-year-old DD and 1-year-old twin girls, and while she is very AP in most other ways, she really surprised me by telling me that Babywise really helped her, and that if she hadn't been able to get the twins on a schedule of eating and napping, her life would have been utter hell.

I can't even imagine how difficult it must be to have twins when your first has just turned 2, and to be breastfeeding the twins, too. But I was quite surprised that my friend used Babywise! When I told her the negative things I knew or had read about the book, she said that she just used some ideas and ignored what she didn't like (the smacking of the hand, the isolation time, etc.). She is very loving and gentle with all her daughters, and breastfed the first one on demand until she weaned herself, but said that if she was nursing the twins on demand it would have been impossible. I can certainly see how scheduling of some sort would be necessary in her situation.

I am NOT AT ALL condoning Ezzo's methods here, but I did want to share this friend's perspective. She is someone whom I respect and the whole thing just made me think, that's all.
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Most users ever online was 449,755, 06-25-2014 at 01:21 PM.