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#481 of 1646 Old 12-15-2007, 08:08 PM
 
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I didn't have baby lust but we got a puppy last year.
We had 6 kittens and some adult cats before that.
Maybe that is how I've escaped having any baby lust.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#482 of 1646 Old 12-15-2007, 09:02 PM
 
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Remind me I only want one...and that you can't pre-order them at 18mos old.

DD has hit the "cute" stage. The "hey, we went to the company party last night, and she was being social, and eating food, and dancing, and charming everyone, and, oh, look at her...she's learned how to give eskimo kisses and hugs, and calls the puppy...oh, look at her pick out books, and bring me dollies to nurse (even though I EP)...oh, watch her play with the other kids...let's have another!"

The first year was hell. Literally. Must...keep...reminding...myself of that. It's taken almost 18 mos to get to this stage...I don't REALLY want another...I can't imagine BF'ing/pumping (I have tubular breasts, so, it's somewhat doubtful that I'd produce enough the next time around, even though I know production tends to increase with sub. pregs - even if I got 50% more, it wouldn't be enough during growth spurts.) for ANOTHER 18-24 mos - still going with Katie.... I can't imagine another "first year" of just wishing the baby would "grow up a little"...I can't imagine dealing with a newborn AND a toddler/pre-schooler (where's the loaded gun to head smilie????). Blech.


Maybe *I* need another dog...or a pet rock. I think that's the way to go. I need to find a rock, paint it, name it something cutesy....
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#483 of 1646 Old 12-15-2007, 09:11 PM
 
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Maybe *I* need another dog...or a pet rock. I think that's the way to go. I need to find a rock, paint it, name it something cutesy....

How about Rocky?
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#484 of 1646 Old 12-16-2007, 12:07 AM
 
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So...am I the only one who has no baby lust whatsoever? None. I hold a little baby and think, "Aw, how cute." And then I think about how glad I am that I'll never have to do that again.

I love dd to pieces, but another child would literally kill me.
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#485 of 1646 Old 12-16-2007, 12:15 AM
 
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I can't say that I have any baby lust at the moment. Oddly enough I do feel nostalgic about being pregnant...but not at all about the newborn phase. I just find that DS is so much fun right now, and more fun every day--he's becoming such a PERSON, kwim?
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#486 of 1646 Old 12-16-2007, 02:13 AM
 
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So...am I the only one who has no baby lust whatsoever? None. I hold a little baby and think, "Aw, how cute." And then I think about how glad I am that I'll never have to do that again.

I love dd to pieces, but another child would literally kill me.
Right there with you. (Well, another baby wouldn't literally kill me, but I do believe it would kill my sanity and the sense of balance I keep striving for.) I actually love holding babies -- how can you not? -- but then I always think, "Oh, and the endless crying, and the way I always felt on edge, the crazy-making fatigue, the loneliness, the isolation, the nursing troubles, the sheer monotony of it all....." And the fact that I can still remember all that so vividly usually does it for me!

I actually startled myself last night with how strongly pro-only I am right now. DH has been having a lot of difficulties with his brother, and for some reason, this prompted DH to suddenly say last night, "I dunno, maybe we SHOULD have another baby." UM, WHAT?!?!!? Even though I sometimes wonder what having a second would be like, I was really surprised at how easily and how strongly I could enumerate all the ebenfits of just quitting while we're ahead and loving what we've got. Fortunately, DH was back to normal this morning.
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#487 of 1646 Old 12-16-2007, 03:16 AM
 
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Right there with you. (Well, another baby wouldn't literally kill me, but I do believe it would kill my sanity and the sense of balance I keep striving for.) I actually love holding babies -- how can you not? -- but then I always think, "Oh, and the endless crying, and the way I always felt on edge, the crazy-making fatigue, the loneliness, the isolation, the nursing troubles, the sheer monotony of it all....." And the fact that I can still remember all that so vividly usually does it for me!

I actually startled myself last night with how strongly pro-only I am right now. DH has been having a lot of difficulties with his brother, and for some reason, this prompted DH to suddenly say last night, "I dunno, maybe we SHOULD have another baby." UM, WHAT?!?!!? Even though I sometimes wonder what having a second would be like, I was really surprised at how easily and how strongly I could enumerate all the ebenfits of just quitting while we're ahead and loving what we've got. Fortunately, DH was back to normal this morning.
Yeah that. I feel so overwhelmed with one at times. I'm just curious... How many of you consider your only to be Spirited/ High Needs? Mine has always been, although we had decided before she was born that we were pretty sure we only wanted one, so it has not been the reason for our decision. It certainly reaffirms it at times. I wouldn't have her any other way, it's so fun and exhausting.
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#488 of 1646 Old 12-16-2007, 09:23 AM
 
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So...am I the only one who has no baby lust whatsoever? None. I hold a little baby and think, "Aw, how cute." And then I think about how glad I am that I'll never have to do that again.

I love dd to pieces, but another child would literally kill me.
I've never had any baby lust.
I smile at babies but am happy not to have another of my own.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#489 of 1646 Old 12-16-2007, 09:26 AM
 
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Yeah that. I feel so overwhelmed with one at times. I'm just curious... How many of you consider your only to be Spirited/ High Needs? Mine has always been, although we had decided before she was born that we were pretty sure we only wanted one, so it has not been the reason for our decision. It certainly reaffirms it at times. I wouldn't have her any other way, it's so fun and exhausting.
My dd is spirited/high needs.
We decided before she was a year old that we weren't going to have more. Looking back she was easy as a baby compared to everything after the age of 2.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#490 of 1646 Old 12-16-2007, 10:07 AM
 
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Yeah that. I feel so overwhelmed with one at times. I'm just curious... How many of you consider your only to be Spirited/ High Needs? Mine has always been, although we had decided before she was born that we were pretty sure we only wanted one, so it has not been the reason for our decision. It certainly reaffirms it at times. I wouldn't have her any other way, it's so fun and exhausting.
I don't think dd is high needs. In many ways, she's very easy-going (she is a toddler, so she does have her moments!).

We did/do have our fair share of other issues--severe, long-term nursing problems; PPD; and dd has extensive and serious food allergies.

But I don't think that stuff would matter to me so much IF I wanted another child. And I know plenty of people who had spirited/high needs first children who went on to have more.
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#491 of 1646 Old 12-16-2007, 01:07 PM
 
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family of three and happy with that choice! dd is 4.5, don't crave more and don't have baby lust, at all :-)) she is mellow, easy to chill with, fun to hang with, great to travel with, what more could we want?!
just checking in...
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#492 of 1646 Old 12-16-2007, 06:11 PM
 
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Yeah that. I feel so overwhelmed with one at times. I'm just curious... How many of you consider your only to be Spirited/ High Needs? Mine has always been, although we had decided before she was born that we were pretty sure we only wanted one, so it has not been the reason for our decision. It certainly reaffirms it at times. I wouldn't have her any other way, it's so fun and exhausting.
DD is a very spirited child. I thought I was going to lose my everloving mind throughout most of her first 18 months, and while it has gotten a little better, she's still a tough little nut. I hate to say it, but I really believe that if she had been a "normal" more easygoing kid, we would probably have decided to have another. Sleep is the main thing -- she has fought sleep since day one, and it's always been an issue. I'm actually sitting here, typing this painfully slowly and silently because she just might be falling asleep for a nap right now (so rare!) and I don't want to risk waking/arousing her!

Now here's another question: Another factor in our decision to have an only is that DH and I both work full-time, and that's not going to change. Why have another when we won't have any more time than we have now to spend with our child(ren)? We would just be spreading ourselves even more thinly than we already are. So, how many of you work outside the home?
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#493 of 1646 Old 12-16-2007, 09:17 PM
 
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So, how many of you work outside the home?
For probably the next 1-2 years, I am going to be working full-time outside of the home. For my daughter's first year, I was a full-time SAHM. Afterwards, I went back to work both full and part-time. Right now, I am working full-time.

My husband is a temporary SAHD. He just came to the US in September and he is still working on getting a driver's license. He should have it at the first of the month, but until then, there is no public transport here and my work schedule is weird like every one else's, so he is pretty much stuck at home at the moment. For the past month, he has been doing most of the child care.

He thought at first that he might be a good SAHD. He is, but it is a lot of stress and isolation for him. He told me the other night that he would rather work at McDonald's than spend all of his time at home with our daughter bored and feeling a little useless.

So as soon as we are moved in February, he is going to work full-time and I probably am too until our daughter can start early ed or K-4 at a language immersion school.

A SAHP is important to us especially during the entire pregnancy and the first year. The second, we feel it is best, but not all important. After the start of the third, it is better for the child to spend more time socializing with other children for a good part of the day. This is particularly true as we are raising her bilingual and we want plenty of reinforcement not only inside, but outside the home.

Because of our thoughts on the SAH thing during pregnancy and first year and given the fact that we have no interest on going through all of that again, this does factor somewhat into why we are not having it anymore. Once dropping out was enough for us. Plus SAH is apparently neither one of ours cups of tea. We both find it boring and isolating and although we think it is best for our child, we don't think it is best for us as adults, so not doing it again.
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#494 of 1646 Old 12-18-2007, 02:21 PM
 
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My dd is spirited/high needs.
We decided before she was a year old that we weren't going to have more. Looking back she was easy as a baby compared to everything after the age of 2.
Oh please don't tell me this. She's almost 2. At least she sleeps some now. We were only awake from 1:30 until 4:00 last night.
But I have to say that the strong will is getting stronger. I was just hoping when we were able to reason a bit more...
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#495 of 1646 Old 12-18-2007, 02:30 PM
 
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Now here's another question: Another factor in our decision to have an only is that DH and I both work full-time, and that's not going to change. Why have another when we won't have any more time than we have now to spend with our child(ren)? We would just be spreading ourselves even more thinly than we already are. So, how many of you work outside the home?
This does impact my decision. DH actually took off for a year and would do it again and more if we wanted more kids. I'm a firefighter so my job is often very physically demanding. I work long shifts 48-72 hours outside the home. Consequently I have a lot of time off with my family, but nursing and pumping and being away from my LO was really hard and even more exhausting and I knew that she should have momma every night. Basically my husband is a single parent 10 out of 30 days a month. I don't think he could parent 2 effectively, especially if they both were as strong-willed as this one. Unfortunately I make more than 2x the money as a school teacher, and my job fully pays benefits for the whole fam, so we can't do it the other way.
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#496 of 1646 Old 12-19-2007, 02:50 PM
 
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No baby lust here! I've never been really into babies. I like preschoolers and older kids. Pregnancy and raising an infant were fascinating experiences, but I don't really want to go through them again. I'm thrilled that my kid is finally a KID!

What I do itch for at times is a larger group of descendants, more different combinations of my partner and me. What's most interesting about siblings to me is the ways they're simultaneously alike and different. But I don't think I'm interested enough to have more kids....

I WOH. I was part-time when my son was 3-18 months old. Now I'm back to full-time. I love my job, and I think I'm a better mom when I have some time away from my child. I think spending some time in a group of kids is good for him, too. He's been going to a childcare center since just after he turned 2; before that, he went to a small home childcare where he had the focused attention, single caregiver, and in-arms time he needed. We would not be able to afford that type of care for a second child if we had one before EnviroKid is in public school...and by then, we'll be able to do so many things as a family that he's not ready for now and that we couldn't do with a baby!

I don't think of my child as high-needs. His first month was very difficult, but then he calmed down a lot and has been about average in neediness, I think.

Mama to a boy EnviroKid treehugger.gif 9 years old and a new little girl EnviroBaby baby.gif!

I write about parenting, environment, cooking, and more. computergeek2.gif

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#497 of 1646 Old 12-19-2007, 03:30 PM
 
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HI! I'm a mom of an only. We are not going to have more children through our own choosing. We love our ds so, so much and we just feel so complete with just him. We have no baby lust at all. However, I was jealous of the neighbor who just had her baby. I was only jealous though that she got to be off work for maternity leave and had an excuse to take frequent naps.
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#498 of 1646 Old 12-20-2007, 01:39 AM
 
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ds is super-spirited, but that's not a deterrent. if anything, i'd do it again because my chances of having 2 high needs in a row are more slim... right?? plus, i'd already be expecting the second child to be constantly nursing, in-arms, et cetera, so it wouldn't be a shock. in many ways, i feel like the everyday stuff would be easier because of the been-there-done-that factor, but who knows?

i also don't like the idea of being "restricted" by an infant. we get to do so much more "cool stuff" now that we've got a bigger kid in the house. baking cookies together this morning was the highlight of my entire week... and tomorrow we get to frost 'em.

anyway, dp got a vasectomy when casi turned 1 and we've never looked back since.
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#499 of 1646 Old 12-20-2007, 01:41 AM
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My ds is so against having any brothers and sisters - it is pretty amazing. I hear stories of other kids begging for siblings and he just never has been that way.

Enjoy those cookies!
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#500 of 1646 Old 12-20-2007, 12:22 PM
 
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My ds is so against having any brothers and sisters - it is pretty amazing. I hear stories of other kids begging for siblings and he just never has been that way.

Enjoy those cookies!
Yeah, I'm pretty sure my ds is happy with the way things are too. Whenever I babysit my brother's baby he's always asking "when can this baby go home?"
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#501 of 1646 Old 12-20-2007, 12:23 PM
 
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ds is super-spirited, but that's not a deterrent. if anything, i'd do it again because my chances of having 2 high needs in a row are more slim... right?? plus, i'd already be expecting the second child to be constantly nursing, in-arms, et cetera, so it wouldn't be a shock. in many ways, i feel like the everyday stuff would be easier because of the been-there-done-that factor, but who knows?

i also don't like the idea of being "restricted" by an infant. we get to do so much more "cool stuff" now that we've got a bigger kid in the house. baking cookies together this morning was the highlight of my entire week... and tomorrow we get to frost 'em.

anyway, dp got a vasectomy when casi turned 1 and we've never looked back since.
I should bake some cookies with my ds. That sounds yummy! :
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#502 of 1646 Old 12-20-2007, 05:29 PM
 
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I wanted to reply to your post. It's always been a concern of mine that our family love triangle be as healthy as possible. And it indeed has been an issue regarding DD's transition out of "our" bed. DD's 4.5 now and while we've coslept since birth, we've tried "the transition" a handful of times. (Seems like a lot.) ...with little "success." Part of what gets in the way is that DP and I have a really hard time thinking of her sleeping in her own room alone, while he and I cozy up and have each other - and yet we do miss having the bed to ourselves.
.......
We have the same feelings. Who are we to make our child sleep alone. Part of the reason we started co-sleeping was because my DP didn't like the idea of having our DS sleep alone. Our DS had been sleeping in his crib, in his room since birth. His sleep got disrupted around 5 months of age and I started bringing him to bed with him on occasion. THe next thing I knew my DP was asking me where I was taking our son when I getting him ready for bed.

As for Baby fever, I get it every time I see baby stuff. I always have since I was a little girl. However, when I think of all the cool stuff my DS can do, and the fact I am about to start working Full time in the next year or so keeps from wanting another.
At this point a mini van is optional..although nice when my Step-kids are with us. I don't have to deal with sibling rivalry on a daily basis. I couldn't imagine having to deal with the constant bickering of two childern who simply couldn't get along. Most of my friends are knee deep in sibling rivalry issues and I am running as far as I can.

My DS was an easy baby. He spoiled me from ever wanting to have another child. Imagine everything going just right. Few sleep issues, a good nursing relationship, easy car rider.
The tide has t urned. I live a demanding three year old who is way to big for his pants. Sometimes I just want to throw my hands up and tell his dad to do what ever he wants the mommy is checking out. THen my DS smiles at me or does something cute and those feelings are gone.

Denise
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#503 of 1646 Old 12-26-2007, 10:07 PM
 
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I've never had any baby lust.
I smile at babies but am happy not to have another of my own.
I'm with you. I love babies - especially when I give them back. I have no doubt at all about wanting to stick with an only child.
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#504 of 1646 Old 12-26-2007, 10:57 PM
 
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casi got a 4g ipod nano on solstice morning. i spoiling my only!!!!!
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#505 of 1646 Old 12-27-2007, 12:16 AM
 
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casi got a 4g ipod nano on solstice morning. i spoiling my only!!!!!
Sweet!

We had such a fun day....we bought DD her first playkitchen. She's 20 months and it was amazing to watch.

We gave her a certain stuffed animal (puppet) I knew she would love. It was priceless to watch her reaction. It made my heart melt. It makes me look forward to future celebrations, for sure.

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#506 of 1646 Old 12-27-2007, 11:53 AM
 
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Sweet!

We had such a fun day....we bought DD her first playkitchen. She's 20 months and it was amazing to watch.

We gave her a certain stuffed animal (puppet) I knew she would love. It was priceless to watch her reaction. It made my heart melt. It makes me look forward to future celebrations, for sure.

Sweet! We really didn't buy our daughter anything. Everyone else did that for us. She is the only everything on both sides of the family, so my work was done before it began.

I think yesterday she got her best gift: A complete Duplo set for $6.99 from Goodwill. Absolutely loves it.
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#507 of 1646 Old 12-27-2007, 01:17 PM
 
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I had my 9 year old niece stay over on Saturday night. After church Sunday morning we went to the grocery store for holiday food shopping. OMG it was so crazy!! Any time I babysit I am reminded that I am not meant to have more than one child. My ds kept climbing out of the little car/cart to goof off with his cousin. She kept getting in my way. I swear every time I turned anywhere, there she was!! Both of them started goofing off and running in the isles. I felt like the isles were closing in on me! I didn't even get everything on my list. I just had to get them out of there.

But, we went home and made cookies and we had a blast. I let them go crazy with the icing and sprinkles.
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#508 of 1646 Old 12-27-2007, 01:35 PM
 
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i'm good with our one dd but she would LOVE a sibling, she wants to be a big sister so bad and would be really good at it - lucky she isn't the one making those decisions.
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#509 of 1646 Old 12-27-2007, 10:38 PM
 
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Hi all! I am pretty new to the forums here and hadn't seen this thread yet.

We have an only DS. He's 5 and we homeschool. We are super happy with just one.

I was a gestational surrogate twice for the same couple so I got to be pregnant again. Which I love

Nice to see so many Moms of onlies. I am lucky to have a good friend who has an only DS almost the same age as my son.
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#510 of 1646 Old 12-27-2007, 11:02 PM
 
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thanks for sharing your surrogacy experience. i have already been approached by one dear friend who i agreed to help, when/if the time comes. there are definitely a few other women in my life who, if they asked, i would not hesitate for long to also try to assist. i hope it has been a blessing for you all.
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