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Old 02-16-2008, 04:56 AM
 
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i'm not much for the fantasy games but dd loves them, also about to turn 5, and this all started around 3, at which point i told her that she needs to play on her own so i could do my chores, etc and just supported her in that. she started out only playing on her own for 20-30 minutes at a time but now plays for hours on her own, has an amazing imaginary life and i do other things with her, things that we both enjoy; gardening, games, etc. so i'm not sure if it is her personality or just practice...
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Old 02-16-2008, 02:10 PM
 
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c (5 in 4mos) is okay about playing by himself, unless he needs one of us for a light saber battle. at some point in the day, though, the cabin fever hits and he wants one of us as a wrestling partner or a human jungle gym. this i can't STAND. i really think we need to move somewhere not so frickin : because another winter like this will be craptacular. i have even been entertaining the thought of paid help, an hour a day, 3 hours a week - anything for some reprieve. i loathe this country's educational system and am a big unschooling convert, since around 3.5yo ds just started teaching himself everything - letters, numbers, writing. but i'm also starting to wonder if homeschoolers really ARE crazy, masochistic freaks. or maybe with 2 kids they do entertain each other a bit more in the playing department. i don't know if those extra few moments of peace now and then would make up for having to referee screaming (kicking, swearing, spitting) battles that eventually ensue, though. really, the true masochists are the people who work in child care. bless their hearts, all of them. and you all, for constantly seeking ways to entertain even if you don't feel up to the task. spring is just around the corner.

trying to mother my 11yo sweet skaterboy, 4yo stepgirl of the universe, this apocalypse babe-on-the-way, and my 36yo innerkid ...while figuring how to market myself, stay married, and murder my ego
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Old 02-16-2008, 02:37 PM
 
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Well, I can't complain about it being frickin cold here, it's only sort of cold. But it's GRAY. And wet. All the time. It makes me never want to go outside but that's what I/we need the most. I'm in the PNW.

We live on a small island. Opportunities for diversion are not plentiful. I sometimes think being in a city where we could just wander around and people watch would be good. Combine the small island with a dp who thinks (rightly) that taking the car for an unnecessary ride is big time bad for the planet and you see where I'm at. Within walking distance of me is the stream, the beach and the forest. Some friends too so we do loads of playdates. But I think I'm bored. No, I know I'm bored.
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Old 02-17-2008, 01:49 AM
 
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YES! Right now it is all about playmobil...I find it exhausting.

DS used to play very well on his own, but lately he has been asking me more and more. I am trying to get a friend over to play with him. The whole playdate thing is new to us, but I think it would help alot......DS is pretty bossy, so it would be good to have a buddy besides me...as I let him call the shots (oops) So far he has only played with my friends' children....and cousins..not quite the same.

And, everyday, I try to go somewhere with him, that helps...I find it much easier to go places wiht him as I can give him my focus. Too many distractions at home!

But like Island Mommy, I too am bored......and long for more adult conversation.
I'm sure it is just the age (5ish) and one day we will be wondering why they don't want to play with us
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Old 02-17-2008, 01:51 AM
 
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What island do you live on? I'm in North Vancouver, in Lynn Valley...where it is also cool and wet. And slushy. However, we do get outside a lot. And I work part time, which I suspect helps prevent me from going insane some weeks. Ironically, I also work with kids...though it is so very different from being at home. The insanity is less from dd not playing on her own and more that I find it hard to do the same things and answer the same questions all of the time. But I think I'm just a grumpy person.

Dd plays quite well on her own. She's 2 1/2. We go on an outing together in the morning (even if it is just a walk), and I do things around the house or in the kitchen in the late afternoon. She is welcome to help me, be in the carrier, or play by herself. I provide commentary or light assistance as required ./

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Old 02-17-2008, 02:11 AM
 
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Dude, I'm wavering on the only child thing b/c of that very issue. I've always liked doing imagininative things ALONE. I suck at cooperative imaginary play. Seriously. And DD is getting into it. Couple that with her being mostly non-verbal, and her being easily frustrated when I don't do what she wants (which I don't know what it is since she can't tell me!!!!!), and it's just enough to make me twitch.

I know sooooo many people with multiple kids and they play together. DD is 19mos, and she *will* play by herself sometimes (sometimes she has no choice, like when I'm pumping), but so often I think - gosh, if she just had a sibling.

But it would take at least 2.5 years before she'd have someone who could be a playmate. 2.5 years of pure, unadulterated hell.

I've tried to get people to farm their kids out to me. For DH's "Alive Day" (er..he's military, was hit with an IED, survived, celebrates his "alive day" every year), we had some friends over, and one of his friends has a little boy a little less than a year older than Katie. I swear, I didn't see her for two hours. In our 800 sq. foot apt. The next week was the super bowl party at another friend's. Same little boy there. Watched the game mostly in peace. I told his Dad, "Hey, if your wife ever needs a break, I'll happily take Andreas" (they have 4 kids).

Screw mother's helpers; I need a place where I can rent toddlers.
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Old 02-18-2008, 01:44 PM
 
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That's interesting, Katheek, I celebrate my alive day every year too...the day I started on insulin.

I am sure that dd would also LOVE a playmate, and it might be good for her. Renting a toddler, now I'm not so sure...... Well, all of the kids in our townhouse complex want her to be the "baby" in the games, so I'm not ok with her playing with any of them unsupervised. All they do is drag her around the room and she freaks out.

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Old 02-19-2008, 05:38 PM
 
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Another reason not to have more kids:

I was just looking at airfare, and it will cost around $2000 for all of us to fly to Germany to visit the in-laws at the cheapest.
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Old 03-18-2008, 04:03 PM
 
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Some of you have heard on this thread about Katie's eye problem

After a lot of consideration, involving my own research, speaking to older children and adults with Duane's (both those who had/have not had the surgery), and speaking to a developmental optomotrist (sp?), we've decided to postpone her surgery until she's at least three and able to let us know what's going on.

I'm slightly nervous about whether I'm making the right decision, but, at the same time, I feel a great weight lifted off of me. There was just something that wasn't sitting well with the opthamologist who was so ardently recommending it by age 24mos. I don't know if it was mother's intuition, fear of the unknown, or just foolishness on my part, but, we've canceled.

In the meantime, I have found an optomotrist I really like - of course, he's outside our insurance, but, I don't care. I really want a doctor we can trust, and who doesn't act like my questions are not worth his time (this doctor spent a half an hour on the phone with me yesterday answering my questions even though he doesn't know me from Adam). Basically, he's going to give her a comprehensive eye exam (which the opth didn't do , and we'll monitor her with twice a year exams. He also told us that if Katie has binocular vision right now (which is an unknown right now - she doesn't SEEM to have problems with it, but the exam will tell us more) the surgery could disrupt that.

What I find irritating is that while doing my own research, I found papers written by the original opth. in which he states that "many cases (of Duane's)remain stable" AND he conducted a highly acclaimed research study that showed that even in cases of amblyopia (loss of vision due to suppression by the brain of images), the traditional thinking that all correction must be done by age 7 is false. So, I REALLY feel like we were being given the hard-sell on surgery.
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Old 03-22-2008, 03:04 PM
 
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katheek77. Your experience with that doctor sounds really frustrating. Good for you for sticking to your gut feelings and doing your own reasearch to decide what your options are for your daughter!

Lovin' my four-pack: M, S, a different M, and sleepytime.gif me.

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Old 03-25-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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katheek, it's awesome that you are doing your own research and found a good optometrist

what do you all do for fun. I have found that naps go easier the more outside activities we do. we also have a lot more fun. We also do crafts at home with friends. Speaking of friends, I'm pretty active in our playgroup so that helps a LOT with us both making friends. I know it would be great for Amira to have a sibling as a constant playmate but also, I don't miss the constant rivalry and fights over toys. we both come home to a quiet, relaxing place. and that's not reason enough to motivate me to have more.

do you all have a blog on how your days go with an only? I know for me, it's a lot easier to go to the zoo with only one child, an ergo, snacks, and a camera. My goal is to start a blog soon.. I'd love to read all your blogs!

Mama to a 3.5 yo dd
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Old 03-26-2008, 12:03 AM
 
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dd had a friend over the other day who has an older brother and as the girls were getting out the babies to play the friend says to dd "you must not play with your babies much since you have no one to play with", dd looks at her like she is crazy - dd plays babies all day ever day by herself, and she told her friend that. i then asked the friend if she played with her babies much and she said that she didn't because her brother didn't like to play babies much. i never thought about the possibility that a child with an older sibling might not be as good at self-play as a singleton... just an interesting event for us this week.
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Old 03-26-2008, 12:50 AM
 
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I do have a livejournal, but it isn't really just about life with an only... but I guess I talk about what we do (and I complain about sleep deprivation A LOT! LOL)

And actually, my other only-child mama friend and I are starting a parenting blog together -- wabi sabi mamas. We're "launching" in the next few weeks, I'll have a link then! But again, not so much about only children (although both of us are pretty convinced that'll be the case for us) as it is a general parenting blog

Life here is pretty varied. I've FINALLY figured out the napping/ no napping thing (he naps on days he wakes up early and doesn't go back to sleep. If he goes back to sleep, he doesn't nap. I guess that sounds really simple, but it took me awhile to figure out!) We usually do something in the morning -- errands, or get out and go to the park/ explorium. Or we'll play on the screened in porch. If he's going to nap, he'll nap after that activity. If not, we do lunch and then chillax at home for a bit, maybe walk around the yard for an hour, play in the car (he loves to pretend to drive, so I go out there with him and let him play in the car while I knit), swing in the hammock. Afternoons are usually us time, but sometimes we go out to the park or hang out with friends.

Now that spring is really here, we'll be going to the beach a lot more, too
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Old 03-26-2008, 05:46 PM
 
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May i join???

Esperanza(meaning "hope" in Spanish) that we lovingly call "Espe", she took us 7 years in the making. They told DH that he only had a small chance of having a child, we beat those odds and on Christmas day our beautiful girl was born.
Many people say that we should adopt, but that is not an option for us,
DD has lots of fun playing by herself.
But... everytime friend's kids come over, she doesn't like it, she doesn't share her toys, she's the bully there, is it just the age or something??
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Old 03-26-2008, 06:23 PM
 
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But... everytime friend's kids come over, she doesn't like it, she doesn't share her toys, she's the bully there, is it just the age or something??
Combination of the age and personality, I think.

But it is also harder to be the kid who is hosting friends... not all kids do well with having people on their turf. Just like adults, actually!
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Old 03-26-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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I've been to plenty of homes where the siblings act the same way with each other constantly. So it is not an only-child thing.
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Old 03-30-2008, 09:12 PM
 
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I am SO ready to go back to work.

and so NOT ready to have another child.

so there we are.

Mommy to eyesroll.gif (age 7) and mischievous.gif (age 3)

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Old 04-01-2008, 05:29 PM
 
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Hi everyone,

It's been a long time since I've checked in--I hope you're all still enjoying your onlies!

My only ds is getting ready for kindergarten soon. It was bittersweet signing him up for it. But I am so proud of him!

We just got back from a trip to Florida, and I can say that it was a much better experience with one than it would have been with two. We met my sil/bil there with their two kids (ages 5 and 18 mos.), and they had a lot of trouble taking care of both of their needs there. It's tough to stop and give an 18mo a nap while also bringing your 5yo to do the things he wants to do. And never mind pushing a double stroller through Disney! We had it easy--a single stroller, one kid to buy souvenirs for, one kid to pack for, and did I mention that it's just plain expensive?? It was so nice to just worry about the one kid and pay attention to what he wanted to do.

Hope you're all doing well. I am looking forward to spring, and helping my little guy learn to ride a bike.
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Old 04-02-2008, 03:36 PM
 
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Yup, Joyce, I was traveling last weekend, too, and thought how much easier we had it with just one child.

Plus, this summer my DH and I are doing some separate traveling and so it will be just me and the toddler flying together and I think that would be WAY scarier to do with more kids!

So, yeah: life with an only makes for easier adventures for us!!!
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Old 04-02-2008, 09:40 PM
 
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...We just got back from a trip to Florida, and I can say that it was a much better experience with one than it would have been with two. We met my sil/bil there with their two kids (ages 5 and 18 mos.), and they had a lot of trouble taking care of both of their needs there. It's tough to stop and give an 18mo a nap while also bringing your 5yo to do the things he wants to do. And never mind pushing a double stroller through Disney! We had it easy--a single stroller, one kid to buy souvenirs for, one kid to pack for, and did I mention that it's just plain expensive?? It was so nice to just worry about the one kid and pay attention to what he wanted to do.
....
We just went to Disney in February. Me & dd and my brother & sil, their 4 yo twins, 2.5 yo & my sil is pregnant. I never really did strollers with dd & didn't plan on using one at Disney, but she saw her cousins in one & wanted to be in one too instead of walking or riding my shoulders. So we navigated Disney with a double stroller, and two single strollers. It made me appreciate my nice quiet days with dd!!
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Old 04-09-2008, 05:28 AM
 
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I do have a livejournal, but it isn't really just about life with an only... but I guess I talk about what we do (and I complain about sleep deprivation A LOT! LOL)

And actually, my other only-child mama friend and I are starting a parenting blog together -- wabi sabi mamas. We're "launching" in the next few weeks, I'll have a link then! But again, not so much about only children (although both of us are pretty convinced that'll be the case for us) as it is a general parenting blog

Life here is pretty varied. I've FINALLY figured out the napping/ no napping thing (he naps on days he wakes up early and doesn't go back to sleep. If he goes back to sleep, he doesn't nap. I guess that sounds really simple, but it took me awhile to figure out!) We usually do something in the morning -- errands, or get out and go to the park/ explorium. Or we'll play on the screened in porch. If he's going to nap, he'll nap after that activity. If not, we do lunch and then chillax at home for a bit, maybe walk around the yard for an hour, play in the car (he loves to pretend to drive, so I go out there with him and let him play in the car while I knit), swing in the hammock. Afternoons are usually us time, but sometimes we go out to the park or hang out with friends.

Now that spring is really here, we'll be going to the beach a lot more, too
Oh Lucky you! we have to drive an hour and half to the beach here.. and not until late summer when it gets hot. but it's ok cuz we have family there so we are there pretty frequently anyways.
I finally started a blog!
and your lo is so adorable



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May i join???

Esperanza(meaning "hope" in Spanish) that we lovingly call "Espe", she took us 7 years in the making. They told DH that he only had a small chance of having a child, we beat those odds and on Christmas day our beautiful girl was born.
Many people say that we should adopt, but that is not an option for us,
DD has lots of fun playing by herself.
But... everytime friend's kids come over, she doesn't like it, she doesn't share her toys, she's the bully there, is it just the age or something??
That's a beautiful name! and
I would echo that it's probably the age! Even dd right now, has learned the "polite" way to not share. she always says thank you as she takes her toys back from other kids. it is sometimes cute, but not always.
the constant fights over toys makes me glad I only have to deal with it occasionally.

Quote:
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I am SO ready to go back to work.

and so NOT ready to have another child.

so there we are.
I hear you. I'm going back to work this August. and although I'm excited about it, I'm also terrified about the big daycare decision. Hopefully, we'll find the right place for her. but yeah.. so not ready to add more lives into the mix, not even an animal.

Mama to a 3.5 yo dd
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Old 04-09-2008, 08:01 PM
 
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Hello ladies, I always lose track of this thread and its several months before I get back.
I am Denise, I have a 3.5 yo named Nathan, and a DP whom I have been living with for the past 5 years.

My DS isn't a true only, He has a step brother and sister, but he only sees them once every few months. Otherwise I am living the lonely only life.

I was wondering what everyone was using for long term birth control. While I realize that nearly everyone here is pretty sure they only want one child. Right now i am charting and we use barriers. I know there is always a chance I could get pregnant even with careful charting.

Denise
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Old 04-09-2008, 09:16 PM
 
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http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Neem

this is what i'd try if i wasn't opposed to having more kids. actually, i might have given it a shot regardless, if i had known before dp got snipped. supposedly it was tested rigorously on male volunteers from the indian army and ended up having like a 95% success rate, maybe higher. you can do a web search for the study, but it will probably be hard to find. women can use it too, but the success rate is lower and you have to apply the oil topically, i think. (that smell might be a BIG turnoff. ) now that i'm thinking about it, though, i don't know if dp could handle taking daily birth control. if you wanted to take the chance, i'd make sure to get some really high quality stuff from a local health food store (if they don't have it they can usually order it).

trying to mother my 11yo sweet skaterboy, 4yo stepgirl of the universe, this apocalypse babe-on-the-way, and my 36yo innerkid ...while figuring how to market myself, stay married, and murder my ego
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Old 04-09-2008, 11:29 PM
 
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Hello ladies, I always lose track of this thread and its several months before I get back.
I am Denise, I have a 3.5 yo named Nathan, and a DP whom I have been living with for the past 5 years.

My DS isn't a true only, He has a step brother and sister, but he only sees them once every few months. Otherwise I am living the lonely only life.

I was wondering what everyone was using for long term birth control. While I realize that nearly everyone here is pretty sure they only want one child. Right now i am charting and we use barriers. I know there is always a chance I could get pregnant even with careful charting.

Denise
I use the Mirena IUD. It's good for 5 years. and if we are still set on the only child decision, by the time the IUD stops working, dp will get the big v.

The IUD is really convenient and it works. (so far, has, at least)

Mama to a 3.5 yo dd
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Old 04-10-2008, 05:08 AM
 
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SUBFORUM FOR PARENTING AN ONLY CHILD
Can we do a poll on this??
I have noticed the new names of some of the forums and new forums being added................isn't it about time we get an Only Child forum.
This has been suggested, have we ever gotten a definitive answer why this isn't being done or considered.
Inquiring minds who love their only children and would be so grateful for its own place to "meet" want to know.
If we need to generate a list of reasons, moderators please just let us know that.
thanks for listening
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Old 04-10-2008, 10:14 AM
 
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i think the only child threads usually have (relatively) low activity. i assume this is why there's no forum as yet. we could have a "tribe" but they'll probably only go for a full forum if we can demonstrate need (or imbalance, like if there was a "parents of 3" forum). just sayin...

trying to mother my 11yo sweet skaterboy, 4yo stepgirl of the universe, this apocalypse babe-on-the-way, and my 36yo innerkid ...while figuring how to market myself, stay married, and murder my ego
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Old 04-10-2008, 11:33 AM
 
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That link on neem sounds good...

Weirdly, I think I was using neem (for acne) when I first started trying to get pregnant (took almost 2 years to TTC). Makes me go "hmmmm..."
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Old 05-02-2008, 03:37 AM
 
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holy crap, this thread makes me feel almost normal!

i had a traumatic birth which is a huge factor in thinking i don't want anymore. but to be honest, there are other reasons...

i totally relate to the posts about not digging the infancy stage. my mom asked me tonight wasn't my life so much better in so many ways because of DD, and well, no, it's not.

that feels HORRIBLE to say. but the truth is, i hope and believe that when she is older i will feel all the ways my life has been enhanced by her. SHE is wonderful. that is not in contention. what is in contention is exactly how i am enriched by that...because right now, she's plenty cute, and i love her so much, but well, my life was just all around easier and more enjoyable before she was born.( gosh, that feels simultaneously good and awful to say!!!)

i've struggled with feeling like that's bad to say, that it's just the PPD talking (which i have had some of), but i don't think so. it's just, for me, the truth. i don't enjoy a single thing about poopy diapers and getting clawed, swatted, and bitten. i don't enjoy a single thing about digging mulch out of her mouth 20 times in a row because we can't go outside without her eating the lawn. i just don't like it.

the parts i do like are her pointing to things and saying the name of them (light! kitty cat!), reading pat the bunny with her and watching her learn how to do the actions--i like things that involve her acting like a person instead of a dirt-eating, pooping, crying, nightwaking BABY!

i know that when i'm lying on my death bed, being her mother is going to have been an insane honor. but a lot of why that is is intangible, or still to come.

anyway, i digress...point being, i get the only wanting one. i had someone tell me today that i should definitely have another one because i need to give her a sibling which offended me not least because i had such a HORRIBLE birth and recovery (medically complicated) that i defy anyone to tell me i should go through that again.

i just wish it weren't socially acceptable to comment on only having one child...i don't say to people with 8 kids, "you're insane! why would you have 8 kids, so you could ignore 7 of them?"

FTR, i'm sure most people with multiple kids could handle that and would not be "ignoring" their kids, but i couldn't. even one more would be my utmost limit, and i think we will stop with one. it makes me feel so much better to read that others feel this way. i always feel like something is wrong with me that i don't want to go through the baby stage again. i also want a career (of some kind--planning to be a professor), i need something for myself! and feel it would be really hard to have that and parent to my standards (breastfeeding longterm/CLW, co-sleeping, home with DD halftime in her young years, able to be with her after school at least SOME in her school years).

i give big props to people who can do it, but for whatever reason i'm not built to be a mama of many...and it feels so good to read this thread and realize that is a legitimate person to be!!!

ETA: okay, no idea how the canadian flag got there...sorry!

dissertating wife of Boo, mama of one "mookie" lovin' 2 year old girl! intactlact:: CTA until 7/10 FF 1501dc
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Old 05-02-2008, 05:25 PM
 
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Hi! I might be a bit premature in joining as DD is only 11 mos, but we are not planning on having any more children. I had no idea how many people cared about the size of our family! My DH's stepmother (my SMIL?) starts sentences with "when you have your next baby..." My new mom friends just shake their heads and say "you'll change your mind soon." Even the mailman asks when we're going to have our second.

I have lots of reasons for wanting DD to remain an only:
DH & I were onlies, and we had it good! No sharing!

I want to enjoy every second of her life, without distractions.

I didn't like being pregnant.: I had a great pregnancy and an easy delivery, but it was solely a means to an end for me.

I'm glad I'm not alone with my only! We're few and far between, at least in my little corner.
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Old 05-02-2008, 06:38 PM
 
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DH is done - he has all these projects n the property DS won't let him work on and to be honest having 2 terrifies me.....my 28 month old still wakes up at night and nurses a ton when sick...very spirited child.....

still learning
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Child , Sibling Issues In Foster Care And Adoption A Bulletin For Professionals , Sibling Stories Reflections On Life With A Brother Or Sister On The Autism Spectrum
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