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#781 of 1646 Old 08-17-2008, 01:21 PM
 
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Yesterday, we went out to the apple orchard for the first time with our daughter and picked apples. It was so cute how quickly my daughter got into it, grabbing as many apples as she could, lamenting the poor apples that fell out of the tree, tasting the apples. Fruit picking is so much fun. I can't wait until the pumpkins are ready to take her to do that too. :

In a few weeks, we are going to Lake Michigan for some late summer beach fun. I think it will be a lot better than last time she went (18 months) and only screamed about getting sand on her hands. About a month ago, we were on a sandbar and she liked playing with the sand then, so looks like we are probably in for a better time this time.

Although it has its own set of challenges, I will take this age over infant any day. You can finally do things with them and they get it and have fun. Infants and very early toddlers are so boring. I can't imagine going back to that.

I agree about not expecting my child to be my built in home health care aide. If she wants to do that, fine, but I don't have any expectation that she will.
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#782 of 1646 Old 08-17-2008, 08:53 PM
 
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I'm glad to have found this thread. :

Thank you for starting this thread. I have a 13 month old girl. (What does the D stand for in the dh?) My husband really only wanted one and we decided that "family" for us meant having both parents really want the children in the family.

I was not an "only" and I do worry about providing an adequate environment. I hope my daughter, my husband, and I are always close and each member feels supported and fulfilled.

Looking forward to more conversation.

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#783 of 1646 Old 08-17-2008, 09:02 PM
 
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(What does the D stand for in the dh?)
Hopeless at understanding abreviations.
to the thread
the D stands for "dear" or "darling" or "darn" or "dumb" or anything you want, depending on the particular family member and how you feel about them at the time I think of it as "dear"
there's a thread in questions and suggestions I think with a list of all the abbreviations

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#784 of 1646 Old 08-17-2008, 10:03 PM
 
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#785 of 1646 Old 08-18-2008, 10:33 AM
 
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#786 of 1646 Old 08-18-2008, 11:39 AM
 
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t1h

thanks 4 welcome & info! nice to feel one of many.
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#787 of 1646 Old 08-18-2008, 09:38 PM
 
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How silly am I?

The IKEA catalog came in the mail (nifty stuff!), and I went through it just casually looking for a bed (eventually) for DD, and they had a trundle type bed, and my first thought was "For all the sleepovers she'll have!"

I can't wait until she's a little older and has little friends that can spend the night...and, as I pointed out to DH, usually little friends reciprocate, and with an only child, that means Daddy and Mommy get to have their own sleepover in the child-free house.

Question for those of you with older onlies...do you ever take similar-age cousins or your DC's good friends on vacation with you? I always thought, growing up, how cool it would be if my best friend could go on vacation with us instead of my crummy sister. And, now, from a parental standpoint, I'm thinking how much easier it would be in a lot of ways (harder, in others, I'm sure, but, really, if you're dragging one kid around, how much harder can another be for a few days...note the "few days" part of the statement) and how much more enjoyable for my DD to have another kid to experience it with other than just her "old, boring" parents...

Or am I just romanticizing the whole idea?
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#788 of 1646 Old 08-18-2008, 11:06 PM
 
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How silly am I?
Question for those of you with older onlies...do you ever take similar-age cousins or your DC's good friends on vacation with you?
I'm really curious about this myself. We're a few years off from such activities, but I definitely can see sharing the cost of some vacations with other friends of only children, or DD's best friend du jour, etc. My sister and I are nine years apart and going on vacations together was not all that great in the sense that what we wanted to enjoy and what we experienced were worlds apart. I always thought that if my friend could go, at least I would have someone that actually wanted to... go on Mr Toads Wild Ride, for example.

So count me interested in how those of you with older onlys (onlies?) are handling vacations.

Ecstatic mama to our one and only Aurora (Apr 07)
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#789 of 1646 Old 08-18-2008, 11:12 PM
 
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Question for those of you with older onlies...do you ever take similar-age cousins or your DC's good friends on vacation with you? I always thought, growing up, how cool it would be if my best friend could go on vacation with us instead of my crummy sister. And, now, from a parental standpoint, I'm thinking how much easier it would be in a lot of ways (harder, in others, I'm sure, but, really, if you're dragging one kid around, how much harder can another be for a few days...note the "few days" part of the statement) and how much more enjoyable for my DD to have another kid to experience it with other than just her "old, boring" parents...

Or am I just romanticizing the whole idea?
I'm not an only, but in some ways I was a "functional" only, as there's a huge age gap between me and my siblings, and they had all moved out of the house by the time I was in middle school. My best friend was in the same position, and yes, we often did vacation "swaps". I have wonderful memories of going with her family to Mexico and to Disney Land. I don't think it was especially hard on either set of parents--we spent most of our time off with each other!

My sister also has an only, less than a year younger than dd, and we are already planning doing exchanged vacations and long-term sleepovers (whole weekends, etc.) with the girls when they're older!
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#790 of 1646 Old 08-19-2008, 12:36 AM
 
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How silly am I?

The IKEA catalog came in the mail (nifty stuff!), and I went through it just casually looking for a bed (eventually) for DD, and they had a trundle type bed, and my first thought was "For all the sleepovers she'll have!"

I can't wait until she's a little older and has little friends that can spend the night...and, as I pointed out to DH, usually little friends reciprocate, and with an only child, that means Daddy and Mommy get to have their own sleepover in the child-free house.

Question for those of you with older onlies...do you ever take similar-age cousins or your DC's good friends on vacation with you? I always thought, growing up, how cool it would be if my best friend could go on vacation with us instead of my crummy sister. And, now, from a parental standpoint, I'm thinking how much easier it would be in a lot of ways (harder, in others, I'm sure, but, really, if you're dragging one kid around, how much harder can another be for a few days...note the "few days" part of the statement) and how much more enjoyable for my DD to have another kid to experience it with other than just her "old, boring" parents...

Or am I just romanticizing the whole idea?
This is so funny -- I've thought of all of those things in the last week! I loooove hanving an only. Love it, love it, love it. : I feel like having just one keeps it fun. Not that there aren't plenty of days that I'm not bone-tired or totally fed up, but by and large, I feel like having one is like having this happy little secret: everyone thinks it must be bad, but it's awesome!

Anyways, just chiming in because I have a friend/co-worker who's a good 15 years older than I am, and she did the take-a-friend thing with her only child when they went on vacation. She said it's so great in so many ways because the kids entertaine ach other, and there's less boredom or that too-much-togetherness feeling. And like you said, the best part is if/when the other family reciprocates. I wouldn't necessarily expect that, but it would be a super-cool perk of the arrangement in they did.

As for the trundle, we're totally doing that when we get DD a better bed. I had one when I was a kid, and it was nice being able to offer my friend a more comfortable spot than the floor!
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#791 of 1646 Old 08-19-2008, 05:34 AM
 
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naughty!
what a feisty poster you've been this weekend. must've been that luscious moon!
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I can't wait until she's a little older and has little friends that can spend the night...and, as I pointed out to DH, usually little friends reciprocate, and with an only child, that means Daddy and Mommy get to have their own sleepover in the child-free house.

Question for those of you with older onlies...do you ever take similar-age cousins or your DC's good friends on vacation with you? I always thought, growing up, how cool it would be if my best friend could go on vacation with us instead of my crummy sister. And, now, from a parental standpoint, I'm thinking how much easier it would be in a lot of ways (harder, in others, I'm sure, but, really, if you're dragging one kid around, how much harder can another be for a few days...note the "few days" part of the statement) and how much more enjoyable for my DD to have another kid to experience it with other than just her "old, boring" parents...

Or am I just romanticizing the whole idea?
about the sleepovers, dd just went to her first sleepover, and it was great I had a wonderful day and evening with dp . in the morning we did a huge amount of work around the house - fixed our new bath, fixed the bed in the back of our rv... she was actually over there for 24 hours! (well, the friends live 45 mins away, and our car broke down on the way to get her and we needed to be towed, so it took longer than we'd thought)
I'm soooooo into this sleepover thing

as for vacations, I'd be really happy to do vacation swaps as well. but we do a LOT of international travel in our family, and I don't think I'd be up for taking another kid overseas just yet (we live in australia, so there's no 'driving south over the border).

when I was a kid, 9 I think, my best friend's mum got a job in Japan (she was an only) and after 6 months, her mum felt she should go back to school in australia, so she came and lived with us, for 2 months, and we went on vacation with her as well. it was great

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#792 of 1646 Old 08-19-2008, 10:47 AM
 
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Question for those of you with older onlies...do you ever take similar-age cousins or your DC's good friends on vacation with you? I always thought, growing up, how cool it would be if my best friend could go on vacation with us instead of my crummy sister. And, now, from a parental standpoint, I'm thinking how much easier it would be in a lot of ways (harder, in others, I'm sure, but, really, if you're dragging one kid around, how much harder can another be for a few days...note the "few days" part of the statement) and how much more enjoyable for my DD to have another kid to experience it with other than just her "old, boring" parents...
Well, I'm an only and was always allowed to bring one friend on every vacation. It kept me busy with someone so my parents didn't have to "entertain" me all the time. This, of course, was on all vacations in the olden days when we drove and didn't fly. My old man and I are planning on doing the same if we just have the one kid.

Angela
Chatty Girl - 3/2006, Lovey Boy - 1/2010, Delicious Baby Girl - 1/2012
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#793 of 1646 Old 08-19-2008, 12:17 PM
 
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ooh, this is a fun topic! my parents often let us each bring a friend when we went to our camp, about 1/2 hour away, which was cool. it would've been great on the big disney-type trips, though! ds has one "only" friend who'd be the most likely candidate at this point. we're really close with another family but the 2 oldest boys are 6+4 (he's 5) so it would be hard choosing "just one"; maybe as they get older they'll polarize a little more, like we girls did, haha.
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#794 of 1646 Old 08-19-2008, 01:42 PM
 
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What we told dd about her being an only- we are happy with the size of our family and we can't have more children because dh had a procedure done.
She asked mainly out of curiosity during a discussion about sex rather than a desire for a sibling.

Reasons we decided to only have one child (not in order of importance)-
1) money- we were very poor with no health insurance
2) space- we had a small home and a small car
3) emotional and mental stability- I knew I felt better caring for one child vs. multiple children. Some hellish times when dd was younger that we don't want to go through again.
4) things we wanted to do that we feel or easier with one child- homeschooling, send dd to college, dh going to school, travel, not juggling so many schedules and activities, etc
5) no desire for a baby- that's the big one
6) overpopulation

comparing to parents of multiples-
I do feel good about my family size regardless of what other people are doing.
However I know mostly parents of multiples IRL and online and I have observed that their approach to their children is different. It shows up when I talk about dd and they respond or talk about how similar issues are handled with their kids.
I have sometimes felt judged in these conversations as being too permissive and spoiling by these parents- not because dd has more stuff but because she has a more equal say in our family. I've thought about it and come to the conclusion that we just arrive at solutions with dd differently because she is an only. The dynamic is different. We have a perspective and tool box that we use that maybe wouldn't work well for 3 kids maybe but works nicely for 1.
I posted here to see if others had a similar experience about differences to confirm what I was observing and feeling in my own experience not to bash other parents.

vacationing with a friend or cousin-
I think that would be fun. We haven't tried it because we don't vacation a lot and tend to take vacations when other kids are in school. If dd becomes close friends with another homeschooled kid maybe it would work out.

Kim ~mom to one awesome dd (12)

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#795 of 1646 Old 08-19-2008, 02:07 PM
 
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Well, I'm an only and was always allowed to bring one friend on every vacation. It kept me busy with someone so my parents didn't have to "entertain" me all the time. This, of course, was on all vacations in the olden days when we drove and didn't fly. My old man and I are planning on doing the same if we just have the one kid.
Same here.
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#796 of 1646 Old 08-20-2008, 01:23 AM
 
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hi there~

i just found this thread and really appreciate reading about all of your experiences. it makes me feel a lot better about our inclination to not have another child. thanks!

in addition to many of the other reasons for not having another baby (money, time, overpopulation, etc.), i had an incredibly complicated third trimester with my dd (who turns 3 this sunday!) and can't see my way clear to putting myself and my husband through it again. so, here we are--our "three is a magic number" family.

i look forward to learning a lot from you all.

peace,
binx
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#797 of 1646 Old 08-20-2008, 07:39 AM
 
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Another only child mom here. I'm still undecided about having another. I'm still so completely exhausted from my very, very high needs DS that the idea of another is scary. But to balance that, I never imagined having only one. I was picturing 3 for years.
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#798 of 1646 Old 08-20-2008, 02:17 PM
 
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Oh, I'll join this thread too. I've always felt kind of "strange" is NP circles, because at this time the plan is for Ili to be our one and only. Like everyone else has said, we just don't feel like we need more kids. She's a delight, and my pregnancy wasn't that bad. She has severe reflux, which is hereditary but not anything that would keep me from having another kid. We're just a small happy family.
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#799 of 1646 Old 08-20-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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Welcome everyone! :
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#800 of 1646 Old 08-21-2008, 01:58 AM
 
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our son is 2.5 and we are planning on only having one (although I do admit to getting baby fever now and again). It just makes sense financially and other ways to us.
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#801 of 1646 Old 08-21-2008, 01:13 PM
 
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our son is 2.5 and we are planning on only having one (although I do admit to getting baby fever now and again). It just makes sense financially and other ways to us.
I had just a touch of baby fever the other night. I went to a birth circle and someone brought their 3 week old DD. She was precious, but as the evening went on I was quickly reminded of how much I don't want to do that again. There was marathon nursing, pooping after just being changed, and a little bit of fussiness. Those days were hard and boring.
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#802 of 1646 Old 08-22-2008, 12:08 AM
 
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I've been watching this thread for months, finally decided to post. Our son Jamie is near 18 months old. Even before he was born, we were near positive we wanted only one for many reasons. Everyone keeps telling us we're going to change our minds (and family members hope we will) but no sign of that yet. I had a great pregnancy and awesome birth, and occassionally feel slightly sad that won't ever happen again, but those feelings don't override our reasoning for keeping our family size at three. You gals have made me even more confident about our decision. Thank you!

The big question I have right now is around birth control. I'm still nursing and have only recently gotten my period back, irregularly so far. I don't want to do anything with chemicals, and am a bit afraid of the IUD because I already have quite heavy flow. We're doing condoms right now, but I feel like it's not quite enough of a guarantee as certain we are that we don't want additional kids. Since there are so many new mamas on here since the last time this was discussed, I'm curious to know what you're all doing for BC.

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#803 of 1646 Old 08-22-2008, 12:52 AM
 
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Iris777888, Ili'sMama, PatchChild, and Binx67

I'm on the MirenaIUD. the flow isn't bad for me, personally.
I still get cramps but hey, no pain, no gain, right?

eta. btw, My dd just turned 2 on the 17th.

Mama to a 3.5 yo dd
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#804 of 1646 Old 08-22-2008, 01:20 AM
 
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The big question I have right now is around birth control. I'm still nursing and have only recently gotten my period back, irregularly so far. I don't want to do anything with chemicals, and am a bit afraid of the IUD because I already have quite heavy flow. We're doing condoms right now, but I feel like it's not quite enough of a guarantee as certain we are that we don't want additional kids. Since there are so many new mamas on here since the last time this was discussed, I'm curious to know what you're all doing for BC.
welcome to the thread
about birth control, there are natural methods that are ust as successful as taking the pill, if used correctly. I use the billings method, which is the easiest and most accurate method, and doesn't require taking temps or anything.
google it i guess, or look in the TTA threads.

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#805 of 1646 Old 08-22-2008, 04:29 PM
 
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c's dad got a vasectomy when c was a year old. now we're splitting up, though, so i'm not sure what to do from here. i'd like something permanent but i hate surgery (and have no insurance). for now i'll just use condoms (blecch) if the opportunity presents itself ( and try to date women instead.


hey, speaking of which, anyone know if there are effective, "natural" condoms? i just "turned single" in june and i'm not anticipating any action soon but i'd like an alternative to the icky latex and whatnot at CVS.
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#806 of 1646 Old 08-23-2008, 12:06 AM
 
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The big question I have right now is around birth control. I'm still nursing and have only recently gotten my period back, irregularly so far. I don't want to do anything with chemicals, and am a bit afraid of the IUD because I already have quite heavy flow. We're doing condoms right now, but I feel like it's not quite enough of a guarantee as certain we are that we don't want additional kids. Since there are so many new mamas on here since the last time this was discussed, I'm curious to know what you're all doing for BC.
Well, the Mirena IUD is actually good for heavy flow - I have endometriosis and adenomyosis, and the Mirena IUD has been a lifesaver for me, pretty much no periods and only occasional cramps which are nowhere near as bad as w/out the IUD. The Paragard IUD is the one that can cause heavy flow.

In terms of BC, my DH got the big V. We waited a year after making our decision, to be certain that we were certain, if that makes sense.
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#807 of 1646 Old 08-23-2008, 03:11 AM
 
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and try to date women instead.
:
as long as you don't have fertile-type cervical mucus, you're pretty safe.

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#808 of 1646 Old 08-23-2008, 05:29 PM
 
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We're using what basically amounts to Billings method (I go by fertile mucus and how my nipples feel, since that's a really realiable indicator of my fertility... also I have incredibly painful mittleschmertz so that tends to also be a helpful indicator). We also use condoms when I'm anywhere near fertile, and don't do vag-penile intercourse on those peak days.

Didn't someone mention something about neem oil awhile ago? I actually have some and have been thinking about trying it out as well... just as a backup, cause I don't know if I'd feel confident relying on it.

Kelly, your dating women plan sounds fun and oh so yummy!
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#809 of 1646 Old 08-23-2008, 05:44 PM
 
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yah, it's just too bad majikfaery lives so far away! :

it might have been me who posted re: neem. i just now googled "neem birth control" and, to my surprise, got a buncha hits (positive ones too not just naysayers). a "neem zealot" from a company i used to work with first told me about it. i guess men take the capsules internally on a daily basis (which i think are dried plant not oil but i could be wrong) and women use the oil as an vaginal spermicide before sex. they did studies using volunteers from the indian army and the results were great, like 95%+ effective.
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#810 of 1646 Old 08-23-2008, 05:58 PM
 
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I thought it was, I just wasn't sure

I wish there was some way to be *sure* about it in practice... cause we're pretty much set on an only at this point! (My Dh will be getting a vasectomy in about a year, we decided to wait til our son was 3 before making that final step!)
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Child , Sibling Issues In Foster Care And Adoption A Bulletin For Professionals , Sibling Stories Reflections On Life With A Brother Or Sister On The Autism Spectrum

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