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#61 of 1646 Old 06-01-2007, 02:08 AM
 
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Don't you HATE that?!?!? I can't stand it when you tell someone you're having a hard time and they not only totally minimize it but feel the need to say that it will only get worse. How does that help?!?! FWIW, my DH and I are always saying that age 2 is way more fun than age 1. Our dd did all the things you mentioned and I'd get the same, "Oh that's normal," stuff, but I really think my DD was just MORE of all those things. She cried more, slept less, shrieked almost constantly, fussed A LOT, etc. We quietly counted how many "good" days she had in a row, and it was almost never more than 4. Now, she'll frequently have good weeks and there's way more good than bad, and that's a huge change.
I love that you mentioned good days vs bad; I keep thinking, is this kid moody or what?! I keep searching for answers as to why she is so darn cranky, (ahem, like today...) I can't count how many times I must have said, "Oh, I bet she's teething again!" Geeeeez. She whined so much today. The one time she never cries or whines is if she is outside; this is very good; But again, it can be tedious. We live in a mountainy desert area and so I have to be so careful about what she gets into. Hmmm, is that a rattle snake? Scorpion? Oh, no, just a tarantula; they're not poisonous Oh, and did I mention the new dog in the neighborhood (our close neighbor; dogs in the country are not tied up round here); yeah, he found him at the school he does security for; you know, the school in the ghetto, where kids are bringing prison shanks to school (think sharpened screwdrivers)...the pitbull mix with no known history just wandering around. Yep, thought it would be a grand idea to bring him on home! (ok, off topic......) well, there's only so much dirt exploring one mom can do.

I was looking at this course to advance my nursing career; there is so much guilt about wanting to do something for yourself when you have a child; I feel I am away from her so much, but in reality I work 4 days a week and am home for her getting up every day and home for dinner usually between 5-6 on work days. Mom guilt really sucks. I guess I just miss doing what I feel like doing. I definitely think this is the drawback from having your first kid at 31. You are just too used to having your own life!

well, I'm so glad I have a place to put my feelings out about how hard this is. I don't know why I feel like this is so hard and other people seem to adjust so well. I knew coming into it that I was in for a huge life change; And I was right;

I can't wait to go camping again; OOOOOOOOOO, I long for a good book and some redwood trees; a mom can dream, can't she?!
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#62 of 1646 Old 06-01-2007, 02:35 AM
 
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[QUOTE=mamasittingduck;8271372]well, I'm so glad I have a place to put my feelings out about how hard this is. I don't know why I feel like this is so hard and other people seem to adjust so well. I knew coming into it that I was in for a huge life change; And I was right.QUOTE]

See, that is EXACTLY how I feel, but I've given up on thinking that DH and I must just be big wimps or something. We're not. We're strong people doing the best we can. We have our own lives, we have our life together, we have our jobs, our hobbies, our families, our house, our beautiful daughter -- all we want now is a sense of calm satisfaction. Life is every day, you know? I'm not willing to make sacrifices for years and years and years just so that, one fine day, we'll finally enjoy our everyday lives. I want to enjoy life now. I like the sense of immediacy that comes from knowing that I won't be doing all of these things all over again in another year or two.

Oh, and teething.... don't remind me. That's #2 on my long list of why age 2 is better than 1. (The #1 reason is language!) When I said to our pediatrician that we were throwing a party after DD cut her last tooth, he thought I was joking. I wasn't. Each one of those sharp little teeth has been come by with much agony and sleep lost. When they fall out, I will treasure them and think, "Ahhh yes, this was the one that kept you up from 10-2, screaming bloody-murder for 4 nights in a row....." How can we NOT throw a party when her last baby tooth comes in and we know we never have to deal with teething again!??!?! So, yes, my daughter was a horrible teether, and it sucked. I'm still dreading the 2-year molars. Should be fun. Still, we've had a nice long break of more than 8 montsh now since the last teeth, and it's been awesome.

ETA: Where do you live? I'm somewhat familiar with the San Diego area.
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#63 of 1646 Old 06-02-2007, 10:58 AM
 
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This thread is a great read.

After waffling about it for awhile, I am pretty sure that we are done having kids. My husband will have a vasectomy in about a month or two and that should be that.

The reasons are equally financial and emotional.

Money is not that tight, but we want to do more with it. One more kid is one more mouth to feed, clothe, educate, etc. We would rather spend that on a good day sailer and go out sailing with the kid we already have. Also, only one kid means that we can have our pick of smaller and cheaper housing, we don't need two large cars. We can also pour a lot more money into our daughter's education and extra-curricular activities.

As far as from an emotional standpoint, I just feel that I can't handle another and I am fine with her. If I ever need a kid fix, well, lots of people have kids I can borrow to remind me why I made the decision in the first place to stop.

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Life is every day, you know? I'm not willing to make sacrifices for years and years and years just so that, one fine day, we'll finally enjoy our everyday lives. I want to enjoy life now. I like the sense of immediacy that comes from knowing that I won't be doing all of these things all over again in another year or two.
My husband and I agree. We love our family, but it is not worth going into the poor and crazy house for if we can help it. The most obvious choice is to stop while we're ahead, ya know?
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#64 of 1646 Old 06-05-2007, 01:57 AM
 
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I know there is another onlies thread, but I just wanted to come back here to check in;

well, my dear friend just had her 3rd baby yesterday (10lb 6oz!) and everyone said to me, "oh, when you hold that baby, you'll want another one!" And I thought, well, ok, if you say so, we'll see. Well, I held that sweet, chubby cutie in my arms for hours, and, NOPE, don't want to do it again! Whoo! That was worrying me for a minute!

little monkey was so sweet today; i love her good mood days........

I was just browsing through the disey mom thread and honestly, I love disney, too; I can't wait until DD is old enough to go and really enjoy it; I look forward to those days, and I think, if I have another baby, how am I going to enjoy doing all those things with my first?
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#65 of 1646 Old 06-05-2007, 02:00 AM
 
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oh, btw, I live in Jamul, east of San Diego.

I think the idea of enjoying life now is so important; I see that if I would have multiple kids, I would just have to "get through" all those pregnacies and little baby days (I mean, I HATED being up all night.........ohhhhhhhhhh God, kill me now!); I feel the same way of wanting to enjoy a lot more of my life; I want to do a lot of other things, and I think a lot of things are possible when you have an only.

I hope she'll be happy being an only.

me and hubby started the vasectomy talk today.....he is willing to do it.
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#66 of 1646 Old 06-05-2007, 01:12 PM
 
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well, my dear friend just had her 3rd baby yesterday (10lb 6oz!) and everyone said to me, "oh, when you hold that baby, you'll want another one!" And I thought, well, ok, if you say so, we'll see. Well, I held that sweet, chubby cutie in my arms for hours, and, NOPE, don't want to do it again! Whoo! That was worrying me for a minute!


About two months ago, I was interviewing day care providers. The one I ended up choosing had a 2 month old daughter at the time. I remember only thinking "Yeah, cute baby, but better you (the mother) than me!". No interest whatsoever. It was about then that I seriously started thinking about leaving my daughter an only and my husband and I began vasectomy discussions.
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#67 of 1646 Old 06-05-2007, 01:34 PM
 
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Hi, I'm a mom of an only as well. Ironically, I posted earlier this morning on a thread about secondary infertility. I guess you can say I'm a mom of an only by circumstance, not choice.

But in so many ways, I'm so happy with "just" one. My DD was a very volatile, high needs infant. I almost feel guilty saying that -- like I can't handle parenthood or something -- but she would literally have me in tears some days. Now, at 4, she's calmed down immensely (though not totally ), and we have so much fun together. I absolutely **love** this age, and it seems to just keep getting better.

I'm one of five kids, so I know there are disadvantages to having siblings, just as there are disadvantages to being an only. The main disadvantage I see is the lack of companionship. DD has cousins and friends that we get together with on a regular basis, but it's just not the same as having another kid in the house. Sometimes (ok, lots of times!) I just don't want to play My Little Pony.

We just got back from Disney World and few weeks ago and DH and I noticed how much DD wanted to play with other kids. But at this age, she wouldn't have much in common with an infant, so it's sort of a moot point. Even if I were to get pregnant today, there would be 5 years between them.

Anyway, I'm glad to connect with other moms of onlies. I'm not feeling another baby in my future.
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#68 of 1646 Old 06-05-2007, 03:15 PM
 
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This thread is providing me with a lot of food-for-thought! I'm not sure if we'll have more children or not, but I do have one nagging thought if we do stop with DS. I've always felt led to homeschool, and I wonder at doing that with one. Are any of you considering homeschooling an only child? Both DH and I are pretty introverted and happy to spend time at home together, and don't have a lot of friends we spend a lot of time with. I'd be nervous about raising a friendless, socially awkward child because of OUR inhibitions with getting out there. (Note: Typically, I do not think "socialization" is an issue with homschooling, but normally I think about HS families with several children.) I think, well at least with two, they'd have each other if we didn't do lots of other activities. Anyone with a similar situation? Or is there a thread in the Learning at Home forum about schooling only children?

Mama to my beautiful boys born 6/29/06, 7/29/08, & 11/09/10.
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#69 of 1646 Old 06-05-2007, 04:37 PM
 
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We are def. keeping homeschool as an option. I taught, both in public and private elementary schools, and that's NOT the environment I want our daughter in. So, while I'm not knee-jerk reactionary to traditional schooling, it would have to be a stellar school and teacher before I'd put her in that situation.

As far as socialization, I don't see too much of a difference between socializing a homeschooled only or a homeschooled sibling. You search out group activities, take the child out (and, let's face it, MUCH easier with only one), etc. Most kids I know DON'T play with the people they're in class with, anyway, onlies or siblings. They play mostly with the neighborhood kids, and sometimes with the kids in their brownie troop, or the kids on their soccer team, and so on and so forth.

I will say that I'm sort of pushing to live in a neighborhood that has some children around Katie's age by the time she gets to be that age, but, I don't think she'll end up being a socially awkward "freak" just because she's not in traditional school and doesn't have any siblings.
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#70 of 1646 Old 06-05-2007, 08:37 PM
 
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I look forward to chatting and sharing with you ladies...as an only myself, I can answer lots of questions about what it means and feels to be an "only."

There are many benefit and some drawbacks.

Shannon
Hello moms of onlines! Devster4fun I think that would be a most wonderful input gift you could give us. As a parent of an only, but not having that perspective as I am a sibling, I often feel I would love to talk to an "adult" only child who has lived and breathed the experience, so to speak. Someone who could share their experiences on what it means and feels to be an only...especially now as an adult...because we all are always concerned about our children's futures and such. I often have been asked about what it is like being in a large family, so I guess this may be the flipside, and it is so true benefits and drawbacks all around. And the funny thing is I could have also seen myself as an only child as well as a sibling. But I digress...

Okay, so do you want to jump in with some benefits and drawbacks to being an only. And of course, we all know that you speak not for all onlies, just for yourself, and that is super.
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#71 of 1646 Old 06-05-2007, 09:02 PM
 
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ADULT ONLIES
Sorry to leave any other adult onlies out in my previous post. In reading further in the thread, I see that there are more adult onlies with only child here on this thread. That is great, in the other discussion there were not many.
We are only child by choice.
And our biggest concerns are how will how child feel about that in the future and also weirdly enough her "safety". Who looks out for the older only child if the parents are gone (passed away). Who do they turn to in a time of crisis, somehow a built in sibling, no matter the relationship level still has someone to connect with. Albiet I do find that most people do develop close relationships with friends and tell them more of their secrets and private lives than their families. Also that with close freinds you can be more of yourself and not be sucked into that "family role" that your family of siblings and parents have set for you. (rant over).
But I do wonder, if the only child needs help, goes missing for over a week, who will know...I even get sad thoughts of a missing person tha no one identifies (too much TV) (they always add the comment "no parents, no siblings").
One of the things we like about having an only is you can do ANYTHING !! Lots of resources, money for one, etc fun fun, and it seems families of 3 look peaceful. And the moms are not having that "crazy" parent look of too many kids to take care of, like they have lost themselves in the land of parenthood.
Now then switching back, after menopause...how will we feel them ???
Jeez, this post is all over the place ! See what happens when you eat candy at the computer !
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#72 of 1646 Old 06-05-2007, 09:32 PM
 
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We are def. keeping homeschool as an option. I taught, both in public and private elementary schools, and that's NOT the environment I want our daughter in. So, while I'm not knee-jerk reactionary to traditional schooling, it would have to be a stellar school and teacher before I'd put her in that situation.

As far as socialization, I don't see too much of a difference between socializing a homeschooled only or a homeschooled sibling. You search out group activities, take the child out (and, let's face it, MUCH easier with only one), etc. Most kids I know DON'T play with the people they're in class with, anyway, onlies or siblings. They play mostly with the neighborhood kids, and sometimes with the kids in their brownie troop, or the kids on their soccer team, and so on and so forth.

I will say that I'm sort of pushing to live in a neighborhood that has some children around Katie's age by the time she gets to be that age, but, I don't think she'll end up being a socially awkward "freak" just because she's not in traditional school and doesn't have any siblings.
Thanks for your reply. I'm a former public school teacher too, and I'm really not loving the idea of traditional public or private schools, only child or not.

I didn't mean to imply that HS kids are unsocialized freaks (especially since I'm one of them ), I just was thinking of living in our rural area with an only, homeschooled child and how we could easily be pretty isolated especially during long winters. I think homeschooling in general provides more authentic social interactions than school environments, but that discussion doesn't belong here.

On the other hand, we like our lives to be family centered so only being involved in one or two groups/activities and not having two dozen friends is okay too.

Anyway, lots to think about!

Thanks again for your thoughts.

Mama to my beautiful boys born 6/29/06, 7/29/08, & 11/09/10.
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#73 of 1646 Old 06-06-2007, 10:49 AM
 
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Goodie! Another tribe to call my own.

I have one son. He will be 6 on July 31st of this year. Yes, we know I have pcos and that keeps us from conceiving again and as I get older I am not sure if we will, doesn't mean I am not trying to eat right and exercise and pray that it does happen but well it's been 5 years now of not using any form of bc and still no sibling for DS.

We have looked into adoption but for now that is on hold.

I also feel left out in other mom type situations. They all have 2, 3,4, 5, 6+ kids and are always complaining about something....and act like I have it easy. So I in turn also avoid a lot of mom type get togethers because of this. In fact on Thursdays when my son is at gymnastics with only other home schooled children, I just sit on the floor and read because the other moms seem off standish or like they already have their cliques and we are the only family there with an only...

Nice to meet everyone here.
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#74 of 1646 Old 06-06-2007, 12:29 PM
 
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Hi everyone,

I'm an only with an only--so I'm happy to see this thread! My ds is four, and although I always pictured having a lot of kids, that doesn't seem to be happening for me. It did take me a lot of infertility treatments to have him, but honestly, after he was born, I felt like I was done. Only recently have I even considered going back to treatment for another, and that was only because I had frozen embryos. Now that those are gone I feel like I can finally "choose" to have an only.

There are many benefits to just one. I was very happy as an only and never missed having a sibling. I still don't (although I do have a half sister now, 26 years younger than me--more like a niece than a sister). My son is pretty adamant that he wants to be the only one. I like the one-on-one time with him. I like being able to carry him around even though he is four (I always felt bad for kids his age who walked next to their moms carrying other babies). We co-sleep and I can't imagine having another one in bed with us. So far, we seem like a perfect family of three. If I did have another child, I know we would adapt to that too, but it's nice to know that things are terrific the way they are.

Socialization is definitely not a problem here, either. He has many friends and goes to several classes. With one, it's easier to spend money on things like art classes (I have a neighbor who could never do anything with her twins because it is twice as expensive). He is very outgoing and speaks well--and I think a lot of that is because he is an only.
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#75 of 1646 Old 06-06-2007, 03:09 PM
 
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Can I join?

I am the mother of an only. Noah Matheo just turned six, and will be an only. I am a single mother by choice, and will not have more kids. I love being Noah`s mommy, and am so, so grateful that I got to be mommy to the worlds best Noah Matheo. But being a mommy is such hard work!! I have noe idea what I would do if I had to divide myself between Noah and a sibling. That would be way to much work and stress for me.

Now that my son is 6, people have more or less stopped asking me when I will have another. When he was younger, everyone wanted to tell me how important it was for him to have siblings. A lady even told me "please, don`t do this to him! You can`t let him be an only. That`s just not a nice thinng to do to him....":

My sons father is my best friend. He lives next door, and spends time with us/Noah as much as he can. Normally they spend every afternoon together.

*Single, attached Norwegian mama to my LoveBug, 2001*
 
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#76 of 1646 Old 06-06-2007, 05:26 PM
 
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And our biggest concerns are how will how child feel about that in the future and also weirdly enough her "safety". Who looks out for the older only child if the parents are gone (passed away). Who do they turn to in a time of crisis, somehow a built in sibling, no matter the relationship level still has someone to connect with.
I just wanted to comment on this from an end-of-life perspective--not only am I an only, but my grandmother was also an only. She passed away last year after struggling with Alzheimer's, but in her case, she was surrounded by family through the whole thing: my grandfather, her two children, and me. She was never alone, and that is more than I can say for most of the other people in the nursing home with her.

As for me, I turn to plenty of other people besides my mom--my husband, two very close friends. I have extended family I can count on as well. No need for sibs here! fwiw, two of my close friends are also onlies (there are others as well, but I have a special bond with them). And my half-sister (who is also an only) has a best friend who is--you guessed it--an only.

hope this helps answer some of those nagging questions . . .
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#77 of 1646 Old 06-10-2007, 10:14 AM
 
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But being a mommy is such hard work!! I have noe idea what I would do if I had to divide myself between Noah and a sibling. That would be way to much work and stress for me.
Agreed. I have enough trouble keeping the one I have from drinking Drano, let alone the thought of having more to divide my attention.

I have to admit, I like the idea of focusing all of my time, energy, and money on one child over a bunch. Quality over quantity, I guess. I really want to be able to afford to do things that she would like to be involved in that do require some money. If there is only one, than that isn't so bad, but if I had two or more children that wanted to do the same thing that cost like 40 bucks a month, it could easily get out of control fast. And then how do you choose who gets to do the activities if you only have limited funds? Eh, forget it.

Back when I was pregnant, my husband and I spent some time with his uncle and aunt who have five young children. Uncle and aunt were really nice people, no doubt, but after staying there a week, I wanted to hang myself. Screaming children running around, getting each other into trouble all the time. It was just way too much for me. Both my husband and I felt like ripping out our reproductive systems after that visit. That put the nail in the coffin of the idea of ever having a lot of kids for us.

I just recently had someone over to visit. She had her baby within days of mine and just found out she was pregnant again. Totally unwanted, but not unexpected given their birth control method (hence, I really can't feel sorry for her). Just the thought of two kids so close together has me running for the hills, spooning out my uterus.

I am excited about my kid getting older. I can't wait to go camping, scouting, skiing, sailing, rafting, hunting, etc with her. I am always puzzled by people who like the infant phase so much. Yeah, they are cute, but that is about it. Infants are as interesting as a box of bricks until they are about 8 months or so.
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#78 of 1646 Old 06-10-2007, 01:20 PM
 
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Hi!

Interesting thoughts about schooling an only. I would love to homeschool my DD, but DH isn't on board. (I am a teacher who has taught in both private and public schools, and haven't been impressed by either system.) However, DD is already talking about going to school and I am willing to give the local public school a try. If it doesn't work out, we can always change our minds, right?

We are very happy with one child. Our family is perfect for us! Although the negative comments about onlies are dwindling, a colleague completely offended me last week by saying, "Having only one child is unhealthy. You really need to reconsider." Ummmm, excuse me?!! You are always talking about how stressed and busy you are...how you have no time for yourself...how you HAVE to work outside the home to support your family...etc. This woman has 4 children, 3 still living at home. She is extremely overweight and emotionally miserable most of the time. How can she talk to me about making healthy choices? It blows my mind. It simply amazes me that anyone would say something so rude.

Having said all that, I realize she probably has good intentions. Truly. She loves her daughters enormously and believes that self-sacrifice is a necessary evil of parenting. Of course, we all make sacrifices for our children, but I believe that balance is important. My DD was very spirited as an infant-toddler and is just settling down to a manageable level. She has thrived on all the one-on-one attention we've been able to provide. If we had two children, I don't think we could meet her needs as well. KWIM? Also, I'm not sure our relationship (me & DH) would survive another baby, even if that baby were "easier" than the first. We took a hard hit, mostly due to sleep-deprivation and absolutely no outside help.

So...my reasons for having ONE child:

- traumatic birth experience with health complications for me
- spirited child who didn't sleep and screamed for the first 3 months of life
- no outside help (both sides of family live far away from us)
- desire to leave a smaller footprint on the earth and its resources
- easier to continue my career as DD gets older
- higher need for quiet alone time than an average person (both me & DH)
- MOST IMPORTANTLY: We are very happy as a family and I can't think of any good reason to have another baby.
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#79 of 1646 Old 06-10-2007, 06:54 PM
 
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We are very happy with one child. Our family is perfect for us! Although the negative comments about onlies are dwindling, a colleague completely offended me last week by saying, "Having only one child is unhealthy. You really need to reconsider." Ummmm, excuse me?!! You are always talking about how stressed and busy you are...how you have no time for yourself...how you HAVE to work outside the home to support your family...etc. This woman has 4 children, 3 still living at home. She is extremely overweight and emotionally miserable most of the time. How can she talk to me about making healthy choices? It blows my mind. It simply amazes me that anyone would say something so rude.

I think misery loves company.
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#80 of 1646 Old 06-10-2007, 07:28 PM
 
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Sonnenwende, I think you've hit the nail on that one...
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#81 of 1646 Old 06-10-2007, 07:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ItsAllGood View Post
Hello moms of onlines! Devster4fun I think that would be a most wonderful input gift you could give us. As a parent of an only, but not having that perspective as I am a sibling, I often feel I would love to talk to an "adult" only child who has lived and breathed the experience, so to speak. Someone who could share their experiences on what it means and feels to be an only...especially now as an adult...because we all are always concerned about our children's futures and such. I often have been asked about what it is like being in a large family, so I guess this may be the flipside, and it is so true benefits and drawbacks all around. And the funny thing is I could have also seen myself as an only child as well as a sibling. But I digress...

Okay, so do you want to jump in with some benefits and drawbacks to being an only. And of course, we all know that you speak not for all onlies, just for yourself, and that is super.
Oh, Hi everyone!! Sorry I haven't checked in...busy with my only child

It's great to hear the other mama's perspectives and experiences with an only and being an only.

I did have a first this week...I visited a newborn of a friend in the hospital. I was interested in seeing how I felt. Did it make me want another? Would I miss the true "baby" stage? Ummmm. NO! I honestly could not imagine doing it again.

DD is 13.5 months and a delight. She's been an "easy" baby, good sleeper, great eater, zero reflux, zero sickness, we're truly blessed. My Mom (the best) lives across the street and is retired. Still doesn't make me want another.

Honestly, the only thing that gets to me is tiny baby clothes. They're so cute.

IMO, there are very few drawbacks to being an only. As an adult, I do see some differences between myself and my friends. I enjoy and need time alone. I don't need a friend to go out to dinner with. I don't need a friend to go to the bathroom etc....

I love seeing the other thoughts here.
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#82 of 1646 Old 06-11-2007, 01:04 AM
 
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Originally Posted by devster4fun View Post

IMO, there are very few drawbacks to being an only. As an adult, I do see some differences between myself and my friends. I enjoy and need time alone. I don't need a friend to go out to dinner with. I don't need a friend to go to the bathroom etc....

I love seeing the other thoughts here.
I had to LOL here. You've described me as well--and I'm one of *five* kids!
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#83 of 1646 Old 06-11-2007, 10:39 AM
 
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DD is 13.5 months and a delight. She's been an "easy" baby, good sleeper, great eater, zero reflux, zero sickness, we're truly blessed. My Mom (the best) lives across the street and is retired. Still doesn't make me want another.
My daughter is a month older, but the same way, except she did have horrible reflux and puking. It never seemed painful or even annoying for her. Was for me though. Sometimes she could get some serious distance with that spit up and the fountains that were thrown on up on occasion were just...Yeah, don't want to relive that and neither does my keyboard or carpets. However, my daughter was/is otherwise fantastic.

I feel like in someways I would be pressing my luck too much like my mother did. I was a fantastic baby (firstborn) much like my daughter. My sister (secondborn) was express delivered from Baby Hell itself. Horrible colic/reflux, screamed 24/7 until she was 13 or so months, always got sick times worse than either my brother or I did. She has always been needy and dependent. Who would have guessed based on me that my mother would have gotten someone like my sister? :

I think another reason I don't want more kids is fears about the future. Nothing is written in stone and it would just be easier if we were the three of us as opposed to thirteen of us if I and/or my husband both lost our jobs, became disabled, died, got divorced. Horrible to think about, but those are all real, however unlikely, possibilities.
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#84 of 1646 Old 06-11-2007, 11:50 AM
 
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I had to LOL here. You've described me as well--and I'm one of *five* kids!
So, you had to search for alone time as a child! It does drive me nuts though, when I'm out with a few certain friends. They can't even drive somewhere alone. Like, "...oh can I follow you there?" I'm thinking, no!

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My daughter is a month older, but the same way, except she did have horrible reflux and puking. It never seemed painful or even annoying for her. Was for me though. Sometimes she could get some serious distance with that spit up and the fountains that were thrown on up on occasion were just...Yeah, don't want to relive that and neither does my keyboard or carpets. However, my daughter was/is otherwise fantastic.

I feel like in someways I would be pressing my luck too much like my mother did. I was a fantastic baby (firstborn) much like my daughter. My sister (secondborn) was express delivered from Baby Hell itself. Horrible colic/reflux, screamed 24/7 until she was 13 or so months, always got sick times worse than either my brother or I did. She has always been needy and dependent. Who would have guessed based on me that my mother would have gotten someone like my sister? :

I think another reason I don't want more kids is fears about the future. Nothing is written in stone and it would just be easier if we were the three of us as opposed to thirteen of us if I and/or my husband both lost our jobs, became disabled, died, got divorced. Horrible to think about, but those are all real, however unlikely, possibilities.
My SIL's first DS had that projectile vomiting issue. She said he set some distance records. Yucky.

I hear you on your last point. I get so, so tired of hearing/reading people complain about how difficult it is with "x" amount of kids. I mean, there's like 50 different ways to NOT have more kids. I respect those who choose to have a big family, that's wonderful....for them. And, it's ok to vent about the challenges they might face. There are challenges to having an only child too. (And I can vent about those here )
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#85 of 1646 Old 06-11-2007, 12:28 PM
 
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I mean, there's like 50 different ways to NOT have more kids.
Yeah. I never understood why people feel the need to keep having children when they discover after the first that the whole parenting deal isn't all it was cracked up to be for them personally. I found that out. I admit it. Not like I can or would want to put my daughter back now, but I have to stop more from coming while I am ahead. My husband agreed with this before I did and now we are planning the vasectomy for before he comes so it is a non-issue. If I were to divorce my husband, I would get a tubal.

I thought this was an interesting article:

Quote:
Myths About Only Children

By Toni Falbo

This article is one in a series written by scholars and researchers in a variety of fields at UT Austin. Dr. Toni Falbo is a professor of educational psychology and sociology.

AUSTIN, Texas — Negative views of "only children" growing up without siblings are common. Many people believe these kinds of children are lonely, selfish and maladjusted.

Because these views have been around so long, researchers began to test them, conducting studies of only children, and comparing "onlies" to others, such as firstborns or people from large families. Hundreds of studies have been conducted in the U.S. and around the world.

Now we know that:

Only children are no more lonely than others. People assume that only children grow up alone, without the benefit of child company. In fact, the parents of only children generally provide them opportunities for child companionship, via neighborhood play groups, school clubs and sports teams.

Only children are no more selfish than others. In the past, people assumed that only children were over-indulged and therefore, spoiled by their parents. But now we know that parents of only children do not over-indulge them, but rather these parents indulge their children just enough to motivate them to meet their expectations. Thus, only children do not grow up to become selfish adults.

Only children are no more maladjusted than others. Several studies of the mental health of children without siblings indicate that these children are as well adjusted as others. This is not to say that there are no maladjusted only children, but that the proportion of maladjusted "onlies" is the same as the proportion of maladjusted children from larger families.

In addition to discovering all the ways that only children are like other people, the research studies have informed us about the ways that only children are different from others. These differences indicate that only children have some advantages in their upbringing, particularly when compared to people from large families:

Only children have higher self-esteem than others. Positive attention from parents helps children develop and maintain a positive view of themselves. Only children have an advantage here in that they receive more attention from their parents than children from larger families. This positive attention does not spoil children, but rather allows parents to monitor their children and take corrective action when needed.

Only children achieve more than others. Because the parents of only children have more time and other resources to devote toward their child's development, only children tend to do better in school and complete more years of education than others. Consequently, only children later tend to have more prestigious occupations than others.

Given these findings, why do people continue to believe that only children are disadvantaged? In order to answer this question, we need to understand how people think. The stereotype of only children is that they are selfish, lonely, and maladjusted. Even though scientific research tells us this statement is not true, once a stereotype exists, it is almost impossible to eliminate. This happens because every time a person sees a confirming case, belief in the stereotype is affirmed and is not lessened by the fact there are proportionately as many children with siblings who are just as selfish, lonely, and maladjusted.

Furthermore, once people believe in the "only child" stereotype, they are unlikely to notice that some only children are not selfish, not lonely, not maladjusted. One of the characteristics of humans is that we seek out confirming evidence, ignore contradictory evidence and, in this way, maintain our beliefs.
http://utopia.utexas.edu/articles/op..._children.html
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#86 of 1646 Old 06-17-2007, 11:12 PM
 
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just noticed this thread. don't have time to read it all, but want to give a shout out from our family of 3.

and devster, nice frickin quote.
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#87 of 1646 Old 06-18-2007, 05:13 PM
 
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Welcome aboard!
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#88 of 1646 Old 06-19-2007, 09:35 AM
 
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another family of three here too that does not include our pets though.

We homeschool our dd we did K last year so we will be heading into the "first grade" soon! Wow does time fly!

:energ y
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#89 of 1646 Old 06-22-2007, 10:19 PM
 
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I am sort of torn...DP and I got together agreeing that my DD (prev. relationship) would be our only child, and I never thought I'd change my mind but last year I got baby fever in the WORST way. Everyone we knew was pg or had bitty babies, it was spreading like wildfire! I really got consumed by it, and DP and I talked about it a lot and eventually he agreed to TTC another. We did, I bought all kinds of baby stuff, I got pg, I miscarried a blighted ovum at nearly 11 weeks and I think I'm over it. Really. I guess I've run out of stuff to romanticize and now I'm thinking about all of the realities.

After the m/c I took some time for myself, and I really realized how much happier I am as DD gets older and more independent. She was a very high-needs/fussy/clingy/sensitive baby and she is still very needy. When I really think about it, I can come up with more reasons why not to have a baby than the other way around. Most of them are selfish - I was an only for 6.5 years and even once I had sisters I spent most of my time playing by myself...a baby isn't much of a playmate for a nearly 7 year old. So I really miss having time for myself. I can get it sometimes if I enlist help, or wait until DD is in bed, but I miss being able to read uninterrupted for hours, or taking a bath, or listening to headphones without worrying that my child might be crying/choking/etc.

My family is the worst about pressuring me for another. My dad was an only child and died when I was 10 months old, and when I suggested that I intended to stop at one, my mom actually said "Well, your grandmother only had one and now she doesn't have any" While I understand where she was coming from, it's ridiculous to suggest having a second child "for backup". Nothing could replace DD.

MDC is not helpful if one has a bout with the baby fever, either. Bellies, baby pictures, birth stories, etc - I do think it's beautiful and powerful and womanly. I think a lot of my problem was/is wishing I could have a "do-over" and change things I wished had happened with DD, like having a homebirth instead, or nursing until 2 instead of 1.5, or going through it with a patner who wasn't a total nutjob....but when it comes down to it, I don't long to re-do teething, or potty training, or screaming meltdown in public, or insomnia, and we really are happy as we are.

I am going to have to admit this to DP, and I am also going to have to figure out where I can get the best price for all this baby gear I bought...maybe I just like shopping!
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#90 of 1646 Old 06-29-2007, 03:25 PM
 
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Hello,
My DS is 11mo and DH is done. He says that he feels complete and that our little family is perfect.
Honestly, I agree with him and have always said one is enough.
So ladies tell me this: How do I get past the feeling that I am somehow not a "real" family with only one? I know it is just societal pressure but it feels real. Also, tell me about what your older verbal onlies feel abot being an only. I honestly feel that we have made our decision and I a just in the process of working through it. Also, any SAHM of onlies or PT-WOH of onlies?
I love DS so much and he is just so wonderful. I feel so lucky and blessed everyday. When I look at him I do not feel the need to do it all over with another. I just want to do it all over with him. The only reason I would have another is to give him a sibling and DH and I don't feel that is a good enough reason.
I just guess I need some support coming to terms with our decision and gearing up for all the annoying comments
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Child , Sibling Issues In Foster Care And Adoption A Bulletin For Professionals , Sibling Stories Reflections On Life With A Brother Or Sister On The Autism Spectrum

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