When we had 2, we decided that was enough. I really wanted one more but DH felt we had our hands full, so I agreed.
Along came #3. I was nervous the whole pg about having another high needs baby - DD had been one and DS1 had been even more high needs, which we didn't think was possible. But he had a lot of health issues. I joked the entire time I was pg that this time I was asking for a baby that didn't cry much. Turns out that's what we got. DS2 was the most easy-going baby. The pregnancy, while not super-easy, was by far my best one. It was the only one I didn't get induced due to pre-eclampsia. I actually got to go to almost 42 weeks.
Then I had a miscarriage when DS2 was 2 years old. It was a birth control mishap pg but the miscarriage hit me really hard. I really wanted to have a fourth then. I felt like someone was missing. But eventually, DH and I decided that we were okay with 3, even though I was sad. But I knew that I couldn't replace that child lost to miscarriage so I filled the hole in my heart by doing tons with my 3 live children.
Then I found out I was indeed pg with #4! It was a hard pg with added health complications that I didn't expect. In the end, I was induced at 37 weeks for pre-e, had high BP for 6 weeks after he was born and was on bedrest for his first week and meds for the entire 6 weeks. The induction was the hardest one yet and then DS3 got sick as a newborn and was readmitted to the hospital for a week. I was an emotional wreck when all was said and done.
I know that DS3 is our last. It has to be. I cannot risk my health with another pg (I know that pre-e is not necessarily going to happen again but I feel the risk will too much for me). I have four great kids who deserve a healthy mommy. They have lots of siblings to grow up with. Some days I'm beyond sad - I want to be pg again and experience the birth/newborn period. But I just can't risk it. It has taken me a lot of emotional work (and will take more) to get to this point. In some ways, I feel like I got out of this last one by the skin of my teeth, so to speak. I lucked out in so many ways.
But that doesn't mean that I'm not sad about the end of my childbearing years. When DS3 eventually weans, I will probably be a basket case