Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: Toronto, ON (Canada)
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I have recently become suspect that my father in law may be a pedophile - or at least may be interested in my son "in that way". At first I thought it was weird that he showed so much interest in my son and ignored his other grandchildren (girls). He brings my son gifts, makes extended efforts to see him, is very physical with him, (hugs, kisses, touch my belly button, etc. etc.). It sounds "normal" in some ways, but if you knew him and how he is around all people (including his wife and his own grown children) and how he is with my son, it is just waaaaay too creepy and totally innapropriate.
All of the "checklist" items are there - he tries to make alone time with my son, (which I DON'T let happen), he creates opportunities (out of character and not appropriate to the time/place) to be touchy-feely with my son...it's hard to describe everything, but there are way too many warning signs that I cannot ignore.
I want to protect my son, but I don't feel I can "report" my FIL as I have no "evidence" of anything actually happening. But I don't want it to have to get to that. My husband says he really doesn't believe it's possible, but agrees that he'll "watch for it", but he's very "put your head in the sand". DH has told me recently that I'm imagining it. I am not. I am sure of that 100% I just don't trust that he'll ensure there is no alone time between my DS and his dad, (in fact, he was at his parents with DS before I suspected anything and I found out the two - DS and FIL - had gone for a "walk" together ). My son was 2 at the time. I was mad at the time b/c his dad is so careless etc. I didn't trust him to keep DS off the road, etc. I won't allow them to go for walks together now for other reasons! (This man is such a loser - I wouldn't let my children spend 5 seconds alone with him anywhere regardless of the pedophile suspicion - drinks all day, used to abuse his kids and wife, just a total *ss!).
Honestly, to protect my children (I now have 2 boys, 3yrs and 6 weeks) I want to completely separate any contact they have with my in laws. My MIL seems to "feed" the situation, always asking my DS to stay over (he WILL NEVER STAY THERE) or to go for walks with my FIL. She always calls us to arrange visits for them too - they never did that before, and brings my FIL. (History, FIL hit her once, he is a total jerk and she is probably scared of him so she helps faciliate the visits - just my opinion).
My dilemma is that DH just won't "buy" it enough for him to cut ties with his family. I am so stressed whenever they come over (they call every weekend asking to come over now - FIL always comes, he never ever came before, now he always offers to bring my MIL) and when we go there, (they invite us there every weekend now) I am so worried about keeping an eye on DS and feeling sick by the hugging, kissing, "playing horsey" or "touch my belly" etc. and trying to get my son away from the sicko. I just want to say that DS (both of them) will have no contact with my FIL, but I can't count on DH to ensure this happens.
I was thinking of saying that DS's will have no contact with FIL and that they can come, but without FIL, or we'll go there only when FIL is not there, but they will all want to know why (he "loves" his grandson sooo much, he'll want to see him, and unfortunately b/c of all the attention DS really likes FIL too...and they know that). I am not sure I want the whole family knowing I suspect FIL is a pedophile since I have no "evidence"; it will absolutely cause a huge rif in the family. I am also concerned that if I voice my concerns to FIL or MIL, FIL will just be more discreet and hide it, or they'll lie about whether he'll be home. MIL will deny it absolutely regardless of what she knows, (she's more "head in the sand" than my DH), and DH will tell his mom why if I say no contact. He is very trusting of his family - his mom at least - and very close to her and his brothers.
Any suggestions I haven't thought of?