Would you leave your child in a hotel room? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 02:48 AM
 
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no no no. i'd never leave my children alone in a hotel room! i feel so sorry for the parents, because this is probably their worst nightmare, but they shouldn't have left them alone. this could have been easily prevented, which is the saddest part. I hope they find her soon!
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#32 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 03:18 AM
 
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It would depend on the age, how far outside the room I was going, and for how long. A 3 yr old alone while I ate dinner a few hundred yards away, no. But I have left my then 5 and 2 yr olds in the room alone while I went out into the hall. I was closer to them and away for a shorter time than I would have been if they had been in their rooms at home while I was downstairs.
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#33 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 03:38 AM
 
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Originally Posted by lalaland42 View Post
Really? I blame the person who took the little girl.
I met a French woman in Thailand who had a DD about that age. She would leave her asleep in the hotel room and go down to the bar/restaurant for a bite. -They didn't have room service. It was pre-my-DD so I asked nicely about if her DD woke up and she said it was completely normal and not a big deal. I would not be comfortable with it though.

I am heartsick for the parents and the little girl, I hope they find her alive and well - soon!
Exactly.

It may very well be that the decision that those parents made is not the same one that many of us would have made, but who among us hasn't made a bad decision at some point with regards to our child? But for the grace of god, that could be any one of us. It takes a split second & sometimes the parents are right there, with their attention turned for an instant.

There are preditors out there. When they strike, it's somehow comforting to point fingers at the victims. It makes us feel like we are not vulnerable. We wouldn't do whatever it was that that other person did that allowed this preditor the opportunity to pounce.

Victims are exactly that. Don't point fingers at them unless you've walked in their shoes.
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#34 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 04:02 AM
 
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I'd never consider pushing my American values onto people from other areas- it sounds like this was a British family?
I said it in the other thread, but there is no difference between British and American values on something like this. (circumcision, yes. Spanking, yes. But supervising your child, no.)

You would get the same cross-section of responses to the question posed on this thread in the UK as you would get here. Most people would not dream of leaving their child in a hotel room. A few people would consider doing it (but would probably never admit that here.)

This is not to say that I agree in any way in pointing fingers of blame at the parents here. I have never left my child unattended in a hotel room, nor would I ever do so. However, I'm not perfect, and but for the grace of God.....

I could not profess to have never had any of my children in a situation where something terrible could have happened. They could have fallen, got run over, got burned... any number of things. I've grabbed hands before they've touched hot stoves. I've dashed out after a toddler in the street. Just tonight I ran through a crowded restaurant after my fast 2 yo. Earlier today I had to yell at my 4 yo to stop before she ran into the street (to pick up a pine cone she'd spotted there.) Any one of those things could have ended up in disaster, and people could then be pointing fingers at me. I'm human. I do the best I can to forsee any situation of danger, but the truth is, we can't guarantee that our children will never get hurt.

Heck, I have a friend whose ds fell into the Grand Canyon, yet she's one of the most sensible people I know. Her son was OK, but he might not have been! Her mistake was not telling him that the other side of the wall was a sheer drop. How could she forsee that a 9 yo would climb the wall in a split second? As it is, it is a great dinner-party story for the family. But it could have been the end of family life as they know it.

My heart goes out to this family, and to anyone else who has suffered such a dreadful situation. I am not smug enough to think that something like this could not happen to my family. Maybe not something identical, but something equally as dreadful.

Praying for that little girl.....
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#35 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 04:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by kymholly View Post
Exactly.

It may very well be that the decision that those parents made is not the same one that many of us would have made, but who among us hasn't made a bad decision at some point with regards to our child? But for the grace of god, that could be any one of us. It takes a split second & sometimes the parents are right there, with their attention turned for an instant.

There are preditors out there. When they strike, it's somehow comforting to point fingers at the victims. It makes us feel like we are not vulnerable. We wouldn't do whatever it was that that other person did that allowed this preditor the opportunity to pounce.

Victims are exactly that. Don't point fingers at them unless you've walked in their shoes.
Thank you. My thoughts, exactly.

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#36 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 05:51 AM
 
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I don't think I'm reading this right??? :

They left........
a 3yr old..........
alone........
with two 2yr olds....
in a hotel room
300 ft away

That don't sound very bright.........
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#37 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 06:47 AM
 
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On the news here it went from being a few hundred feet to like 50 feet or something from hotel to apartment and they showed the distance and it was not several hundred feet, but I guess that is irrelevant just skewed media coverage. Some mornings 'womens' shows here have been discussing this and the fact that they were doctors came up and how if it had been a single-parent there might have been a different reaction on the 'responsibility' front from the public and media. I think the parents made a poor choice and should have hired a reputable baby-sitter so they could sit and have their meal. No it's just not safe to leave dc that young and I guess they got complacent. It's sick, looks well planned and the parents are suffering immeasurably regardless of anything else and the poor wee girl: , they are very unlikely to see her again, but we can hope she turns up, safe. According to the media a businessman has put up a large reward like a million I think. The planning that goes into some of these abductions will be extensive and it's just not safe to leave dc unnattended ever.
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#38 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 06:53 AM
 
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No, never

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#39 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 07:10 AM
 
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No, I would never leave any young child alone in a hotel room. I wouldn't care if I was in one of those places where ppl do leave babies in strollers outside alone, I still wouldn't. Besides the risk of abduction, I wouldn't want my child to wake up and be alone and not know where I am. Can you imagine how scary that would be?

I have a friend who went to las vegas with her husband and two children (ages 10 mons. and 2 1/2 at the time) and left them up in the room to go gamble down in the hotels casino. They were on the 18th floor, so it would take them at least 5 min. to get from the ground floor up to their floor (seeing as how it's a busy casino and the elevator stops frequently). They didn't even have a monitor, they just laid them in the center of the bed and left. She told me that they did go and check in about every hour or so, and they were down there from 9pm to around 3 in the morning. :
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#40 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 07:19 AM
 
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I would never leave my child alone at a hotel!

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#41 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 08:07 AM
 
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No, never.

The thing about this case is that the articles say they were travelling with friends or family - other adults and children. I've done that, and the easiest thing is to arrange for one of the other couples to watch both sets of children while the parents go out. Switch who is babysitting, so everyone has a few nights of alone/adult time and a few nights of babysitting. Simple. If you're on vacation with people, you are likely close to them, so it would be less worrisome than a hotel babysitter, and certainly better than leaving your kids. A bit of a pain because all the kids need to be in the same room for the time the parents are out, but get adjoining rooms and that problem is solved.
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#42 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 08:21 AM
 
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This story is VERY VERY sad and it has the whole world watching in antisipation as to what will come of it.

I just hope that little girl is reunited with her family soon and I hope she has not been too affected by her ordeal.

It really puts everything into perspective.

The parents should really be ashamed for leaving her alone for 1 minute never mind 30 minutes in a foreign country...it does make my blood boil but im sure they feel really bad about it.

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#43 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 09:47 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kymholly View Post
Exactly.

It may very well be that the decision that those parents made is not the same one that many of us would have made, but who among us hasn't made a bad decision at some point with regards to our child? But for the grace of god, that could be any one of us. It takes a split second & sometimes the parents are right there, with their attention turned for an instant.

There are preditors out there. When they strike, it's somehow comforting to point fingers at the victims. It makes us feel like we are not vulnerable. We wouldn't do whatever it was that that other person did that allowed this preditor the opportunity to pounce.

Victims are exactly that. Don't point fingers at them unless you've walked in their shoes.
You took the words right out of my mouth. It really upsets me to see some people blaming these parents and saying things like they should "be ashamed" for the fact that someone kidnapped their child. To me, it makes this incredibly sad situation even more sad.

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#44 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 10:34 AM
 
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Originally Posted by forthebest View Post
On the news here it went from being a few hundred feet to like 50 feet or something from hotel to apartment and they showed the distance and it was not several hundred feet,
Ok, that is a huge difference. 50 ft and a few hundred yards (as stated in the linked article).

On blame.....to blame the parents, to me that would imply that they considered abduction a likely result and left anyway--disregarding safety. The blame lies with the abductor, imo. At worst, the parents were neglectful. But they aren't the predator here.
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#45 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 11:01 AM
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I absolutely blame the parents. They made a stupid and selfish decision. No, they didn't kidnap their child, but by their selfishness created an opportune situation for an evil person. It wasn't an accident or a quick mistake...it was a well-thought out, oft repeated scenario where they put their selfish desires first and neglected their children.

So, I blame them for child neglect.
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#46 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 01:13 PM
 
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I personally would NEVER, but I think somebody was stalking this family and had long targeted this little girl.

They were just waiting for the right opportunity to snatch the little girl. I truly think that had they not taken her away from her bedroom that evening, they would have waited to snatch her some other time.

As all moms of 3-4yos know, sometimes they do manage to get our of sight for a few seconds, and unfortunately that's enough for someone targeting the child

Leaving her alone made it all easier for these evil people, but people are talking about the parents almost as if they had hired the kidnappers for crying our loud. I was reading somewhere that having the child sleep in the hotel room is something many parents do in that reort as it is such a peaceful area.
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#47 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 01:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sunnmama View Post
On blame.....to blame the parents, to me that would imply that they considered abduction a likely result and left anyway--disregarding safety. The blame lies with the abductor, imo. At worst, the parents were neglectful. But they aren't the predator here.
But that's why we *wouldn't* leave our kids unsupervised like that -- because we *do* consider abduction (or sudden illness, or any number of other things) to be at least a possible outcome. To not even consider that creates an opportunity for the abductor that simply wouldn't have existed if the parents had made the same common-sense decision that everyone in this thread would have made.

If a parent put their child in someone's car with no carseat and that child subsequently was injured in an accident, would you *only* blame the driver of the car, or would you also blame the parent who put them in that situation?

Part of our job as parents is to be aware of the dangerous possibilities and take steps to increase the likelihood that they won't happen to our children. I'm not talking about extreme hypervigilance, but ... Carseats? Supervision in a foreign country? I'd think those would be pretty obvious to most parents, and I don't consider neglecting to provide that type of security for your kids a simple "mistake."

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#48 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 01:51 PM
 
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I could see leaving my kids, with the door locked, long enough to go down the hall to get ice or a soda from the vending machines or something. I rarely stay at hotels with room service. But I can't imagine leaving long enough to have a meal in a resturant. No freakin' way.
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#49 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 02:10 PM
 
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I could see leaving my kids, with the door locked, long enough to go down the hall to get ice or a soda from the vending machines or something. I rarely stay at hotels with room service. But I can't imagine leaving long enough to have a meal in a resturant. No freakin' way.
:

Especially in reference to a few hundred feet and eating dinner, at first I thought "they must be insane!" Then with the idea of 50 feet... I remembered that in a hotel in December, I woke up early, couldn't get back to sleep, and left my 2 year old asleep in bed while I went down the hall to get coffee and a muffin. Now, in that case, my mom was also asleep in the room, but I bet I would have done it anyway even if she hadn't been. I brought them back to the room, and was back within 5 minutes, but I couldn't see the hotel room door the whole time. I can see going down the hall for ice, or coffee, or whatever, seeming pretty safe when a child is sleeping and the door is locked.

I can't see being gone for 1/2 hour at a stretch though during a long dinner. I suspect that the predator knew where to find the girl either by stalking the family, or the parents called attention to the fact that there was an unprotected child in the room by going back to the room constantly during dinner.

If they had only been gone for 5 to 10 minutes and not for an extended period of time, I would figure someone had to be stalking the family. A predator isn't going to randomly break into rooms to see if he (or she) happens to find children. And if someone had broken into a whole string of rooms, that would probably have been reported too.

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#50 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 04:14 PM
 
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I personally would NEVER, but I think somebody was stalking this family and had long targeted this little girl.

They were just waiting for the right opportunity to snatch the little girl. I truly think that had they not taken her away from her bedroom that evening, they would have waited to snatch her some other time.
Personally, I think she was only targeted in the sense, that someone noticed they were left alone in the hotel room and therefore would be "easy" to abduct. Unless a ransom note or something like that turns up (which would indicate a more direct target), I think the only target, is that she was accessible. From what I have read, predators are concerned with not getting caught. They look for victims who would be easier or more accessible to kidnap.

Leaving children alone in a hotel room is the same thing as leaving them alone in a house while you go and eat dinner in a neaby resteraunt. It is just not done..period...not acceptable. Anyone who leaves young children alone in a house, while they are out someplace else is negligant, IMO....same thing goes for a hotel room.

When I stayed in hotels, I have left them to just run down the hall to the juice or coffee or vending machine (or even quickly out to the car)..but I would never, never leave the hotel premises, nor would I be gone more than the minute or two it takes to get the coffee or muffin or bag from the car. Just like in a house, I would leave them inside to go out and check the mail or grab something from the car, or pick up a toy left outside..but I would never, ever, ever leave my property or yard with my kids home alone.

Ny heart goes out to this family, and I am really sorry they are going through this. I pray for that child's safe return. However, IMO, the parents made a deliberate (bad) decision to leave the childen alone It is very different from an accident or other tragic outcome which might have been prevented, but was caused by a minor mistake or lack of supervision (ie. accidently leaving medication out, when one usually locks it up)

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#51 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 04:26 PM
 
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NO NEVER!!!


and for the record,I DO BLAME THE PARENTS.If this little girl turns up dead(iI am praying that she comesback oh so soon,poor love)then the parents should be held somewhat accountable,had they not left her alone,the chance to snatch her wouldn't have been there:

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#52 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 04:28 PM
 
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No, I wouldn't leave my children alone in a hotel room. I don't blame the parents - I blame the person(s) who abducted this child.

I'm Canadian and at least where I live, people leave their kids on my street to play, unwatched in their yards. My girlfriend's mother is from the UK and she (my friend's mother) raised 6 kids. In the 1960s and 1970s, she said, the parents thought nothing of leaving their babies in a pram, unattended on a porch outside to sleep while the parent did housework in the house. No one was watching but it was assumed the child would be safe. The same friend's granny used to work, as a young woman, in a linen mill. All the working women would leave their babies in cradles in front of the fires, unattended, and go to work. A few times a day (the houses were across from the mill), they'd nip home to check on the baby. Yes, not acceptable by current standards, but they did what was commonly accepted and necessary..

I can't imagine the grief these parents feel right now at making such mistake as leaving their child alone in the room. I don't blame them - I'm sure they blame themselves more than anyone on this board can. I just feel very sorry for their suffering and hope the little girl returns to them safely. If this is a child neglect issue, I trust the authorities can judge it as so - not my interest in doing so.
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#53 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 04:36 PM
 
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NO NEVER!!!


and for the record,I DO BLAME THE PARENTS.If this little girl turns up dead(iI am praying that she comesback oh so soon,poor love)then the parents should be held somewhat accountable,had they not left her alone,the chance to snatch her wouldn't have been there:
BOLD Mine.

I would never leave my child alone in a hotel room and I do think the parents were selfish for doing so.

I disagree with the bolded part. What about the kids who are kidnapped from their bedrooms....Elizabeth Smart.....Polly Klaus.....the parents being there doesn't equal the child will not be taken. Does it make it easier? Yes. Does it mean the parents being in the hotel room/suite could have prevented the kidnapping? Maybe. Who knows. If you start holding parents accountable for their child's kidnapping just b/c they weren't there means a whole host of parents better start staying with their children 24/7 b/c that would be the only way to not be held accountable.

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#54 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 04:47 PM
 
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. If you start holding parents accountable for their child's kidnapping just b/c they weren't there means a whole host of parents better start staying with their children 24/7 b/c that would be the only way to not be held accountable.
It's not that the parent's weren't there...it was that this children were left ALONE[/B] without supervision. THAT is unacceptable. If there was a babysitter, it would have been totally different. Sure, she could have STILL be abducted, but then maybe not..since the predator would have had to deal with the babysitter, making it that much harder.

Besides, even if that the child wasn't kidnapped, a whole host of other bad things could have happened, some of which are pretty likely 1) the children wake up alone/scared/crying. 1/2 hour is LONG time to cry and be scared alone 2) a child wakes up sick, throws up...again lying in vomit for 1/2 hour is NOT good. 3) a child wakes up and somehow gets out of the room and wanders around 4) if they are in cribs, a child wakes up, falls out of the crib and gets hurt 5) a chld wakes up gets hurt in a non-proofed room another way (ie, gets into medication, or whatever). 6) there is a fire and the children are trapped

Some of those things are more likely than others...but they all require adequate supervision to deal with. Checking on the kids every 1/2 hour, just doesn't cut it.

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#55 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 04:58 PM
 
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Would I leave my sleeping son in a room long enough to run down to the ice machine at the end of the hallway? Long enough to *maybe* run and grab my suitcase out of the car? Yes- I probably would (after triple checking to make sure I had the hotel key- I could just see locking myself out of the room...)

Leaving them alone in a room while you eat a meal in a restaurant, on the other hand, is a totally different thing. It would be far outside of my personal comfort zone.

Regardless of whether or not I think that this family made a poor choice, they are not responsible for their daughter's kidnapping no more than a drunk collge woman in a revealing outfit is responsible for being raped.
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#56 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 04:59 PM
 
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I have to jump in on the "British Culture" thing here.
We have a thriving sector within the hotel industry here of "family-friendly" hotels. High quality; secure, background checks on the staff, baby-listening system...
The idea is to have the kids eat earlier and be put to bed with baby listening on while mum and dad get some grown-up time in the restaurant/bar. They are expensive, we could never take a long vacation in one, but hubby and I do treat ourselves, (and the kids, they consider it a treat, too), for 2-3 days in low season each year. In my experience baby listening can be heard in the communal area of the hotel, and the staff are very quick to draw parents attention to the slightest peep.
The idea of leaving a child in a hotel room is completely normal to me, but the idea of leaving them in one without these facilities...raises eyebrows.

That said, I take my eyes off my girls now and then. It could easily be me. I've nothing but prayers and sympathy for this little girl and her family.
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#57 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 05:06 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ameliabedelia View Post
It's not that the parent's weren't there...it was that this children were left ALONE[/B] without supervision. THAT is unacceptable. If there was a babysitter, it would have been totally different. Sure, she could have STILL be abducted, but then maybe not..since the predator would have had to deal with the babysitter, making it that much harder.
I was basing my answer off this quote....

Quote:
Originally Posted by minimunklemama
had they not left her alone,the chance to snatch her wouldn't have been there
I disagree with it, which is what my post addressed. The chance to snatch a child is there regardless of whether a person is in the home or out of it.

Quote:
Originally Posted by ameliabedelia
Besides, even if that the child wasn't kidnapped, a whole host of other bad things could have happened, some of which are pretty likely 1) the children wake up alone/scared/crying. 1/2 hour is LONG time to cry and be scared alone 2) a child wakes up sick, throws up...again lying in vomit for 1/2 hour is NOT good. 3) a child wakes up and somehow gets out of the room and wanders around 4) if they are in cribs, a child wakes up, falls out of the crib and gets hurt 5) a chld wakes up gets hurt in a non-proofed room another way (ie, gets into medication, or whatever). 6) there is a fire and the children are trapped
Which is why I said the following.....

Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini
I would never leave my child alone in a hotel room and I do think the parents were selfish for doing so.
And this....

Quote:
Originally Posted by ameliabedelia
Some of those things are more likely than others...but they all require adequate supervision to deal with. Checking on the kids every 1/2 hour, just doesn't cut it.
brings us back to this.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Houdini
I would never leave my child alone in a hotel room and I do think the parents were selfish for doing so.

Rebecca wife of Megan...moms to six crazy kiddos! Seth (15), Madison (13), Zachary (12), Trevor (12), Alex (10), and Nicholas (9)
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#58 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 05:35 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by limabean View Post
But that's why we *wouldn't* leave our kids unsupervised like that -- because we *do* consider abduction (or sudden illness, or any number of other things) to be at least a possible outcome. ."
Possible, yes. But not likely.

nak....

before judging the choices of other parents, i try to consider the likelihood of harm compared to choices i make.......for example, running from the car to the house in threatening weather, letting dd swim in the ocean, or simply driving on the highway with dc in carseats. harm is possible in all of these choices, but i'm guessing my choices are more likely to result in harm than leaving a sleeping child in a locked hotel room 50 ft away (as one acct described).
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#59 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 05:39 PM
 
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I wouldn't leave my child alone, sleeping in a hotel room, but that's because of the way I parent. I don't judge all those patents who don't co-sleep, and I certainly don't judge these parents.
It's amazing how quick most people are to blame the parents and to pass judgement. Most of us have probably been in a situation where our child scared us to death briefly (wandering off, running into traffic, falling badly, almost falling) and where, with the tiniest variation in fate something tragic might have happened. I guess if that case, most of the rest of us would sit smugly at our keyboards and pass judgement on that incident.

nothing more to say I guess :
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#60 of 262 Old 05-12-2007, 06:02 PM
 
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Does it take more or less energy to judge someone, than it is to feel compassion for them?

How does it feel to judge parents, especially a Mother who looks so ill, distressed and heartbroken she looks on the verge of physical collapse?

What purpose does judging these parents serve? Is it actually producing anything positive to help these parents? Is it helping to ease their pain in anyway?

If Maddy is not found, her parents will have to live with their decision for the rest of their lives.... while all those judging and condemning Maddy's parents will return to their normal lives in days, weeks, months and years to come, as it becomes another forgotten news story, Maddy's parents will be waking everyday with the knowledge of what may have happened to their daughter.

I have no judgement for them, they have my deepest sympathy.

Peace
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