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-   -   Would you leave your child in a hotel room? (http://www.mothering.com/forum/35-parenting/672237-would-you-leave-your-child-hotel-room.html)

RomanGoddess 05-11-2007 07:30 AM

Like the McCanns did?

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/e...re/6623127.stm

This is such a distressing and heartbreaking story and it is also so frightening. We have not left our DD alone in hotel room to sleep, not so much because of fear of kidnapping or even fire but more because I would not want her to wake up in a strange place alone and have no one respond when she called out or cried.

BUT we have left her with a babysitter hired by the hotel, and I am thinking that statistically, she was probably in greater danger being left with a babysitter that we did not know...Should we have left her alone, then?

I bear no judgment on the parents. I am sure that we put our children in greater danger when we take them out in the car on the highway (even with the child in a carseat). But these situations sure are difficult ones when we are in them and the story sure scares the bejeebers out of me.

*LoveBugMama* 05-11-2007 07:44 AM

No, I wouldn`t leave my child alone in the hotel. Personally I wouldn`t leave him with a babysitter from the hotel, either.

But I would never, ever blame these poor, poor parents for anything of this! Never. I so, so feel for them. This story makes me cry everyday. I check newspapers online a gazzillion times a day to see if anything new has happened in this case. This case makes me want to throw up. She is just a baby!!!

I can`t stop thinking about what this tiny, little girl maybe is going through. I hope, hope, hope she is safe and that she isn`t abused in the way the police thinks she might be.

ThreeBeans 05-11-2007 09:47 AM

I feel for them, but I think they did something incredibly stupid and selfish. That poor baby

MommytoTwo 05-11-2007 10:00 AM

Um no never ever, just like I wouldnt leave my child home alone either. I am sorry for the family but they made a really bad choice.

marybethorama 05-11-2007 10:17 AM

No, I wouldn't.

KayasMama04 05-11-2007 10:18 AM

I don't think we would leave dd with a hotel babysitter we almost did at disney paris but just took her with us. I have left her sleeping to go to my moms room which was just across and you could here everything the walls were super thin at this hotel in amsterdam.

stellimamo 05-11-2007 10:21 AM

I would never leave my chiildren at home alone at that age and just check in on them every hour.

Igraine 05-11-2007 10:26 AM

Bad choice...I would never leave my children of that age alone.

What were they thinking! Maybe I would pay to bring my babysitter on vacation with us if my dh and I felt that strongly that we had to have time alone (have not felt that strongly about it to this point). At least I know the person is trustworthy and my kids would already be comfortable with her.

My heart certainly goes out to this family. I certainly do not need to add to any of the blame I am sure they currently feel. I will keep Madeleine in my prayers. Poor baby.

SoulJourney 05-11-2007 10:29 AM

I am very sorry for what has happened to this little girl but I, too, feel this family made some very poor, very selfish decisions. I would NEVER leave my DC alone like that. PERIOD.

GuildJenn 05-11-2007 10:30 AM

We stayed at an inn with my then-18 mo in March. The dining room was down a corridor and around the corner from our room and we could see our room from the dining room window, across a garden. The monitor reached, just barely.

After a couple of toddler-ful dinners it was very very tempting to leave him there as it would barely take more time to get there than it would from the basement to his room in our house. And the idea of a calm meal was hugely appealing.

In the end we decided not to, but I really really understand this couple's choice. I really hope for a safe outcome.

Yooper 05-11-2007 10:41 AM

Absolutely not.

We often get suites and order up room service after dd is asleep in the bedroom. Add a nice bottle of wine, some candles, and a little music and it is a date.

newmommy 05-11-2007 01:08 PM

No, I wouldn't. And I wouldn't leave DS with a Babysitter hired-by-the-hotel either.

When we travel, the family stays together at all times.

riverscout 05-11-2007 01:39 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Yooper View Post
We often get suites and order up room service after dd is asleep in the bedroom. Add a nice bottle of wine, some candles, and a little music and it is a date.
This is exactly what my husband and I are planning to do when we travel this summer with my daughter. We aren't comfortable with leaving her with a hotel babysitter, and we would never even consider leaving her in a hotel room alone.

Honestly though, I feel bad for the parents in this case. They made a foolish mistake, and I am sure I have made some of those before. But, I don't think they were selfish per se, but probably just naive. I think they just thought it was a beautiful, peaceful, lovely place and that nothing like that could ever happen there. I think it's really easy to slip into that way of thinking when you are at one of those sort of unreal vacations spots where things appear so differently than the real world. Everything seems so perfect.

I hope and pray that Madeleine is found alive. I keep thinking about her and what she might be going through.

sunnmama 05-11-2007 01:46 PM

No way. I wouldn't use hotel-hired childcare, either. But since they have it, it must not be that out of the norm to use it.....just not something for my family.

I hope that beautiful little girl is found safe :cry:

polyhymnia 05-11-2007 01:49 PM

I really think that in this case it is not a "hotel room" such as Americans usually think of. From what I have read, it seems it was a holiday apartment/suite, which could be SEEN from the outdoor restaurant where they were eating. They were not any further from the sleeping children than parents might be in a larger home, and parents frequently leave children sleeping alone in a bedroom while they putter about in the rest of the house. I can only imagine what this family is going through and how terrifying it must be for them. I truly hope nobody is blaming them - I am sure they are doing enough of that themselves :-/

chel 05-11-2007 02:03 PM

My dd was never that great of an alone sleeper so it wasn't something I ever considered. (dd was a great sleeper as long a someone was besides her!)

Maybe if the room was locked AND dd was in a crib she couldn't get out of AND she was too young to stand up AND I had a monitor AND the door was in sight and close enough that I could hear the child cry and hear the door open AND someone physically checked on her atleast hourly.

I've always lived in tiny apartments so I'm not use to being far away from dd when she takes a nap (dd co-sleeps at night)

USAmma 05-11-2007 02:07 PM

No I would not. It seems that if they were travelling with that many adults then they could have taken turns with the other adults watching in watching the children. That is very sad. I hope they find her.

sunnmama 05-11-2007 06:56 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by crayolaab View Post
From what I have read, it seems it was a holiday apartment/suite, which could be SEEN from the outdoor restaurant where they were eating. They were not any further from the sleeping children than parents might be in a larger home, and parents frequently leave children sleeping alone in a bedroom while they putter about in the rest of the house. I can only imagine what this family is going through and how terrifying it must be for them. I truly hope nobody is blaming them - I am sure they are doing enough of that themselves :-/
I am not interested in blaming the parents either...what happened is horrible, but they didn't do anything horrible imo.....but the link said:

"Madeleine's parents - both doctors - had been having a meal in a tapas restaurant a few hundred yards from the apartment"

Even if that was 300 yards (a few), that is 3 football fields away. That is much farther than most of us normally leave our children, I would think. But maybe the distance estimate was wrong?

Ruthla 05-11-2007 07:00 PM

I would never leave a 3yo alone in a hotel room.

My 11yo and 12yo? Sure!

IMO, they're not old enough to be alone in a hotel room until they're old enough to be left home alone.

My heart goes out to this family, and I'd never consider pushing my American values onto people from other areas- it sounds like this was a British family?

towsonmama 05-11-2007 07:22 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ruthla View Post
My heart goes out to this family, and I'd never consider pushing my American values onto people from other areas- it sounds like this was a British family?
There's another thread about this little girl current events. This same point about American values was brought up there as well and many Brits were quick to jump in and claim no difference. They were pretty offended--understandably, imo.

I'd like to think that I wouldn't leave my children alone in a hotel room but I'd never say "never." If the situation were such that I felt it was safe, who knows??

Jwebbal 05-11-2007 07:48 PM

I couldn't leave my child alone in a hotel room, even five minutes. I have walked down the hall while he was sleeping and even that was awful enough. As for babysitters, I have used babysitting services twice while staying at a hotel, both were wonderful, fully qualified, had long service with the company, and put me at ease when I met them. The first time my son was asleep and we were a block away, the second time he was awake but fell asleep after she told stories. Both were older, grandmother types, and had mothered a few children of their own, and were very sweet and gentle. I had full confidence in them and he was well taken care of, of course we paid through the nose for their services, but I was okay with that, we are very picky, asked lots of questions, they were screened, and only took people we were totally comfortable with. I don't see anything wrong with that, and I think saying that a child is in more danger with a sitter (mind you a well qualified sitter) than being left alone in a hotel room, is pretty misguided. I would say the opposite is true.

GranoLLLy-girl 05-11-2007 09:43 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Igraine View Post
Bad choice...I would never leave my children of that age alone.

What were they thinking! Maybe I would pay to bring my babysitter on vacation with us if my dh and I felt that strongly that we had to have time alone (have not felt that strongly about it to this point). At least I know the person is trustworthy and my kids would already be comfortable with her.

My heart certainly goes out to this family. I certainly do not need to add to any of the blame I am sure they currently feel. I will keep Madeleine in my prayers. Poor baby.
You asked what were they thinking--and I am wondering (not to single out this post, or anything like that) if perhaps this is a cultural thing? I know that in some countries it is perfectly normal to leave your baby totally out in the open (meaning outdoors, not out naked or anything like that) in a stroller asleep OUTSIDE a department store while mum goes in to shop.
Perhaps this is something that would be considered 'normal'? In the US--forget it, kids (even at age 13) can get abducted from small towns as they hop off of a school bus (in reference to the two boys who were recently rescued from an abductor).
Regardless it's heartbreaking.

ThreeBeans 05-11-2007 10:33 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GranoLLLy-girl View Post
You asked what were they thinking--and I am wondering (not to single out this post, or anything like that) if perhaps this is a cultural thing? I know that in some countries it is perfectly normal to leave your baby totally out in the open (meaning outdoors, not out naked or anything like that) in a stroller asleep OUTSIDE a department store while mum goes in to shop.
Perhaps this is something that would be considered 'normal'? In the US--forget it, kids (even at age 13) can get abducted from small towns as they hop off of a school bus (in reference to the two boys who were recently rescued from an abductor).
Regardless it's heartbreaking.
I think it's been established that this is not an accepted cultural practice. Even if it were, it doesn't make it smart.

It's accepted cultural practice to circumcise in the US. Still inexcusable.

DoctorGirlfriend 05-11-2007 11:45 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by CrunchyTamara View Post
But I would never, ever blame these poor, poor parents for anything of this! Never. I so, so feel for them.
Um, why? Why wouldn't you blame someone for making a bad decision?

It's an awful thing, of course, and they must be going through hell. But I blame them.

MacKinnon 05-11-2007 11:53 PM

I left my DD alone in our hotel room that adjoined to my mom's with the door propped open between them. But to leave the room and go somewhere else? I don't think I would be comfortable with that. I have a family friend who for their DC's whole life has been leaving him and taking the baby monitor to go across the street and have a drink/dinner with their close friends/neighbors. It always bothered me... What if the batteries died or something? Don't like it.

caspian's mama 05-12-2007 12:36 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by GuildJenn View Post
We stayed at an inn with my then-18 mo in March. The dining room was down a corridor and around the corner from our room and we could see our room from the dining room window, across a garden. The monitor reached, just barely. After a couple of toddler-ful dinners it was very very tempting to leave him there as it would barely take more time to get there than it would from the basement to his room in our house.
i think i could deal with this, but only with the monitor. when we stayed at my mom's house, i used to get freaked if the monitor crapped out while i was right down by the fire, although his window was open and he was used to the house layout and everything. the hotel suite is also a fabulous idea. (not as expensive as it sounds either... if we can afford it. )

ferretfan 05-12-2007 01:14 AM

it's most definitely not a cultural thing. i was born and raised in the UK (left 4years ago) and would never dream of doing such a thing. my mum has been keeping me informed of the news coverage over there. it's an awful, awful thing to have happened to that innocent child, but i can blame noone but the parents. it wasnt the first time she was left alone in the room with her twin sibs either : makes me sick just thinking about it

Ravin 05-12-2007 01:33 AM

I would be okay with anything in range of the monitor with a baby monitor, and with a qualified babysitter employed or contracted by the hotel (licensed, with a background check on file and lots of experience). Even the checking-every-half-hour with the door to the room in sight from my seat in the restaurant, possibly. But down the street, out of sight AND hearing AND unsupervised? No way.

zeldabee 05-12-2007 01:45 AM

I haven't read all the replies, but I kept thinking about this every time I see something in the news about this story. I keep thinking, but, but they left their kids alone? And the the BBC just mentions that fact in passing, and it seems odd to me.

What an awful story.

lalaland42 05-12-2007 02:14 AM

Quote:
Originally Posted by ferretfan View Post
it's most definitely not a cultural thing. i was born and raised in the UK (left 4years ago) and would never dream of doing such a thing. my mum has been keeping me informed of the news coverage over there. it's an awful, awful thing to have happened to that innocent child, but i can blame noone but the parents. it wasnt the first time she was left alone in the room with her twin sibs either : makes me sick just thinking about it
Really? I blame the person who took the little girl.

I met a French woman in Thailand who had a DD about that age. She would leave her asleep in the hotel room and go down to the bar/restaurant for a bite. -They didn't have room service. It was pre-my-DD so I asked nicely about if her DD woke up and she said it was completely normal and not a big deal. I would not be comfortable with it though.

I am heartsick for the parents and the little girl, I hope they find her alive and well - soon!


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