Do I need to worry more? - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
Reply
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
Kivgaen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 407
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Sorry this is a long story... but I am really upset by what this woman said to me today and I need to tell the whole story so you can get a clear picture.

I am totally the opposite of the mom who worries... I never worry about anything. Sometimes I think that I should react to stuff that happens but for whatever reason I just don't. I don't really understand why and I'm starting to think maybe there's something wrong with me.

We were out at the park today -- not really a park, but a wide open field. DS and DH were fireing off a rocket tonight and we needed a wide open space so it wouldn't drift onto someone's house.

Anyway, as DS and DH were walking off into the distance, 11.5 month old DD and I stayed back on the path. She was walking up and down the paved path (it was paved but a little rough for ware -- no pot holes or anything, not that bad, but a little difficult for walking at times). Anyway, DD was having a blast walking up and down the path picking up the rocks along the way (she's been walking since 9.5 months) She fell once, whimpered a timid cry to which I didn't respond to, and then picked herself back up and went on her way, quickly smiling again.

As we were playing in the path a dog-walking old lady walked by and said to me "aren't you worried that she'll fall?" I didn't say anything but thought about it for a minute. I probably shrugged my shoulders or shook my head. She said "You're not worried she'll fall and scrape her knees?" -- again, I didn't respond verbally and she said "good mother", dripping with sarcasm, and walked on her way.

What should I have done?
Kivgaen is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:10 AM
 
lilgsmommy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Posts: 2,905
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I get that alot, and always respond with "kids will be kids"
lilgsmommy is offline  
#3 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:11 AM
 
janerose's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Location: my little house in the woods
Posts: 1,896
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Ignore her. You know your kids & their abilities way better than any random woman you come across in the park.

Holly
janerose is offline  
#4 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:14 AM
 
Lynski's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Littleton, CO
Posts: 994
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Are skinned knees fatal? You sound like a healthy, loving parent. You dont' have to hover constantly to be a good mom. But being judgemental and rude to strangers doesn't make you a good mother either. It just makes you a nasty person. Ignore her.
Lynski is offline  
#5 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:19 AM
 
Tilia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Iowa
Posts: 2,654
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
Kids fall down! Some parents are helicopters, some aren't.

treehugger.gifearth.gifribbonwhite.gif Anne (31), single WOHM to Karen (5)ribbonyellow.gifshamrocksmile.giffambedsingle1.gifjoy.gif
Tilia is offline  
#6 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:19 AM - Thread Starter
 
Kivgaen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 407
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lynski View Post
Are skinned knees fatal? You sound like a healthy, loving parent. You dont' have to hover constantly to be a good mom. But being judgemental and rude to strangers doesn't make you a good mother either. It just makes you a nasty person. Ignore her.
I was just completely taken aback by what she said that I didn't have a clue how to respond. The way she said it was so forceful and abrupt that it really had me question my own judgements...
Kivgaen is offline  
#7 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:19 AM
 
nova22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Filibustering Vigilantly
Posts: 4,906
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I'm not a big worrier either and it bothers me when people think that makes me negligent. I'm not going to go into a full frenzy if one of my kids gets a scratch or a bruise, ya know? Panicking over teeny injuries will just make the kids anxious, too. I don't think you did anything wrong. I'd either shrug it off or take the advice of a PP and say "kids will be kids."

DH & Me + DS(7)  DD(6)  DD(4)  DS(3)  DD(1)  
 
Baby #6: 20****25****30****35**heartbeat.gif** - EDD December 17, 2010
nova22 is offline  
#8 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:42 AM
 
mamalisa's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2002
Location: Germantown WI
Posts: 8,312
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
"She's tough" "She'll heal" "Skinned knees never killed anyone" "How will she learn to get back up if I don't let her fall?"

Right now my 21 month old has huge bandages on both her knees and a mighty ugly scabbed up elbow. She got them from climbing rocks and trying to follow her big brother walking on a curb. Oh, I forgot the skid marks on her forehead. Literally skid marks. I won't break her adventerous spirit by stopping her from trying things that she might get hurt doing. Killed yes, I stop those, hurt, not very often. I may tell her to slow down or tell her to watch her feet or something like that. But I don't stop her.
mamalisa is offline  
#9 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:55 AM
 
liberal_chick's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Location: California
Posts: 1,789
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You sound a lot like me. How is he supposed to learn about things if he never experiences them? How is he supposed to learn how to better his footing if I only allow him to walk on smooth, even surfaces? I don't stop my ds from being an adventurer and explorer and I love that about me, if I do say so myself. :

Wife to an amazing man love.gif, mommy to 3 wild dudes: ds1 (5/23/05 @ 30 weeks), ds2 (3/5/09) hbac.gif, and ds3 (9/26/10) hbac.gif. Part time librarianread.gif, full time mommysupermod.gif, occasional chef and maid.

liberal_chick is offline  
#10 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 01:32 AM
Banned
 
2Sweeties1Angel's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: Missouri
Posts: 3,042
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Is it just me or do old ladies seem to be afraid of everything?
2Sweeties1Angel is offline  
#11 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 01:53 AM
 
Ravin's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: Atenveldt
Posts: 5,848
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
What everyone else said. The only reply I'd have given to the woman was "No."

breastfeeding, babywearing, homeschooling Heathen parent to my little Wanderer, 7 1/2 , and baby Elf-stone, 3/11!

Ravin is offline  
#12 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 01:57 AM
 
kaliki_kila's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: East Bay, California
Posts: 732
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You're a great mommy A lot of parents really limit their children and restrict their range of motion for fear of them getting a skinned knee, but they need that room to wander and explore and take the occasional tumble. It's great that you were giving your daughter some space to walk at her leisure and you didn't rush in and overeact when she took a little fall.

That lady makes me so angry. : I can just picture how mean she must have sounded and how you felt afterward. Don't let it get to you.
kaliki_kila is offline  
#13 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 02:11 AM
 
Peony's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Posts: 15,918
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 7 Post(s)
I'm a lot like you, I rarely ever worry, really the only times I have worried have been when things were really wrong with my DD's, and I knew it. DH still tells me that even when DD2 was really sick and in and out of hospitals for months that I still had an aura of calm around me. I don't bat an eye at little things, DH can get annoyed at me because I don;t come running when DD1 gets hurt, it's just not a big deal to me. Anyway, I think you are just fine, that woman needed to have minded her own business.

There is no way to happiness, happiness is the way.
Peony is offline  
#14 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 02:26 AM
 
fuller2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Posts: 774
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've noticed that people around me will run to the aid of my child before I will! My 4-year-old was offered a ride on a kid's training-wheel bike the other day, and he climbed right on even though he'd never really done it before. I just stood there watching him negotiate the seat etc. and suddenly the other mom ran over to help him.

Same thing happens with Grandma--I'll be standing there watching my kid climb something and she will run over and try to hold his waist or whatever so he won't fall.

I don't think there's anything wrong with letting kids figure stuff out by themselves--it's good, in fact. A few bumps and bruises are just not a big deal. I think you sound like a great Mommy!
fuller2 is offline  
#15 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 02:26 AM
 
trmpetplaya's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 3,757
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You don't need to worry more. I have found that other people (older people generally - not just older ladies...) worry more about my dd because they don't know her abilities. I know that she's been walking since she was 9 months old and climbing since she was 7 months old. I know that she can walk to the edge of a walkway and not fall off. I know that she can put a pebble in her mouth and that she'll spit it out pretty soon afterwards and that she's never once choked on anything. If it's too big and not chewable she doesn't keep it in her mouth long at all.

Other people don't know those things. My dd is not yet 19 months old and she goes down the slide at the park that has a sign on it which reads "designed for children from the ages of 5-12" and she has a blast! I wait at the bottom of the slide and she goes up and down and up and down for hours on end. It's wonderful! I worry a little about what on earth she'll find to do at a playground when she gets older, but I'm sure she'll figure something out. Some of the parents at the park get a bit nervous, but once I tell them that she goes down that slide all the time and is totally fine, they relax

You know your child best and you'll know if you need to worry because you'll feel uncomfortable in that situation - whatever that situation is for your individual child. I think that children do best when parents don't hover, personally. Have you read the Continuum Concept? I don't agree with everything in that book, but a lot of it makes sense to me and dd has certainly done well with the philosophies I got from it.

love and peace.

mama to two girls and due in November!
: Circumcision can never be undone :
trmpetplaya is offline  
#16 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 02:34 AM
 
BelgianSheepDog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: unemployed in Greenland
Posts: 6,878
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
No you are fine. The stranger IMHO was rude and nosey. It depresses me to see overcautious parents whenever we go someplace kid-oriented. Moms literally following their kids around the playground saying "be careful" and "don't run." Argh.
BelgianSheepDog is offline  
#17 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 02:40 AM
 
A Boy's Mama's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Posts: 231
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Lord, I am such a helicoptor mom and I struggle with it all the time. My anxieties should not dictate how I parent! Anyways, I look to parents like YOU to remind me that skinned knees and whatnot are fine and good and healthy so please, keep doing what you're doing!
A Boy's Mama is offline  
#18 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 11:00 AM
 
Qestia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2005
Location: Boston
Posts: 1,980
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Oh no!!! Skinned knees! Sheesh, if she'd seen DS she probably would have called CPS, his legs are a mass of bruises and scraps, he runs, he trips, he falls, he gets up and keeps playing, what's the big deal? I feel if you haven't gotten dirty you haven't had fun.

Mom to DS 5/05 and DD 9/08
Qestia is offline  
#19 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:33 PM
 
mbhf's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Posts: 1,737
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
i don't worry much either, though i have to say before i had an early walker (my second walked at 9 months too) seeing a baby that young walking around in public would have made me nervous. while your baby has been walking for two months, most 11 month olds haven't had much (if any) practice.
mbhf is offline  
#20 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:47 PM
 
Llyra's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2005
Location: right here
Posts: 9,388
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Another non-worrier here, big time. And yeah, it drives me nuts when people, especially total strangers, think I'm all sorts of negligent just because I don't wrap my kids in bubble wrap and keep them in my pocket... : My DD1 right now has band-aids on her knees from trying to jump off my front stoop, and band-aids on her foot from trying to ride her new tricycle barefooted (she let her foot drag on the pavement.) And DD2 has a red bump on her head from rolling over on the hardwood floor. Lots of casualties this morning, but lots of learning too. DS hasn't had an injury yet, but then again he's been napping all morning; give him time!

Don't let it get to you. A good mother gives her child lots of chances and opportunities to learn and grow and develop abilities and encourages sturdy independence when the child is ready for it. You're doing that!

me knit.gif, he bikenew.gif, my three reading.gif, sleepytime.gif, and fairy.gif-- and the one we lost angel2.gif
Llyra is offline  
#21 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 12:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
Kivgaen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 407
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Thanks for all the positive re-inforcements. I needed that, it makes me feel much better now!
Kivgaen is offline  
#22 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 01:44 PM
 
chaoticzenmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 4,666
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelgianSheepDog View Post
No you are fine. The stranger IMHO was rude and nosey. It depresses me to see overcautious parents whenever we go someplace kid-oriented. Moms literally following their kids around the playground saying "be careful" and "don't run." Argh.
Overcautious parents bug me too. I hate it when I'm happily watching my child figure something out for themselves and some UAViolation comes and does it for them and then looks around like "why isn't anyone watching this kid" They are usually surprised when I'm standing right there and tell them "He'll ask for help when he needs it" Sometimes I can catch them when they start to have that "poor kid needs help" look in their eyes and I say "I'm right here, he's fine."

Funny, I used to be that helicopter mom with my first.

Lisa (mom to 3 wonderful children)

Our children make a study of us in a way no one else ever will.  If we don't act according to our values, they will know.~Starhawk Rainbow.gif  New  User Agreement! http://www.mothering.com/community/wiki/user-agreement

chaoticzenmom is offline  
#23 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 02:35 PM
 
nextcommercial's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 4,449
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You should have told her you left her bubble wrap at home.
nextcommercial is offline  
#24 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 02:51 PM
 
pigpokey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: Decatur, GA
Posts: 3,067
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You should have said, "Have you been tested for osteoporosis? Do you know your bone density? Has your dog been to obedience training? Aren't you afraid you'll fall?"
pigpokey is offline  
#25 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 03:03 PM
 
BelgianSheepDog's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: unemployed in Greenland
Posts: 6,878
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Heh, I admit I thought of a snarky response to the strange lady too. "Well dear, I know that 'good mothering' consisted of overbearing smothering in your day, but my generation is trying to move beyond that."
BelgianSheepDog is offline  
#26 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 03:20 PM
 
Jessy1019's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Flemington, NJ
Posts: 3,222
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
The way you started that post, I thought you were going to say that your DD was playing on the roof of your three story house and you weren't worried!

Minor bumps and bruises? No big deal. I don't worry about much either, and I think individual parents are more apt to know their kids' abilities than random strangers.

Proud Anti-Adoption, Atheist, Reproductive-Freedom Fighter Mama
Rylie is 7, Ronin is 3.5
Jessy1019 is offline  
#27 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 03:30 PM
 
Annabel_the_Sheep's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 306
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think the old lady should mind her own business. Having said that I hardly ever let Ds run wild on a pavement until he was comfortable walking. I let him learn how not to fall in the grass instead. If I can avoid my child being hurt - why wouldn't I? Scabbed knees hurt badly, I remember that myself. It's one thing to let a 7 year old run and scrape his knees - its another with 11 month old baby. Not to say that this is what the OP was doing, but more as a response to the previous replies.
Annabel_the_Sheep is offline  
#28 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 03:51 PM
 
becoming's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 11,592
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Be glad you're not a worrywart! It's not fun.
becoming is offline  
#29 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 04:02 PM
 
ChristyMarie's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Illinois
Posts: 2,210
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Good grief! That woman had some nerve.

One of my best comments/compliments yet? My son is a professional faller. The kid knows how to fall and is constantly exploring and testing boudaries. This morning he learned how to do a dive off the couch, head first. He's 10 months old.

Let her explore - she was WALKING - not skydiving for goodness sake!
ChristyMarie is offline  
#30 of 57 Old 05-31-2007, 05:16 PM
 
Demeter9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 3,999
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I say something like, "yep, gravity. It is a real downer sometimes."

No, I don't worry about such things. However, when my children actually need me I am there in a heartbeat. My DH can be closer, and faster and I'll still beat him to the kids.

My DC loves dealing with us because of this. Other children feel very comfortable with the truth around me, because they know after dealing with me once that I know that accidents happen. It isn't anyone's fault. It isn't fatal. Scrapes heal. Being protected from life doesn't.
Demeter9 is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off