Could you say to her that the cuddles are lovely, but she needs to walk for the exercise, or to sleep at night?
It is a big deal if it's getting in the way of your daughter being the big sister you need her to be when mil isn't around, imho.
*I'm a little sensitive as my own mother strongly favors my first and my second is well aware of it (she kept saying she'd stop when he was old enough to notice, but he's almost 7 now and she clearly doesn't like him and doesn't care).
I agree that the treatment of dd2 would actually concern me more!
Try to tide it out.
I'm an unintentional weasel feeder and I suck at proofreading.
|Well, this is a self-limiting scenario -- unless your MIL is a bodybuilder, there will very soon come a day when your dd is simply too heavy for MIL to be hauling her around like that anymore.|
Mom to dd (8), ds (6), and dd (1)
I think it's really sad that you're upset about someone paying attention to your child. JMO...
I too would wonder if the MIL intends it to be a passive-aggressive jab at the OP -- an attempt to make a statement that the OP is neglecting DD1.
I too would wonder if MIL is trying to build a closer relationship with DD1 just so that she could be DD1's favorite person instead of DD1 being closest to her mother.
The carrying thing in and of itself I think is great if they both like it. Your DD bonding with her grandma is very wonderful and important as long as it is a healthy relationship no matter how you feel about her. My MIL drives me nutty, but she means well and I am very happy that she loves and spoils my children so much.
Is she actually favoring your DD over the baby? Or do you think she just wants to make sure she doesn't feel left out. My mom and MIL pay much more attention to my older girls because my 10 month old just isn't into anyone but mommy and daddy. If she is actually favoring your DD I would have that issue addressed by your DH. But if that isn't the case and everyone is happy I would let it be.
Editing to add.....If I were in your situation with MIL overstepping her bounds I would absolutely be very sensitive to anything she did. This is not a good situation for you or your family.
I think you should be grateful that your MIL is being so tender with DD1.
So, yes, I think you're making it a big deal.
I don't really have a solution though -- other than moving far, far away. Which may or may not be a good option for your family.
My concerns have NOTHING to do with the carrying -- and EVERYTHING to do with her favoritism and her putdowns toward you and your dh.
Maybe your dh could talk with her about the favoritism and the putdowns?
i am sure you have tried this but perhaps offer to let her hold the baby or give her some way to lavish love on him. this will give your dd a break and also even the playing field a little.
regardless of her reasons and how annoying it is try to focus on what a greta relationship your children will have with their grandma. even if her motives are bad try to make it a good thing. it could be a lot worse (and may be ) but carrying your dd around so long as she likes it and it isn't causing behavior problems when grasndma isn't around ("grandma would carry me. she must love me more" and that kind of crap) i wouldn't worry too much about it or what her motivations are. save your strength. your gonna need it for the bigger issues that will arise in the future.
The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it. We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.
i wouldn't let this bother me. let me rephrase that. i wouldn't make a big deal about it or confront her anything even though it would bothe rme. not so much that she was lavishing affection on my 4 year old but that she thought she had to to make up for my inadequacies. and that she was favoring one child over the other.
I think the advice to try and pass her the baby and focus on the positive aspects of her relationship with the kids is good.
You know she's doing this primarily to get on your nerves, it sounds like. Sooo, were I you, I would very sweetly ignore that aspect of it. If you allow her to upset you, she's won her goal.
It'll probably piss her off if you grin and wink at her when she does it. That's what I would do, but no one ever accused me of being the nicest person on the planet.