Big Boy/Big Girl - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 17 Old 06-26-2003, 09:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
Solange's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: In a quiet little village
Posts: 1,512
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Do you use this words with your ds/dd?
Like "big boy bed" or big girl pants" or do you just call things like they are ..."your bed"or " your panties?"
I do use "big boy" terms with ds on some things but am rethinking why I do......

What do you think?:

Free To Be~
Traci
"Living is learning and when kids are living fully and energetically and happily they are learning a lot, even if we don't always know what it is."
~John Holt 

Solange is offline  
Sponsored Links
Advertisement
 
#2 of 17 Old 06-26-2003, 10:33 PM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 31,187
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I don't use big boy/big girl, I just don't think that those terms are good for children. IMO, they aren't accepting of whatever stage the child is in now, and they imply expectations.
Arduinna is offline  
#3 of 17 Old 06-27-2003, 03:43 AM
 
ChildoftheMoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: taking a break
Posts: 2,460
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Now this is why I love this site, I am always learning something new and gaining new insights. What a good thread. What you said Arduinna really struck me. Thank you.

reading.gif

mom to dd-99, dd-01, dd-born still@40w 7/04, ds-05, dd-08, dd-10, dd-13

love and light

ChildoftheMoon is offline  
#4 of 17 Old 06-27-2003, 03:58 AM
 
sillypants's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Portland, Or
Posts: 63
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We have never used the big girl/ big boy words.
sillypants is offline  
#5 of 17 Old 06-27-2003, 04:06 AM
 
Justice2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: Making tea
Posts: 2,643
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We never use Big boy/big girl as an expectation, but I have begun to call my 4 month old "the big tuff baby" Sorry, T
Justice2 is offline  
#6 of 17 Old 06-27-2003, 10:55 AM
 
Nankay's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 852
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have found kids in general want to be "big". So calling one a 'big girl" or "big boy" is a compliment.
Nankay is offline  
#7 of 17 Old 06-27-2003, 11:18 AM
 
Peppermint's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: work-in-progress
Posts: 5,288
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
nankay, I agree, my dd loves being a "big girl" and I don't think the name causes any problems unless you use it to shame, like if they wet themselves saying "big girls don't wet themselves" that would be wrong. But when my dd can lift something heavy or climb something new, she's a "big girl".

I am preg. with #3 and ds (20 months) is still very "baby" I ask him, who is the baby? and he says, "me" then I say is there another baby? and he points to my tummy. I ask if he's going to be a big boy and he says, "no baby!", so that's fine, he won't be rushed to be "big boy", if he wants to be "baby" that's ok, just as dd being "big girl" is ok too.

It's all about knowing your own child, IMO.

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
Peppermint is offline  
#8 of 17 Old 06-27-2003, 11:56 AM
 
Arduinna's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2002
Posts: 31,187
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
How can a child inherantly "want" to be big? No child is born even knowing what big boy and big girl mean. It is something that parents or society teaches them. My problem with the term big is not just when they are used in a shaming way (obviously shaming is wrong). I wonder if anyone here has read "Punished by Rewards"? I haven't myself, but I do feel it represents what I am talking about. So the child thinks being big is good, and they like the title or label (we have a couple threads regarding labels). How do they feel if they decide they no longer want to do the thing that makes them "big"?
Arduinna is offline  
#9 of 17 Old 06-27-2003, 04:41 PM
 
dentente's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: In flagranté delicto, baby...
Posts: 1,243
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's funny. Every time I have used the "Big Girl" thing my 27 month old dd says "Mama, I AM a Big Girl". And I usually have to agree with her.

dentente is offline  
#10 of 17 Old 06-27-2003, 05:15 PM
 
~Megan~'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Oregon
Posts: 15,114
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
We do and have for a long time. But we use it as an exclaimation. Like when was first standing on her own we'd say "Big girl!" She is so proud of herself when we say it too.
I try not to over analyze everything I do. I'd drive myself nuts with that.

Mom of a 7 yr old, 4 yr old, and 1 yr old. Wow. How did that happen?
~Megan~ is offline  
#11 of 17 Old 06-27-2003, 05:40 PM
 
LunaMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: orbiting the earth
Posts: 2,380
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by Arduinna
How can a child inherantly "want" to be big?
My dd says she wants to be big all the time, because she sees bigger kids doing things she can't do yet - riding skateboards, going on the big yellow school bus, etc. When she says these things, i remind her of all the wonderful things she can do right now, and talk about how exciting it is that she keeps learning new things and that there is so much to look forward to.

When the term "big girl" is used, it is usually used by my daughter herself, i.e. "I buttoned my dress all by myself, just like big girls do!" When I want to praise her for her maturity, I try to find other words, though, because I do sometimes worry that hearing "big girl" as praise will make her wonder, "What if I don't wait patiently next time, does that mean I'm not a big girl anymore?"

I do think it's terrible when the term is used in a shaming way - "Stop whining and act like a big girl," because it sends a clear message that the child herself is the problem rather than the behavior.
LunaMom is offline  
#12 of 17 Old 06-28-2003, 12:54 AM
 
famousmockngbrd's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Location: home
Posts: 6,671
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by Arduinna
How do they feel if they decide they no longer want to do the thing that makes them "big"?
I sometimes hang out with some friends who have a 2.5 yr. old son. (My son Cole is 8 mos.) Cole gets a lot of attention because he's a cute little baby, etc. but we try to pay attention to Sam as well. Sam isn't as outgoing as Cole - Cole is a ham - so I think sometimes he feels like he needs to compete. Sometimes he does that by being the "big boy", and sometimes he does that by regressing and being a "baby". He's at an inbetween age where he wants to grow up but he's reluctant to let go of babyhood. But I do think kids want to be big - they think that the bigger they get, the more freedom they have. Most kids want that freedom - but of course it's scary too. So they cling to the comforting baby things. I think most kids take it as a compliment when you say they are "big _". (And mean it sincerely. If they are not being "big" they would probably prefer you not mention it at all, thank you very much. )
famousmockngbrd is offline  
#13 of 17 Old 06-28-2003, 04:05 AM
 
Melaniee's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2002
Location: California
Posts: 3,705
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally posted by amarasmom
We do and have for a long time. But we use it as an exclaimation. Like when was first standing on her own we'd say "Big girl!" She is so proud of herself when we say it too.
I try not to over analyze everything I do. I'd drive myself nuts with that.
We use it in the same way. I wouldn't want to do it in a way like "Act like a big boy!" or "Don't you want to be a big boy and...."

I say it a lot b/c I am continuously amazed at all the new things Ds is doing developmentally. It's usually along the lines of "Oh, you are such a big boy!"
Melaniee is offline  
#14 of 17 Old 07-02-2003, 06:31 PM
 
nuggetsmom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Riding around on my xtracycle
Posts: 1,064
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think my DD always wants to be like her friend Emma who is older. So she asks to do things like Emma (ride a bike, use the potty, not weara diaper). I think she want to grow bigger but I rarely if ever use the words big girl iwth her or in refering to emma or anyone. I do tell her that she can do some things when she is bigger. I tell her she is getting bigger and that she is my special baby. I guess if I had two they would both be my special babies
nuggetsmom is offline  
#15 of 17 Old 07-02-2003, 06:42 PM
 
Jeffiner's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2003
Location: Toronto
Posts: 241
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
LOL - this reminds me of a recent experience:

I was at the playground with Petra, one of my babysitting charges - she's 3 years old. She wanted to play with another child's ball. I'm not sure how old the child was - he looked younger, he was a lot smaller than her. Anyway, she wanted his ball, and when he dropped it, she made a beeline for it. "No, Petra," I said, following her, "that's that little boy's ball. Why don't you ask him nicely if he will share it with you?"

A small voice below my knees piped up indignantly, "I not a little boy. I a big boy!"
Jeffiner is offline  
#16 of 17 Old 07-03-2003, 10:36 AM
 
sugarmoon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2003
Posts: 1,376
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
I try not to over analyze everything I do. I'd drive myself nuts with that.
sugarmoon is offline  
#17 of 17 Old 07-03-2003, 12:33 PM
 
lilyka's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Location: Sioux Falls, SD
Posts: 17,896
Mentioned: 1 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
little kids see big kids all the time and they want what they have. Heaven forbod I call my 3 YO baby. she gets this look of terror mixed with "i'm gonna open up a can on you" on her face and screams "I"M A BIIIIIIIIG GIRL!!!!!!!!!" where does her ocsession come from? she has a big sister. from the time she was was about 4 months she wanted to do the things Madeline did and be just like her. She kept up pretty well much to my dismay.

I think it is fine to encourage bog kid behavior. Not in a shaming way of course but "wow, what a big girl you are to sleep in your bed."

The truest answer to violence is love. The truest answer to death is life. The only prevention for violence is for the heart to have no violence within it.  We cannot prevent evil through any system devised by mankind. But we can grapple with evil and defeat it, but only with love—real love.

lilyka is offline  
Reply

User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off