my beautiful long haired...son? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 95 Old 06-29-2003, 02:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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for some reason or another we have never cut our sons hair. he is four now and his hair is straight and blonde. i often ask him if he likes long hair, or if he would prefer short hair like his daddy and he always says he likes his long hair and does not want it cut. i am constantly amazed by not only children thinking he is a girl but also adults. whats more is the way children and adults alike act incredulous when we politely correct them. they honestly have a hard time believing us! our son is solidly built and doesnt usually wear clothes that would be considered "girly" and of course to me
his personality is wonderfully balanced. i just get so so pissed when people think we are lying. why would we? i guess we know that long haired little boys are not the norm in this backwater town

Happiness despite misery is a great victory, I think...

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#2 of 95 Old 06-29-2003, 02:50 PM
 
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Natalie Merchant rocks!

I always let my ds wear his hear however he wants at age 3-4 he had a mullet. Trust me this was not my idea but, it was cute. Now at 7 he likes his hair super short because it keeps him cool and we don't have to fuss with it much.

I'm sorry people don't understand your ds hair. Let him choose and just let people's comments roll off your back. Seeing a little boy with long hair would not bother me.
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#3 of 95 Old 06-29-2003, 05:58 PM
 
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We have the same problem here! Our son is 16 months old and has always had a headful of sandy colored hair. Especially in recent weeks, we've been getting a lot of "Oh, your little girl is so pretty," or, "she's so cute!" I just brush it off with, "Yes, he's a handsome guy," or sometimes if I don't want to deal with it, "Thank you." Sometimes when I point out that my child is in fact, a boy, I get "He needs a haircut." So, I don't have any advice, but we can commiserate!@

rachel & mylo
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#4 of 95 Old 06-29-2003, 06:10 PM
 
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i know how you feel. joe is four too & his hair is straight, light brown, about to his shoulders. he does NOT want it cut, i have been trimming his bangs myself. many times i hear, she is so cute, i'm like, he's a BOY! he wears very boyish clothes, i don't get people! good for you for letting your son choose.
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#5 of 95 Old 06-29-2003, 07:45 PM
 
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Y'know, it is just really hard sometimes to tell what gender a child is.

We always got people thinking DD was a boy, even sometimes when she was wearing pink! I don't take it personally, I've never minded, and if people apologize I just say "oh don't be silly! it's hard to tell at this age!".

I have made the same mistake myself. I think it's great that you are letting your son wear his hair the way he wants. I think if you don't react negatively to others mistaking him for a girl, it shouldn't matter to him, either.

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#6 of 95 Old 06-29-2003, 08:06 PM
 
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I have a 2 year old boy with long, blond hair. His birth parents have asked that I don't cut it because they think it will curl (it hasn't). I will be able to adopt him and will get to make my own choice at some point. It's hard, though, because I love the long hair on him and he is (no bias involved.) GORGEOUS! He's just such a beautiful little person. Everyone ALWAYS thinks he's a girl.

The problem is that I have all boys and some people think that I have his hair long because I want a girl. If I want to adopt a girl next I will. I love my boys and, at this point, have no major interest in a girl. I just love the long hair. I've known other little boys with long hair and they just look gorgeous. As soon as he can choose it'll be up to him, but I've got awhile before that happens. I wish I knew what to do. When people say "she's beautiful" or whatever i sometimes nod or say, yes he is or whatever. I don't mind him being mistaken for a girl because I think so much subtle gender stereotyping goes on for little kids I don't mind if he gets girl messages as well as boy ones. I just wish people didn't think I was trying to make him something he's not
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#7 of 95 Old 06-29-2003, 09:11 PM
 
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My son Hayden (soon 5) decided at Christmas time not to have anymore haircuts. It's just past his neck in the back and down to his cheeks in the front. It's really no big deal for us, it looks good and it is *HIS* hair after all I too am amazed at people's reactions to him ~ people I hold near and dear feel compelled to make comment about his hair (for goodness sakes, it's HAIR people!!). Last week, a 6-7 year old boy came up to me at the park to tell me, "He thinks he's a boy" *DUUUH* "That's because he *IS* a boy!" "No he's not" ~ what do I gotta do, show off his penis?? You're gonna argue with his mommy?? Hayden got sick of dealing with it and played away from the kids for a while, til they *got over it* ~ luckily they did ~ now if they could convince some grownups...

~diana

~diana google me: hahamommy. Unschooling Supermama to Hayden :Super Cool Girlfriend to Scotty . Former wife to Mitch & former mama to Hannahbear
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#8 of 95 Old 06-30-2003, 12:07 AM
 
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People often comment on my beautiful long-haired son; the only thing is, I have a girl! People think she's a boy because of her clothes, and then they just assume we are some kind of freaks for not cutting "his" hair.:
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#9 of 95 Old 06-30-2003, 01:30 AM
 
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I never, ever, EVER assume gender of a child. My daughter had peachfuzz for hair until she was 2+ and no matter what ridiculous pink getup dress she'd be in people would STILL say " How old's your little boy?"

I always ask how old is your baby/ child?
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#10 of 95 Old 06-30-2003, 01:42 AM
 
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our youngest ds says he wants to keep his hair long
its down on his shoulders
and he has LONG eyelashes like his daddy so everyone thinks he is a girl
and oh boy the looks we get in this good ol boy town !
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#11 of 95 Old 06-30-2003, 01:55 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by sillypants
I never, ever, EVER assume gender of a child. My daughter had peachfuzz for hair until she was 2+ and no matter what ridiculous pink getup dress she'd be in people would STILL say " How old's your little boy?"
Hahaha sounds like me when I was little. I had (according to my parents and the pictures) pretty much no hair until almost 3. They were continually annoyed by people insisting I was a boy. My mother said she was always told to put those (IMO) stupid looking baby headbands on to "show" that I was a girl and she would always just ask why she should have to prove that I was a girl.

Gavin now has barely any hair as well. My SO (who had a ton of hair when he was born and is now loosing it at 33) always says the longer it takes to grow in, the longer he'll have it.

So far, the only comment we've gotten about his cute little head was some moron in the grocery store who asked him where all of his hair was. Yeah, moron, I cut it all off. :
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#12 of 95 Old 06-30-2003, 02:15 AM
 
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pass some of that beautifull long hair this way..lol My daughter is 2 & just barely has any hair

i had a rule in HS to only date guys with long hair..

Dh was long untill he cut it 2 years ago... it was time for change..

I bet all your boys are too cute
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#13 of 95 Old 06-30-2003, 11:29 AM
 
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We don't cut our boys' hair until their third birthday for religious reasons, and that has some folks all worked up. :

Though many folks in our religious path put barettes in their little boys' hair ... that we didn't do. But his hair grew so slowly that by the time we cut it (at a special party, where everyone cuts a little bit off and gives him blessings and tells stories ... and boy did he love it ...) it was really just at that annoying length where it's in his face, not long enough to be called "long."

Looking forward to DS#2's hair growing in curlier and longer, though ...
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#14 of 95 Old 06-30-2003, 02:16 PM
 
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One of my girls was a baldy until she was quite old too. My mom sent this get up for pictures for her. It was as pink and frilly and silly with ruffly tights and headband and the THE WORKS. We were standing in line at Wal-Mart and some dough-head asks why we have our "little guy dressed so silly." I told him "SHE is getting her picture taken, today." He replied, "Well he looks like a sissy boy dressed so silly. Why don't you buy him some overall's for goodness sake?" Honestly. "Ok. I will."
:
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#15 of 95 Old 06-30-2003, 11:17 PM
 
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I'm not going to cut my childrens' hair until they're old enough to want it cut, regardless of gender. I decided not to find out if it's a boy or a girl until birth to keep people from buying boy/girl baby clothes for me.

I cut my hair short in high school, and between that and my leather biker jacket I was always getting mistaken for a boy, but it didn't bother me too much. I enjoyed being "butch". It was a lot better than the perms and sunday dresses my mother forced on me when I was a little girl and would have preferred to just be a tomboy. I intend to let my kids be who they want to be, whether they're four or fourteen.

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#16 of 95 Old 07-01-2003, 01:02 AM
 
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I had buzz cuts until I was 10 years old. My sister, OTOH, started getting perms when she was 6.
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#17 of 95 Old 07-01-2003, 10:04 PM
 
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I could have written this post! DS is 2 1/2 and has a beautiful head of long blond hair. We keep the bangs trimmed just above his eyes, and I occasionally trim around the other parts if he allows it, but I decidedly keep it long because frankly, it works for him. He's adorable!

People who don't know him always mistake him for a girl (ok, last week he had me paint his toenails which didn't help). It does grate sometimes. In many ways, he's the stereotypical "boy" so it always cracks me up when we're hanging out around the construction site watching the backhoes dig, and playing the air drums and guitar (yes, he's bangs his head quite nicely thankyou) and people still come up to us and tell me what a cute little girl I have. HUH?

If and when DS wants his hair cut it will be up to him. Period. Admittedly, it pains me to think of him wanting to cut that beautiful hair short, nonetheless, I will support it.

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#18 of 95 Old 07-03-2003, 03:43 AM
 
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my son has extremely curly hair we have a near afro going on : we have had right from when he was a wee thing was a beautiful girl you have there and stuff like that. he's now 23 mths old and still got that head of hair, he hasn't had a haircut yet.
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#19 of 95 Old 07-03-2003, 11:42 AM
 
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Look, people are going to make gender assumptions. Its fine to go against those assumptions but don't get mad at people for doing this. As you point out, small kids do it. We are programmed to use visual cues to determine gender from an early age. A simple "Actually, he's a boy, he just loves his hair long" will probobly stop most comments.
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#20 of 95 Old 07-05-2003, 11:19 AM
 
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Here, too

At 2.5, ds has the most gorgeous (yes, no bias here, either ) golden curls. I've never cut it and won't until it becomes necessary (if tangles start to become unmanageable) or he makes the decision to cut it. It took forever for him to get hair - I'm in no hurry to get rid of it! He also has huge blue eyes and very long lashes, so people often assume he's a girl. It's unfathomable to me that anyone could make that mistake, but, I just remind myself that they don't know him as I do and that there's nothing insulting about such an assumption anyway (because being a girl is pretty darned cool).

He cracks me up sometimes, though, because he'll look in the mirror, brush his hair down over his forehead and yell, "I'm a GIRL!", then brush it back away from his face and yell, "I'm a BOY!" Don't know where he got that... funny kid
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#21 of 95 Old 07-05-2003, 12:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by ophelia_tigerlily
i am constantly amazed by not only children thinking he is a girl but also adults.
No offense, but why does this amaze you? Babies and small children don't usually "look" like any specific gender. So if your son has long hair, it shouldn't surprise you that people think he's a girl. In the U.S., it's not the social norm for boys to have long hair. So it's an understandable assumption on their part.
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#22 of 95 Old 07-05-2003, 04:32 PM
 
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I have to say that I don't really get why some of you are upset about this.

Most boys and men have short hair. Young children do not facial hair, breasts, low voices, or other distinctions that tell us what sex they are. A lot of children dress in a genderless sort of way (eg. one of my two daughters is wearing blue shorts and a red t-shirt right now). Why should people be expected to know that a child with long hair is a boy?

My daughters like looking at construction sites and one of them plays air guitar. Why should I look at someone doing this and assume they're a boy?

Of course, if you tell them your child is a boy, and they still insist or make comments, that is entirely obnoxious. I've been through this with my daughters when they were babies, and I know how annoying it is.

But please, if someone makes the wrong assumption in the beginning, don't get upset. Just gently correct it.

FWIW, I like long hair on boys. But I do occasionally assume a child is a girl and later find out it's a boy. And I have had the opposite on rare occasions, with little girls with very short hair and genderless clothes.
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#23 of 95 Old 07-06-2003, 07:59 AM
 
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My sons all have curly hair and are often mistaken for girls. (Dh is African-American). Paul didn't get his hair cut until he was 5 (his choice). Harry gets occasional trims but his is still longish.

The funny thing is we had a little boy with long hair visiting and my dh thought he was a girl!


Mary Beth of Paul(7), Harry(5), and Timmy (nearly 2)
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#24 of 95 Old 07-06-2003, 08:16 AM
 
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It IS annoying, I agree. My dd had no hair till she was two, and people were so insistent on their prejudices that sometimes they'd comment how interesting it was that even little boys would wear pink flowered dresses :

Let him be, let him love his hair, love his hair... people that can't accept a child as he is don't deserve wasting energy on.



(ps Piglet check my 3-day old or so "prettiest mama" thread in tao ~ starring you )
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#25 of 95 Old 07-14-2003, 09:48 PM
 
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It doesnt upset me when people assume my son is a girl. (Hes three and has lovely long curls) what does upset me is when they freak out on me that I havent cut his hair. Its really none of their business if I cut my dd hair and not my ds. KWIM? Sometimes I think they are just ambarrassed and transferring their anger onto me.
Oh well, glad to join the long-haired boys mama club!
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#26 of 95 Old 07-15-2003, 09:18 PM
 
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This is one of those ridiculous gender stereotypes that it's time to say good-bye to. There is absolutely no reason a boy should have to cut his hair short. I don't have a boy yet, but if I do, I won't treat him any differently from my girl. I won't dress him differently, and I won't cut his hair unless he asks me to. If someone tells me he needs a hair cut, my response will be "We don't believe in treating boys and girls differently." This is what I've been telling people who want my daughter to wear pink frilly dresses. I warn them not to give my daughter any clothes that they don't want to see my son wearing some day. Both my daughter and my son will have both toy cars and dolls.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#27 of 95 Old 07-16-2003, 12:59 AM
 
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what do I gotta do, show off his penis??
Had to LOL at that one. Was on a preschool fieldtrip w/DD and changed DS's diaper in front of the kids. One of her friends (4 at the time) said, "look, that girl has a penis." I was like, "no, hes a boy." He refused to believe me because of the hair and the funniest thing of all--- he himself had long hair until after he was 2!

I don't get annoyed w/people calling DS a girl, I get annoyed with:
--he should get a haircut
--"she" thinks hes a boy comments
--adults correcting my 4.5 year old dd that she "means sister." uhhh, no she doesnt
--etc...

DD chose to get a hair cut at 2.75 and at 4.25 she got it cut short. We'll see how long DS keeps his hair. I give people extra slack if he has his nails polished and hair clips in He loves being like sissy.

Kay

 

 

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#28 of 95 Old 07-16-2003, 01:22 AM
 
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My son Noah has hair half-way down his back. His hair has grown faster and longer than either of his sisters. My baby Jonah seems to be following in his "hair"steps as he has as much hair at 14 mos as my girls did at 2! My dh has had long hair all his life as part of his culture. We discovered that if we didn't correct people Noah felt we were ashamed/or embarrassed by his long hair. We now make sure children and adults know he is a boy. When explaining to other children we tell them that they have short hair like their dads and Noah has long hair like his dad.

He did come up with a come-back all his own though. One Sunday when he was about 4 in his class one of the boys told him he had hair like a girl and Noah said "I have long hair like Jesus" the following Sunday I had every mom of a boy in his class telling me that their sons wanted long hair now

I really hope that he doesn't ever want to cut his hair (ditto with all my kids!) I love my long haired children

Sarah
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#29 of 95 Old 07-16-2003, 07:06 PM
 
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My three-year-old has black curls down to his shoulder, long black eyelashes, and huge black eyes (dh is black) and people always assume he's a girl. We just laugh. He doesn't want his hair cut and it doesn't bother us. My parents shrug it off, but dh's parents think he's going to be confused. A few weeks ago, while ds was barreling full speed in fil's belly, I got another lecture on how he needs to get his hair cut because he needs to be treated like a boy: I told him I really didn't think that ds had any gender issues. My fil said I was deliberately missing the point.

We had his hair trimmed (less than half an inch) about a year and a half ago and the woman who cut it cried the entire time, moaning with each snip. So that was it. We decided short hair wasn't all that important in the great scheme of things. I mean, we traumatized the hairdresser.

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#30 of 95 Old 07-16-2003, 08:42 PM
 
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My second son had long red curls and very long eyelashes. His eyes were so dark you could not see the pupils in them. Everyone always said "She's so beautiful" I would just answer "Yes, he is". My daughter on the other hand was a baldy until she was about 2. Even with pink ruffles and ribbons taped to her head people though she was a boy. My little guy has long dark curls, long eyelashes, and dark, dark eyes. He looks like a boy. His very first picture looked like a little boy. But people are always telling me how cute she is. I usually just respond with "Yes HE is" Then they ask his name. When I say Dakota they always say "I thought yu said it was a boy." Apparently no one ever heard of a boy named Dakota. One guy told me that ever kid he ever met named Dakota was a girl. I told him that every kid I ever met named Dakota was a boy.

I don't let the comments bother me. I've learned to come up with smart responses to it. I also have to deal with, "Are you having fun out shopping with granny today." I look around quickly and say, "Oh, is his grandmother here, I haven't seen her in a while." That usually shuts them up. (I'm 53 and my son is 12 months.)

As far as the hair, my hair is below my waist, DH's is almost to his waist. We're not cuttin DS's hair unless he requests it. No matter what grandma says.

Kathi

:::Mom to 5 adult children and 8 year old, Dakota "Why do they call it homeschool, we're never at home?"
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