Attachment to "security objects" - do AP kids use them? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 05:43 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm interested as my 17 mo old is not attached to any object in that manner other than her mama. Some of my friends babies have a favorite teddy or binky etc. I have noticed these children are seperated from their mom during the day or sleep in another room. Any observations or comments?
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#2 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 06:19 AM
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No attachment to binkies or pacifiers here. She has a doll and a teddy bear that she will sometimes ask for when going to bed, but not always, and that only started about a month ago (she's 22 mos). ALL the kids and babies at her afternoon day care have a binky or pacifier. I didn't take her day care until she was 12 mos and then only for 2 hours 3 times a week.
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#3 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 06:33 AM
 
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I think this is such an interesting question. My dd1 (28 months) has never had any attachment item, other than her dad and me. No pacifiers, blankets, teddies, etc.

She'll sometimes take different things to bed with her (she does sleep on her own), but it doesn't seem to matter to her which particular stuffed animal she has. And most of the time, she doesn't bother.

I went back to work when she was 6 1/2 months old, but she was with her dad most of the time that I was working (I think she was with her childminder for about 10 hours/month on average). She's still nursing, which I'm sure helps as well.

Would love to know others' experiences.
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#4 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 09:13 AM
 
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My first ds was very attached to his pacifier and blankie (he still, at 4, will not sleep with out his special blankie) my second ds is only attached to me. I did go back to work after my first ds was born, but he was not in daycare - he was taken care of by my dh. Both kids were AP'd - family bed, EBF, in arms all the time. . .
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#5 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 09:14 AM
 
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No attachment objects here, just mama & papa (19 months old). Well and her thumb but that's always there.... She has never been in daycare, I work at home so she has had babysitters here at home, with me in every hour when needed. I haven't seen her really get attached to anything other than us, even toys.

Kim
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#6 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 09:24 AM
 
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Out my six, three had attachment objects. These three have similar personalities. I am thinking it has more to do with the temperment of the child than the style of parenting.


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#7 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 09:54 AM
 
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I'm not going to include my 1yo here, because I think it's too early to tell about him. But as for my other two (3yo and 6yo), one has never been attached to anything but me, and the other has been attached to a series of objects. Security Object Serial Monogamy, perhaps! From the time she was about 18 months, she's been attached to various dolls and stuffed animals. So, I am agreeing with Peggy, that it must have to do with the personality of the involved children.
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#8 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 12:36 PM
 
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Its was interesting, because my ds didn't have an attachment object, until after he selfweaned from nursing! Wonder if this happens w/any other kids?

Warmly~

Lisa

Lisa, Todd, Dane and Amber: & :::
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#9 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 01:03 PM
 
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My 20 month old is very very attached to her "baget" (blanket) and seems to be getting more so, and not less. She is a very free spirit, very independant, so it is kind of funny.
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#10 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 01:15 PM
 
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My 5yo never used a pacifier or was attached to any particular object. I did go back to work only 6 weeks after she was born but my oder sister took care of her for me until she started kindergarden this past fall, so she wasn't in a true "daycare" environment. My sister practices AP, although she doesn't really know it. I tried to explain it to her, but it's hard to do so in Spanish. She just barks back "what do you think I've been doing with all these kids all this time, letting them cry?" Anyway, DS is waaay to little to know, but so far he doesn't use a pacifier. He does suck his thumb though....not sure if that counts
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#11 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 01:24 PM
 
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I was wondering the same thing .

My son 23 month, so far does not have an attachment object, well except me. He has been in a wonderful daycare since 2 months of age. However, he shares my bed and is still breastfeeding. Interestingly he does form very close bonds with people.
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#12 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 03:26 PM
 
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My oldest was really attached to his pacifier, my 3 yr old is attached to his pacifier and a small silky/flannel blanket. And my 1 yr old is attached to his Mama. We currently co sleep with the 2 youngest but my oldest now 9 did co sleep with us when he was younger.
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#13 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 03:35 PM
 
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Nothing for my 3. Just mom and dad. Our families don't understand this and we are inundated with blankies and stuffed animals......... We just tried saying something about it recently (please, no stuffed animals for Easter) and we were told how rude we are.

I just give the stuff away. Not the handmade blankets, but all the dust collectors, yes
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#14 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 04:00 PM
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Quote:
Originally posted by Mellymama
I have noticed these children are seperated from their mom during the day or sleep in another room. Any observations or comments?
What does being separated from their mom during the day have to do with them being attachment parented?:
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#15 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 06:55 PM
 
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Well I am definately not an expert on all AP kids. I do know that mine have not had any security objects thus far. My DD is 8 yrs and my Ds is 11 months.
I however, sucked my thumb and slept with a security blanket until I was 18! Let's just say that my Mom was DEFINATLEY not AP.
I didn't stop sucking my thumb till I got pregnant! :
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#16 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 07:58 PM
 
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I agree with Peggy and the others who said this usually has to do with the child's personality, although I realize some kids who are suffering from a lack of attachment do cling to "mommy replacements."

My siblings and I were raised by attachment parents. Some of us had objects, some didn't. I was very shy, and I did have an object: a little dolly that I carried everywhere with me.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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#17 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 08:36 PM
 
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This is an interesting topic. My ds never had an attachment to any object until after his brother was born. Now he wants to take his trains, his football and various other things to bed with him. I think having to share his beloved mommy has been hard for him and he is seeking extra comfort and security by forming attachments to his most beloved toys. I agree with those who said that temperment is a factor. He is definitely a sensitive little boy. It is kind of bittersweet for me. I am sad that he needs to do this but happy that he has found a way to comfort himself. He still nurses and gets as much of my attention as possible, but the life he knew before baby brother was born is changed forever (sigh)!
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#18 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 11:32 PM
 
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i guess im not really "ap" but we never cry it out
and we never spank ( i think lance had two spankings in his life, but they weren't really spankings....diaper on...two swats)

anyway.

nothing special in way of objects for Alex (7 months)

Lance (now 9) always likes to take something from our house when we go somewhere

my college class called this a "Transitional Object"...helping in going from one place to another bringing stability.

it is never the same thing twice. he just likes to bring something with him.
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#19 of 34 Old 02-28-2002, 11:51 PM
 
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dd has her ba (blankie), shes been veery attached to it since maybe 6mo old, shes 5 now. Never been in daycare. I don't think parenting style has much to do with it.

I
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#20 of 34 Old 03-01-2002, 12:12 AM
 
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Nope,no security objects for dd(she's three). I on the other hand, spent my whole childhood attached to a my babydeers and my thumb.My mother was not very attached to me so that is where I found my solace.
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#21 of 34 Old 03-01-2002, 12:42 AM
 
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My dd didn't have any object untill she was 2 1/2 and then became very attached to her "dinor", a dinosaur blanky. She still sleeps with it and we are on #2 dinor (I found one at Goodwill right after dinor #1 fell apart).

Eden yikes.gif, working on a PhD in Education mama to Laurelleshamrocksmile.gif (16), Orijoy.gif (6), Yarrowfaint.gif (4) and Linusfly-by-nursing1.gif (1) partner to Brice. 
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#22 of 34 Old 03-01-2002, 02:00 AM
 
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Well, I have 4 'totally AP breastfed, worn, coslept, homeschooled' kids(13, 8, 4, 2) and 1 baby I babysit.
My oldest had an imaginary friend -Joggy and a Grover puppet he carried everywhere.
Next son was a hair twirler and twirled his or anyone elses hair for comfort and security.
Next son had 'panda' he stills holds his panda beanie baby in his hand while he sleeps. (ALso has imaginary friend-Jerry)
Daughter has a plush doggy "wags' and diddles a mole on my shoulder for comfort (nursing or not it calms her).
Baby has a silkie she strokes and a suckifier she needs to help her through tough days.
IMHO Lovies and blankies go more with child's personality then parenting method.
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#23 of 34 Old 03-01-2002, 06:36 AM
 
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My 6 yr old has a blanket that she got attached to around the age of 2 or 3, but only at night. She sleeps with it on her pillow and she used to use it to help heal owies. She's not overly dependent on it. 4 yr old has never had anything except me.
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#24 of 34 Old 03-01-2002, 10:50 AM
 
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Ds sucked a pac until he was almost 6 and when he was tired or went to bed he had to have one in each hand to rub. We cosleep but didn't extended bf so maybe that is it.
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#25 of 34 Old 03-01-2002, 11:19 AM
 
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What an interesting thread! My two didn't have security objects as babies or toddlers, but they each take a toy with them whenever we leave the house. ("We might get bored!") My 3 year old takes a different toy every time, but my 5 year old is really into one of her baby dolls who seems to go pretty much every place with us. It seems to be more of a fear of boredom thing that a security thing.

We also have lots of imaginary friends and animals around here
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#26 of 34 Old 03-01-2002, 11:23 AM
 
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He does like to hold something while he nurses to sleep, and he has preferred objects for that, but he doesn't carry any one thing in particular around with him or want it when he is upset. His current favorite "toy" is a spatula (one of three or four we have) - "Pah! Pah!"
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#27 of 34 Old 03-01-2002, 02:33 PM
 
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I think this object issue is like the nature/nurture discussion- it's a bit of both, mixed in differing proportions for each child.
My 4 yr old dd is very intense- I've often said she needed two or three mommas- and she usually has at least one object with her in bed or in the car. I can gauge her reaction to a particular situation by how many animals she's carrying around. For instance, When I was prego she carried around six or eight animals most of any given day. When I came home with baby, she dropped them and just wanted me. My 21 mo old has a few favs- a doll, a fox, and a postcard with Jesus on it. She wants them in bed and now wants them in the car, in part because she sees her big sister doing it.
I EBF, cosleep, SAHM, sling my babies, respond to cries, so on. But my kids like their security objects, esp. the intense dd. At times I share bed with dozens of animals, like before she had surgery. Right now she carries a whole bag of animals because she saw a housefire in our neighborhood and now she's worried about her toys.
gotta go-sleepy kids--
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#28 of 34 Old 03-01-2002, 04:28 PM
 
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My 3 3/4 y/o is the sensitive type. From about three months on he has had his blankie (Bi, as it came to be called.) It is a series of those cheap receiving blankets. The quirky thing is that he sucks on them like a pacifier (grosses me out). He was BFed on demand and had a huge sucking need in those early months. He nursed until he self weaned at 22 months. He didn't like to co-sleep and was a great sleeper from about three months on (10-12 hours straight). Hmmm...could that be due to the blankie? He still uses it at nap and bedtime, and during times of stress, but we don't have to carry one everywhere we go.

Ds 2 (16 months) has no transitional object at all. He is the spunky, fiesty one. He also still doesn't sleep through the night -- although we're getting there.
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#29 of 34 Old 03-01-2002, 05:13 PM
 
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My dd (age 3) is extremely attached to her doll - it's a soft pink velour thing she's had since she was a baby. She told me the other day that "Sophie is my best friend and I love her so much." She has conversations with her (she uses a special "Sophie voice") in which she plays both parts. Sophie watches her take a bath, eat her meals, and so on. i used to worry that she was too attached to it, but when we are out of the house she is perfectly happy to leave Sophie in the car or in my backpack while she plays, so i figure it's just something she needs right now. My dh said to me the other day, "The world is a really nice place for Rebecca because Sophie is in it," and I thought he was so right, and that I should stop worrying about something that obviously brings her so much pleasure and comfort! She is very attached to dh and me, so I don't think it is a symptom of any lack of attention - it's just her personality and imagination at work!
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#30 of 34 Old 03-02-2002, 01:16 PM
 
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I was VERY attached to my blanket until my dad sucked it up in the vacuum cleaner when I was 6. I still get all weird thinking about it - it's intoxicating smell and feel of the fake silk border...
~~~
My sisters all had security objects too. One of my sisters (she is 20) still sucks her fingers ALL THE TIME. Another one of my sisters (age 13) makes a sucking noise when she is upset.
~~~
My son never took to any special object. When he wants to soothe himself he gets onto my lap and latches on. I let him.
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