Horrible experience at favorite restaurant with SUPER rude hostess... - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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#91 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 06:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I guess I don't get admitted into the MDC perfect motherhood club. Bummer. But then again, I would have to have angelic dc whose feet float in the air entering and exiting the restaurants. At the first scream or discontent, I would immediately have to exit the restaurant,food in my mouth,drink half full. Because God forbid I should try to slam my drink, gather my families things and get the h@*ll out of there.

I mean seriously. Come on. I think those of you who are flaming me ought to go back and reread my first 2 posts.

The issue here was never a shrieking,running wild child. This is a 2 yo who was next to me.

The pot was NOT broken, it was *gasp!* knocked over.

The 21 yo single,childless hostess was out of line.

Quote by arduinna:" I have a feeling that as in the OP any employee stating the obvious(too much noise, or broken items) would be seen as "super rude". Seems we live in a world where no one should comment on the actions of their children"

WTF????? I find your comment rude and disrespectful. You don't have a clue what I am about.
So I will tell you!
I am a polite,respectful,courteous and compassionate person to others. I EXPECT others to treat me the same. If someone has a problem with me or my children, they can express themselves respectfully and nicely. Nastiness is dark energy, and I don't need it and I avoid it.
I care for people on a basic human level. Raised in the midwest,friendly,hardworking and damn proud of it.
Been thru a lot of sh#& in my life and still treated people with respect-even those who have min. wage jobs. I remember to ask our servers how their such and such is doing. I ask the grocery bagger how his mom is doing. I ask the HFS clerk how she likes working there fulltime as opposed to pt. I offer to hold strangers babies as they chase down their toddlers or pay the clerks at Target. I am a people person. I treat people nicely.

Had the girl given me a chance, I would have been on the floor cleaning the damn mess up myself. But since she didn't even so much as look at me when she hastily came over, who had the chance?

ANother quote by Arduinna:
" I used to be a server, and dealt with my fair share of unsupervised children, screaming ones, extremely messy ones ect. Management always kissed butt to the parents face and then told us what they really thought. A free meal is a cheap payoff in the long run when the person will come back and spend more money.
I don't get the attitude that the whole world revolves around anyones child?? Yes, children should be taken to restaurants (we took dd from birth) but that doesn't mean they are more important than any other diner there. My dd is very well behaved in restaurants and in peoples homes because she was raised to be. To be completely inconsiderate of other diners, the wait staff and the public in general while out creates self centered and bratty children and selfish adults IMO."

I can't really tell if you are taking another jab at me here?

Let's see, at a very conservative estimate, I have spent at least $4,200 (not including tip) there in the last 5 years alone(been going there for almost 20 yrs) and expect to keep going another 5 or more years. And for what? A good meal. I clean up after my children to the point that my family will be out of the restaurant and there I am underneath the fricken table cleaning up after my kids....BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT THE FREAKIN SERVERS AND DON'T THINK THEY SHOULD HAVE TO DO IT! Why? Because like I posted in my original post, I have been a server,hostess,grocery store clerk,pizza delivery gal...you name it, I've BTDT! Yes, since I left a good part of my meal and half my drink sitting at the table, I deserved to be compensated.

AND another thing... my children are well behaved as is appropriate to their age. My ds *was* supervised. I don't need any judgements about how I am raising bratty,selfish kids just because i let my ds down RIGHT NEXT TO ME in a restaurant.
I guess Arduinna, your dc are perfect. Perhaps you'd like to share some of your advice to raising perfect children?

That is fine that some of you think it is *horrible* to let your dc down in restaurants. I for one think that a couple of minutes down as we quickly finish doesn't mean we are clueless parents raising bratty kids.

I would ask if we could agree to disagree,but obviously this thread just won't end.

I came here for advice and support. I don't need to be treated so disrespectfully and rudely.




mp

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#92 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 06:31 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by mamapoppins
The 21 yo single,childless hostess was out of line.
What's your point? Which one do you have a problem with?

Young?
Single?
or Childless?

It sounds to me like you have issues with the hostess that go way beyond her "rude" comment.
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#93 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 06:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I absolutely feel that I deserve one however.

The owner ASKED me WHAT COULD BE DONE to make things right. I told him an apology would be satisfactory.

I am not a perfect person. When I am rude to someone, I APOLOGIZE. I expect others to do the same.

Just yesterday, I had called the docs office to get a prescription. After hours, the nurse finally called back to say that the doc was gone but that another doc had filled the script,but with explicit instructions to NOT BF. I snapped big time at the nurse while quoting Thomas Hale,etc..

I was at the end of my coping rope with the kids as I had not really slept the night before....I felt bad all night. Today, I CALLED TO APOLOGIZE.

Treat others the way you want to be treated. *That* is how I am raising my dc.

OT- I would beware of approaching other patrons in public about the way they are raising their dc......my sis was eating at a very upscale Indian restaurant in a major midwestern city,when she saw a woman repeatedly slapping her toddler on the face whenever the girl tried to get noisy,etc....my sis walkedover to her on her way out and said something like parenting was hard, but there are other ways of handling toddlers,and could my sis hold the child so the woman could finish eating. The woman grabbed my sisby the neck and smashed her face to the table. Yes, the police got involved. But my sis has never,ever said anything to anyone in public about their parenting since. Freaks are everywhere. This lady was dressed nice and seemed mormal. Very sad for the little girl and my sis.



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#94 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 06:52 PM
 
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OMG I can't believe that last story. Makes you want to grab that child and run far away w/her.

Wow, you've started quite a little debate w/o ever having that intention. I think "you" got lost in the generalized debate over children in public places; ie. seen and not heard vx. running wild. So, I sure wouldn't take anything personally anymore. At this point, it surely seems to be a purely rhetorical argument.

Go have a margarita and enjoy your free dinner.
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#95 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 06:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote by Choli:
What's your point? Which one do you have a problem with?

Young?
Single?
or Childless?

It sounds to me like you have issues with the hostess that go way beyond her "rude" comment.

End of quote

Have you read my previous posts on this topic? Your answer is there in my posts!

mp
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#96 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 07:01 PM
 
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I agree with BusyMommy about the recent general nature of the conversation.

For your original posting, I got that the hostess is a bitch. She would react to any situation with that attitude. While it normally doesn't bother you that much, it involved your child and that made you very mad.

If I've learned anything from this thread, it's that parents take comments about their children VERY seriously. As evidenced by the story about the sister and the irate mother.

I stand by my comments about noisy children, but I wouldn't say it relates to the episode you related, mamapoppins.

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#97 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 07:04 PM
 
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Quote:
The 21 yo single,childless hostess was out of line.
and your point is?
The story about your sister....i am a bit skeptical. Someone would smash your sisters face for an innocent comment? Police involvement, no less. I would bet my last dollar that she wasnt as nice as you think. (this is not to say i advocate violence).
Quote:
I guess I don't get admitted into the MDC perfect motherhood club.
Me neither MP. remember i'm a rightwinger who gave her kids pacifiers :LOL

Arduinna
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#98 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 07:13 PM
 
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Oceanbaby -

I]This is exactly the problem I am talking about! So because an adult is more likely to put up resistance, let them act like an ass, but because kids are expected to be subserviant, and because parents (especially moms - notice dads don't seem to get this kind of rude behavior) are expected to be ashamed and made to feel guilty for the actions of their children, then we think they need to be spoken to if their child dares to annoy us.[/I]

Yes, an adult can act like an #%@ and everyone will not only think of them as such but think of their parents as failing to teach them proper manners.

Subservient by dictionary definition means subordinate in capacity or function. Guess what!!!! Subservient describes children. Children are subservient in capacity. The capacity to understand the proper behavior in certain situations and therefore, it is a PARENT'S responsiblity to teach them proper behavior. I would HOPE that a parent is in the habit of teaching their children not only proper manners but doing so when it warrants it. Such as when someone comes up to them and says something.

You are right most of us are not talking about your everyday occasional accident that can happen to an adult or child or even occaisional loud behavior. But there have been some comments here that seem to suggest that regardless of the behavior it is the child's RIGHT to act however they want, and the parent's right to allow them to distrup and disturb other people around them. I don't have the time at the moment to cut and edit but if you want I can do so later. The first one that comes to mind is Jen and girls comment about knocking anyone on their #%@ for EVER saying anything to her.
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#99 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 07:19 PM
 
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Heartmama, when I break things I take full responsability for it accident or not. And again, yes I don't see anyone stating the obivous such as if you were looking straight ahead you wouldn't have walked into the wall (for example) as "super rude". I mean really, if someone isn't watching where they are walking or driving isn't a natural consequence to bang into something?? Is it the walls fault? The builder of the houses fault? No it's mine for not watching where I'm going.

This has absolutely nothing to do with perfect behavior, it has everything to do with the maturity to accept responsability for ones actions. My kid isn't perfect and neither am I. But I don't blame my mother for having the VCR within dds reach when dd put some change in it when I wasn't looking. Do I expect my mom to take responsability for it? Do I expect her to be happy about her broken VCR? Do I replace it? Or do I tell everyone I know how it never would have happend if my mom hadn't put the VCR there?
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#100 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 07:53 PM
 
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Quote:
You are right most of us are not talking about your everyday occasional accident that can happen to an adult or child or even occaisional loud behavior. But there have been some comments here that seem to suggest that regardless of the behavior it is the child's RIGHT to act however they want, and the parent's right to allow them to distrup and disturb other people around them. I don't have the time at the moment to cut and edit but if you want I can do so later. The first one that comes to mind is Jen and girls comment about knocking anyone on their #%@ for EVER saying anything to her.
ITA.
Quote:
This has absolutely nothing to do with perfect behavior, it has everything to do with the maturity to accept responsability for ones actions. My kid isn't perfect and neither am I. But I don't blame my mother for having the VCR within dds reach when dd put some change in it when I wasn't looking. Do I expect my mom to take responsability for it? Do I expect her to be happy about her broken VCR? Do I replace it? Or do I tell everyone I know how it never would have happend if my mom hadn't put the VCR there?
Excellent point Ard.
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#101 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 08:09 PM
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mamapoppins - if I were you I'd tell the owner directly - don't leave it in the hands of someone else to pass along the message. He obviously likes having your business all these years. He should know if he one of his employees is rude and insensitive.

All I have to say is, this hostess must not have kids. And if she does, she must have never tried eating out with them! I'm always so saddened that people aren't more tolerant of children in public. I'm reminded of Continuum Concept. Kids learn by experiencing life with adults. This includes going to public places. Children are a fact of life. And they are curious and wiggly and their little hands work faster than you can catch them sometimes. I, too, do my BEST to make sure things go smoothly and keep my child close, but as anyone with kids knows, sh*t happens! It's the hostess' problem - not yours. You're a valued customer. Talk to the owner. I'm sure he'll make you feel better.
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#102 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 08:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by mamapoppins
I told him we deserved a face to face apology,but would accept a written one
Since you said you didn't demand an apology, I figured I'd quote where you gave him the option of making her give you one face to face or written. Sorry, but it sure looks to me like you are demanding one since these were the only two options you gave him. You specifically told him this is what you wanted to make it better, so you definately requested it.
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#103 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 08:12 PM
 
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This is what is so baffling to me "sh*t happens! It's the hostess' problem - not yours". How is not your problem when your kid is the one that did it??
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#104 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 08:22 PM
 
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oh boy..................
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#105 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 08:45 PM
 
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*edited until I can read ALL The posts...since it was suggested I do that before opening my "mouth" and because things posted after my original response are REALLY confusing me about the entire point of this thread*


Anyone got a shoehorn?? Size 9/12 Wide, please.





^^Liss

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#106 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 08:57 PM
 
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NAK

you should really read the posts inbetween the first and last..........not an attack........its just not adding/helping anything to an already heated thread
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#107 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 09:02 PM
 
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So...was something discussed about toys or other amusements for little ones? I didn't see any reference or quote.

If it's been discussed already, then maybe it needs to show up again. I see a lot of that on these threads. If one MORE mention is going to push someone else over the edge...well....


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#108 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 09:34 PM
 
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Sweetbaby -

I believe that any woman capable of repeatedly slapping her child's face in a public place just to make them be quiet is quite capable of slamming a stranger's face to the table. If you treat your loved ones like that, a perfect strange has no hope of kindness from you.
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#109 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 09:53 PM
 
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Arduinna, I feel like we are talking about two entirely different episodes.

You are describing one that where an out of control, unsperivised 2 year old breaks a pot. The parents demand an apology for the pot being there in the first place, and blame the entire incident on the staff for occuring in the first place.

I read the OP and she stated over and over that she felt responsible for the pot, was prepared to clean it up herself, and before she had a chance to do it, the hostess was so rude to her family, they felt it was better to leave their unfinished meal and make a quiet exit than stick around and make a bad situation worse.

I mean, why are you so angry with the OP? You seem and sweetbaby seem really pissed off and I am trying to figure out what exactly you would have done differently?

Also, you haven't addressed whether you think it is okay for someone to make you feel bad for having an accident. You said:

-----------

"This has absolutely nothing to do with perfect behavior, it has everything to do with the maturity to accept responsability for ones actions. My kid isn't perfect and neither am I. But I don't blame my mother for having the VCR within dds reach when dd put some change in it when I wasn't looking. Do I expect my mom to take responsability for it? Do I expect her to be happy about her broken VCR? Do I replace it? Or do I tell everyone I know how it never would have happend if my mom hadn't put the VCR there?"

---------------
That doesn't explain why it is okay for someone to treat you rudely because you had an accident in the first place, does it? The mom in the OP never had a chance to say anything, let alone lay blame, before the hostess started with the rude attitude, did she? The apology isn't for the pot, it's for the grief the hostess gave her, right?

Mother is the word for God on the hearts and lips of all little children--William Makepeace Thackeray
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#110 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 10:12 PM
 
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sweetbaby3 wrote:

Quote:
The story about your sister....i am a bit skeptical.
And if we thought people handled criticism of their children badly, folks they don't handle it much better when you suggest they are liars!



I'd like to keep this going in the right direction. Anyone want me to insult their religion?

Mother is the word for God on the hearts and lips of all little children--William Makepeace Thackeray
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#111 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 10:21 PM
 
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Heartmama - Just wanted to say that you save me a lot of posting! Thank you!
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#112 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 10:23 PM
 
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|I'd like to keep this going in the right direction. Anyone want me to insult their religion?|


Me First, Me First!
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#113 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 10:37 PM
 
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Heartmama, I answered those question repeatedly in my previous posts.
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#114 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 10:40 PM
 
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You make me laugh. thanks.
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#115 of 119 Old 07-29-2003, 11:18 PM
 
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Quote:
but as anyone with kids knows, sh*t happens! It's the hostess' problem - not yours.
are you serious?
Quote:
If you treat your loved ones like that, a perfect strange has no hope of kindness from you
Point well taken, IP

Quote:
You seem and sweetbaby seem really pissed off and I am trying to figure out what exactly you would have done differently?
Kept my child in his seat. had he been in his seat, he would not have knocked over the plant. I also have a problem with this:
Quote:
I told him we deserved a face to face apology,but would accept a written one
Quote:
I'd like to keep this going in the right direction. Anyone want me to insult their religion?
:LOL
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#116 of 119 Old 07-30-2003, 12:04 AM
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Arduinna - I have read this entire thread and I don't think you have responded to the points in heartmamas post.

Heartmama wrote:

==============================================
Also, you haven't addressed whether you think it is okay for someone to make you feel bad for having an accident. You said:

-----------

"This has absolutely nothing to do with perfect behavior, it has everything to do with the maturity to accept responsability for ones actions. My kid isn't perfect and neither am I. But I don't blame my mother for having the VCR within dds reach when dd put some change in it when I wasn't looking. Do I expect my mom to take responsability for it? Do I expect her to be happy about her broken VCR? Do I replace it? Or do I tell everyone I know how it never would have happend if my mom hadn't put the VCR there?"
==============================================

This analogy is not accurate if you are trying to compare it to the OP's situation. How would you feel if your mom launched into a bitchy tirade about your kids misbehavior? Wouldn't you feel that was unnecessarily rude?

Even if you disagree with the OP having let her child out of his seat, the fact remains that an accident happened, and before she could even make any kind of reparations she was treated rudely by the hostess. THAT is the point in question. There was no valid reason for the hostess to speak to her that way. Period. She was right to have brought it to the managers attention. When the manager asked how they could make it up to her, she said an apology would suffice. That is not demanding an apology, it isn't really even requesting one, IMO.

Please help some of us to understand your position on the actual situation from the OP, because your comments seem to be about something other than that.
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#117 of 119 Old 07-30-2003, 01:59 AM
 
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ya might want to read some of my previous posts. I won't be answering the same questions I've already answered.

Sorry for those of you don't understand but I feel that I've been as clear as I can be.
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#118 of 119 Old 07-30-2003, 02:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Busymama- I would love to enjoy that well deserved free dinner and drink....unfortunately dh is working another 70 hr work wk....so I don't see that happening soon.: But have decided that when i do, I will be bringing the hostess the book,"Don't Sweat The Small Stuff.It's All Small Stuff"

----------------------------

As quoted by Apricot:

" If I've learned anything from this thread, it's that parents take comments about their children VERY seriously. As evidenced by the story about the sister and the irate mother. "

----------------------------

Well, if I've learned anything from this thread, it's that people can be just as rude online where MDC is supposed to be a place for support for parenting. Ha! I've been treated rudely and have now been called a liar.
-----------------------------
As quoted by sweetbaby3:
"and your point is?
The story about your sister....i am a bit skeptical. Someone would smash your sisters face for an innocent comment? Police involvement, no less. I would bet my last dollar that she wasnt as nice as you think. (this is not to say i advocate violence)."
-------------------------------
Actually if you go back and actuaLLy *read* all of my posts, you will see in the one where I talk to the owner,that HE makes a point of saying this to me.Prolly to explain her lack of tollerance and rudeness.

as for calling me a liar sweetbaby3......are you incredibly bored to be picking another fight with me? Yk, the only *thing* I left out of the story was that the woman replied to my sis(a 13 yr member of LLL) and I quote from the police report,"NOONE TELLS ME HOW TO RAISE MY KID" this was said as she grabbed my sister's neck to bring sis closer to her head as she had been standing over her. There was an assault charge filed against the woman and child abuse charges filed against the woman.

So I ask....what the hell purpose does it serve me to lie about a sad story that has nothing to do with me and that happened 5 yrs ago????

With the way you play, I would hold onto your money.

--------------------------
Quote by Arduinna:
" This has absolutely nothing to do with perfect behavior, it has everything to do with the maturity to accept responsability for ones actions."
-----------------------------

This is ridiculous! AS was stated in at least 2 posts of mine, I DID APOLOGIZE IMMEDIATELY. AND AGAIN TO THE OWNER-WHO WOULD HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH ME TRYING TO APOLOGIZE.

When at a restaurant an accident happens, the patron will apologize and regardless of whether it was caused by child or adult, help to also clean it up will be offered. The ball is then in the workers hand to act PROFESSIONALLY AND WITH POLITENESS.

The hostess acted unprofessionally and very rude,brushing off my apology and harshly judging me. WAAAAAAAAAAY out of line. She knew it herself as she admitted it to the owner.

----------------------------
As Quoted by Arduinna:
"Since you said you didn't demand an apology, I figured I'd quote where you gave him the option of making her give you one face to face or written. Sorry, but it sure looks to me like you are demanding one since these were the only two options you gave him. You specifically told him this is what you wanted to make it better, so you definately requested it"
------------------------------

I did NOT call up and DEMAND an apology. I was ASKED what could be done to make things right. I answered that I deserved an apology either in person or written.That is not DEMANDING. And who cares if I did anyway????? I have always treated every person in that restaurant like a friend. Being very nice, asking about their families and school,etc and on this night, an accident happened cuz I was a HORRIBLE MOTHER and couldn't stop an accident from happening. I tried to apologize. I TOOK RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE ACCIDENT. I DID NOT BLAME THE HOSTESS. What posts have ya'll been reading to think that I did?

-------------------------------
Another quote by Arduinna:

"This is what is so baffling to me "sh*t happens! It's the hostess' problem - not yours". How is not your problem when your kid is the one that did it?"
-----------------------------------

That's right, sh^t does happen. And we felt bad and tried to apologize. BUT .......BOOOHOOO The poor hostess can't handle it and so she tells me off,kicking me while I'm already down. That is such bullsh^t, and *I* as a paying customer don't have to take that kind of crap.

-----------------------------
quote from rda:

"This analogy is not accurate if you are trying to compare it to the OP's situation. How would you feel if your mom launched into a bitchy tirade about your kids misbehavior? Wouldn't you feel that was unnecessarily rude?

Even if you disagree with the OP having let her child out of his seat, the fact remains that an accident happened, and before she could even make any kind of reparations she was treated rudely by the hostess. THAT is the point in question. There was no valid reason for the hostess to speak to her that way. Period. She was right to have brought it to the managers attention. When the manager asked how they could make it up to her, she said an apology would suffice. That is not demanding an apology, it isn't really even requesting one, IMO.

Please help some of us to understand your position on the actual situation from the OP, because your comments seem to be about something other than that."
_______________________

Well said.

mp
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#119 of 119 Old 07-30-2003, 02:27 AM
 
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I'm closing this thread. It's gotten off topic, and very nasty. I apologize for not catching this a whole lot sooner.

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