Boys dressing up in girls' clothes - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 02:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Yesterday and today my boys, ages 8 and 4, have been wearing high heels, carrying around purses, etc. insisting that they're girls. Yesterday we'd been playing along and helping them find/make things to put in their purses and such, but today I figured when I got up they would have moved on to a new game. No such luck, in fact they put on the high heels as soon as they got up.

I'm not really sure if this is healthy pretending for them, and if I should ignore, encourage or discourage it. Any insight is appreciated, thanks!
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#2 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 02:57 PM
 
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my DS, 3 1/2 was very into this. It passed. I explained that it was fine to dress up at home. Thankfully he never asked to wear his dresses out....

I got great video to show at his wedding some day.... it is hysterical!
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#3 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 02:58 PM
 
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I'd let it go. Honestly, they aren't hurting themselves or others, they are learning something and having fun, so yeah, let it go.

My rule on the high heels, is no running in them and they are for indoors only. Same goes for necklaces...indoor only due to getting caught on stuff when climbing and playing outdoors. (this was also my rule when I worked at a daycare center and it applied to all children)

They are probably trying to figure out what girl clothes feel like...........kids like to play around with different roles.

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#4 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 02:59 PM
 
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It's perfectly normal and shouldn't be squashed.

Mom to Dakota (6), Coy, (4), Max, (4), Lily (4), and Auri (June 19th 2010)!
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#5 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 03:00 PM
 
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I think it is completely healthy for children to pretend and use their imaginations.

What fears, specifically, do you have about your sons dressing as females? What reasons would you have to encourage it? What reasons would you have to ignore it? What reasons would you have to discourage it? What is the worst thing that can happen, in your imagination, if your boys like to pretend to be females?

I am not trying to be snarky, but to jsut get more information about your concerns and feelings.
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#6 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 03:00 PM
 
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#7 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 03:01 PM
 
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They're just being kids and role playing. It's harmless. I wouldn't do or say anything to squash it, but some of the 8yo's friends might. That, IMO, is part of the learning process- dealing with other people's attitudes about the dressing up.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#8 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 03:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by 2happymamas View Post
What fears, specifically, do you have about your sons dressing as females? What reasons would you have to encourage it? What reasons would you have to ignore it? What reasons would you have to discourage it? What is the worst thing that can happen, in your imagination, if your boys like to pretend to be females?

I am not trying to be snarky, but to jsut get more information about your concerns and feelings.
I don't know that I really have any fears. I just know my boys have a tendency to obsess over things and ideas sometimes. I encourage all kinds of pretend play because I love to see them using their imaginations. I made them VISA cards and checkbooks and told them to pretend to go shopping in my closet. I showed them my favorite high heels and got old purses out of the closet for them to play with. I guess I just don't want to negatively affect their views of themselves or something. I don't know. I think maybe I worry too much.
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#9 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 04:45 PM
 
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I think maybe you do worry too much. I really can't see a problem here at all. It's not something I'd even have thought about tbh.
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#10 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 04:52 PM
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It's totally normal for little boys to dress up in girly clothes, don't worry about it. I would not make a deal out of it, just let it run it's course in their play.

Oh...and take pics. Because those photos will make a great addition to the photo collages at their weddings
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#11 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 05:23 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh...and take pics. Because those photos will make a great addition to the photo collages at their weddings
ROFL! I must remember this next time they do it. Now they're outside inspecting bugs. I love having boys.
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#12 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 05:48 PM
 
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You have high heels? Oh my poor deprived son! He will have to play dress up in mommy's old ratty flip flops I guess LOL

Seriously, I read somewhere that boys often identify with their mom/females until age 10-12 or so when they "enter the world of men" or something like that...my DH remember distinctly using his mom's makeup - and he's got a pretty healthy gender identity now! But I do understand the fear of having your boys made fun of by other boys...

good luck!
peace,
robyn
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#13 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 06:41 PM
 
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You have high heels? Oh my poor deprived son! He will have to play dress up in mommy's old ratty flip flops I guess LOL
I was thinking this, too! Mommy has flip flops, sandals, and a pair of running shoes. I own one dress, and DS coos over it when I wear it. Other than that, I'm in jeans and tanks all the time.

I wouldn't worry at all. If DS ever had the inclination to play in my clothes, I'd encourage it. He has asked for mascara "on my eyeballs," and I gave him a fake swish. He thought he was "so cute."

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#14 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 07:11 PM
 
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DS loves to try on my shoes and has a few necklaces of his own (the "mardi gras" type beads) I don't see anything wrong with it. He does prefer my flip flops over heels, though - but then again, so do I

I have been known to use the "they're not your size" excuse when he wants pink sparkly shoes at the store, though I'm not quite ready to buck social norms that much yet. I try not to use the "girl cothes" line at all, though.
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#15 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 08:04 PM
 
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: I LOVE it when DS gets all "drag queened" up. He looks awesome toddling around in my old Manolos.

secular classical-ish mama to an incredible 5 year old DS and an amazing 6 year old DD.
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#16 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 09:14 PM
 
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I think it's great that they want to do that! My ds is only 18 months old, but he plays dress up in my old ballet costumes just like his sister does. He's also insisted on wearing his sister's nightgowns out and about a few times. I don't mind. I buy him clothes from "both sides of the store" anyway.

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#17 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 09:15 PM
 
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It's perfectly normal and shouldn't be squashed.
: I think children get prescribed really rigid gender roles from... well, birth. *That* is not healthy. Children playing outside the box of those roles is very good. I would be relieved if I were you, and very happy. Let them enjoy.
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#18 of 20 Old 09-02-2007, 09:20 PM
 
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: I LOVE it when DS gets all "drag queened" up. He looks awesome toddling around in my old Manolos.
No, little boys can't be drag queens. They're drag princesses.

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#19 of 20 Old 09-03-2007, 12:21 AM
 
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DD just received a handmade tutu in the mail, and refused to wear it until DS put it on.

I told one person how excited he was about the new tutu, and now its making the run through the family (as in my cousin told her mom to my mom told my dad's mom... ) why all the talk? because boys in tutus are so cute. because we are proud to be raising a more open minded generation of men. and (again) because boys in tutus are so very cute

Don't worry!

mom to a 7 year old lego fanatic and a 5 year old cross dresser
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#20 of 20 Old 09-03-2007, 12:26 AM
 
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completely normal, wonderfully healthy.

kids are such dolls...before society starts genderizing them. (okay, kids are STILL such dolls).

really, all that "this is for girls" and "this is for boys" stuff...that's just learned. it's natural to explore...to PLAY!!!

and kudos to you for LETTING them have this marvelous time in their lives. pics!!!
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