|If we don't allow our children and their grandparents time to grow to know and love one another we are denying each of them a great opportunity IMHO.
I still don't see why grandparents have to have extended, unsupervised visits with a child to have a relationship. And I totally fail to understand why they want these visits at such a young age. While I could see it being fun for a school-age child to spend the night at Grandma's house, I don't see a younger baby/child getting the same enjoyment from it. Obviously, the younger the child, the more they need mom, and I don't see what "great opportunity" is being missed by not leaving a child alone with a grandparent at a young age. What benefit would it have been for my ds for me to pump my milk and leave him overnight with my MIL so she could give him bottles and pretend to be his mommy? Someone please explain this to me.
|I can totally see why a grandparent would want time alone with the grandchild. It must be tough for a grandparent to always see the child running to mom.
Why is this tough? Babies are *supposed* to be strongly attached to their mothers, right? Am I the only one here who doesn't see a "need" for a baby to develop an intense bond with a grandma? Or have I left the AP haven of Mothering and gotten lost somewhere in the twilight zone?
I know they want to interact with the child one-on-one, but I honestly don't see why the mom has to be absent for this to happen. For the first year or so of ds's life, I rarely left him, but gradually we began to seperate. When he was smaller, yes, he would often run to me and not want to have much to do with Grammie (my mom), but he's almost 2 now, and has started preferring her over me when we visit. We just got back from visiting her this weekend, and ds was grabbing her by the hand and leading her into the other room, outside, whatever. He would even turn around and say "Bye, Mom" on his way out. To me, that's the way it should happen--at the child's initiative, not the parent saying "okay, I'm leaving you with this person now because she's your grandma and I think it's important for you to develop a special relationship with her."
|The norm to them will be that babies and children don't spend much time, esp time alone, with their grandparents. How much time would we then expect to spend with our grandchildren. I'm betting it will not be as much as we would like.
I think our relationship with our grandchildren will have less to do with our children's relationship with our parents and more to do with OUR relationship with our children. My mom and I have always been close. I consider her a friend as well as my mother, so naturally I want to spend time with her, and she wants to spend time with me and my family. MIL, on the other hand, has never been close to dh and has made little attempt to include me in her family. She wants to spend time with ds, period. She could care less if dh and I are part of the visits.
I honestly don't think any of us would mark our parents off the potential babysitters list simply because of a difference in parenting styles. I obviously have deeper issues with my MIL, and I would bet most others who don't want grandma babysitting do, too. it's just easier to talk about the seemingly petty things rather than delve into the real issues. Personally, I have put a great deal of thought into my reasons for not wanting MIL to babysit, and I'm very comfortable with my decision not to allow it.
I hope that when/if ds has children, he will do what is in their best interests and not feel like he "owes" me time alone with them. I intend to do everything I can to maintain a close relationship with him throughout his life, and hopefully he will want me to spend time with his family. I really don't see how my not letting MIL keep him overnight is going to impact my future relationship with my grandchildren.