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#1 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 05:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I met a new family last night, and I am uncomfortable with the relationship between the ten year old girl and her Step Dad.

They are renting a house on our block. The parents got married in July of this year, but they have been together for three years.

We all hang out in the street at night, so the kids can play, and the parents can.. well, play too.

We met the new neighbors and practically dragged them out to sit in the street with us. We had lawn chairs, drinks, a fire pit.. the whole street party thing. They seemed nice, and the little girl fits in age wise with three of the other girls on the block.

But, the Step dad never let her go. Litterally. He touched and kissed her the whole evening. It was so creepy.

He had her back to his front, and kept his hands on her chest the whole night. He rubbed her stomach, and he kissed her roughly on top of the head about six times. When they sat on a bench, he pulled her in really close, and had both arms wrapped around her. She watched the kids playing, but never attempted to break free from the step dad. She didn't look comfortable either though. She didn't look scared, just like she would rather be sitting normal, or off playing.

The Mom didn't seem bothered by it at all. But, the other moms and a few of the dads were bothered by it.

The other ten year old asked her to come play, She said "Can I?" and the step dad, said, "Why don't you just sit with me for a while". After about an hour and a half, they left to go inside.

Mostly, it just felt "wrong" to me. I just got a bad vibe from them.

What can/should I do? One of the moms is a teacher at the school she should be going to, but she is going to finish the year at her old school. Maybe the teacher mom can look into this at her school?
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#2 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 05:41 PM
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Wow...that is really weird. I can totally see why you would be uncomfortable in that situation.

I really do not know how you would proceed in this situation, since I think you would need more than "icky feeling" to call CPS on.

God, I really don't know. I think the only thing you really can do is keep a watchful eye on it, and have the teacher-mom keep a watch too, but on the other hand I would hate for that poor child to be in that situation for one more minute if she is being abused.

That poor girl.

I hope she opens up to someone soon.
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#3 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 05:41 PM
 
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I'd mind my own business unless I knew more concretely that something was going on.

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#4 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 05:42 PM
 
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i would trust your instincts and keep an eye on them.
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#5 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 05:47 PM
 
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Just reading that gave me the creeps. I don't know what I'd do.
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#6 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 06:20 PM
 
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I would try to find a child abuse or sexual abuse hotline and call them and ask them for advice based on what you saw. I would be inclined to call CPS, but I think you need to get expert advice. I think there is an organization for child sex abuse but I can't remember the name of it.

Thank you for looking out for your young neighbor.
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#7 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 07:09 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nextcommercial View Post
The other ten year old asked her to come play, She said "Can I?" and the step dad, said, "Why don't you just sit with me for a while".
The whole thing creeps me out, but this part does most of all. So possesive of the poor little girl. I'd definately keep an eye on them. :

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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#8 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 07:14 PM
 
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I would try to find a child abuse or sexual abuse hotline and call them and ask them for advice based on what you saw. I would be inclined to call CPS, but I think you need to get expert advice. I think there is an organization for child sex abuse but I can't remember the name of it.

Thank you for looking out for your young neighbor.


That's a good idea. Yeah, you probably can't call CPS based on a "creepy feeling" but ignoring it is not a good idea either. How weird.
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#9 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 07:26 PM
 
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My gut instinct immediately said that there may be some special need there that might not be obvious to you, but makes peer interaction difficult. I've seen parents of spectrum kids that tend to hold their kids back in similar ways, because they are afraid of meltdowns, especially in unfamiliar situations.
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#10 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 07:26 PM
 
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Hm. That is a really tough situation. However, what you are describing sounds VERY unusual and definitely creepy. My neighbor has a nearly ten year old daughter, and I rarely every see her sitting in his lap, or sitting at all, for that matter. I was always running around and playing when I was ten. It just seems very "off". I mean, I guess things could possibly be misconstruted as inappropriate, but...ick.

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#11 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 07:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My gut instinct immediately said that there may be some special need there that might not be obvious to you, but makes peer interaction difficult. I've seen parents of spectrum kids that tend to hold their kids back in similar ways, because they are afraid of meltdowns, especially in unfamiliar situations.

I thought that too. Since this is the first time we met them, it is possible.

I still just couldn't shake the sick feeling though. Ive never had those thoughts before. I even came home and wondered if maybe he reminded me of someone creepy in my childhood and perhaps I was projecting an experience on this guy.
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#12 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 07:35 PM - Thread Starter
 
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O.K, small update.

The other ten year olds on the street. (who have no idea we think Step dad is a creep) are going to invite the new girl out to play. If they continue to keep her from socializing, the teacher mom is going to speak to the counselor at her school. She wont do it right away, since we are all strangers, I don't expect the parents to just send her out the door in a new neighborhood the first time she is invited.

So, far, that is all anybody wants to do about this. I'm fine with that. How does that sound?
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#13 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 10:14 PM
 
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I would try to find a child abuse or sexual abuse hotline and call them and ask them for advice based on what you saw. I would be inclined to call CPS, but I think you need to get expert advice. I think there is an organization for child sex abuse but I can't remember the name of it.

Thank you for looking out for your young neighbor.
This is good advice.

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Originally Posted by harleyhalfmoon View Post
The whole thing creeps me out, but this part does most of all. So possesive of the poor little girl. I'd definately keep an eye on them. :
Yes, this is creepy. Being possessive and overbearing throws up red flags to me.

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My gut instinct immediately said that there may be some special need there that might not be obvious to you, but makes peer interaction difficult. I've seen parents of spectrum kids that tend to hold their kids back in similar ways, because they are afraid of meltdowns, especially in unfamiliar situations.
I would agree if it were the biological parent, but it is weird that it is the step-dad.

It seems really off to me and I would really keep an eye on it.
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#14 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 10:21 PM
 
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Hm. That is a really tough situation. However, what you are describing sounds VERY unusual and definitely creepy. My neighbor has a nearly ten year old daughter, and I rarely every see her sitting in his lap, or sitting at all, for that matter. I was always running around and playing when I was ten. It just seems very "off". I mean, I guess things could possibly be misconstruted as inappropriate, but...ick.
At 10 years old I sat on my dad's lap. We also kissed and cuddled. Some families are more affectionate than others.

That being said, I wasn't there so I can't judge whether or not it was creepy. Also, if they are new to the area and protective I highly doubt that they're going to let their DD go outside and play with the other neighborhood girls they don't know. They could just be a loving and affectionate family who are being protective of their DD or the step-dad could be a real UAV. Tough call.
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#15 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 11:22 PM
 
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ok that was creepy even for me and I have a high tolerance.

Lets say this was not a step dad but biological dad. would you still be creeped out? I would.

the thing that made it so weird for me is that she asked to get up and play and he said no. it doesn't seem she was being punished (agree or disagree with the method at least it would make some sense) so why not let her play. even if it wasn't a sex thing it sounds like he is using her to meet a need in him. not cool.

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#16 of 248 Old 11-10-2007, 11:29 PM
 
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He's probably a pedophile or something but did you consider that maybe they really dislike and disapprove of the families in the neighborhood?

you said you practically dragged them out and forced them to be part of the social scene on your street. You said he wouldn't let her play with the other girls. Maybe he sounded creepy, but maybe he didn't approve of your kids as friends and was keeping her close to minimize the influence.

And now you all are planning to set up a trial to see if they will soon behave according to your expectations of socialization, and if they don't you plan to call the gestapo on them because they don't let their dd socialize *with you.*

Oops. I just realized homeschoolmama suggested all this already.

I can see either possibility, myself. Pedophile or protective.
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#17 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 12:05 AM
 
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you said you practically dragged them out and forced them to be part of the social scene on your street. You said he wouldn't let her play with the other girls. Maybe he sounded creepy, but maybe he didn't approve of your kids as friends and was keeping her close to minimize the influence.
This is exactly what I was thinking.
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#18 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:06 AM
 
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Sorry...I have a pretty high tolerence too...but this totally icks me out. Keep close watch, please.

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#19 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:11 AM
 
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It does sound very creepy.
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#20 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:12 AM
 
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The creepiest part to me is that this is her STEP dad. The more I think about it, the odder it seems...
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#21 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:20 AM
 
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I can't imagine passing judgment over one instance. I wouldn't have let my child run aroudn with the other kids either. I would let her run around even the second time, maybe not even the third unless they stayed in my yard.

Maybe they just left a bad neighborhood. Maybe the child has gone thorugh something traumatic. Maybe she had special needs. Maybe she has a bad sense of direction.

If mom isn't bothered their may be a reason. I wouldnt immediately jump to pedophile.

Of course, I was there. So, it could have been creepy.

(Or maybe they are like family on The Burbs! Is one of them a Dr???)

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#22 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:23 AM
 
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I thought this was a bit creepy. But I also thought that maybe they are just more affectionate then what you are used to. Personally, I kiss and hug my DD CONSTANTLY!!! (allthough she is only 19mo old,,,,haha) But I can't see myself stopping that just because she gets older. I can, however, see her pulling away when reaching a certain age. I agree that there could be some special cercumstances there that you are not yet aware of, but it seems that if the child is asking to get up and play, she should be allowed to do that, ESPECIALLY if there are special needs present. If she was feeling comfurtable with her peers, and wanting to participate, the parents should too.
The thing that stands out to me the most, is that the mother didn't seem to be phased by this at all. This tells me that she is used to this going on, and has become immune to it. Maybe she sees it as a good thing: step dad showing love. But the notion that they didn't want her associating with the other kids kinda goes out the window for me if mom was acting casual. Also, they could have politely said 'no' if that was the case.
I would keep an eye open for sure. Also wouldn't want to say or do anything to stumble someone else, incase ther is a situation you are not aware of. I agree with the other posters that this is a tough call. GOOD LUCK.

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#23 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:24 AM
 
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I can't imagine passing judgment over one instance. I wouldn't have let my child run aroudn with the other kids either. I would let her run around even the second time, maybe not even the third unless they stayed in my yard.
I'm imagining a situation where the kids are in sight of the adults. You seriously wouldn't allow your 10 year old to play with other children in this circumstance?

Or are you picturing it differently?
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#24 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:26 AM
 
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I jsut htought of something. What if it was the mother that was that affectionate. Would it have seemed weird? We talk about how mom and dad are equal parents but one has to be less affectionate than the other? I know it was a step parent but maybe it is the only dad she's had.

There is has to be more to it than that. I just woulnd't want to see a new neighborhood ruined because neighbors didn't like how the family interacted.

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#25 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:28 AM
 
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I'm imagining a situation where the kids are in sight of the adults. You seriously wouldn't allow your 10 year old to play with other children in this circumstance?

Or are you picturing it differently?
Granted I don't have a 10 year old, but I wouldn't allow them to leave my sight and preferrably not out of hearing distance. These are kids I don't know. it would also depend on the time of day. Is it dusk or the middle of the afternoon?

I also wouldn't have come outside if I had been presssured to do so.

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#26 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:33 AM
 
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Definitely sounds very weird to me. But I don't know what I'd do.
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#27 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:35 AM
 
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I think you and I are picturing it differently. I'm picturing a small city block (because that's the reality where I live) or a suburban culdesac, where the kids are playing on the sidewalk and in the front yards -- so in hearing and sight of the adults who are sitting outside in the middle of the block. To be honest, in this case I'd say an adult who refused to let their non-special needs 10 year old participate is being overprotective.
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#28 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:39 AM
 
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Then call me overprotective. In this day and age.....I'd rather be overprotective.

(my best friend growing up wasn't allowed to listen to the theme song of Duck Tails. Why? Because it was "rock music". THAT I consider overprotective.)

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#29 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 01:49 AM
 
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K.. here's the way I see it.
I had a ... childhood. But this girl was 10. When I was that age, I'd rather be making friends than cuddling with my stepdad. But to each her own right?
The fact that it was her STEPDAD would seriously, seriously bother me. If it were her mom, thats different. but even if it were her Dad.. the fact that he didn't let go of her ONCE, and that he kept his hands on her chest disturbs me. Her chest?? We have 3 girls and my hubby doesn't cuddle them around their chests, their waists - yes. As girls we're taught at young ages that we have PRIVATE parts. Our chests are a part of that group. Eeeewww...
So.. here's what I'd do. Some of you may not agree, but its what I'd do anyways. I'd invite them over for dinner, get some background and a better feel for their family dynamics. If they have an issue with some other families in the neighbourhood, which is a reason suggested for his behaviour, then that won't be a factor at your house right?
If you're not comfortable with that, then I'd call a kids help hotline and get some things to watch out for, but I'm sure whatever they tell you, you'll already know, but at least its a step taken just in case proof is needed in the future KWIM?
I'm really, really glad that you've posted this concern. I hope you find some resolution, one that isn't harmful to this young girl. I think I wanna live in your neighbourhood! Minus the creepy man.
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#30 of 248 Old 11-11-2007, 02:15 AM
 
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Then call me overprotective. In this day and age.....I'd rather be overprotective.

(my best friend growing up wasn't allowed to listen to the theme song of Duck Tails. Why? Because it was "rock music". THAT I consider overprotective.)
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