Heartbroken (Updates: Post #91, 122, 136) - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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This is a mix between a vent; needing to get my feelings out; and a bit of a need for some compassion/support.

Edited to add: To clarify- I'm not posting this to get advice on how ds's father should parent. This was posted to get my feelings out and to get some hugs.

My son loves music. He's had a passion for music from the very beginning. He's expressed a love of violins and piano's since he was a toddler.
For years, ds's father (we are not partners) has been promising to get him lessons and an instrument for his 5th birthday.
Ds has been getting SO excited as the time draws near (his birthday is in December).

My son finally decided on piano lessons and we got some suggestions on what kind of digital keyboard to buy (for daily home practice). It can't be a cheapy one but it is possible to find a good one (full size, weighted keys) for around $299. (even though the teachers were strongly suggesting ones that cost $600-700).
So, we had a couple picked out from the Guitar Center.

My son's father suddenly tells ds that he won't be buying him a keyboard/piano and lessons.

Ds is heartbroken. I'm not talking about a spoiled kid ticked off because he can't get the toy he wants. I'm talking about the deep sadness that instantly appeared in ds's eyes. His eyes started watering as he was trying not to cry. Ds quietly came over to me and just held on to me while he cried.


My son is on the autism spectrum. Music is something that brings him out of his shell.

I'm so incredibly sad for my sweet boy. He's crushed...and I can't make it better. I found out that a local music school has financial aid and I even told that to ds's father but he doesn't care.

I know that there are more important things in the world. But my son doesn't know that. This is his world.

Thanks for reading. I just needed to get my feelings out. (this all just happened a couple of hours ago so it's very fresh in my heart).

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#2 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:05 AM
 
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I'm sorry Mama. Did he give a reason?
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#3 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:06 AM
 
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+ (13 years together)= (9), (9), (2) and
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#4 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:06 AM
 
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Just hugs, lots of them!!! I'm sorry...
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#5 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:07 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Sarahbunny View Post
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I'm sorry Mama. Did he give a reason?
He doesn't feel like spending the money. (he can afford it, he just doesn't want to do it. He's a very selfish person but I just can't believe he pulled this)

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#6 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:07 AM
 
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I'm so sorry mama...It's so hard to see hurt in our little ones.
If the music school offers financial assistance, is there any way that you could get the lessons for your son? Or is it too much?
My heart hurts for you after reading this post...I hope your lil guy finds a way to get those lessons.

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#7 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:07 AM
 
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How sad that his father can't keep his promise!

Any other ways to help make this happen for him?
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#8 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:09 AM
 
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Oh, man, that's so sad. Is there any way for YOU to make this work? I don't know your situation, but I know you can rent pianos pretty cheaply on a monthly basis, and if the classes are on a financial aid basis...can it work out, even if it's not exactly by his fifth birthday?
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#9 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:10 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by EvansMomma View Post
If the music school offers financial assistance, is there any way that you could get the lessons for your son? Or is it too much?
I'm not sure how much the lessons will be but if I actually had the instrument, I would FIND a way to pay for lessons.
There's no way I could buy the keyboard myself though. That's why I feel so bad.

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#10 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:11 AM
 
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How very awful.

Is there perhaps a teacher in your area that you could trade lesson time for something?

give that sweet boy a hug.

-Angela
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#11 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:13 AM
 
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I am so sorry for your sweet boy, and I have to say based on some of the other things your ex has done, I'm not suprised that he was this selfish again.

I can't believe he would take him TO THE MUSIC STORE, and THEN drop that kind of bomb. That is beyond clueless and selfish into sadistic.

It's lonely being the only XX in a house of XYs.
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#12 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:16 AM
 
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#13 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks everyone. My head hurts and I'm going to go to bed. I'll check back in the morning.

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#14 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:18 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for you and your DS. He must be so crushed.

Is there anyway you could get a used keyboard fairly inexpensively and perhaps a high school student or a new teacher who would give a price break on lessons (you could ask the music teacher at your local junior/high school). I know I used to teach for pretty cheap when I was in HS.

Poor you and DS.
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#15 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:21 AM
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: I'm sorry your DS's father is acting like a UA violation.

Could you find a used instrument?
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#16 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:22 AM
 
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ahhh mama. i feel terible for your ds.

Kristin- Wife to J, Mommy to B (11), M-S (8), and little J (4) and J&J (7 months)
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#17 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:24 AM
 
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#18 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by prairiemommy View Post
Is there anyway you could get a used keyboard fairly inexpensively and perhaps a high school student or a new teacher who would give a price break on lessons (you could ask the music teacher at your local junior/high school). I know I used to teach for pretty cheap when I was in HS.
I've actually searched online (craigslist, freecycle) for awhile for a free/lower priced one but haven't found one (unless it's broken).

As for a teacher, he/she would need to have experience teaching special needs children. That's what's so tricky.
There's a boy at our church who is an incredibly talented pianist and he's tried to teach ds a few things but he's not a good teacher. heh heh.
His parents are the ones who highly recommended the music school that offers financial aid.

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#19 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:46 AM
 
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#20 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:50 AM
 
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I'm so sorry mama! I can imagine it's heartbreaking for you and your boy. Is there any possibility that you could find someone who teaches and possibly trade talents with?

That's what I did for my son when he was about six years old. Got him piano lessons and did a trade with talents instead of money. I was really good at organizing and they needed help with that. Maybe it's something you could try?

I wish you luck. I'd be upset too.

Edit: I'm sorry I didn't read all of the posts you did in the thread. You sorta covered what I was thinking. Ugh. I hope something works out.
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#21 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 01:55 AM
 
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How crappy. One of the worst things someone can do (IMO) is tell a child one thing and then not follow through.

I'm sorry. Perhaps you can still find a different way?
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#22 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 02:47 AM
 
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Awww, that is awful. Poor little guy. Guitar Center has financing, right? Could you maybe make payments on one? Have you tried eBay, craigslist, etc? Do you have a local college that has a music program? Maybe their bulletin boards would have stuff for sale.

Oh, duh...I see above that you already checked out craigslist and stuff. I hope one turns up for your son! I am very passionate about music...it makes my world go 'round. I can relate to how he feels about it.

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#23 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 02:51 AM
 
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Wow, I won't say what I'm thinking of that guy, but it isn't nice.
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#24 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 02:59 AM
 
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I know you said you've been looking but I've seen pianos listed on my local freecycle a few times before. Maybe something will come up. You should at the very least post a "want" ad on FC and CL an if you have it, Kijiji too. Sometimes people just assume that things are not wanted or never bother to list them... If they see a want ad, it may make them think again.

LP
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#25 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 03:01 AM
 
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Im so sorry. Hugs & love to your little guy.

Something will pop up, I just know it.

Have you checked at pawn shops?
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#26 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 03:05 AM
 
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Oh mama, I'm so sorry. My sweet spectrum boy is the same way and would be crushed. My heart hurts just thinking of it for you.

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#27 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 03:07 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by DaughterOfKali View Post
He doesn't feel like spending the money. (he can afford it, he just doesn't want to do it. He's a very selfish person but I just can't believe he pulled this)
That's just awful, I'm so sorry.
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#28 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 03:16 AM
 
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Oh mama I am so sorry. I am actually in tears after reading that. Your poor DS. I so wish there was something I could do. I hope you find a keyboard for cheap soon!

.

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#29 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 03:23 AM
 
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Can you consider a real piano? I often used to see old uprights offered for free in the newspaper, or for super cheap. You have to have lots of people to move it or hire a piano mover though. I got my piano out of the paper for $500 about 15 years ago, it's a spinet though. I play and teach and I like real pianos, the electronic ones just aren't the same unless they're the super expensive ones, like $2000 range.
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#30 of 137 Old 11-22-2007, 03:26 AM
 
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Im really sorry mama to you and your sweet boy.
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