Need help with my own separation anxiety... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 8 Old 08-15-2003, 06:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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First off I will say this. I have a 27 month old dd and the longest I have ever been away from her is four hours. and that felt like eternity. I actually had to leave the concert I was at because I wanted to get home. I just feel better when I am with her.

So new developments...I am trying to stabilize some kind of career for myself before we have another child. I want to work in the holistic health field and have been dying to get my certification as a herbalist for some time now. Finally I have found something, and it starts this October. It is for one weekend a month, for nine months, Saturday 10-5pm, Sunday 10-3pm. I'm not so worried about the Sunday one but Saturday is freaking me out. And another problem is that it runs right through her nap time. Her dad has rocked her to sleep a couple of times successfully, but I have always been there, and she has always nursed to sleep for her naps.

This is what is troubling me so much. I don't know what to do. I don't know if he would know WHEN to try to put her to sleep, and if he could even do it. And then there is just my plain old separation anxiety, and she is pretty attached to me as well. There is trouble if I am gone more than a coupe of hours, and I'm sure it is just b/c I don't ever leave, but still. It will be at least 7 hrs on Sat.

I think I will be very sorry if I don't do it, but at the same time I don't know if I (we) am ready for this. I know it doesn't sound like much, but it is to me. I feel so bad thinking of leaving her for that long. and two days in a row.

So if anyone has been in a similar situation, I would love to hear from you, how did go...etc. What dad did to put them to sleep, was it successful?, and if not what then? Or if anyone just has any advice, support, or opinion to lend that would be great too. Thankyou thankyou

~Holly (sorry this was so long)
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#2 of 8 Old 08-15-2003, 07:11 PM
 
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Dear Holly,
If she is 27 months, then she will be able to understand that you will be coming home. So even if she does cry a little, it will just be that she is sad about missing you. It won't be like a baby who cries because she has no idea where Mommy is or if she's ever coming back. Your husband can explain this to her and lovingly validate her feelings about the situation, and that should be enough.
As far as the nap, one thing that worked with my 18-month old who regularly nursed to sleep was having his dad sing him to sleep. Sometimes DH sang for a loooong time...Old Macdonald had the world's largest zoo
Or if your dh could take her out to a special place while you're gone--a park or something--then maybe she would fall asleep inthe car on the way home?
It's so sensitive and sweet of you to be worried about this, but truthfully it will be so good for you and also for the relationship between your dd and dh. Good luck with the class!!!!!
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#3 of 8 Old 08-16-2003, 10:06 AM
 
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Instead of it being "mommy goes away" time, could you make it "I get to go do stuff with Daddy time". Sometimes I send DH and DD off together so I can get some time to myself. It is always easier if she leaves me than if she sees me leave her.

Since the class doesn't start until Oct, could DH start practicing getting dd to nap. That way she is used to it before you have your class.

Good luck!!

thistle
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#4 of 8 Old 08-16-2003, 11:42 AM
 
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Dad will find a way to make it work. I promise! I agree with the other posters that said start now. Give her time to work up to you being gone the full amount that you will be gone. She is old enough to understand that you will be back and will probably be like my son and not even notice I was gone. She will be so busy having fun with dad that time will fly. It will also be a great bonding experience for them. The hardest part though, when they adjust to being without you just fine. Leaving is easy, compared to coming home and everything being just fine without you. I kind of smarts a little. Good luck!
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#5 of 8 Old 08-16-2003, 10:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you to everyone. That is a good idea to start now, I will do my best. And I was thinking today, it mght not be so bad if they can spend the day with friends, then she would be super distracted and there would be others around to help dad too. And if she misses her nap, I have come to the conclusion that it would be okay. Today she only slept for half an hour and she is fine. She might be a bit cranky without num-nums for so long, but then again she might just surprise me.

Only other problem is that the class is in the city and we have to take the ferry to get there, so either we stay in the city for the weekend, which might work, but which might also make things more stressful, or I leave them and risk the possibility of missing ferries, and making it back very late, and this would add to the total amount away quite a bit. So this is also stressing me out, but I'm sure we will work it out somehow.:

Thank you again, and any other advice or suggestions are still very needed as I still feel preeetty panicky. anyone else btdt?

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#6 of 8 Old 08-17-2003, 12:31 AM
 
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I'm in a similar situation: I'm going back to work in January, full time. It's only for six months, and my hours are quite flexible, and we'll be living close to work...still, there are times when I panic wondering if DH will figure it all out and how she'll deal with it.

Sooo, we are moving there (it's in another city) two months early and I'm going to use that time to gradually get us both used to the change. I'll be going into work on a volunteer basis, at first just a couple of hours, two days a week, gradually increasing the time. This makes me feel alot more confident that by the time I'm starting full-time, we'll be ready!

teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

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#7 of 8 Old 08-17-2003, 10:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks Piglet, That is a good idea for you to get used to it slowly. Where are you moving to? We just moved out of Vancouver and are now living on the Sunshine Coast, but the class is at UBC. Good timing...: I could have done this so much easier when we were actually there. Typical though.

I don't really want to practice the absent 5-7 hours though, I feel that it will just stress her out even more. No need to do it more often than I need to. I think she will be okay, and if she's not we will deal with it at the time, and will have back up plans to divert her attention. But, yes, she is very good with understanding what it means when dad says I will be back. Still nervous and worried as heck though...
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#8 of 8 Old 08-18-2003, 03:00 AM
 
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moving to Cleveland! for a bit, anyways.

I didn't mean to practice the 5 to 7 hours right away, I meant to start going away regularly for a short amount of time, then gradually lengthen it. For example, go out every day for 1 hour, for a week. Then the next week do two, etc. That sort of thing. And of course you don't *have* to go every day if you feel it's too much. Or you can come home early if DH calls and says "we need you". I'm not sure how practical this is, just wanted to clarify I didn't mean to suggest you should just start taking off for 7 hours, lol.

teapot2.GIF Homeschooling, Homesteading Mama to DD ('02) and DS ('04)  ribbonjigsaw.gif blogging.jpg homeschool.gif

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