ALL children are beautiful, but.... - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 34 Old 08-18-2003, 11:32 PM
 
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I like the point on other children. If people feel the need to coment on how cute one child is they better turn to the other and say something just as nice! (being very sincere) I would have a very hard time if people always gushed over one of my kids and not the other.
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#32 of 34 Old 08-19-2003, 06:37 PM
 
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Originally posted by indiegirl
What I don't find okay is: the constant stares, the "Oh my god, look at her hair!", the "Is it natural, is it permed, is she mixed" questions. Come on. Is she mixed? With what? Elf? And so what? Do I ask people their ethnic heritage? Do I ask people if they perm their hair?
I get these questions all the time about myself and ds; my hair is red and slightly curly; ds' hair is light brown and his eyes are very blue. They don't bother me that much. I guess it's because I *am* mixed, and ds is too, and I feel like most people who are asking are just curious. I don't see what the big deal is about that.

T I *don't* like it when I'm out with my nieces & son (all of whom are gorgeous ) and someone says "Oh, do they all have different fathers?" My nieces have the same daddy, and if they didn't it would be none of thier business!!

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#33 of 34 Old 08-19-2003, 10:21 PM
 
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Originally posted by jess7396 In Early Childhood Ed. we learn/talk a lot about different kinds of intelligence, and how verbal skills seem to be what most people consider intelligent, like if you hear someone speak well you think "they are smart".

Also, I agree that praising the effort is most important with tasks, a child who gets a "C" in math that is hard earned deserves more *praise* for lack of a better word, than a child who does nothing and gets an "A".
I like that this was brought up. My son is quite the cutey, but he has a very crooked nose and a big cleft scar on his lip, so I worry about what he's going to feel like later on quite a bit.

On the other hand, when it comes to praising intelligence, doesn't everyone think their kid is smart? It sort of bothers me when my friends go on and on about how intelligent their nephew or niece or whoever is simply because not EVERY kid is going to be brilliant. And I guess maybe because we have the issue with DS's physical defect, maybe there's some secret doubt in my mind about his intelligence. At the moment, he's perfectly average. He's bright and extraordinarily happy. I just don't know how to feel about general praise like a chid is "so beautiful" or "so intelligent". I'd much rather see praise being heaped on individual accomplishments. I like when people comment on DS's eyes and how big & beautiful they are, but it does make me wonder if they're saying it to compensate for his being "deformed". DH's uncle told me recently how much better Aleksander looks since his surgeries than when he was born. I got so mad. I'd rather no importance at all be placed on what he (or anyone) looks like.

The truth is that most people are average. Which is fine, people all have they're individual talents and different kinds of intelligence. I guess I just don't like so much importance being heaped on being outstanding or extraordinary or "the best".

Being praised my whole life for how extraordinary I was just put tremendous pressure on me to do something extraordinary, which so far, I've exceeded only at becoming "just a mom". I didn't finish college, I've never sold a painting or a poem, I hardly even have time to continue making art... so where does it leave me but feeling bad for not being outstandingly successful...

anna kiss partner to jon radical mama to aleks (8/02) and bastian (5/05)
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#34 of 34 Old 08-20-2003, 11:07 PM
 
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I'm glad you mentioned your sons looks Annakiss. My ds has a very large scar on his leg from a muscle biopsy. He also has a button which is a somewhat larger piece of plastic that sticks out and looks similar to a beachball "blowing thing": (I hope that makes sense). We connect a feeding tube to the button and that's how he eats. (So far he's unable to swallow.) To get to my point- It's summer and he's very comfortable in just a cute onsie or something. People are always coming up to him to say how cute he is and then they see the scar. I think people are very turned off by children that aren't "perfect" looking. If I ever have him out on the lawn without a shirt on, anyone that walks by smiles right away and then stops smiling when they get a closer look. A lot of it I think is sympathy. They feel sorry for him, or don't understand. Sometimes I want to shout out "HE'S FINE, HE'S HEALTHY AND HAPPY!"
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