How old is too old to have another babY? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 02:22 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am 37. If I got pregnant now I'd be almost 38 when the baby was born. The baby's siblings would be 3 and 6.

DH is not in favor of going through another babyhood. He'd rather adopt an older child, like at least 18 mos.

I want to have another baby. I think.

There are many good reasons not to have another baby. But, I want one.

I really do.
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#2 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 03:54 AM
 
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My mother was 42 when she had my littlest sister! (She did have a miscarriage after that, which may or may not have been related to her age). She was talking about this the other day... said she felt bad about how she'd raised us older kiddies, but that now she was older she felt much more relaxed raising R and A, which is definitely true. On the other hand, she does get pretty tired. So, you know... pros and cons. If you did choose to have another baby, his/her siblings wouldn't be too much older, which is nice. Mum had R after a big (eight-year) gap, and if she hadn't had A too it might have been pretty lonely for R with all her grown-up sisters.

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#3 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 03:58 AM
 
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My MIL was 38 when dh was born and 40 when SIL was born. They are the youngest two of five. I wouldn't say it's too old.

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#4 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 04:02 AM
 
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I don't think you're too old. My grandma had her last baby at 43. A firend of mine had her second baby at 42 (she had her first at 23, I think). She has a 2 yr old now, and I"m pretty sure she wants one more, not sure if that's gonna happen though.

I also have a relative that had her foirst child at 48, and her second at 50.

I'm 33 with a 2 yr old, and hope to eventually have 2 or 3 more.
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#5 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 04:08 AM
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Originally Posted by Smokering View Post
My mother was 42 when she had my littlest sister! (She did have a miscarriage after that, which may or may not have been related to her age). She was talking about this the other day... said she felt bad about how she'd raised us older kiddies, but that now she was older she felt much more relaxed raising R and A, which is definitely true. On the other hand, she does get pretty tired. So, you know... pros and cons. If you did choose to have another baby, his/her siblings wouldn't be too much older, which is nice. Mum had R after a big (eight-year) gap, and if she hadn't had A too it might have been pretty lonely for R with all her grown-up sisters.

Wow...this sounds exactly like my current situation. I am 40 currently, and have a 11, 13, and 15 year old. We had another baby 15 mos ago, and are trying to have another. Sometimes I feel like I am 'too old', but then again...I'm in great health, I am a much more relaxed/knowledgable as a parent, I am married to the same wonderful man for the past 18 years, and I LOVE BEING A MOMMY!!! I will be 41 (God willing) when/if we have another, and yes I worry about all the age-related 'what-if's' of pregnancy, but there are no guarantees in this life for any momma. I can only pray for the health and safety of any new baby that we are blessed with. I'm not sure how old is 'too old', but I know it's not me.
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#6 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 04:27 AM
 
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If you have the funds to support another child, 38 is defiantly not too old. Go for it, with your DH's blessing, of course

Lu - A ten year plan is forming, here's hoping everything lines up
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#7 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 07:58 AM
 
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Im 40 and would love another child ( 16 13 and 4) If God grants us another child i would be

Jeana Christian momma to 4 sons Logan 18, Connor 15, Nathan 6, and bonus baby Jack 1
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#8 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 09:40 AM
 
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Well....I was 29 with my first, 31 with my second, had a miscarriage in 2002, and my last baby in 2005, at 38. (had a tubal)

I don't think 38 is too old at all.
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#9 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 12:13 PM
 
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My mom had 4 kids when she was pretty young (and in a 5 year span). Then no more kids for 12 (?) years (she had one more then). Then another 6 (?) years later she had another (at 40 years old). Then a year ago she had another (at 44, almost 45). She now has 4 adult children (2 of whom have 4 babies between them, my ds is the oldest), a preteen, a kindergartener and a toddler. Life is busy for her and she doesn't even look like a Grandma

For me, personally, I won't be having any children after the age of 35. Just a personal decision. I'm torn on whether I will have one more or not. DP and I have talked about it alot. I think it's going to come down to how we're doing in 5ish years. We have a lot of things we want to have done by then. If they're not, we probably won't have any more and either he or I will get "fixed".

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#10 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 12:22 PM
 
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My mom had her last at 39, and it was a surprise at that. IMO you are only too old once your body decides it's time to quit having babies.
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#11 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 12:53 PM
 
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My MIL was 41 when she had my DH.

Michelle
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#12 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 02:06 PM
 
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35! My actual cut-off was 37, but then I decided earlier that I had abslolutley no desire to have any more kids. I wanted another baby.. But, I didn't want to HAVE another baby. Does that make sense?
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#13 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 02:21 PM
 
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Originally Posted by famousmockngbrd View Post
DH is not in favor of going through another babyhood. He'd rather adopt an older child, like at least 18 mos.

How do you feel about this?
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#14 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 02:29 PM
 
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I am 36 my kids are 17,13, and 16 months. I would like one more before i turn 40. We are thinking of adoption but the verdict is still out
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#15 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 02:30 PM
 
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My aunt had kids at 47 and 48, respectively, and it's been a joy for everyone. Where she did find it hard was at the teenage end; her (second) husband was younger though so he did the heavy lifting. I'm 36 and considering another. I think it really depends on your energy levels, etc.

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#16 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 03:15 PM
 
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My mom had me at 20, and my brother at 43.

All I can really say is I wish she had waited to have me. She is a much better hands on mom with my brother. I am jealous of the financial benefit and just the patience levels she now has with my brother, stuff I never really saw. What is it they say??? 60 is the new 40? Boomers have set so many bars at new levels, who is to say what is too old.

My mom is now 58, and my brother just turned 15, so that makes me 38... and I have a 3 year old. Not much has changed since having my first child at 27.... just a few more grey hairs. My mid section did not bounce back like it did with my first two... but that might be the surgery i had to have while pregnant.
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#17 of 91 Old 12-17-2007, 03:24 PM
 
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My mom had me at 41. One of my friends just had an unassisted home birth at 40. I don't think you are too old. BUT!!! Your dh doesn't want to have another baby. That is a MUCH bigger issue than your age.
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#18 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 01:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My mom had me at 41. One of my friends just had an unassisted home birth at 40. I don't think you are too old. BUT!!! Your dh doesn't want to have another baby. That is a MUCH bigger issue than your age.
True. HE thinks we are too old. Among other things, mainly money issues.

About the adoption thing - I have very mixed feelings about it. It's not an option I want to consider right now, I guess because I am still attached to the idea of having a pregnancy, birth, newborn experience. I have to be able to really let that go before I can consider the idea of taking in an older baby.

Deep down inside, I want to have another. I agree with DH that newborns are a PITA, and yes we are broke and our house is too small. There are plenty of good reasons not to have any more babies, yes. But the heart wants what it wants, as they say.
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#19 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 02:11 AM
 
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Too old to physically have another baby would be sometime after menopause As long as you feel you can do it, I don't think there is an age limit. A woman who lived next to my grandmother was a foster mom for crack babies until she was nearly 80. Personally I do not plan on having children after 30. I am 22 now and have two children and one on the way. How ever many kids I have by the time I'm 30 is how many kids I have. But I know my body's limits and I am certain that beyond 30 I would not be able to care for young children as efficiently as I can now. I've had a few serious back injuries, lived a fairly hard life so far compared to most folks my age. But if you feel great at 37 and you have the energy for another baby, go for it!
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#20 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 10:14 AM
 
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I had my last babe (#4) when I was 36. No problems. I do feel like the odd man out, though. Most of my friends all have older kiddos, same age as my first 2. It is hard to find mamas in the same boat. I am nearly 40 now and I have little in common with most mothers of 3 year olds. It can get a bit lonely.

Also, the older you get and more kids you have, the harder and longer it is to get back to "normal" YK.

But for the most part, having babies as an older-ish mama gets the ol' .

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#21 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 10:42 AM
 
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I had my first at 35, my second at 37, and my third at 41.
The third one was my easiest pregnancy, easiest delivery, and easiest baby.
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#22 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 11:36 AM
 
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I'm 37 and am hoping to have another one before I'm 40, so I guess I'll be 38 with the next one or 39 but I reckon my cut off point will be 40 until I get there and then I may change my mind!! just for you information dh is quite happy having lots of kids (he's one of 9) so it's a sort of my body, my decision kind of thing.

ewe + dh = our little lambs + we and have many just : and : life .
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#23 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 12:16 PM
 
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I'm right there with you, but I am already 40. I cannot make a decision and I hear the clock ticking!!!!!! LOL
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#24 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 12:22 PM
 
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I had my first baby at 37 and the second baby at 40. I run marathons now at 43 and am more active than many women I know who are much younger than I am.
At 37, I was financially and emotionally ready--any YOUNGER to ME would be TOO YOUNG! LOL!
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#25 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 12:38 PM
 
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I don't think you are too old! I, personally would prefer to be done with childbearing by early to mid 40's. As a Doula I have had clients having their first child in their mid 40's without any trouble at all. Just beware that some OBs and MWs will try to tell you that you are "high risk" because of your age

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#26 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 12:56 PM
 
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I think It all depends on how you feel. I don't think there is an age limit. I was 20 when i had my first then 32 when i had my second, i think i'm a better mom with my second than i was with my first. I'm 35, soon to be 36 and i'm not ready to quit. So I personally don't think 38 is too old, i think 38 is the perfect age if you want another. I did go through the same thing though about the age limit, only because "others" in my life convinced me what their idea of too old was. But now I Know I'm not too old, and neither are you
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#27 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 01:05 PM
 
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I don't know for me yet. I'm 35 and don't have a partner. If I got pregnant now, my kids would be 8 & 10 when the baby came. I sometimes feel done and sometimes hope for another or even another "pair" (because there are such great things about having a close sibling) with my limit being sometime before 45.

But then I have all these plans for my life that are so much easier to follow through with older kids. . .

There were great things about having babies in my 20s but there are great things about being a more mature parent too.
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#28 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 02:25 PM
 
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My personal cut off was 30 (and I ended up giving birth to my second and last at 26).

But if you feel physically up to it (and there's no reason why you shouldn't), I would definitely try to get DP on board and have another baby.

Proud Anti-Adoption, Atheist, Reproductive-Freedom Fighter Mama
Rylie is 7, Ronin is 3.5
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#29 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 05:39 PM
 
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I had my first at 37, my second at 39, a month before turning 40. I don't have a problem running after kids, picking up toys.... I was definetely not mature enough in my 20s for kids. It's a nice asset to parenting, when you are old enough to be confident, but not cocky, if you know what I mean.
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#30 of 91 Old 12-18-2007, 06:05 PM
 
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Dh's mom (and dad, they're the same age) had Dh at 30, dd#2 at 33, and dd#3 at 36. His grandmother had his dad (her last of 6 living babes) at age 40 (she lived to be 92, btw).

I'm curious as to how it would be easier to adopt an older child (and really 18 months isn't THAT much older), either financially, or physically and emotionally. Adoption can be expensive even with aid, and adopted kiddos come with their own set of challenges that can be just as draining (and rewarding!) as having a newborn. If he hopes to adopt later, when you're more financially set, that's cool, but you'll be even older. I'm not trying to discourage you from adopting (I think it's a wonderful thing), but just trying to point out it isn't necessarily an "easier", less stressful route. And the older the child, the more adjustments that you and dh will need to make.

It's a tough decision, but I don't think that you're old enough that age should be the deciding factor. GL!

Amanda and Dh, ds 09/00, ds 08/03, ds 10/05, and ds 05/08, and 3 :
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