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#1 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 11:36 AM - Thread Starter
 
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First, my girlfriend and I are having a good relationship. Perfect infact!

Although, my dad was rather worried that her parents would try to enforce child support on me whenever the baby is born.
( FYI: her parents are sneaky a**holes )

Can child support be enforced through her parents or would it have to be a decision made by my gf ( teen mother ).

I'm not trying to run from this issue, I just seen to many people get ruined over this. I rather pay money to help my child throughout the month, rather than a lump sum out of my check each week.
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#2 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 12:00 PM
 
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I think it depends where you live, and if your girlfriend is willing to sign off/waive child support. Many couples simply do joint custody on paper so that the child is spending 1/2 time with mom and 1/2 time with dad (on paper) so that no one person owes support.

Whether her parents have any say really depends on her age and if she is emancipated.
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#3 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 12:07 PM
 
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I am pretty sure she has to file for it but her parents don't have to be sneaky a**holes to give her the incentive to file. I know if my dds boyfriend wasn't willing to commit to a monthly amount, and I was still mostly supporting her and her baby I would force the issue. i would want her and the baby provided for and legally entitled to his support.

not all child support agreements are arranged in monthly lump sums. you can get bi-weekly or weekly payments too. If I were in your shoes I would ask for a legal arrangement and have it automatically withdrawn from each pay check (it can be set up as direct deposit) if you make the first step you are more likely to get the payments when it works best for you and you and it makes you lok like a stand up man determined to support your child and his mother. you have proof that you paid and no one can go around just demanding more (of course you are always free to give over and above the legally determined amount). it makes the whole money thing a non issue for you guys and makes for one less thing to fight over and cause tension in your relationship. you will have that out of the way, set in stone, so you can both enjoy your child and each other.

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#4 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 12:13 PM
 
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I have to come back and add that if you were my son I would want you to have a set amount and have it in writing. If she were my daughter I would want her to have a set amount established and have it in writing. I do think it is best to have it all written out and everyone on the same page. I was a teen mom and I was glad many times that I had it in writing. Life throws curves, emotions can run rampant when a child is involved. If there is a plan in writing then everyone knows where they stand and what is the most/least expected of them.
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#5 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 12:43 PM
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the mother must file for child support if she wants it. without filing she will be ineligible for many kinds of state assistance should she need it. the custodial parent ends up paying probably about twice as much as the non custodial parent for the child's care each month anyway. i wouldn't worry about the lump sums. my ex pays twice monthly so it's split up. he just sends the checks on payday to avoid banking confusion and make budgeting easier.

i would encourage you to create a child support agreement approved by the courts. i gaurntee you it will come up in the future and if you make an agreement now, have a judge sign off on it, and keep to your payments then there will be no possibility of an argument over money. you can just say that you have made the agreed upon payment. also, you should consider making agreements about the structure of pay for unforeseen expensing such as medical. this will save you untold headaches. it can be a way of helping ensure the health of your relationship with the child's mother.

there is nothing to say that you can't also do fun stuff or pick up a winter coat for the kid should he/she need it outside of child support.
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#6 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 01:14 PM
 
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Depending on where you live--if your GF applies for WIC, medicaid, food stamps, child care assistance, the state will automatically pursue child support.

If her parents will be supporting or raising the baby, they can also seek support from you.

If I were in your shoes, I'd step up and set something through the court system so it's there on paper--otherwise, what happens if you have a falling out with your girlfriend? She can seek support--and if there's no proof you gave her money throughout the month, and that the money was child support and not gifts or maintenance for her, she can seek back support, too.

Child support is your child's right and the parents' responsibility.

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#7 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 01:39 PM
 
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Technically, she can't really waive support, as it's seen as the child's right, not hers. In practice, she can simply not pursue it and you wouldn't owe. However, if you don't pay or don't have record of paying then she can legally get you to pay back support at any time before the kid turns 18. So, let's say you forego all rights to the kid (informally), in exchange of not supporting the kid. Well, she can wait til the kid is 17 and hit you up for back support.

Since you get along this may not happen, and you two can support the baby together, but if she pushes for it legally then you will have to pay a lot of your money. Probably more than you think. Every situation is different, depending on your state, your income, her income, etc., but it can range from you paying a small amount all the way to you paying not just *all* the kid's expenses but also a good amount of extra cash to her as well. Google the child support formula for your state (most states have them) and find out what you'd owe.

The bottom line is you will have to support the child, either purely voluntarily of via court-mandated support. It's your responsibility. It sounds like you want to do the right thing -- babies are expensive, so be prepared for a change in your lifestyle to support your new baby.

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#8 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 01:43 PM
 
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I don't think making sure your grandchild is financially supported makes one a sneaky A$$hole. If you are a minor then your parents should be financially responsible for CS if you are unable to do so yourself.

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#9 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 01:45 PM
 
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If you are a father to a baby, you are obliged to support that baby. I would fully support anyone forcing that issue through the court system. Child support is in the best interest of the child, not for the parents, and although it sucks to have money taken out of your cheque, this is what it is to be a parent.
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#10 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 03:05 PM
 
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I just wanted to add -- my husband and I are in no way sneaky a**holes, but if you made a baby with our daughter, you'd better believe we'd hold you financially responsible and get a child support order! Your girlfriend's parents (your baby's grandparents!) have to a responsibility to take care of her just like you have a responsibility to take care of your baby.

Start off this lifelong relationship right by stepping up to support your baby and things will go smoother. As several of us mentioned, she can let it slide now but can always change her mind and get back pay. So circumvent that and support your baby from day 1. Good Luck!

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#11 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 03:15 PM
 
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If your relationship is perfect and you're in it together, you'll make your new family the #1 priority in time and finances. Budget in the amount you'll give them and if you're reliable in it you girlfriend and her parents will see no need to set up court orders. And if they do anyway, just see that it's distributed throughout the month and it won't be any more hardship than voluntary.
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#12 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 03:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by neo90 View Post
( FYI: her parents are sneaky a**holes )
First of all- I would *strongly* urge you to get rid of this attitude, like, yesterday. Seriously- calling your childs grandparents "sneaky a**holes" will not encourage them to treat you with respect and treat you like a responsible person.

If you were *my* daughters boyfriend, got her pregnant and then called me a "sneaky a**hole" you can bet your a$$ I wouldn't be trusting your word that you'll pay child support and I would do what I could to encourage my daughter to file for child support.

Grow up, take responsibility for this life you created, sit down with your gf, her parents and your parents and discuss exactly how much you will be contributing to the cost of raising this child and HOW you are going to do that. I would suggest you look online for your states child support calculator. Most have them and, by using it, you can determine what is a fair amount for you to be contributing. Take this number back to everyone involved and PROVE to them that you are not running away from this responsibility and that you are going to step up and do the right thing. Don't just throw a random number out there and hope gf and her parents take it.

Good luck to you and your girlfriend.

Steph, DH Jason (1-1-11), DS Owen (10-3-03) and DS Kai (10-13-11)

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#13 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 03:29 PM
 
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Oh, and you didn't say how far along your girlfriend is but I would also suggest you start putting money aside now and help her buy essentials (carseat, clothes, diapers, formula if she's not going to breastfeed (maybe a breastpump if she is going to), bottles, swing/bouncy/playpen, crib). There are many things that need to be bought even before a baby is born. Help start purchasing these now and maybe your girlfriends parents will see that you really are responsible. If you were my daughters boyfriend and you didn't contribute anything during the pregnancy I would have my eyebrows raised as to whether you really were planning on contributing.

(Take that for what it's worth... all of this is coming from a young mom (pregnant at 18) who's then fiance contributed NOTHING and bought NOTHING while I was pregnant, or afterwards, until the court ordered child support).

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#14 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 04:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by StephandOwen View Post
First of all- I would *strongly* urge you to get rid of this attitude, like, yesterday. Seriously- calling your childs grandparents "sneaky a**holes" will not encourage them to treat you with respect and treat you like a responsible person.

If you were *my* daughters boyfriend, got her pregnant and then called me a "sneaky a**hole" you can bet your a$$ I wouldn't be trusting your word that you'll pay child support and I would do what I could to encourage my daughter to file for child support.

Grow up, take responsibility for this life you created, sit down with your gf, her parents and your parents and discuss exactly how much you will be contributing to the cost of raising this child and HOW you are going to do that. I would suggest you look online for your states child support calculator. Most have them and, by using it, you can determine what is a fair amount for you to be contributing. Take this number back to everyone involved and PROVE to them that you are not running away from this responsibility and that you are going to step up and do the right thing. Don't just throw a random number out there and hope gf and her parents take it.

Good luck to you and your girlfriend.



I TOTALLY agree with this. I have three sons. If one of them were to help create a baby, they will be held responsible. I don't understand why the young man's father is so concerned and seemingly afraid of his son being held to his responsibility. You bet your bottom dollar that I would not be afraid~I would be leading my son to do what is right.

It almost sounds like he wants to give what he wants to give, whenever, and the GF and her parents should just be happy. I hope that I am misunderstanding.
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#15 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 04:39 PM
 
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I agree that the OP should set up a written child support agreement with his gf, and that a set amount is the way to go.

However, I don't think he said, or even implied, that their probable attitude about child support were what made him call his gf's parents "sneaky a**holes". It's always possible that he called them that, because that's what they are, yk...the simple fact that he's a guy and his gf is pregnant doesn't automatically make her parents nice people or "the good guys". (They could be perfectly nice people, of course - but the OP knows them, and I don't.)

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#16 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 04:53 PM
 
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I think you should start the process of setting up child support if for no other reason that to protect yourself in the future. Yes, you and your girlfriend are doing well now and if it stays that way forever, great, then the child support issue won't matter, but it won't hurt anything either. If you two do have rough times or break it off, I think it is better for all concerned that the financial support agreement is in place already so no one will be tempted to use it against the other, possibly at the expense of your future son or daughter. I really do hope everything works out well for all of you!

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#17 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 10:49 PM
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i wonder why people tend to think that child support is money owed to the ex or, in this case, girlfriend. that money is for kids. the money my ex gives me each month is for my son. i wonder if we would see a huge shift in attitudes about cs and people feeling much better about paying it if there was a shift in language. yk? nobody wants to give another adult money but everyone feels good about doing it for a kid. and really, i know alot of single and re partnered moms i've never met one who didn't spend all the cs and more of her own money on the child except some with the most severe addiction problems. actually most of the recovering and active addicts i met spent all cs on kids too. ex had trouble paying ME money but when i switched language to saying please don't be late w/ ds's money he really likes pre school it was much smoother sailing.
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#18 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 10:55 PM
 
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I agree that the OP should set up a written child support agreement with his gf, and that a set amount is the way to go.

However, I don't think he said, or even implied, that their probable attitude about child support were what made him call his gf's parents "sneaky a**holes". It's always possible that he called them that, because that's what they are, yk...the simple fact that he's a guy and his gf is pregnant doesn't automatically make her parents nice people or "the good guys". (They could be perfectly nice people, of course - but the OP knows them, and I don't.)

Sure, they might be nice or nasty, we don't know.
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#19 of 31 Old 01-02-2008, 10:57 PM
 
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i wonder why people tend to think that child support is money owed to the ex or, in this case, girlfriend. that money is for kids. the money my ex gives me each month is for my son. i wonder if we would see a huge shift in attitudes about cs and people feeling much better about paying it if there was a shift in language. yk? nobody wants to give another adult money but everyone feels good about doing it for a kid. and really, i know alot of single and re partnered moms i've never met one who didn't spend all the cs and more of her own money on the child except some with the most severe addiction problems. actually most of the recovering and active addicts i met spent all cs on kids too. ex had trouble paying ME money but when i switched language to saying please don't be late w/ ds's money he really likes pre school it was much smoother sailing.


I totally agree that the CS for the kids.
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#20 of 31 Old 01-03-2008, 01:25 PM
 
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If you don't want to pay child support, I suggest you go buy a ring.
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#21 of 31 Old 01-03-2008, 03:11 PM
 
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If you don't want to pay child support, I suggest you go buy a ring.
100% agree.
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#22 of 31 Old 01-03-2008, 03:37 PM
 
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First of all, congratulations on this new life!

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Although, my dad was rather worried that her parents would try to enforce child support on me whenever the baby is born.
( FYI: her parents are sneaky a**holes )
Doesn't your dad feel that you should support your child? Why? Doesn't your dad support you?

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Can child support be enforced through her parents or would it have to be a decision made by my gf ( teen mother ).
In my state, support is automatically ordered by the court anytime the father listed on the birth certificate is not married to (and living with) the mother -- and if the father refuses to be on the birth certificate (I'm not saying you're likely to do that), a paternity test will be done.

If you're sure you're the father, I strongly recommend having your name on the birth certificate from the get-go. A son of a friend of mine declined, and waited for the paternity test. Now he's having trouble getting visitation rights, though he's having to pay child support.

Quote:
I'm not trying to run from this issue, I just seen to many people get ruined over this. I rather pay money to help my child throughout the month, rather than a lump sum out of my check each week.
Get ruined for supporting their child? I don't see how taking parental responsibility can ruin you.

I do think you can get yourself into great difficulty, if you don't get something in writing right now, and prove that you're paying from the very beginning. I've heard of cases where there was no formal arrangement, because Dad was just giving Mom money as she needed it (or as he felt able) -- then later Dad got charged with back child-support for all the years when he was giving it to Mom informally, and he had no way to prove what he'd paid, so he was just screwed.

My own husband once paid his ex for a couple of months directly, because she said she really needed the money on time, and the court was always late getting it to her. She promised to reimburse him if he had to pay it again through the court -- then decided not to, ha ha.

Even though dh could prove that he'd paid his ex, the court said it didn't count as it didn't come through them. So he had to pay it all again. At least a couple of months is easier to make up than 5 or 10 years.

So, IMO, if you (or your dad) are worried about financial ruin, your best bet is to get court-ordered child support right away and keep all your receipts. Or even better, since things are so wonderful between the 2 of you, take pigpokey's advice and establish a home together. Overall, sharing a home is easier than supporting yourself in one home and your family in another.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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#23 of 31 Old 01-03-2008, 03:43 PM
 
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Is there actually a set amount for child-support in some states?

In my state, it's based on income. I think a teen (under 18) dad would be charged less than an older dad with more skills and experience, and a higher income.

Also, I think it'd be kind of unfair for a dad with, say, a 6-figure income to be charged the same amount as a teenager working for minimum wage.

Susan -- married unschoolin' WAHMomma to two lovely girls (born 2000 and 2005).
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:up
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If you don't want to pay child support, I suggest you go buy a ring.

This is the funniest and best thing I have seen on MDC lately. Cudos. Now will you kindly help me clean up my lap top?
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#25 of 31 Old 01-03-2008, 04:34 PM
 
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Now will you kindly help me clean up my lap top?
Huh? I don't get the connection ... please enlighten me!

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#26 of 31 Old 01-03-2008, 04:56 PM
 
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Is there actually a set amount for child-support in some states?
I think people meant a set amount, as in what amount the court would set for the OP's particular situation, not a flat rate amount.

Quote:
In my state, it's based on income. I think a teen (under 18) dad would be charged less than an older dad with more skills and experience, and a higher income.

Also, I think it'd be kind of unfair for a dad with, say, a 6-figure income to be charged the same amount as a teenager working for minimum wage.
hmm...I wonder what, if anything, the OP is making. I have an 18 year old nephew who is currently making more money than I ever did, and I worked for years.

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#27 of 31 Old 01-03-2008, 06:23 PM
 
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hmm...I wonder what, if anything, the OP is making. I have an 18 year old nephew who is currently making more money than I ever did, and I worked for years.
That's great (for him I mean). Since the OP (or his dad) seems worried about financial ruin, I thought maybe he hadn't landed the ideal career just yet ... but then again, income-level doesn't necessarily have anything to do with hesitancy about paying child-support: I've heard of very high-income dads balking about it and trying to get out of paying.

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#28 of 31 Old 01-03-2008, 06:36 PM
 
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Huh? I don't get the connection ... please enlighten me!
Because the wonderful mango blueberry smoothie I was drinking ended up ALL over the computer.
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#29 of 31 Old 01-03-2008, 06:37 PM
 
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Because the wonderful mango blueberry smoothie I was drinking ended up ALL over the computer.
Thanks! Now I get it!

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#30 of 31 Old 01-03-2008, 07:04 PM
 
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That's great (for him I mean). Since the OP (or his dad) seems worried about financial ruin, I thought maybe he hadn't landed the ideal career just yet ... but then again, income-level doesn't necessarily have anything to do with hesitancy about paying child-support: I've heard of very high-income dads balking about it and trying to get out of paying.
I hope it's great for my nephew...have a feeling it's going to be one of those "the money's great now, but isn't ever going to get any better" situations. You're right. I haven't noticed a huge correlation between ability to pay and willingness to pay when it comes to child support.

Lisa, lucky mama of Kelly (3/93) ribboncesarean.gif, Emma (5/03) ribboncesarean.gif, Evan (7/05) ribboncesarean.gif, & Jenna (6/09) ribboncesarean.gif
Loving my amazing dh, James & forever missing ribbonpb.gif Aaron Ambrose ribboncesarean.gif (11/07) ribbonpb.gif

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