ap and crying - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: ap and crying
I did all of the below and my baby was 'calm' 93 100.00%
I did all of the below and my baby was 'fussy' 126 100.00%
I did some of the below and my baby was 'calm' 109 100.00%
I did some of the below and my baby was 'fussy' 92 100.00%
I did none of the below and my baby was 'calm' 10 100.00%
I did none of the below and my baby was 'fussy' 3 42.86%
Other... 14 100.00%
Multiple Choice Poll. Voters: 7. You may not vote on this poll

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#1 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 01:29 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm curious. Who here attachment parented their infants, by the below definition, and still had a baby that cried, at least once a day.

No circ
no vax (I don't necessarily consider this AP, but can see how it might cause a baby to be 'fussy')
gentle birth
breastfeed on cue
coslept
no cio

poll coming...

You can vote once for each of your children, because we all know every baby is different

Insert 'cried at least once a day' for the word 'fussy', if you like
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#2 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 01:38 PM
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Did all of the above (except I have a girl, so circ wasn't really an issue). I did everyting "right" according to the wisdom of AP. And my daughter cried from the moment her eyes were open until the moment she fell asleep. All day, every day. She was--and is--VERY high needs. It has nothing to do with parenting style, imo, and everything to do with her personality. Some kids are just very intense. Having said that, however, I do believe that "AP" is the kindest, most appropriate response to that.

PhDin' mama to dd (Oct. 2005)
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#3 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 01:40 PM
 
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I did it all, and babycakes still cries. I don't think that a baby crying once a day makes it fussy though.
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#4 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 01:40 PM
 
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I voted other. I did everything except that DS's birth was by medically necessary unplanned c-sec. Even then, the hospital and nurses were great. DS spent his first hour in his dad's arms, then was brought to me to nurse while I was still in recovery. He didn't spend one moment in the nursery.

And as an infant he had to have his late afternoon meltdown. The five o'clock witching hour. He's a sensitive boy, 8 years later this is still true, and needs to release pent up stuff. That's just him. I am still learning just how sensitive he is, both emotionally and sensorially. And as an AP mom, still educating myself as to how I can best meet his needs.
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#5 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 01:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Mrs.Bufford View Post
I did it all, and babycakes still cries. I don't think that a baby crying once a day makes it fussy though.
well, tbh, I don't really thinkg fussy is the right word, I was just using it for ease. I actually hate when peolpe ask, is she a good baby, because I fell like all babies are good, kwim? Crying doesn't make a baby bad or good. It just is. I guess you could insert fussy with 'cries at least once a day' and use whatever descriptor you like
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#6 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 01:46 PM
 
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DD1 cried nonstop for over 6 months... she is really happy now, tho.

DD2 cried a few times a day. She was and is a nonstop crier... there is nothing we could do. Luckily DD1 wore me down and I just held her and didn't take it personally. At this point DD2 is doing tantrums... little burts of crying-anger when she doesn't like what is going on.

At first, I thought crying=unhappy baby, AP=no crying... but my DD1 taught me that crying is a natual part of life and to respect it instead of trying to eliminate it because it would always end up coming out at some point and it was usually worse if it was delayed.

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#7 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 01:46 PM
 
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My kids sometimes cried, but I wouldn't have called either of them fussy. They only cried when they were unhappy and we could figure out what they needed (for my oldest, it was ALWAYS the boob, for my littlest, he wanted us to hold him and bounce constantly). So I voted "I did all of that and my babies were calm."
I'm assuming this is talking about young infants, of course. My kids are NOT calm now! And my youngest had a terrible time with all of his teeth, and was VERY fussy and in extreme pain when he was teething.
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#8 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 01:48 PM
 
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My first was very high-needs and I did all the above except she was vaxed.
My second I did all the above except his hospital birth wasn't so gentle and he was partially vaxed and he was a calm/laid back baby.
My last I did all the above and he's another high-needs little one.

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#9 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 01:50 PM
 
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nak

my dd is high needs, always has been.

Mummy to dd (Jan 13, '07) born by emergency c-section at 35 weeks due to severe pre-e  :ribboncesarean.gif and ds (Jan 30 '09) :hbac.gif and stork-suprise.gif    (06/11)
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#10 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 01:51 PM
 
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DS - tramautic birth, 5 day NICU seperation at birth, circed, No CIO, co-slept, fed on demand CALM

DD 1- did all of the above FUSSY

DD 2- did all of the above CALM
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#11 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 01:55 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
well, tbh, I don't really thinkg fussy is the right word, I was just using it for ease. I actually hate when peolpe ask, is she a good baby, because I fell like all babies are good, kwim? Crying doesn't make a baby bad or good. It just is. I guess you could insert fussy with 'cries at least once a day' and use whatever descriptor you like
Hehe ok, I didn't think you could really think that!
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#12 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:02 PM
 
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My son did not have a gentle birth (vac-extraction)
He was not circumsized
He received some vax
We sort of co-slept (he slept directly next to the bed in a Moses basket)
We nursed on demand
He never "cried-it-out"
He was a calm baby.

My daughter had a relatively gentle birth, although not entirely (she was suctioned after and when she didn't start up right away her cord was quickly cut and she was taken away from me for blow-by O2 in the warmer)
She received some vax
We nursed on demand
We co-slept
She never "cried-it-out"
She was a calm baby.
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#13 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:04 PM
 
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Ds1-
Had a rough birth. Carried him, co-slept, no cio. I did vaccinate on the dr. schedule, but I didn't know any better.
He was incredibly high needs. He had to be held, bounced, rocked, nursed constantly, and he cried the milli second I stopped.

Ds2-
Okay birth, though he had shoulder distocia. Did all the above, except delayed vac. He was pretty calm, and only cried when he had a wet diaper.

Ds3-
Bit of a rough birth. Did all of the above, except much more delayed and some refused vacs. Was very calm as a baby. Now he's my wild man!!

 
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#14 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by redpajama View Post
My son did not have a gentle birth (vac-extraction)
He was not circumsized
He received some vax
We sort of co-slept (he slept directly next to the bed in a Moses basket)
We nursed on demand
He never "cried-it-out"
He was a calm baby.

My daughter had a relatively gentle birth, although not entirely (she was suctioned after and when she didn't start up right away her cord was quickly cut and she was taken away from me for blow-by O2 in the warmer)
She received some vax
We nursed on demand
We co-slept
She never "cried-it-out"
She was a calm baby.
OT: Susan, your pictures are beautiful!
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#15 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:08 PM
 
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my first almost never cried. She was/is raised totally AP style. She would just whimper if she needed me... like she knew crying was too much.. lol
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#16 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:10 PM
 
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Are there really people who think if you do everything just right, your child will never cry?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH..whew, let me catch my breath.
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#17 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:11 PM
 
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I did everything but gentle birth (both ended up csection ) DD was fussy, very sensitive, hated transitions (even picking her up or switching positions could cause a melt down) etc. My ds was a bit fussy for the first several weeks, but even when fussy, he was still calmer. When Lilah would melt down, that was it..everything turned into a complete meltdown. Cian would pull himself out if it much quicker. Now he's only fussy when tired, hungry, or needing a change. (well except for the car, but we wont count that).

Nicole - )0( unschooling mama to Lilahblahblah.gif (12/21/05) and Cianwild.gif (9/21/07) as well as 3 dog2.gif 2 cat.gif,  4 rats, chicken3.gif and ducks
 
 

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#18 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post
Are there really people who think if you do everything just right, your child will never cry?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH..whew, let me catch my breath.

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#19 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:15 PM
 
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the only things we didnt do, was gentle birth (hospital induced epi birth, but he labored down and was very calm at birth, and unfortunatly we vaxed for the first 6mths.

ds was high needs from day one, he cried ALOT!
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#20 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:17 PM
 
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I hardly think crying once a day counts as fussy

-Angela
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#21 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:18 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by alegna View Post
I hardly think crying once a day counts as fussy

-Angela
right. my op has that you can call it whatever you want, even just 'crying once a day'. I just used fussy for simplicity's sake.
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#22 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by NiteNicole View Post
Are there really people who think if you do everything just right, your child will never cry?

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH..whew, let me catch my breath.



It's the biggest joke in the world, especially for those who did everything "right" and still stayed up night and day with a screaming baby.

 
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#23 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:24 PM
 
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Originally Posted by vbactivist View Post
right. my op has that you can call it whatever you want, even just 'crying once a day'. I just used fussy for simplicity's sake.
But do you want to know if they cried once a day or if they were fussy? Very different questions.

My dd was a VERY VERY mellow baby. But she cried at least once a day....

I would never have labeled her as fussy or high needs. Not at all. But I think it's pretty abnormal to have a baby that never cries at all. They don't make many other sounds in the first few weeks.

-Angela
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#24 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:31 PM
 
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We fall into all those categories (plus other AP ones) and my son was a VERY intense little bug, needy as heck and cried a lot.

There were no allergies or other things involved, he was/is just downright intense.

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#25 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:42 PM
 
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I checked the first two options One for Ellie, one for Ben. Ellie hardly ever cried, certainly not once per day. Ben cried, wouldn't nurse sometimes.... and was "fussy" at times... I always say, "He wears his heart on his sleeve."

~Joan, Happy mom to 2 beautiful kiddos, one new puppy and 2 lovely felines
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#26 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 02:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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But do you want to know if they cried once a day or if they were fussy? Very different questions.


-Angela
NOt really to some people. I personally don't label any baby as 'fussy'. But I know how most people interpret the word, so thats what I'm basing it on.

If you think your baby is/was fussy OR cried once a day, check that. This is just an informal poll - its not like I'm presenting it to congress or something....
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#27 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 03:10 PM
 
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no snark here but are there babies who dont cry at all all day day?, If i had one of those i would have been at the doctor asking questions. dd1 was very calm but certanly did cry, and still cries at 5 yo probably once a day, dd2 very high needs from the start to the point i had to step out of the room for a second and breathe if not i had a meltdown myself, when i think I want another baby I remember those days best birht control ever
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#28 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 03:12 PM
 
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my first was calm as a baby for the most part, but was also really into music like..trying to dance and all. when i was pregnant he would beat to the music of a couple of bands their dad likes...but very stuck in his ways early on (for the longest time i COULD NOT wear anything but a black bra or he would absolutely freak out, or when i was pregnant if i moved the slightest way he didnt like, he would stick his butt up under and jam his foot straight out under my rib cage! : for examples)
now hes a crazy little thing

my second is pretty calm, he sometimes cries more than a few seconds because i have to get my oldest off of him or something. his birth was much more peaceful as it was a uc waterbirth and we were alone. but he is also set in his weird little ways about stuff like my nipple has to be exactly the way he wants it or he will get mad, or he will get this high pitched yelling type noise and look like im trying to kill him or something if i offer the boob he didnt want cause you know, im a mind reader and all! other than that hes pretty happy, smiling and giggly most of the time

neither were/are fussy in general, just when they want something, and neither really tell me before freaking out, like no little "im wet" cues, believe me ive started at them both, and they never did anything..then suddenly wet and freaking out, or the older never had a sign he was hungry, he went from fine to rooting for literally a couple of seconds to "boob better be in the mouth or the neighborhoods going to know im angry!"
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#29 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 03:20 PM
 
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I attempted gentle, midwife-assisted births with both - one in a birth center, the other at home. They both had shoulder dystocias, so not so gentle extractions after all. My second ended up visiting the hospital after birth to get checked out.
My first was partially vaxed until he was a year old. My second wasn't vaxed.
Neither were circ'ed. Both co-slept/ co-sleep. Both nurse(d) on demand. I didn't purposely let them CIO, though they each had some crying time while I used the bathroom and such. ... Etc. Etc.
Both have sensory processing disorder. My older son was fussier (hours every night) than my younger son is (so far), but the younger one does have his times.
With my first, I really bought into the whole idea that attachment parenting would create this wonderful, easy, perfect child. I blamed myself for a long time for that not happening. I must've done something wrong. I was a horrible mother.
I'd hate for anyone else to go through that. Each child has his/ her own personality. Just try to meet their individual needs (checklists don't work for unique individuals!) and remember to breathe! Parenting is hard work for most of us.

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#30 of 112 Old 01-05-2008, 03:21 PM
 
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I did EVERYTHING with DD2 and she had colic. It was terrible.

Serenity LDS mommy to 4 rambunctious kidlets
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