S/O: Anon poll about your kids being gay - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

View Poll Results: How would you feel if your kids grow up to be gay?
Thrilled--more gay is more better. 49 6.26%
Nonplussed--as long as they're happy, I'm good. 492 62.84%
Okay--I'd rather they were straight, but whatever. 132 16.86%
Disappointed--I think being gay is wrong and I don't want that for my kids. 82 10.47%
Angry--I'm so appalled by considering it that I can't imagine what I'd feel. 4 0.51%
Other, please explain 24 3.07%
Voters: 783. You may not vote on this poll

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#121 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 06:45 PM
 
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You know, there are so many things my kids could grow up to be or do that would bother me. I just hope that, whatever their sexuality, they get to confident sexual (and personal, spiritual, etc.) self-understanding with a minimum of angst. Queer or not, I hope their lives are filled with wonderful relationships.

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#122 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 06:57 PM
 
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It wouldn't bother me, but then I grew up in california around all sorts of characters, and I'm pretty accepting of homosexuality.

However, I would worry for him because the US still has a long ways to go towards gay acceptance, and I'd hate for him to experience discrimination based on anything about himself.

DH wouldn't be against it, per se, but he'd have a hard time accepting it. He grew up in a very masculine setting, with policemen and such for role models, so being gay wasn't something anybody really talked about or knew anybody who was. Ultimately, he loves our son though, and I doubt there's anything DS could do to change that.
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#123 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 07:09 PM
 
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I said #3 mostly because I think thrilled is kind a bizarre way to feel about your child's sexuality & the 'nonplussed' threw me.

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#124 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 07:32 PM
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Originally Posted by babygrant View Post
I voted "okay". I honestly believe as long as my kids are happy, but I fear how they would be treated if they were gay. I remember being told over and over and over again "Don't let others bring you down because your fat". Well everytime someone made a horrible comment about me being fat, it really felt like a knife right to the heart. I would cry and cry. I just want my kids to have an easy upbringing. I don't want them to get made fun of. Of course I would teach them to carry themselves high and not worry about what others think, but that didn't work for me.
That was my answer/reasoning as well.

But I will also add that I would rather my child be a homosexual than a homophobe. I mean, if I had to choose


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#125 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 07:47 PM
 
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i would be happy if she were, honestly. sometimes i think about boys and how they will try and take advantage of a girl or how they break girls' hearts, etc. not to say that a gay person wouldn't do either of those things, but however she swings, i just want her to be happy.
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#126 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 08:48 PM
 
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It wouldn't bother me one bit, buit would bother my DH, which would be sad and annoying...and would probably lead to us separating/divorcing. Or my kid(s) would stay in the closet around their Dad...which would bother me that they couldn't be themselves...bring over their partner...etc.

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#127 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 08:53 PM
 
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I gotta say this: nonplussed means perplexed and bewildered. It's not a good thing.
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#128 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 10:05 PM
 
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I already stated my opinion earlier in this thread (which was between 1 and 2, but I put 2) and I've noticed pps also saying what their partners think as well so I thought I'd add my dh's two cents as well. He has the same opinion as me and that makes me very very happy. When we met in college, I had many gay friends and frequented gay bars and if he had said anything against it at that point we never would have stayed together. He wants happiness and love and all those great things for our children regardless of their sexuality.
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#129 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 10:33 PM
 
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I voted nonplussed.

Both DP and I are lesbians. Our known donor is gay. Some people would sat that whether it's nature or nurture, our son is "doomed" to be gay. But quite frankly, it doesn't matter to me one way or another.

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#130 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 11:00 PM
 
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I've always said that as long as I get grandchildren, I just want them to be happy.
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#131 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 11:17 PM
 
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Other-- it would all depend on the partner they brought home. Nasty person, I'd want to die. Nice person, I'll be thrilled.
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#132 of 230 Old 01-27-2008, 11:30 PM
 
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I chose "okay" but feel like I fit in between that one and the 2nd choice (nonplussed).



I want my kids to be happy no matter WHAT. As a mother I would worry about the pain they could endure by others not being so accepting.

If that makes any sense.

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#133 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 12:25 AM
 
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I am not trying to start a debate but I am trying to wrap my mind around people feeling like "it's wrong to be gay". I really struggle with this.

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#134 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 09:15 AM
 
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I chose the second option and as other people have said, there would be no coming out in my house. My son, who is 6, has already had a "boyfriend" and now has his eyes on some girl in his class. I want my kids to know that sexuality is much more fluid than what society says it is and that they never have to label themselves unless they want to. As long as I have a relationship with my kids where they can feel comfortable telling me anything, then I will be thrilled.

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#135 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 09:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by RachelGS View Post
I gotta say this: nonplussed means perplexed and bewildered. It's not a good thing.
Not in the American vernacular. See the beginning of the thread for the discussion about meaning of the word. Thank you.
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#136 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 09:50 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purplegirl View Post
I am not trying to start a debate but I am trying to wrap my mind around people feeling like "it's wrong to be gay". I really struggle with this.
I'd love to be part of and read that debate, but I don't think it can happen here.
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#137 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 10:03 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frog View Post
I'd love to be part of and read that debate, but I don't think it can happen here.
Nope. It can't happen here, but I remain perplexed:

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#138 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 10:05 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purplegirl View Post
Nope. It can't happen here, but I remain perplexed:
I'm right there with you.
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#139 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 10:08 AM
 
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Without reading other replies.....

I voted non-plussed.

I hope that my dh & I raise children who are completly comfortable with themselves at all stages of life...... & that includes 'being' gay. We are straight hetero but that doesn't mean that we don't understand that there are other ways of love, kwim.......

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#140 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 10:43 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by purplegirl View Post
I am not trying to start a debate but I am trying to wrap my mind around people feeling like "it's wrong to be gay". I really struggle with this.
It makes me very sad for so many reasons, then the other part me is just pissed that people feel that way (it is hard to wrap your brain around for sure).

OUR DAUGHTERS ARE PROTECTED SHOULDN'T OUR SONS BE TOO! :
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#141 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 10:51 AM
 
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Originally Posted by frog View Post
Not in the American vernacular. See the beginning of the thread for the discussion about meaning of the word. Thank you.

Um....you mean, as in "Americans dont know the definition of "nonplussed"..."??? Because the word means what it means. People often think it means something different (i know i did when i first saw it), because its kinda counterintuitive (with that 'non' in there)...but it doesnt mean something different. Every definition at "Dictionary.com" is a variation of "perplexed, bewildered"...Merriam-Webster online dictionary, same thing. In fact, i checked a dozen online dictionaries...the *only* reference i could find to "American vernacular" was in Wiktionary, saying that the word has come to mean "unimpressed" in American language usage, though its not correct and not often used in this way....so it would still not be the correct definition, using that one, for this poll.

Oh, i found this on the online Urban Dictionary:

1. nonplussed 19 up, 2 down

Often misused as meaning unfazed, but actually means bewildered.

English majors are nonplussed about how "nonplussed" has, over time, become so misused.



I think maybe you meant it to be "unconcerned"? Sorry, it just bugs me to use improper grammer/definitions/word usage even when its been pointed out its wrong...a lady on an email list i'm on kept writing "nefew" instead of "nephew", it kept getting repeated in the subject line over and over, and she defended her usage when someone pointed it out, saying thats just how she always wrote it. It drove me freakin' crazy.

I'm just sayin'.

I would be nonplussed if my kid turned out to be a Republican. I would be unbothered to find out he's gay.


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#142 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 10:53 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Katherine, I really don't have the energy or interest to debate this with you. I've explained the meaning already in the thread.

I can't edit the poll. If you want to start a thread with the same poll and your own words, have at it.
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#143 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 10:56 AM
 
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Can we stick to the topic and not debate grammatical stuff?

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#144 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 01:14 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by frog View Post
Being gay doesn't preclude that, either.
As my gay brotherinlaw and his DP would say, though, it makes it kinda difficult if you don't have a uterus between you.

BIL has said that one of the hardest parts of coming out was that it made it much more likely that he would never get to be a parent. HE knows its possible, but it is also much more expensive and involves more hoop jumping.

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#145 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 01:16 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As my gay brotherinlaw and his DP would say, though, it makes it kinda difficult if you don't have a uterus between you.

BIL has said that one of the hardest parts of coming out was that it made it much more likely that he would never get to be a parent. HE knows its possible, but it is also much more expensive and involves more hoop jumping.
You're preachin' to the choir. We're about to move onto attempt #7 using frozen donor sperm.
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#146 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 01:34 PM
 
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I put "as long as they're happy" - except I'd want to add that it would make *me* happier if they still wanted to have kids!!! I really, really want grandkids. I don't care who their partner is, except I'd like them to find someone who wants a family LOL
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#147 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 02:58 PM
 
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I'll be honest and say I voted "ok, but I would rather they be straight" and that is because that is what I am and I feel I would have a much harder time understanding them and relating to them if they were gay. But I definitely would want them to be happy and wouldn't feel any less love or pride or whatever in them, but I will admit I think it would be easier on me. Because I do know a few gay couples and I can definitely see that they love each other the same way my DH and I love each other, but I don't understand same-sex attraction at the gut level because I haven't experienced it. Dunno if that makes sense or not.

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#148 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 04:52 PM
 
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I'd be a little dissapointed but not because I think it's wrong. Mostly because I had "images" of her life as an adult, and it includes a tall handsome man with a medical background. (O.K, I'm exaggerating a bit)

I do think it's hard and confusing for young people who are gay, and I of course want my child to sail through life with no issues at all.

Quote:
Originally Posted by hippymomma69 View Post
I put "as long as they're happy" - except I'd want to add that it would make *me* happier if they still wanted to have kids!!! I really, really want grandkids. I don't care who their partner is, except I'd like them to find someone who wants a family LOL
peace,
robyn
And that too. In fact. that is more important to me than anything else actually.
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#149 of 230 Old 01-28-2008, 04:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by savithny View Post
As my gay brotherinlaw and his DP would say, though, it makes it kinda difficult if you don't have a uterus between you.

BIL has said that one of the hardest parts of coming out was that it made it much more likely that he would never get to be a parent. HE knows its possible, but it is also much more expensive and involves more hoop jumping.

One of my daycare parents made a deal with two women in another state who also wanted a child. The Dads provided the sperm, and one of the women gave birth twice. The moms kept the first child (a boy) and the Dads kept the second child (a girl)

I'm not sure I could do it. (as a mom) Especially if the two siblings were from the same parents. I would want to keep them both. But, I'm glad it worked out this way, because this little girl is wonderful, and to think of her not being here is kind of sad.
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#150 of 230 Old 01-29-2008, 02:22 PM
 
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I would be perfectly happy if my daughter or any other future children are gay.

Even though she is still a baby, whenever I talk about her future partners or love life, I always try to use gender neutral terms. "The person" she'll fall in love with, when she starts dating "someone".

If any of my children are gay, I hope they never have to come out to us. I hope to provide a kind of home environment where they can just live their lives, and not feel obligated to "announce" their sexual preference. Straight people don't have to do that.

No matter how the outside world may treat them, I want them to feel totally comfortable with all aspects of themselves in our home.
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