...because I'm so tired. Just so, so tired.
I'm hiding in the basement right now, just for a two minute break. I just lost it on my three year old and yelled at her, and I need to calm down before I go back up and talk it over with her. She's three, and an emotional three, and she's been having outbursts practically hourly. Her glue stick broke, the blocks won't fit in the box the way she wants them to fit, her sister got into her project, she can't find her tiger, I moved her table when it was "a castle" and apparently messed up her play, etc. One thing after another, and it's a screaming outburst each time. She tries her hardest to explain what she wants and needs, but when she can't make herself clear she flips out. And I guess I'm losing patience with how irrational she is, even though I KNOW that she's just three and is supposed to be a little irrational.
DD2 is having mighty separation anxiety. Every single solitary time I sit down, anywhere, she's climbing on me wanting to nurse, but she doesn't want to nurse, she just bites and climbs all over me. If she can't see me, she's hollering "ma MA, ma MA" over and over. Which is what she's doing right now, so hang on a minute while I go get her.
My house is a disaster. DH is really caught up in work and grad school right now, and hasn't been able to do as much as he usually does, and it shows. And it's driving me nuts.
My cat is dying. She's a rack of bones, and terrible to look at, and I feel horribly guilty that I'm so busy with everything else that I can hardly find five minutes to spend with her. Plus she's vomiting frequently, and she's incontinent, so I spend a lot of time each day cleaning up after her, and keeping my kids out of the mess.
Thank goodness for DS. He's just a rock of calm and stability. As long as he's fed when he's hungry and put to bed when he's tired, he just rolls with the punches.
But I'm exhausted. I have active inflammatory bowel disease and I'm physically worn out, and DS has been up half the night every day this week, and I think I've spent way too many days alone with these kids and I need a break. I know I do, and I'm gonna take it as soon as I get the opportunity. But I have another hour to get through before DH gets home, and right now an hour seems like a million years.
Somebody just please tell me I'm not the only one who sometimes just CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I just need to know it's not just me, I really do.
me , he , my three , , and -- and the one we lost