Can somebody just please hold my hand... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 04:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
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...because I'm so tired. Just so, so tired.

I'm hiding in the basement right now, just for a two minute break. I just lost it on my three year old and yelled at her, and I need to calm down before I go back up and talk it over with her. She's three, and an emotional three, and she's been having outbursts practically hourly. Her glue stick broke, the blocks won't fit in the box the way she wants them to fit, her sister got into her project, she can't find her tiger, I moved her table when it was "a castle" and apparently messed up her play, etc. One thing after another, and it's a screaming outburst each time. She tries her hardest to explain what she wants and needs, but when she can't make herself clear she flips out. And I guess I'm losing patience with how irrational she is, even though I KNOW that she's just three and is supposed to be a little irrational.

DD2 is having mighty separation anxiety. Every single solitary time I sit down, anywhere, she's climbing on me wanting to nurse, but she doesn't want to nurse, she just bites and climbs all over me. If she can't see me, she's hollering "ma MA, ma MA" over and over. Which is what she's doing right now, so hang on a minute while I go get her.

#######

My house is a disaster. DH is really caught up in work and grad school right now, and hasn't been able to do as much as he usually does, and it shows. And it's driving me nuts.

My cat is dying. She's a rack of bones, and terrible to look at, and I feel horribly guilty that I'm so busy with everything else that I can hardly find five minutes to spend with her. Plus she's vomiting frequently, and she's incontinent, so I spend a lot of time each day cleaning up after her, and keeping my kids out of the mess.

Thank goodness for DS. He's just a rock of calm and stability. As long as he's fed when he's hungry and put to bed when he's tired, he just rolls with the punches.

But I'm exhausted. I have active inflammatory bowel disease and I'm physically worn out, and DS has been up half the night every day this week, and I think I've spent way too many days alone with these kids and I need a break. I know I do, and I'm gonna take it as soon as I get the opportunity. But I have another hour to get through before DH gets home, and right now an hour seems like a million years.

Somebody just please tell me I'm not the only one who sometimes just CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE. I just need to know it's not just me, I really do.

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#2 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 04:33 PM
 
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#3 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 04:40 PM
 
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Mama, I'm sorry you are going throu this. I'm myself i'm a grad student and my dh helps A LOT!! I know he is tired (he works from 3am-noon) but still would do anything I ask him to do. His help is so important to me as I imagine your work is important to your DH.

I just wanted you to know how valuable your work is. Hugs to you!!
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#4 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 04:47 PM
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My DH is a grad student too and the hours really get to me too. It will get better.
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#5 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 05:00 PM
 
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I'm a grad student myself, and trying to defend in two months, and I am 12 weeks pregnant, exhausted, and have 2 kids. My house is total mess, my husband commutes over 2 hours a day, someone just stopped by and I was horrified that she saw my house. I loose patience at lot, and sometimes I just lie down, even when they need things from me. But its okay. I also connect with them and play with them.

The thing I can say to encourage you is that it gets better. My boys are 6 and 4 and the 4 year old has always been intense and he's much better now than he was at 3. Harder than other four year olds maybe, but so much better than at three. So much better. And he's so enthusiastic and sweet. These kids who are intense often have some of the most amazing personalities emerge as they get older. Be so so good to yourself and easy on yourself.
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#6 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 05:01 PM
 
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You are not alone! I have a 3-year-old too.

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#7 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 05:02 PM
 
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That sounds like a really tiresome combination.

Hang in there! Try to take a little time for you.

-Angela
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#8 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 05:06 PM
 
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My smilies are broken but... ~hugs~
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#9 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 05:13 PM
 
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Oh my you sound way beyond exhuasted.

Do you have someone that can watch the kids for a couple hours so you can have a break? Maybe a trip to a spa or even just a massage? You really need to take care of yourself first before you can take care of children.
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#10 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 06:38 PM
 
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oh wow, that sounds incredibly stressful... I would be hiding in the basement too. Hang in there Momma



Peace
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#11 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 07:08 PM
 
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mama

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#12 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 07:19 PM
 
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I am glad you can have a moment alone, even if it is in the basement.

There will be good days to come.

You don’t owe them an explanation, just a response.
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#13 of 22 Old 01-30-2008, 07:57 PM
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I have a three year old too. Three is a challenge.
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#14 of 22 Old 01-31-2008, 01:32 AM
 
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Bless your heart. My hubby is a grad student, too, and now that he's in his final semester he's working 12-14 hour days and weekends to boot. We only have one child (a very emotional 2 year old) and there are days when I don't know if I'm going to make it. I can't imagine how hard it must be having 3 kiddos! You must be a saint! I chant the mantra, "This too shall pass" quite a lot.

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#15 of 22 Old 01-31-2008, 01:59 AM
 
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#16 of 22 Old 01-31-2008, 10:23 AM
 
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I hope your day improved and today is better. 3 is a tough age, rife with emotions. Add in all you have on your plate, of course you're exhausted. Don't worry about the house and take care of you!!
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#17 of 22 Old 01-31-2008, 05:30 PM
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Oh mama, my three year old is sooo irrational as well. What can anyone do? You just about can't do anything right by these kids. They say "Place a block there." You put the block where they say, and then they break down, screaming that you did it wrong. Sigh. I don't blame you in the least for running to the basement for some quiet time. I make my daughter take a nap, or at least play quietly in her room, once almost every day. I can't take the continuous barrage of energy and anger...and she's almost always better once she's had a nap. I also take her to the library for story time, crafts and playtime-- just so that the focus of her energy is not continually on me. Lots of mom's show up and let their babies crawl around on the floor while the older kids are engaged with the librarian. Hope those ideas help.

xoe
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#18 of 22 Old 02-01-2008, 12:15 AM
 
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I'm so sorry for you((hugs)) I understand what your going though with your Daughter, my son is 6yo and does the same thing...outbursts. I just wrote a help post about him.
I hope you get a big break soon and feel better.
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#19 of 22 Old 02-02-2008, 01:15 PM
 
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Can you throw in a video? Even if it only gives you 15 minutes of peace. I get a couple of books on tape/cd from the library once a week. That always keeps them quiet for a few minutes! Do you have a neighbor with kids that you could trade a couple of hours with (you watch hers one day, she watches yours the next)? I hope things get better.
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#20 of 22 Old 02-02-2008, 01:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by abi&ben'smom View Post
Can you throw in a video? Even if it only gives you 15 minutes of peace. I get a couple of books on tape/cd from the library once a week. That always keeps them quiet for a few minutes!
You have no idea how strongly I'm tempted. We've been TV-free for years, but this last weeks is the strongest I've ever been tempted to just let that go...

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#21 of 22 Old 02-03-2008, 02:38 PM
 
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Yes, I can hold your (virtual) hand! I think all mothers of three-year-olds should get a free mother's helper, a housecleaning service, and a daily massage!!! It is so hard, especially when there are other kids, stresses in the home, lack of help, etc. etc (seems to be the modern mother's story). My kiddos are now four and seven, but I SO remember three. You are so not alone, and I wish we as mothers had more support, all of us.

We're TV free, too, but (when my ds was three and I was going ) I relented and started using VERY selective DVDs -- real-life nature programs, the original Winnie the Pooh, Little Bear -- and while the kids watched I just went straight to the bed to recover, breathe and rest. I didn't feel great about it, but the alternative (a seriously grumpy and yelling mother) felt worse. If I had it to do over again, I would try to be more creative, but when I was in that space, my creativity was shot. I just needed relief. Like yesterday. I have had good luck with books on tape from the library (there are some really great classic fairly tale ones) -- Jim Weiss is also great (Animal Tales and Uncle Wiggly's Storybook are really sweet). I find that so many times I drive myself nuts trying to adhere to my vision of "Waldorf-inspired mama" and all that means, and being way less kind to my kids as a result. Whatever it takes, mama, whatever it takes...
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#22 of 22 Old 02-03-2008, 11:39 PM
 
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I used to lock myself in the bathroom for a timeout while my daughter screamed and pounded on the door. It was better than locking her in the bathroom.:

So hugs from me too

I think the selective video use is a good advice right now- Like Wondermama said - whatever it takes.
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