How much did you hold your kids as babies? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 53 Old 02-18-2008, 01:41 AM
 
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DS1: I held him almost all the time until I had to go back to work (he was 5 months old). I'd put him down to use the bathroom, and to take a bath, and to cook. (I had a carrier, but it was a front carrier, and I wasn't comfortable having him between me and a heat source.)

DD: I didn't hold her all that much. She didn't like it. She was very anti-cuddly as a child. She did enjoy being carried around in the Snugli, but wasn't as crazy about being held.

DS2: I held/hold him as much as I can. He was 10lbs. 8oz. and a c-section baby (they all were), so I was kind of running behind his weight in terms of my ability to carry him at first. As I adjusted to his weight, he'd gain more. After the first couple of months, it was better, though. Up until fairly late in my pregnancy with Aaron, I carried ds2 around in the Ergo a lot.

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#32 of 53 Old 02-18-2008, 04:16 AM
 
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At least all or most of his waking hours until he could crawl. I could get him to nap if he was dead asleep when I put him down, but it was a risk... he slept on me a lot when he was little bitty. Even when I went back to work, DH held him all the time. DS wasn't truly happy until he learned to move on his own... he always hated to be by himself, so we kept him with us most of the time.
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#33 of 53 Old 02-18-2008, 05:00 AM
 
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My oldest, not a whole lot. She didn't really want to be held. She wanted to see what was going on, but not necessarily in someone's arms. Hated the sling I had. She still is not a particularly touching/cuddly child. Gets it from me -- Mom said I was the same way from day one.

DS got held quite a bit, either by me or the ladies at church (I worked there part time and took the kids). Actual hours, I don't know because I've blocked out a big section of his first year. I do know he was in the sling the longest of my kids.

My youngest is getting ready to turn a year and she's a cuddler. Not quite so much as her brother, but she does really like being held. But she will not let me rock her to sleep unless she's not feeling well, and even then it takes far longer than it took the older two. I pretty much have to just put her in her bed and let her go on her own. Might mean some fussing (not screaming, just fussing) for 5-10 minutes, but if I try putting her to sleep in my arms it will take her an hour and she won't sleep well unless I hold her the whole time.
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#34 of 53 Old 02-18-2008, 10:00 AM
 
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Um, honestly, only when I had to. : Which added up to a lot of hours, to be sure, but certainly not 22 out of 24. If he wasn't crying I was perfectly happy for him to hang out in the bouncy seat as a newborn, or in the exersaucer once he had some head control. He never much liked being placed flat, like on the gymini, it was clear he liked being more upright, but the bouncy seat worked well for that. We never left him to cry though, so I suppose if he hadn't liked the bouncy or exersaucer we would have held him more.
:

With DD1, we held her 95% of her waking hours, and with DD2 it might have been a little less, more like 85%, but both of them were put down to sleep. We always responded to their cries and never put a crying newborn/baby/infant down, but I found early on that if I didn't get some time every day NOT being touched, I would go nuts and really start to resent the baby.

I also needed to touch and be touched by DH -- not in a sexual way necessarily, but be able to get and give a true hug once a day, without a baby between us. If one of us HAD to hold the baby all the time, that would have been impossible.

I remember once when DD2 was very sick and in the hospital around 5 months, we absolutely held her 23.5 hours a day for a week - she was only put down for diaper changes. When we got home from the hospital, we did the same until she seemed better, and then worked on putting her down in her crib asleep. It took hours of nursing until she was in an absolute nursing coma, and then I gently laid her down, snuck out of her room, and ran into ours to find DH. I tackled him from behind and we were just so grateful to be able to connect physically finally -- again, not sexually, just to lie there and hold each other and process our experience of the past week. She was up in about an hour, but that hour was so important to us.

I would never tell a parent not to hold his/her baby as much as that baby seemed to need -- but I would tell parents (especially first time parents) to explore what kind of independence the baby CAN tolerate, just to allow yourself whatever space you might be able to achieve. For me, it meant the difference between resenting my new role and treasuring it.
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#35 of 53 Old 02-18-2008, 11:13 AM
 
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We've never got anywhere near 22 hours, not even on a bad day. That's just DS though. For starters, he's always napped well on his own (I literally can't nap with him, he won't sleep) for up to three hours at a time. He loves floor time. He likes his exersaucer. He's nosy and likes to see what's going on, so he didn't even like BW til I learned a back carry. I parenting him the way HE wants to be parented. He just wants to be down more than the average baby.

(Although he is still held more than a lot of non-AP'd babies)

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#36 of 53 Old 02-18-2008, 12:57 PM
 
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I've held both of my boys (oldest & youngest kids) almost constantly, including while sleeping. I'd say that, when we're at home, DS2 (7 months old) is "down" maybe 1 hour for every 12 hours. So yeah, 22 hours a day. And he sleeps snuggled right up next to me.

My DD was a ridiculously independent child and always wanted down to explore, even when she was too young to DO anything. She honestly didn't like to be held much after she reached the age of 3 months or so. She hated co-sleeping and wanted to be laid down while still awake so that she could fall asleep on her own. Sad but true.
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#37 of 53 Old 02-19-2008, 03:06 PM
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All the time. Until she could sit/scoot, she wanted to be held, sleep on me, be in my lap, almost all the time. I could get her to calmly stare at a mobile for a good stretch for a few weeks there, and she would go in the swing, too, sometimes for a long stretch, but really, she wanted to sleep on me, be on me as I moved around, or sit on my lap and look around a room. The gypsy mama stretchy wrap saved/changed our lives! My house was SO clean, . I actually had nightmares about her being caught in a tent that looked a LOT like the baby gear people were buying for us (we were okay w/o it) so I took that as a cue that DD/I just needed to be close. Seriously, I was glad when I could put her down in a high chair to eat at a restaurant, b/c she was squirmy, but as a tiny baby, I wanted her on me! I get so sad when I see babies in carseats all thru my mom's groups and LLL meetings... I know it's not my business, but my instinct is to hold those babies!
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#38 of 53 Old 02-19-2008, 03:55 PM
 
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My first two I would say 10-20 hours every day (it really fluctuated). My third didn't want nearly so much close contact with me. He even *fights* to get away from me if I fall asleep nursing him and don't put him back in his own bed.
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#39 of 53 Old 02-19-2008, 04:08 PM
 
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My first child I held or used a carrier often also people wanted in my family held her until she was around 13 months and her personality took off. After 13 months she never wanted to be worn or slept with and was very vocal about it. My son cried pretty much non stop for 8 months and I held or wore him as much as possible, usually just me as he was a rough baby for others to want to cuddle.
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#40 of 53 Old 02-19-2008, 04:37 PM
 
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dd always sleeps with us at night and gets held in arms or sling for most of the day. Now that she's 4 months she'll tolerate being nursed down and left to sleep on her own for maybe 20 minutes once or twice a week. I totally agree w/ the poster that I need this little bit of time to physically reconnect w/ dp - it makes me a lot more happy and sane!
Otherwise she naps in my arms or in the sling. She doesn't mind sitting up or lying on her back playing for 5-10 minutes a couple of times a day now, but she gets picked up when her 'playing noises' turn to 'distress noises'.

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#41 of 53 Old 02-19-2008, 08:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by nicole lisa View Post
About the same as you. It was really hard to function when DS was a baby. Even now he requires a high level of touch as we go about our days. He's 7.5 and is always on my lap or cuddle in on the couch or needing hugs if we're out walking. Of course he has no problem being without me but if I'm around he does physically touch base with me every 15-20 minutes or so and more if he's not playing with friends. He's 7.5.
Same here, except my ds is 6 1/2. Though my ds does not generally like being without me. He's Ok if he is one on one with someone really paying attention to him.

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#42 of 53 Old 02-19-2008, 09:47 PM
 
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24 hours a day/night.
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#43 of 53 Old 02-19-2008, 10:47 PM
 
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I held DS pretty much all the time until he could sit unassisted (which he did at about 4.5 months.) At that point I still held him a whole lot, but he also liked to sit on the floor and play with me and some toys.

He napped in my arms until he was about 7 months old or so, then started napping alone on our bed. And then he started crawling and I held him less and less.

Now he's walking all over the place and it seems like I am rarely holding him unless we're reading books together. Luckily we still cosleep so I get my snuggles.

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#44 of 53 Old 02-20-2008, 04:43 AM
 
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DS is now 5.5 months old and I still hold him alot. For the first several months I held him 23 1/2 hours a day. The only time I didn't hold him was when he was in DH's arms as I got a shower.
Now I hold him about 22 hours a day. He has times when I can put him on the floor and he plays toys but it doesnt' last long. He lives in his Maya wrap.
Sometimes I feel unproductive around the house because it's hard to get things done. I also realize that once he starts moving around he may want to be held less and less - so I'm enjoying every minute of it.

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#45 of 53 Old 02-20-2008, 11:22 PM
 
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I can't put newborn babies down. They are so sweet! I just can't bring myself to put them down. So, I hold my babies pretty much 24-7 from the beginning.
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#46 of 53 Old 02-21-2008, 02:53 AM
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Do people seriously keep track of how much they're holding their babies? I don't have time for that. The twins never really liked to be held and preferred their swings--meaning they would cry if they were held "too long". India and Saffron were worn a lot until they became mobile and no longer wanted to be confined. They'd rather explore than sit on my lap or be tied to my body.
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#47 of 53 Old 02-21-2008, 03:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I didn't keep track- I just know that I held ds all the frickin time. lol. Like, most days I couldn't even put him down long enough to pee, let alone cook mac n cheese for dinner! lol.

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#48 of 53 Old 02-21-2008, 05:34 PM
 
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I held him a lot. He hates to be alone. Anytime I left the room I had to take him with me.
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#49 of 53 Old 02-21-2008, 07:21 PM
 
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It felt like all the time. I guess I could put him down asleep by 4 months though. For short naps at least, not at night.
I think once he got to the stage of reaching out for things it was less and less. He started to like blanket play by 4 months. Short windows of time though.
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#50 of 53 Old 02-21-2008, 07:48 PM
 
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I seem to hold my DS all the time. He doesn't like being put down for any length of time. I just tried to put him down to type this, thinking he was out cold and he's already starting to make "I'm going to wake up" sounds. Everyone thinks I'm going to "spoil" him by holding him so much but I just can't stand to hear him cry, even for a minute. The only time he isn't being held by me or DH for more then a few minutes is when he's in the car seat or in the pram for fresh air walks. He does like tummy time for a few minutes when he's in the mood, so I'll try to use those moments to run in to brush my teeth. lol

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#51 of 53 Old 02-21-2008, 07:58 PM
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I actually feel sort of bad for those of you who have babies that like to be held ALL the time. How do you find time to shower, cook, clean, or anything else when you're holding the baby? Sure, you can babywear in the shower I guess and of course while cleaning, but not while cooking. Do you have your SO hold the baby so you can get things done or do you just not do them?

I'm so glad my kids aren't clingy. I don't mean clingy in an insulting way, I just can't think of the word I want to use. I'm glad my kids are naturally more independent, I guess.
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#52 of 53 Old 02-21-2008, 11:52 PM
 
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With my ds it went in stages. I remember times when he was content to just be near me but other times I felt like I was holding him all day long.
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#53 of 53 Old 02-22-2008, 02:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I actually feel sort of bad for those of you who have babies that like to be held ALL the time. How do you find time to shower, cook, clean, or anything else when you're holding the baby? Sure, you can babywear in the shower I guess and of course while cleaning, but not while cooking. Do you have your SO hold the baby so you can get things done or do you just not do them?
I didn't do anything until dp or someone else was around to hold ds. I didn't ever get the hang of the sling, and it was HOT when he was really little (Ohio in August). So I sat and held him, or nursed him. We also had family come over occasionally, so that helped.
I forgot that he was almost always happy in the stroller (he could face me). That was the only reliable way to be able to put him down! Interestingly, I could pretty easily GO anywhere, and he was happy. He could sit for 30 minutes while a friend and I had lunch.
When he was 4 months old, a friend gave me an excersaucer, and that thing was fabulous! He liked it. I had a little more time after that.

I felt quite lucky to have a dp who also felt that holding ds when he wanted held, was vastly more important than a clean house. Actually, dp would often remind me that this stage was so short, and that I should just forget about cleaning and enjoy holding him.

But so far he's been a relatively easy toddler/preschooler, so I'm happy with that trade off

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