Should *I* call him "daddy"? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 01:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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MIL is here for a long visit, and of course she couldn't help but notice that DD (17 mos.) calls DH "Grant" instead of "daddy." She was pretty upset about that, and when Dh asked her if he called his dad "Jim," she said, "No, I called him 'daddy' so you guys would too." She told me that I need to call DH 'daddy' and he needs to call me 'mommy.' (Not the first time she's told us this, btw.) I said, "No, he is *not* my daddy, and I'm not going to call him that." Huff huff. DH just shrugs this stuff off, and I am of the opinion that DD will eventually call us mommy and daddy, and I would feel really creepy addressing him as daddy. Ugh. MIL still refers to her husband as 'dad'. Does anyone else do this? I'll refer to him as "your daddy" sometimes when I'm talking to DD, but when I'm hollering at him from across the house, I don't yell, "Daddy! Can you bring me a glass of water?" Like I said, that's just .... disturbing on a very visceral level for me. Anyone else's kids call them by their first names?

(DD doesn't call me by my first name; "Damaris" is a little hard for her to pronounce!)
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#2 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 01:57 AM
 
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Well, I think anyone interfering with your parenting decisions is out of line. So she's off on this.

That said, I'm not comfortable with the idea of my children calling me by my first name. I'm not their friend. I'm their mother. A totally visceral place, the mothering place ...

:LOL

Anyway, don't let her get to you, and you keep doing what you think is right for your own children.
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#3 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 02:21 AM
 
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For sure eventually will call him daddy or what ever name you TWO decide. It's perfectly normal for little ones to call their dads like their moms called them (and you should not call your dh as others want you to, but as you feel comfortable), your MIL should understand it, but I would suggest for you to don't care about her complains and enjoy your dd vocabulary, lol
Those Inlaws, huh?:
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#4 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 02:54 AM
 
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In agreement with above posters: Butt out Grandma! lol

I actually always thought that I'd want my kids to call me by my first name; It *is* my name after all. However, DH calls me Mama to the kids so dd (ds doesn't talk yet) calls me Mama. It just happened that way and I'm fine with it.
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#5 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 03:08 AM
 
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My daughter called my husband Matt for a while and then just grew out of it. I think it's just a phase.

Mom "D" to DD1 "Z" (15) and DD2 "I" (11) DH "M"

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#6 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 03:28 AM
 
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I'm always very disturbed when lovers call each other "mother" and "pa" or whatever -- yuck, yuck, yuck. It gives me the ickies. I only refer to my partner as "Daddy" when I'm talking about him in the third person to my daughter: "Go give this to Daddy." My daughter sometimes calls me Mommy and sometimes calls me by my first name. She sometimes calls my partner Daddy and sometimes calls him by his first name. Neither of us is bothered by this. I have always called my own mother by her first name and it has never bothered her, either. (The first time I called my father by his first name it did bother him, so I never did it again. I was careful to say Daddy after that and now I call him Dad.)

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#7 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 09:12 AM
 
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Cub calls us Mama and Daddy about half the time, the other half he refers to us as "honey" and "sweetheart" and other such endearments ... wonder where he heard THOSE???

I think it's darn cute.
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#8 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 09:44 AM
 
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I call dh Baba and he calls me Mama...OK and then my mother comes over and keeps bringing up this guy named Daddy. SHE thinks I should get ds to call dh Daddy, because "otherwise he'll go to school and tell everyone he doesn't have a Daddy."

: Please. He has a ton of cousins who say "Daddy." We use a different word. He's 2 now, and frankly, I think he gets it, anyway. He has also recently "figured out" dh's name--which is kind of funny. He'll say "Baba is ____, ____ is at work." Kind of cool.

Anyway, just adding my assent to the BUTT OUT G-MA sentiment.
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#9 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 09:56 AM
 
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MIL's can be such a pain! I agree with everyone in that you should do what feels comfortable to you.

We often call each other mommy and daddy, but that is because we are so used to referring to each other that way.

I don't have a problem with Kailey calling me by my first name, afterall, it is my name. But I also don't see anything sick about spouses calling each other mom and dad. My parents and grandparents did it, and they aren't sick or twisted.
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#10 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 09:59 AM
 
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Agreeing with the pps.

Ignore grandma, or try always calling her by her first name to see if babe will pick that up

I call my dh by his name or honey, etc. When talking with/for the kids, I call him daddy. I say, "go give this to daddy" "go ask daddy for a snack" "oh look daddy's home", etc. Also, if I am modeling how they can ask for something, I will say "daddy, can I have some please" then they repeat. basically when we refer to each other when talking to the kids, we use daddy/mommy, but when talking to each other we use first names or endearments.

Somewhere between one and 2 both of them have gone through stages of calling us by our first names, and we never thought a thing of it, it is always funny the first time though. DH would occasionally say, "you call me daddy, please" and they were fine with that.

:Patty :fireman Catholic, intactalactivist, co-sleeping, GDing, HSing, no-vax Mama to .........................:..........hale:
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#11 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 12:08 PM
 
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a few months ago, ds crawled away from daddy, and woke me up by getting right up close to me and yelling "RYNNA!!" i don't want eli calling me by my fisrt name, so i told dh to call me 'mamma'.

yesterday, i called dh '______' and eli looked up at him when he came in and said '______!" so he definately knows who we are, but we encourage him to use mamma and daddy. we refer to each other that way when we are talking with ds present or talking to ds, but when he's not right there we call each other by our names.

we think it's important for him to understand that different people have different relationships with one another, signified by different names.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#12 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 12:24 PM
 
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My sister and I have always called our parents by their first names. No grand plan, it just worked out that way. It drove my grandparents, especially dh's mom, nuts. I'm sure my mom heard a lot about it. I know I did - my grandma would always take me aside and tell me that I should call them mommy and daddy, but by then it just felt too weird to me.

I wouldn't mind if ds called me by my first name, but I would prefer mama. He's not really talking yet, but so far does know me as mama, as he has said it a few times, more lately. He says dada, but has also said dh's name too. I think it's normal as they hear both, and that they will probably fall into mama and dada if that's what they consistently hear them referred to.

I too can't call dh daddy, but like other's mentioned, I definitely refer to him as daddy - go give this to daddy, etc.
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#13 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 01:17 PM
 
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I agree with some of those above- it is none of MIL's business and just try to ignore her.

That said, I always call DH by his name when I am talking to him/ about him with adult friends. But to my nieces and nephews, I have always said, "Go ask Uncle D_" and with dd, if I am talking to her about him, I say "look at daddy" or "I think your daddy is home."

But I don't think it is a really big deal. Do what feels comfortable to you.
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#14 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 02:48 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally posted by Potty Diva
My parents and grandparents did it, and they aren't sick or twisted.
Just want to clarify that I certainly didn't mean to imply that people who do this are sick or twisted. It just personally gives me the yuckies.

-Alice, SAHM to dd (2001) and ds (2004) each of whom was a homebirth.jpg, who each self-weaned at 4.5 years bfolderchild.gif, who both fambedsingle2.gif'd, who were bothcd.gif, and both: novaxnocirc.gif.   Also, gd.gif, and goorganic.jpg!

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#15 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 03:59 PM
 
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My kids call us mama/Mom and daddy/Dad. They both know our given names as well. I called my parents Mom and Paul (my step-dad who raised me). My little half brother called mom Ma and his dad Paul. My step-dad calls my mother Ma and she calls him...Paul

My ILs call each other Lynn and Will (everyone else in the world calls him Bill).

My M-grandparents called each other Dad and Polly (short for Pauline, he was the only person in the world to call her that).
I really don't think it matters. If it's not bugging you or dh than go with it. And IMO your MIL needs to butt out and deal...it isn't her business .

*editted to add. My kids call my ILs Gran'ma-Baba ("Can we go to Gran'ma-Baba house") and address them seperately as well as Gran'ma and Baba...which is a little weird, as Baba is "Daddy" in Hindi. It's only weird/significant to me because I lived in India for 6 months about 18 before ds#1 was conceived. Ds#1 picked it out of the blue when he was 2 yo and ds#2 has just copied it. My ILs laughed when I told them, but like that they have a special name (even if it does suggest that I am "doing" my FIL.: )

Mama to three small people; wife to one big person; pet-person to cats and dogs..."Be the change you want to see in the world"-- Gandhi
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#16 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 05:58 PM
 
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DS is only 8 months, but DH will never call me Mommy. I just couldn't stand it if he did. I don't mind if tells DS, "Go tell Mommy what you saw today," or something like that, since I am DS's mommy, but I'm DH's wife.

I really want my kids to grow up learning about marriage. A marriage relationship is very different than a parent/child relationship, and I want to model those differences to them. If our children ever call us by our first names, we'll just ask them to use Mommy/Daddy. At 17 months, I wouldn't really worry about it. I would just smile and say something like, "I'm your Mommy, not your Amy." If the child were 5, I'd be a bit more serious.
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#17 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 06:55 PM
 
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Calling my Dh daddy around my daughter isn't about im being my *daddy* it's more like a term of endearment, much like others use honey, or dear.

I also believe in teaching children(when appropriate) about adult relationships.
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#18 of 26 Old 09-15-2003, 11:46 PM
 
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T Amy, I totally think 8 months is a good time to start. When they're a little older, kids can learn about different relationships but right now he's just learning who his parents are. I don't want my son calling me "Rynna", so I asked dh to call me "Mamma" when he's discussing me in the baby's presence. It's not like he's asking for "Mamma" or doing anything strange like that, and when we're alone or we're not discussing something with the baby, we do call each other by our first names.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#19 of 26 Old 09-16-2003, 12:26 PM
 
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Do what you feel comfortable doing.

I've never called DH "daddy bring me some water". But when I'm talking to the children it is " give daddy a hug" or he may say " give mommy a kiss". It's when we're talking to the children about one another is the thing IMO. When we talk to each other of course we use our names. Dh did start saying my first name alot when he learned it but like all things it passed.
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#20 of 26 Old 09-16-2003, 12:34 PM
 
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my daughter (20mo) calls me mom,mommy and calls my husband dad,daddy,Jim or honey...LOL Every once in a while she calls me Heather. My other 2 kids just call us mom/dad, my oldest son, now 9, went through a phase of calling me Heather when he was little. I don't think its a big deal. Sometimes I will say, take this to your daddy or something like that but I dont call him daddy
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#21 of 26 Old 09-16-2003, 08:06 PM
 
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Did anyone else see the movie "Mommie Dearest" or read the book? Shoot, this whole issue can get quite out of hand.

Tell your MIL that first names beats a whole lot of other things kids could (and often do!) call their parents!
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#22 of 26 Old 11-01-2003, 09:59 PM
 
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OMG! I so needed this thread!

MIL STILL refers to her husband as "Daddy" - it drives me nuts! I'm sorry, but your sons are in their twenties - they know his name.

I think the main problem is that their relationship has fallen apart - they allowed it to be based on the kids and didn't maintain their marriage, so now they just coexist. I think the whole calling him "Daddy" thing makes me think of their marital problems so it freaks me out.

I won't be able to call DH "Daddy" but will refer to him as "Daddy" for the kids' benefit/understanding.

If our (future) kids call us by our first names, we'll get over it, and I'm sure they will too.
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#23 of 26 Old 11-02-2003, 01:49 AM
 
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It took a long time for me to get into the Dad thing, but I only do it when I'm talking to Dd. I'll say, go tell Dad it's bathtime. We get "Dad! Bath!". But if I call him myself, I use his name. She's figured out how it works.

I'm mystified by the Mommy mommy mommy though. Because Dh usually calls me Mom or Mama. But Dd came up with the Mommy all by herself.

Lately when Dh talks to me, now he calls me Hot Mama.:LOL
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#24 of 26 Old 11-02-2003, 02:20 AM
 
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Hey Curious have you heard Tracy Adkins "One Hot Mama?" It is a new song. LOL

If it bugs you don't do it.

Now I would not disagree with using it in a third party since.

But if it does not bother your husband she does not call him dad it should not bother your mother in law. If it bothers your dh, then encourage the usage more until your child has figured it out.
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#25 of 26 Old 11-03-2003, 05:35 AM
 
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My fiance's parents actually call each other "Mom" and "Dad" and I think they do it even when their are non of their offspring there...scares me! My fiance called me "Mom" the other day and I told him don't ever do that again . I told him we aren't his parents! I tell my daughter all the time to "go see daddy" or "go show daddy" etc. but when we talk to each other it's usually babe. My son used to call us babe when he was smaller lol.
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#26 of 26 Old 11-03-2003, 02:36 PM
 
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I kind of agree with your MIL on some levels. If your kids don't hear you saying "daddy", where are they going to learn it? It is far from mandatory, though, and you can always use the "your daddy" thing. In the end, though, if your kids hear you calling your DH by first-name, that is what they'll call him too. They aren't going to start spouting "daddy" spontaneously.

I call my DH "daddy" when we are all interacting. So it isn't unusual for my daughter and I to be looking for a toy and I'll call out "daddy, have you seen the little horse?" We do tend to sometimes use "your" and sometimes not, though ("go ask your mom", "take that to mommy").

But if I am just asking him for something, I'll use his name. As in "Fran, can you bring me some water while you're at it?"

My parents and DH's parents have long since dropped this usage, so I don't think that all people who do this are stuck acting this way. It isn't like I've forgotten DH's name - I just use the name that the kids call him when the kids are involved in the interaction. Other times I use his actual name. I think we kind of fell into this pattern because it is one our parents used but it didn't creep us out, since they dropped it eventually. I think it would creep me out if my IL's still did that, too.

Mama, homeschooler, midwife. DD (13yo), DS (11yo), DD (8yo), DD (3yo), somebody new coming in November 2013.

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