What is the worst/dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you about parenting stuff? II - Page 13 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-16-2008, 03:55 PM
 
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I am SO SICK of DH's grandmother saying that crying is good - it exercises the lungs. She is old and I choose to ignore it no matter how much it : me. Then last time we went to visit MIL and her mother asked if we were on solids yet. Ummm, DS is 9 WEEKS OLD!!! We are delaying solids b/c I am allergic to many foods. I explained this and said we weren't introducing solids until 8-9 months. After the gasps and horrified expressions they said they both gave cereal at 3 months "because the babies were just SO hungry all the time." So I stopped the discussion there.

Then MIL says, "But (DH) isn't allergic to any foods."

I just looked at her and said, "I am. A lot."

WTH? I have been with her son for 7 years. I know she is cold & kinda reserved, but really, in those 7 years you must have noticed there is a lot I can't eat.

But this is also the woman, who when reminded her husband actually pinned the diaper TO my DH instead of ON him replied, "Well, it didn't kill him, did it."

Oh dear universe give me strength to accept the people I cannot change...:

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Old 06-16-2008, 06:14 PM
 
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I've been a mother for all of 2.5 weeks now, and for the first week my mother came to visit. She wasn't invited, and I had even explicitly asked her not to come until we were ready, but she came to town and got a hotel as soon as I told her the baby was born, anyway. I mostly put her to work helping my husband unpack since we'd just moved into a new house, but she did try to "help" with the baby enough to leave me wondering how I survived to adulthood.

I asked her to pick up some oatmeal for me at the grocery store, for my milk supply. I explained how to get things from the bulk foods section. I drew a map to the store, 2 miles away. 4 hours later, she came back with a babies'r'us bag full of Gerber oat cereal, plastic bowls and spoons, and 8oz bottles so we could give my 3-day-old cereal and water.

It's over 90 degrees here everyday, and if I let my mother hold the baby while I showered, I'd come back to a sweaty baby literally piled under blankets and towels.

Mom thinks it's a good idea to change diapers on a scedule, whether needed or not, and doesn't change them unless it's "time." She also thinks cloth diapers are child abuse and kept buying disposables and hiding them in the house for when I come to my senses.

Mom is also telling weird lies about my daughter, telling people she has curly red hair like my father (it is red for now, but not curly, and it took genes from both my dark haired but red bearded husband and myself to produce a redhead) or that she's named after some distant ancestor on her side from 100 years ago when in fact she's named for my husband's grandmother, who is alive and well.

oh hey. While I was typing this I just got my first public annoyance. I'm in a quiet corner of my regular coffee shop and baby was a little fussy from gas and having trouble staying latched. A woman I sort of vaguely know who has an 11-year-old and is self-appointed Supermom heard Rina squeaking and said at top volume "I think I'm being paged!" and came scurrying over to... what, help me breast feed? Drawing the attention of strangers and acquaintances who were otherwise oblivious. I just smiled at her and said "we're kind of busy, let's talk later," and she went away, but who thinks a woman with a bare breast and a squirming infant is looking for chit-chat, or even worse, advice?
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:39 PM
 
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so we go to my parents house for father's day.
(my mom has a history of trying to control every little thing.)

we're sitting outside in the late afternoon...
(under some trees at a table with a canopy.)

mom says: oh sit where i'm sitting under the canopy.

me: no i'm fine.

mom: but he'll get sunburnt.

me: no it's late afternoon, he'll be fine.

mom: i don't want e to get sunburnt, but i 'll just say I told you so.

grrr. does she think i haven't had the baby outside at all. that i haven't thought about sunburn. i could have replied that i'm not her (she left me outside on the beach in hawaii when i was three days old and almost lost me to cps.) but i held back.

the look on her face though, i mean, she didn't want E to get sunburnt...but she was admitting that there would be a benefit to it...her getting to be right.
i was shocked by that.

living light husband wife loving life two sons to birth for our light loving earth. :
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I've been a mother for all of 2.5 weeks now, and for the first week my mother came to visit. She wasn't invited, and I had even explicitly asked her not to come until we were ready, but she came to town and got a hotel as soon as I told her the baby was born, anyway. I mostly put her to work helping my husband unpack since we'd just moved into a new house, but she did try to "help" with the baby enough to leave me wondering how I survived to adulthood.
That's a heck of a lot of stuff to pick up in only 2.5 weeks. Hopefully, it'll fill some sort of quota on stupidity and you'll be free and clear for the next few years.
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Old 06-16-2008, 08:48 PM
 
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Mom thinks it's a good idea to change diapers on a scedule, whether needed or not, and doesn't change them unless it's "time." She also thinks cloth diapers are child abuse and kept buying disposables and hiding them in the house for when I come to my senses.
And I thought feeding on a schedule didn't make sense. That's a whole other level.

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oh hey. While I was typing this I just got my first public annoyance. I'm in a quiet corner of my regular coffee shop and baby was a little fussy from gas and having trouble staying latched. A woman I sort of vaguely know who has an 11-year-old and is self-appointed Supermom heard Rina squeaking and said at top volume "I think I'm being paged!" and came scurrying over to... what, help me breast feed? Drawing the attention of strangers and acquaintances who were otherwise oblivious. I just smiled at her and said "we're kind of busy, let's talk later," and she went away, but who thinks a woman with a bare breast and a squirming infant is looking for chit-chat, or even worse, advice?
I marvel at the kind of arrogance that it takes to believe that when another woman's child cries you are being "paged." Wow, just Wow!

Kristy, wife to Josh proud mama to Katie: since 3/08 and Emma since 8/12.

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Old 06-20-2008, 04:54 AM
 
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Well, I'm very young and don't plan on becoming a mama for years to come, but I've DEFINITELY heard some stupid comments on parenting.

- My freshmen biology teacher was absolutely persistent that I should be a doctor, because I was "smart enough." When I told her I wanted to be a nurse-midwife (We were discussing what pathways I should take for future science classes), she was insistent that I should be a doctor, citing how "bright" and "hardworking" I am. As if doctors are the epitome of intelligence and midwives are a class of women who aren't exclusive enough to go to the haven of intelligence that is medical school. :

When I explained that I would be much happier empowering and connecting with women in a gentle way by supporting them in natural childbirth in a relaxed setting, I got a blank stare.

- When I casually mentioned to my mom that I was leaning toward becoming a CPM/LM instead of going to nursing school and becoming a CNM (b/c I really don't want to practice in a hospital setting, and I was just learning about different types of midwives) she immediately panicked (She's an RN) and told me, in a dead serious voice, that I HAD to get a nursing degree or I would end up stuck in rural Alaska with "radical" people who wouldn't pay me with money.

I calmly explained that CPMs are licensed in a good number of states (22?) and can very well charge money, but I don't think it registered. She's still insistent that I get a nursing degree. Sigh...

- I did a speech about the benefits of breastfeeding for a class, and when I mentioned it to a friend before lunch, her nose wrinkled up and she looked at me, disgusted:

her: "Eww! That's so gross! Who wants a kid hanging off their boob?!"

me: "It's the natural and healthy way to feed an infant and toddler. You know, breastfed babies have lower rates of infectious diseases and infant mortality."

her: "yeah, well I bet none of those things are as bad as the diseases you get from breastfeeding!"



me: "Have you actually researched this?"

her: "nooo...."

But the kicker was this, towards the end of the conversation:

me: "You know the biological purpose of breasts is to feed your children, right?"

her: "No, breasts are for sex! They harden during orgasms to turn guys on."

Thanks alot, society. :

(When I asked her how she supposed children survived for thousands of years before bottles were invented I got no answer )

- When I told my mother (Who circ'd my brother) that I thought circumcision was cruel and unusual I got the usual "It's for sanitary reasons," "easier to keep clean," "that way they don't spread infection" My dad just spluttered out something about normalcy when I told him. Funnily enough, both of them think female circ is horrible, abusive, violent and cruel (And I completely agree), because it's so painful and permanently mutilates the genitilia of a defenseless young girl.

And what do they think male circ does?! Why is it so accepted in this country to slice poor baby boys and oppose slicing baby girls? Can we not really wrap our minds around the oh-so-radical idea of respecting children's bodies, no matter WHAT their gender? : I live in a very pro-circ area, so this especially makes me furious.

Speaking of which, my mom got my ears pierced when I was THREE in the midst of me crying and screaming. When I asked her why, years later, she flippantly answered that it was a "cultural thing" at the time. Yeah, I had my body permanently altered and endured a traumatic experience (I still vividly remember crying and running away from the lady with the piercing gun at some mall shop ) and several subsequent infections for the purpose of "culture." Thanks, mom. :
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Old 06-20-2008, 06:10 AM
 
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I told my mother today about my painful decision to start giving a pacifier to my 8-week-old in the car because she screams during car rides. She said to me, quite matter of factly:

"Do it the natural way. In the 1800s, they used to give babies a cloth soaked in sugar water to keep them quiet."

I was so shocked my jaw dropped. I immediately snapped back with:

"Well, they also used to give their babies Laudanum!"
You know, I actually don't think a cloth with sugar water is that horrible an idea. My baby DESPISED the car; it'd be better than having her scream the whole time! Breast milk has sugar, so that's not an issue... and water? No big deal. Hmm. Seriously, I might try that for my next noob who will probably hate the car too!

I think I'll skip the laudanum though...
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Old 06-20-2008, 12:03 PM
 
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That was the most annoying... but this couple don't stop telling me that in Denmark babies are wrapped up and put outside to cry themselves to sleep (I have no idea if this is true or not). Pretty much every time DS is picked up this is mentioned..
My neighbor across the street is a new immigrant from Russia and she mentioned that she does this with her baby (now 1). Get them to sleep and lay them down in a stroller on their back deck (fenced). Put the baby monitor on and you can do whatever you like noise-wise inside the house.

She said this is what they do in Russia and it makes the babies sleep longer. In winter you just bundle them up really well!

I don't know if she realized that we get wildcats, raccoons and bears in our area...

Mama to Emma (7) and Sarah (5)

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Old 06-20-2008, 12:11 PM
 
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Sort of in the same vein my Dad always calls my daughter by the wrong name, he is not that old and dittery that he can't think what her name is before speaking andf getting it right. Four years of correcting him is a bit muc me thinks !!!:
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Old 06-20-2008, 05:59 PM
 
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I've been a mother for all of 2.5 weeks now...
I won't even quote the whole thing and will just say geeze-louise and offer you a billion Hang in there!

Mama to 3 year old DS and awaiting #2 in June
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Old 06-20-2008, 07:12 PM
 
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overheard this morning, re: the proposed anti-spanking laws here in canada (which i think are by the way!)

Mom 1: i can't believe they are trying to pass that law!
Dad: well, i think smacking them around when they're young is how it should be
Mom 2: yeah, when they are too young to tell anyone about it! LOL
Mom 1 and Dad: ha ha, so true!
Dad: well i spanked my kids when they were little, and one of them is a teenager now, and he knows to respect me!
Mom 2: if you don't do it when they're young, they will grow up and never listen to a thing you say....


um, arg?!!? i think there is a big difference between learning to obey your father and *respecting* him! it took me yeeeeeears to forgive my father for hitting me when i was young. i think the trust is forever gone, there is no way i'd leave him alone with my kids.

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Old 06-20-2008, 07:18 PM
 
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overheard this morning, re: the proposed anti-spanking laws here in canada (which i think are by the way!)

Mom 1: i can't believe they are trying to pass that law!
Dad: well, i think smacking them around when they're young is how it should be
Mom 2: yeah, when they are too young to tell anyone about it! LOL
Mom 1 and Dad: ha ha, so true!
Dad: well i spanked my kids when they were little, and one of them is a teenager now, and he knows to respect me!
Mom 2: if you don't do it when they're young, they will grow up and never listen to a thing you say....


um, arg?!!? i think there is a big difference between learning to obey your father and *respecting* him! it took me yeeeeeears to forgive my father for hitting me when i was young. i think the trust is forever gone, there is no way i'd leave him alone with my kids.

Oh that is so horrible. I got tears at "well, i think smacking them around when they're young is how it should be. Mom 2: yeah, when they are too young to tell anyone about it! LOL"



My father smacked me around, too. I never had respect for him then and I barely have any for him now.

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Old 06-21-2008, 12:14 AM
 
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Whats this about an anti-spanking law? I haven't heard about it and I'm in Canada...

I haven't actually seen any public spanking around here though so it might be a moot point hereabouts, but its good to have something legal about it.

Mama to Emma (7) and Sarah (5)

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Old 06-21-2008, 12:37 AM
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the other day my MIL told me DS wasn't sitting or rolling over yet because he spend too much time in the sling instead of sitting in a baby seat >

Sandi- firmly attached mama to DS (Feb/08) cautiously expecting #2 09/10
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Old 06-21-2008, 01:16 AM
 
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My baby is only a month old but I hear it all day every day. we unfortunately live with my MIL right now so it never goes away. Every day she tells my son in spanish everytime she sees him that he's freezing and he needs to tell his mom (me sitting right next to her) that he's cold, I need to put socks on him (he's a preemie and NO socks fit him let alone pants and shoes) because he's cold, she even tries to put them on him every day after i tell her they are all too big, and they fall off, she will ask me if his stomach is hard and then i tell her no and she proceeds to unwrap him and feel his stomach because he hadn't pooped yet that day (umm hello i just told you NO) and he looks like everyone in her family according to her when in actuality he looks just like me and my sister. She goes on and on about it then I correct her and she ignores it and goes on some more. I will proceed to try and feed him some more after he's done eating but still wanting to suck and she will tell me he's not hungry and then when he doesnt take it she will say to him in her annoying baby voice that she knows he's not hungry and she tried to tell me but i don't know. i realize this woman has 7 kids and alot of them are still young (me and my husband are 22 and 23) but that doesnt make her the parenting guru. i dont believe in the way she parented and alot of the stuff she believes. you should see the look she gives me when i wear him in my wrap. you can probably tell i have issues with living with this woman. she's nice just not when she's telling me how to raise my baby. i know what i am doing but i feel like she thinks i am a big dumb dumb. oh and i put his diaper on the wrong way too and i told her to leave me alone. ha! i can't wait to move out!
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Old 06-22-2008, 01:54 AM
 
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haha my inlaws are nutjobs so i feel ya! hang in there... and make sure the sarcastic (and funny) responses you think of when she uses the stupid baby voice dont actually come out. ive done that... satisfying? yes! but not so great for the relationship.
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Old 06-22-2008, 09:32 AM
 
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Whats this about an anti-spanking law? I haven't heard about it and I'm in Canada...t.

it's a proposed law (not passed yet) that would make spanking illegal.. it would be child abuse (which it IS!). i really hope it passes!

Momma to K ('01), E ('03) and A ('07)
Acting as a Gestational Surrogate for my cousin, EDD Jan 17th
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Old 06-22-2008, 09:33 AM
 
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Wow, some of you have some relatives or friends who are really in the "How are you still alive?" category. Is it a UA violation to say that?

Me, my Sweetie , DD 1 (Dec 07),  and DD 2 (Dec 09). Co-sleeping, delayed-vaxing, quia Lutherans!
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Old 06-23-2008, 05:26 PM
 
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I've read all of this thread now (still working on the other one) and there are some doozies here!

I've received a lot of similar comments as people here. One woman told me "Just don't breastfeed to three, like one person I know!" "You know, because they get everything they need by six months." Umm, no, if that were the case, my boobs would just stop working at six months. I did explain to her that Connor would be BFing until he was ready to stop, and the AAP says to do it until age 1 at least and the WHO says to go until 2 minimum, and if a big organization like that says age 2, I'm taking that advice!

Just a few weekends ago again I heard "Just don't be like so-and-so's sister and nurse until age three." I gave them my WTF look and someone mentions that the daughter has cavity problems because she breastfeeds." Noo, she has cavity problems because she breastfeeds to sleep and the milk pools in her mouth.

Then there is my mom. I love my mom but sometimes she drives me crazy. It started with cloth diapers. Every time I told her we were doing it, she'd roll her eyes and say "We'll see how long that lasts." and kept insisting she was going to buy sposies for her house. Eventually, when DS was about 4 months, she actually mentioned she was proud of us for sticking with them, bout time! Plus we have had the rice cereal argument more times that I can count. Connor isn't sleeping through the night-RICE CEREAL, Connor is eating once an hour-RICE CEREAL, Connor has been really fussy-RICE CEREAL. NO, we started him with avocados and are currently delaying all solids because he just isn't ready! At least she has assured me up and down that she will NOT feed him something without my permission (that doesn't keep her from asking if she can give him a bite of a popsicle, but when I say no, she doesn't push the issue).

My MIL also suggested putting DS's soother in sugar water to get him to take it better. I put a stop to that right away. Then FIL keeps "asking Connor" if he wants to come home with them. Connor is not even eight months and NO, he cannot go home with you, unless by some miracle you have started to lactate!
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Old 06-23-2008, 05:46 PM
 
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FWIW, breastfeeding to sleep doesn't cause cavities, though not brushing teeth before hand (assuming solids have started) and bottlefeeding to sleep can. There are protective qualities to breastmilk. From what I've read, genetics really plays the largest role in infant cavities.

Check out kellymom.com for the research to back this up.

*** DH (wed 5/03), DD (6/07), and DS (8/11)
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Old 06-28-2008, 10:43 PM
 
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He's 9 days old and already it begins...

Today from my MIL...
You know it's ok to let him fuss... no, I'm sorry it's not. Yes it is ok to let him make noises, but if he sounds distressed then he needs me.
You shouldn't hold him all the time, he'll smell your milk and will never be able to relax... WTF so I just imaine how much more soundly he sleeps ON ME as opposed to in the bassinet?

Then DH's aunt met him for the first time today. She was holding him out from her long ways and when he woke up that way he started screaming... not whimpering... but out and out screaming, he doesn't like that position, he feels completely insecure please don't do it. she cuddled him up to her just till he calmed and then held him out again, she wanted him to open his eyes... UGH! People are just incredible. Then she handed him off to grandma who held him for nearly 2 1/2 hours... Ummm NO do NOT keep my newborn from me for 2 1/2 freakin hours.

NExt Saturday is going to be fun when they play pass the baby at the annual 4th of July BBQ. DH is going to have to run interference. Let's hope he's REALLY hungry that day!

Wife (32) to DH (33) Mom to DS 2 and Twin DD's born 8/11
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Old 06-28-2008, 10:45 PM
 
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That's another reason why I like to wear my babies. People don't try to grab them from your arms.
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Old 06-28-2008, 10:51 PM
 
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Just remembered another... PLEASE do NOT PRESUME that just because my son is crying I am getting frazzled. The ONLY time since he was born I've honestly been frazzled was the first night after birth when he would not nurse... that was on 2 hours sleep after 18 hours of labor. MIL told baby to sssshhh when he was crying in his car seat today, "since we didn't want mommy getting frazzled". Thank you I handle stress a helluva lot better than that!

Wife (32) to DH (33) Mom to DS 2 and Twin DD's born 8/11
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Old 06-28-2008, 11:09 PM
 
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My mother said something really weird today. She was talking about introducing solids to my son and I told her that he's still perfectly fine being exclusively breastfed.

She replied to me with "You really should give him some fruit now, because breast milk must be getting boring for him."

Eh?!
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Old 06-28-2008, 11:13 PM
 
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since bm is strongly influenced by the foods mama eats and it changes flavor depending on mama's diet I would imagine it is one of the most "unboring" foods there is out there.

 
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Old 06-28-2008, 11:48 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Maeve View Post
That's another reason why I like to wear my babies. People don't try to grab them from your arms.
Yeah, put your baby in a sling. I'm so terrified to let others hold a new baby. They are so young, they don't understand what's going on. Plus, they don't have any kind of immune system yet. People will not ask to hold him if he's in a sling or even better - a wrap.

If anyone asks, I always say that my daughter is terrified of other people, but that I'd be glad to let them hold her when she grows out of it.

Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
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Old 07-07-2008, 03:48 PM
 
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I LOVED the old thread!

For some reason, my parents and in-laws have laid off in this last year or so of my DD's life. I think I got really good at ignoring their inane, impractical, and down right unhelpful suggestions!

The last time I dared (stupid, I know) to bring up a parenting issue to my mom it was in regards to my DD, then 18 months or so, and her poor sleeping. DD has never been a consistent sleeper and we've co-slept since day one. Anyway, mom's solution - "I just wouldn't get into bed with her anymore." At all, for anything, no nursing, no morning cuddles, no snuggles at night when DD is afraid. And then her emphatic, "I never didn't go to you kids!" lest I start thinking mom left me alone to cry. I can clearly remember going into my parents' room after a nightmare and being "allowed" to sleep on the floor next to their bed. Mom even put her hand down for me to hold. Wow, so caring.

Stacy - mom to Lily 5-20-06 , Angel, stillborn @ 25 wks 12-17-07 , and Cami 4-21-09.
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Old 07-08-2008, 07:54 AM
 
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I've got a new one! Don't forget the comebacks, that was a good part of the old thread.

I was in the hospital for the weekend for surgery on my broken arm. I was blessed and determined to be in and out ASAP--I was admitted for about 8 hours. After surgery, the nurse very seriously sits down and gives me several reasons why she thinks I should stay. Granted, after surgery I shivered uncontrollably for a little while. But I asked for my husband and then asked, I think, when I could go home. But even before surgery, the surgeon had said I could get home midnight-1 am. He was very supportive of BFing too! So it likely said something on my chart.
So she is very serious and says, "You just came out of surgery, you could develop uncontrollable pain; the hospital is nice and quite; you can have a night away."
I was just smiling and nodding, so no smarts remarks, but drop
I am trying to rest, while I am at the hospital. I was concerned how co-sleeping would work when we got home (I think my husband likes it even more now that he's on nighttime diaper duty ). I had not been able to sleep longer than 15 minutes at a time (I checked every.single.time I woke up) between someone coming in to check my vitals(a very sweet CNA!) or sign more papers or something! Or I was waking up and asking my husband to call and check on MIL and baby(not sure how many times I asked, more than he called ) and crying missing her. I never cried for the pain. My MIL is wonderful, btw, I was not worried about her; I just knew my baby would need me when she went to sleep and woke in the night.

But the nurse was telling me we could have a night away at the hospital, while I'm trying to get comfortable on a hospital bed, and my husband is lying over on a cot. Not quite how I envision a 'night away'. Hmm, we could start a whole new side business for hospitals, "Come get a night away at your local hospital!" The food is cheaper than the Radisson.

Oh yeah, and I was also engorged for not having nursed for 9 hours. I pumped and dumped because of the x-rays, which I later read was unnecessary.

The same nurse also said she wouldn't BF while taking Percocet. I guess she's never done post-op recovery for c-sections. As if I'm going to stop nursing for a whole week! Hello, plugged ducts, mastitis and low supply!

We got home and got in bed just before baby woke up and needed to nurse. Waking up the next morning to our baby smiling at us and snuggling and blowing raspberries on my tummy--:::

Mama to 2 year old and :: June 14th!
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Old 07-09-2008, 01:22 PM
 
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While at my MIL's a couple weeks ago, ds crawled to her dog's toy bin, and pulled out one of the doggy toys, and promptly stuck it in his mouth. I'm not really a germ/dirt nazi, but doggy toys are pretty yucky, as far as I'm concerned...So I took it from him, and said, "Nah, that ones yucky, lets chew on one of your toys".

At which my MIL piped up with: "Well, if dog saliva can heal wounds, I don't see why its bad for him", and then - THEN: "Its not like Daisy[the dog] licks her butt before she chews on her toys".

Oh really? Can you guarantee that?
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Old 07-09-2008, 02:59 PM
 
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We spent the (too) long weekend with my MIL who must have asked me a million times if my 3 month old was on cereal yet. Nope, just breast milk thanks! She seemed perplexed that I have no intentions of introducing anything other than breast milk for at least 3 more months. This is the same lady who is totally fat-phobic and commented immediately on how fat my LO was getting, and not necessarily in a positive way. She also tried to take Nora out of my arms more than once in addition to constantly asking to hold her when I was in the middle of nursing her. When she did hold her for 20 minutes or so while I was in the shower, Nora got really fussy. Why? Because Grandma, who somehow managed to raise 4 kids of her own, didn't think that maybe her diaper needed changing! Oh well, at least she didn't have any problem with me washing diapers in her machine.
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