What is the worst/dumbest thing anyone has ever said to you about parenting stuff? II - Page 19 - Mothering Forums
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#541 of 1466 Old 07-31-2008, 02:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by KristyDi View Post
My female basset hound does this. If Katie starts crying Margo (the dog) runs up and and starts whining insistently at me like "She's crying, fix it."
When we first brought dd home from the hospital it was a race to see who got to her first. She'd cry and the dog, ds and then me bringing up the rear going to get to her. It was actually pretty sweet, the dog could be in another part of the house and dd would cry and she'd take off like crazy trying to get to her. Poor dd has like 4 mothers.
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#542 of 1466 Old 07-31-2008, 02:36 PM
 
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She also wanted us to put DD on the floor on the other side of the dining room during a family dinner so DD wouldn't "disrupt" things. Guess where DD sat? In the sling held close to mommy's heart. SIL can kiss it.
I'm trying to figure out how putting a baby on the floor on the other side of the room is supposed to be less distracting than in a sling. My DD would have sat on the floor crying, which is a little distracting!
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#543 of 1466 Old 07-31-2008, 02:59 PM
 
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I would not say anything in a qualified way, like "I'd like to". Just say "I am going to a LLL meeting on..." Or, "we decided (that way it's you AND DH, not just you) to do X"

I also like the suggestion "Interesting opinion, that doesn't match up with any of the reseach I've done, what is your source?" And, always, "our pediatrician says to do X".

I also am big on, oh, that's how they did it way back when. Now they know that (or the AAP recommends) is't much safer/healthier/better to do it this way."



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Originally Posted by TopHat View Post
Yeah. When I pass by the store, I sometimes still see that clerk. Maybe I'll see if I can't get her name.

Last time I saw her she was speaking to another mother whose baby was in a bucket seat with a bottle propped up- the kid was no more than 4 weeks old. From what I got of the conversation, they were like best friends (the clerk and the other lady) and the poor babe was at least a yard away from anybody.

Well, I'm going to my parent's house this week for the first time in over a year. I'm sure I'll get to hear all kinds of things! They aren't big fans of bfing, not vaxing, co-sleeping, or even baby wearing "You're still wearing that...thing?."

It's hard for me to defend myself in front of them- they were pretty demeaning parents while I was growing up and I always feel like a child when I'm around them.

On the phone Sunday my mom asked if there was something I'd like to do when I'm in town. I said, "Yeah. I know there's an LLL meeting Friday morning I'd like to go to, especially with World Breastfeeding Week starting on Friday."
"We'll have to discuss that."

UGH! I'm a member of an organization and I'd like to go to a meeting. What is there to discuss?

DH says I should be sweet and invite her to come. Maybe I will.

Sorry so OT. I'm just nervous about this trip- 6 days with just me and my baby- DH is staying behind to work. DH is such a help and backs me up and I won't have him with me.

But back on topic, I'm looking for good retorts that I can quickly memorize before this trip so when I get the interrogation, I don't sit there with a blank face. I've been reading this thread and the old one. There are some good ones, but I'm so bad at remembering them!

So yeah. Good retorts, please. I'll keep on reading the old thread, too.

Oh, I have one, kind of. I was selling slings at a fair with a couple of moms in our AP playgroup. One of the AP moms I was with jokingly said, "If you wear your baby too much, you'll spoil her!"
I joked back, "Well, I'm sorry, but I actually like my daughter, thank you very much!" We had a good laugh.

I'll have to use it in real life, sometime.
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#544 of 1466 Old 07-31-2008, 03:28 PM
 
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You know what? Maybe cats like formula.
Mine does. We supplement a little as needed and when that formula lid comes off, Wyatt is at my feet waiting. He will jump up on the counter and lick up any powder that I drop on it. After DH made a bottle and left the scoop on the counter, I found it licked clean and hidden in one of my shoes (where the cat likes to keep his things).

He can't get enough of the stuff. When I'm nursing DS he's nowhere to be found, but if someone's giving him a bottle you can bet that the cat is on that person's lap, trying to shove the baby out of the way.
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#545 of 1466 Old 08-01-2008, 09:00 AM
 
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Maybe I am just cranky due to being up every hour with DD all night, but I got a real dumb one this morning at my doggie daycare/kennel. I am dropping our dog off this morning since we are going on vacation and I am wearing DD in the Ergo. She's 21lbs, 8 months. I am trying to manage crazy excited dog (he loves going there) and fill out paperwork at the same time - with fuzzy, sleepy brain. The owner says, "she's getting too big to be carried around like that" to me. Uh, what is my alternative?? Carrying her so my arms fall off and sit her on the counter so she can grab at all the crap up there? Leave her in the car??? I just ignored the comment... I wish I had a really good comeback but in my sleep deprived state I had nothing. I was on auto-pilot
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#546 of 1466 Old 08-01-2008, 09:51 AM
 
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Maybe I am just cranky due to being up every hour with DD all night, but I got a real dumb one this morning at my doggie daycare/kennel. I am dropping our dog off this morning since we are going on vacation and I am wearing DD in the Ergo. She's 21lbs, 8 months. I am trying to manage crazy excited dog (he loves going there) and fill out paperwork at the same time - with fuzzy, sleepy brain. The owner says, "she's getting too big to be carried around like that" to me. Uh, what is my alternative?? Carrying her so my arms fall off and sit her on the counter so she can grab at all the crap up there? Leave her in the car??? I just ignored the comment... I wish I had a really good comeback but in my sleep deprived state I had nothing. I was on auto-pilot

"Well it's obviously still working".

"Boy, you really have your hands full"-when I wear DS.
"Actually, I have 2 (!!) free hands!"

Have fun on your vacation!
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#547 of 1466 Old 08-01-2008, 10:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by TopHat View Post

But back on topic, I'm looking for good retorts that I can quickly memorize before this trip so when I get the interrogation, I don't sit there with a blank face. I've been reading this thread and the old one. There are some good ones, but I'm so bad at remembering them!
My favorite response from a conversation on the BFing board about responding to people's idiotic comments when you are nursing in public-

"*pause*... What an odd thing to say!"
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#548 of 1466 Old 08-01-2008, 11:17 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Terpsfan View Post
Maybe I am just cranky due to being up every hour with DD all night, but I got a real dumb one this morning at my doggie daycare/kennel. I am dropping our dog off this morning since we are going on vacation and I am wearing DD in the Ergo. She's 21lbs, 8 months. I am trying to manage crazy excited dog (he loves going there) and fill out paperwork at the same time - with fuzzy, sleepy brain. The owner says, "she's getting too big to be carried around like that" to me. Uh, what is my alternative?? Carrying her so my arms fall off and sit her on the counter so she can grab at all the crap up there? Leave her in the car??? I just ignored the comment... I wish I had a really good comeback but in my sleep deprived state I had nothing. I was on auto-pilot
Umm... well she can't exactly walk! What are you supposed to do?
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#549 of 1466 Old 08-02-2008, 05:14 AM
 
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double post

Me:,loving HB,two active sons of 3 & 5,1 cat, nature lover,,extbf,occ,SAHM, multicultural/lingual family,+/-cl, :become a better parent/person by not expecting to be the perfect parent/person
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#550 of 1466 Old 08-02-2008, 05:17 AM
 
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I'Ve been sending DS1 to private pre-school this year for the first year (he's now 4,5) and since I am a SAHM I want him to be able to enjoy what is the Summer holiday too. So I keep him home with me and his little brother for two months and then he'll go again for half days. He only goes to swimming twice a week and sometimes a pick-nick with his school. Other kids go all year long, all Summer long, since both parents are WOH. But for us pre-school is not a necessary daycare but a fun extra for my son, and I'm sure a Summer break (when other kids in the neighbourhood have holidays too) will be nice for DS1 and all of us.
Yesterday I went to pick him up with DS2 from swimming and another SAHM came to pick up her daughter from half day school. I told her about our Summer arrangement. Her reaction was like: ''WHAT on earth will you do with him (them) ALL day/Summer long?'' Uhm, aren't they my children, and what about doing something nice TOGETHER with my own children? (Yes, even if that can be tough some days!)
I found it a pretty stupid question.

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#551 of 1466 Old 08-02-2008, 11:10 PM
 
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What the hell does that (in the bold) have to do with breast feeding? I can see the obesity, maybe the diabetes (which is genetic or a product of the obesity) and maybe the balding (although female balding can be genetic or diet/health related) but the virginity? Never been in a relationship? Drivers license? That's just being petty which puts you on her level.
thank you. i am 29 and do not have a driver's license. i do not see the problem with that and neither does my husband. *sheesh* must be b/c i wasn't breastfed.

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#552 of 1466 Old 08-02-2008, 11:26 PM
 
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My MIL refers to my kids as "my baby" like when she calls she says "where is my baby" and then when I asked her what she wanted them to call her she said, "mom... you can be mommy and I can be mom" I was like, "Ummm no, I'm their mom, mommy,mother, mama... you're the grandmother"
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#553 of 1466 Old 08-03-2008, 12:02 PM
 
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Oy. I just finished the first visit of the in-laws. Compared to so many of the other stories here, the experience wasn't too terrible. A lot of inconsiderateness about how carefully everything has to be timed with me & Lily (we're still working on some nursing challenges & I'm still pumping around the clock), too tedious to go into here.

MIL brought up vaxing, which I mostly deflected by saying I'm going to be doing more a lot more research; asked "You don't put her on her side to sleep?" when she saw Lily napping on our bed (at least I didn't have to defend cosleeping); and asked Lily in that totally annoying pretending-to-talk-to-baby-but-really-making-a-crack-at-you way, "So are you ever allowed to just fuss by yourself a little or are you always picked up" And true to cliche, the myth about cats got brought up too! I mentioned what I had learned here about it coming from cats smelling the milk on a baby's breath (of course she had to contradict me about the reasons for it, ugh). I was thinking of this thread the whole time . . . All in all, pretty run-of-the-mill stuff, basically.

But one thing really did make me go "HUH?!?" Lily had the hiccups because, well, she's a 3 1/2 month old baby. Someone else was holding her and commented on them, and she said "She's stressed. Hiccups are a sign of stress."

Wha? Never mind that Lily is about the most mellow and contented baby 98% of the time, I have never heard this about hiccups EVER. For a baby or an adult. It's just a spasm of the diaphragm that happens somewhat randomly, as far as I understand, though I know overfeeding can sometimes trigger it. I of course (later) looked hiccups up in every baby book I own just to doublecheck - nothing besides describing it as perfectly normal. Has anyone ever heard this about hiccups and is there any truth to it?
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#554 of 1466 Old 08-03-2008, 12:07 PM
 
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But one thing really did make me go "HUH?!?" Lily had the hiccups because, well, she's a 3 1/2 month old baby. Someone else was holding her and commented on them, and she said "She's stressed. Hiccups are a sign of stress."

What? Never mind that Lily is about the most mellow and contented baby 98 of the time, I have never herd this about hiccups EVER. For a baby or an adult. It's just a spasm of the diaphragm that happened somewhat randomly, as far as I understand, though I know overfeeding can sometimes trigger it. I of course (later) looked hiccups up in every baby book I own just to doublecheck - nothing besides describing it as perfectly normal. Has anyone ever heard this about hiccups and is there any truth to it?
not stress, but over stimulation can cause it. I know when I really get my DD laughing when she should be winding down, she gets them... I wouldn't exactly cause it stress.

[sarcasm]Yeah, I'm sure with all your love and AP, your baby's stressed to the max[/sarcasm]
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#555 of 1466 Old 08-03-2008, 03:25 PM
 
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Here's a new one from an otherwise intelligent childless person I volunteer with that has me fuming (and I'm SO glad I can vent here):

I was trying to explain that I have to cut back a bit on my activism because ds absolutely cannot stand the carseat or bicycle trailer so I have to walk everywhere, whichb takes time, and she asked if I wore him as much at home as I do at work and said, "Don't you think that's your problem? You need to stop doing that."

ds loves to go to work with me and I love being able to work, but it makes me so mad when he's treated as if he were something less than human or as if his needs didn't matter!

While I'm on the subject of walking, pretty much every time I walk across town I get people stopping to offer me rides. Um...that's very sweet of you but I can't accept even if I want to because of car seat laws.

I've also had cops stop me and give me the third degree because they think I'm homeless since I'd rather walk than break the law or torture my kid.

tjjazzy, thank you for not driving; I didn't get my license until I was 30 and I can't get over how people assume that nondrivers are "irresponsible" in the age of peak oil and climate change. I almost always rode my bicycle during my pregnancy and I couldn't believe how many people would ask, "Why on earth are you riding a bicycle in your condition?"

Well, duh! My kid has to live here! After fifteen cycles of TTC I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to bring a desperately wanted and much loved child into this world; that does NOT make me want to sh!t all over his planet!
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#556 of 1466 Old 08-03-2008, 03:37 PM
 
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My MIL refers to my kids as "my baby" like when she calls she says "where is my baby" and then when I asked her what she wanted them to call her she said, "mom... you can be mommy and I can be mom" I was like, "Ummm no, I'm their mom, mommy,mother, mama... you're the grandmother"
: OH MY GOD! :
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#557 of 1466 Old 08-03-2008, 04:54 PM
 
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My MIL refers to my kids as "my baby" like when she calls she says "where is my baby"
My best friend, who will also be the godmother, does this all the time. I blow her off because well, I don't care if I offend her. The man, on the other hand, is about to kill her.
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#558 of 1466 Old 08-03-2008, 11:33 PM
 
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Gee, we have 3 (!) cats and we did pretty well. When on earth was the first and last time a cat actually "smothered" a baby? Where did that stupid myth come from?
it's really not stupid myth. my mom found me with my brother's cat ON MY FACE when i was an infant. a friend of mine's dad found a cat in the same position on him. while i think it is stupid to get rid of a cat just b/c they might do this, i did make sure that my cats understood they were not allowed in the baby's room/crib/car seat/etc. before DS #1 was born.

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#559 of 1466 Old 08-03-2008, 11:47 PM
 
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tjjazzy, thank you for not driving; I didn't get my license until I was 30 and I can't get over how people assume that nondrivers are "irresponsible" in the age of peak oil and climate change. I almost always rode my bicycle during my pregnancy and I couldn't believe how many people would ask, "Why on earth are you riding a bicycle in your condition?"
thank you for the positive feedback i get SO MUCH negative feedback about it. it's ridiculous. unless these ppl are my mother or my husband (who both give me rides when needed), i don't get why they think it's their business to CONSTANTLY say "aren't you going to get your license?" "when are you going to get your license?" "did you get your license yet?" etc. etc. these are ppl who have never given me rides and whom i have never asked for rides. i walk everywhere and the neighbours all drive to the store; yeah, i'm the one who is the problem here.

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#560 of 1466 Old 08-04-2008, 12:00 AM
 
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A woman told me once to watch for strange pee streams from my DS. One of her boys had to have surgery to re-open his urethral opening because the disposable diapers she was using (he was 4 years old at the time this happened) were rubbing on his penis and between the chemicals in the diapers and the scar tissue from his circumcision the hole was covered over with tissue. The doctor actually told her that it was because of the diaper chemicals and the circ.

I told her that I would certainly keep an eye out for that (in my intact, cloth-diapered son who has been diaper-free since he was 14 months old).
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#561 of 1466 Old 08-04-2008, 12:09 AM
 
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I forgot one...

"I think breastmilk is okay, but breastfeeding is wrong."

Yeah, um, okay. So, you hold the baby, yeah, just like that, no back a few feet. There, good. Ready? Now, I'm going to aim as best I can, but you know, these milk ducts can spray in all different directions, so if I accidentally squirt you in the eye, please don't be offended. I'll do my best to aim right for the baby, now just be sure to hold his mouth open so the milk goes in, okay?
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#562 of 1466 Old 08-04-2008, 12:12 AM
 
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it's really not stupid myth. my mom found me with my brother's cat ON MY FACE when i was an infant. a friend of mine's dad found a cat in the same position on him. while i think it is stupid to get rid of a cat just b/c they might do this, i did make sure that my cats understood they were not allowed in the baby's room/crib/car seat/etc. before DS #1 was born.
Any time a infant and a pet is left alone together there could be issues were the myth comes into play is when people think that all cats are out to kill babies : I got the same crap when I got pg with dd.

If I had a dime for every time I was asked "So what are you going to do with the cats?" I would be able to put the kids through collage. :

It is common sense not to leave animals alone with infants/young kids. At least I used to think it was until I started getting the above question.

Like the other pp's when I brought the babies home the cats would take off like a shot. It took several weeks before they got used to them and then one of them made it her duty to sleep under the bassinett when dd was in the living room with me.

 
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#563 of 1466 Old 08-04-2008, 02:08 AM
 
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I think the myth stems a lot from the fact that the cats like to smell the milk on the baby's breath so they get really close to them. When I drink milk or eat cereal my cat will get right in my face so he can smell the milk. I'm sure the first time I see my 12 lb cat trying to smell my son's breath I'll be a little freaked out.
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#564 of 1466 Old 08-04-2008, 11:25 PM
 
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hmm, if my mil ever asks "Where's my baby" Im going to refer her to her SON.
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#565 of 1466 Old 08-05-2008, 11:43 AM
 
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The kids and I went to visit my mom last week and she was commenting on Eden's behavior, I've posted about the issues we are having. My mother proceeds to tell me that Eden needs a spank spoon, like she used on me as a child. I explained to her that I would never use anything to HIT my child with. Mom felt this would straighten Eden up, b/c it worked on me--That's b/c I was scared of my mother. I told my mom that I didn't want that kind of relationship with my children. She proceeded to tell me that I can't be friends with my kids that I need to be the AUTHORITY figure and show her who's boss. That made me angry and instead of totally blowing up at her I just walked away. I don't want a relationship like her and I had I want a positive, nuturing bond b/w my children, I don't want them to be scared of me. She infuriates me, especially when she speaks to dd the way she use to speak to me. I guess that's why we only visit once a year.

Thanks for letting me vent!!

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#566 of 1466 Old 08-05-2008, 12:45 PM
 
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I just thought of something while reading a few "Baby needs a coat" stories on page 17...

My best friend used to live with her boyfriend (now husband) and his parents. Her MIL is seriously psycho and I'm happy I wasn't around her much. I was visiting her one day when ds#1 was 8/9 months old. It was November and was a little chilly when we left our house so we just had on one extra layer. We stayed later then I was planning so when it was time to leave it was COLD. So I put on ds's sweater and hat, wrap him in his blanket, hold him tight to me and jog 10 ft from their door to my car.

My friend called me later to tell me that right after I left her MIL told her that she wouldn't be surprised if my baby DIED before January because I didn't have him dressed right. : Sure I was a little unprepared but it wasn't like he was in summer clothes and we were walking home. That's just the tip of the iceberg with this women.
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#567 of 1466 Old 08-05-2008, 01:04 PM
 
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Got a sling one.

I had ds#3 in a ring sling and he was sound asleep and a greeter at walmart stopped me on the way in.

Her: "Can I see? ... how old is he?"
Me: "2 weeks." with a big proud mama smile.
Her: "Oh that looks uncomfortable! He's all squished in there!"
Me: "He loves it. He was like that for 9 months. He wouldn't be sleeping if he was uncomfortable."
Her: "Don't you bump him on the cart?"
Me: "No."
She just shook her head and I went about my shopping.

On the way out:
Her: "That can't be comfortable. He still looks all squished."
Me: "He's sleeping. I love it, he loves it." Proud mama smile and I walk away.


I'm glad that I was stopped more for "That is so cool! Where did you get it?/I wish I had one when I had my babies." more then I got bad comments about slings. I educated a lot of people on babywearing during my grocery trips.
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#568 of 1466 Old 08-05-2008, 01:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by edensmama View Post
I don't want a relationship like her and I had I want a positive, nuturing bond b/w my children, I don't want them to be scared of me. She infuriates me, especially when she speaks to dd the way she use to speak to me. I guess that's why we only visit once a year.
Have you tried saying this to your mom? Or are you still trying to be polite and not tell her you think her parenting was lousy?
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#569 of 1466 Old 08-05-2008, 03:25 PM
 
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When I read this thread I can't help but think how nice you all are. I would not be nice if people said these things to me. If I were feeling really polite I would say something along the lines of, "Your ignorance is showing. You should try harder to cover it up." Depending on my relationship with the person that is probably way nicer than I would be though.

Congratulations to all of you for your decorum!

My advice may not be appropriate for you. That's ok. You are just fine how you are and I am the right kind of me.

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#570 of 1466 Old 08-05-2008, 03:43 PM
 
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edensmama - I know how you feel. My main memory of childhood is being scared of my mother. She still talks about how you have to train children, dogs and horses by teaching them early who is boss. I also don't want that kind of relationship with my DS. I let my DD be raised by her dad's parents because I was 17 and afraid I would be the same kind of mother mine was (best decision I ever made). Fortunately, my mom is a little bit saner than she was, she constantly apologizes for my childhood, but I am NEVER letting her babysit DS. And if she ever says anything mean to him I will never let her see him again.

That said, I do believe you can't be your child's friend. Children need a parent. I think if you are too concerned with whether your child likes you that you may not set appropriate boundaries for them. But this doesn't really come into play until they are pre-teens I think. Of course you'll be your baby's best friend. I'm just talking about when parents are afraid to say no because "they won't like me anymore".

Michelle : wife to awesome DH Aaron : since (04/02), mom to DS Michael (07/07) and bio-mom to Ember (07/84), : , TANSTAAFL
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