anyone wanna join my toy-free tribe? - Page 7 - Mothering Forums

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#181 of 196 Old 09-14-2008, 04:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by zoebird View Post
that is one of the cool things that my ILs, parents and i discussed recently--the idea of giving experiences rather than objects.

when i talked to them about some examples such as paying for rock climbing lessons and memberships or dance classes or music classes, i noted that these things were quite expensive and that it would be great if those were the 'gifts' that the grands were giving to the kids.

they also liked the idea of giving supplies for these activities, as well as giving things such as season passes to the local children's theater or what have you.

so, they are on board. they get where we're coming from!
I haven't read through the whole thread yet, but I am so enjoying the bit that I have read! :

I keep being told that family can buy the gifts they want to as it is THEIR gift and they want to give things they like. Anyway, I am not interesting in PSII, DVD's, computer games, plastic junk, etc that IL's just L O V E! And while DS is still a baby all the Baby Einstein stuff.

So, I have been worrying and worrying about how I am going to address this with IL's in a positive way- still allow them to have a relationship with their grandchild, but also keep things sane in our house.
The idea of giving experiences is just absolutely BRILLIANT! And so simple. And has me really rather like this :

I'm going to be reading over this and finding a ton of ideas I am sure

Thanks NOS - excellent tribe you started

Megan, mama to her little boy (Feb2008) and introducing our little girl (Dec 2010)
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#182 of 196 Old 09-14-2008, 10:58 AM
 
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So dd has been loving her 60-piece wooden block set. I want to get her another set, because the castles she builds at 2.5 amaze me! Its very abstract and asymetrical, but just so cool. I want to live in a castle like that! She could occupy herself for hours with those blocks, and I can just envision all of the neurological connections being made in her brain.

In case I hadn't mentioned this already, MIL was very receptive when I talked to her about no more toys. She went out yard saling yesterday and only got DD a puzzle! She even went down to the dance studio to find out about their dance classes for little ones! Wahoo!
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#183 of 196 Old 09-14-2008, 08:17 PM
 
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IM SO gl;ad I FOUND THIS TRIBE

we have recently ( the last year) cleared out hundreds of boxes, okay so Im exaaggerating but TONS of boxes of toys and just like super nanny said when you lklimit toys they will actually play and take care of what they have.

We have been doimg well at getting rid of more and more toys each month that they do not playu with my rule is if they havnt played w/ it on a months its gone and we donate to charity unless its a nice wood toy we have been doing this to weed out plastics and made in China toys. I'm thankful this scare came out about toxic plastic toys and lead because now it help re direct my MIL's need to buy a bunch of CRAP shje means well really but my kids just don';t play with toys

She was poor when DH was a kid so she buys the Grandkids EVERYTHING I keep trying to re direct her gift giving to fun classes and such, sop hopefull this year will be better around the holidays if I can stop MIL from slurging to much she thought I was aweful whjen said the kids were getting only 4 gifts for x- mas and bought the kids so much stuff she had to bring it over in 2 car loads SERIUOSLY and I onl;y have 3 kids shes insane!

So I'm so glad i found you mamas I

Betsy, Mommy to DS (10) DD (4) DS (2) and DS (1)
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#184 of 196 Old 09-14-2008, 08:37 PM
 
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Just wanted to say that we had Jacobs Bday celebration today and very little toys were given by the gammy. She gave him dinosaurs that he loves to learn with such as he learned that allosaurus starts with an A and that he is the dinosaur that Godzilla is based off of. Pretty cool for a four year old I think. He got clothes and books too so We are literrally depleting the number of toys. Oh and we didnt buy a cake either we made it this year. Maybe sometime I will be able to post a pic of it.

vegan, *( . ) ( . )* wife to D and momma to peanut and monkey boy
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#185 of 196 Old 09-15-2008, 09:32 AM
 
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We did some reorganizing and clearing out a few things again on Friday. There wasn't much to clear out so it made me realize we do only have the essentials for ds to play with.

I did start to get the heebie jeebies realizing that bday and Christmas is coming up and the bagloads of craptastic stuff are going to roll in from family. Specifically MIL. I think she is getting it though, the only thing she has mentioned is that she wants to crochet him something :

Meanwhile, I made a wish list for ds and put it on the fridge for dh to tell anyone in his family if they asked. They don't have enough $$ for memberships. I would love to hear ideas about decent things that are available at mainstream places like Target. Trust me, no one in our family is going to be shopping at Nova Naturals anytime soon.

So far I have:

CandyLand
Floor puzzles
Books
Large balls
Markers/paint/ stickers and basically any expendable art supply

Any more ideas? He needs winter pj's, but the no flame retardant rule would be too difficult for them. Clothes won't work either b/c they tend to buy him really stiff denim things from Wal Mart.
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#186 of 196 Old 09-15-2008, 09:35 AM
 
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Oh, and just to clarify, is this literally a toy-free tribe, or just a toy minimalist tribe? Because we are definitely not into being toy-free, I think kids need to have their own stuff (he has already broken too many things we let him play with and thought he couldn't break. Like our binoculars ). Just want to make sure I'm in the right place!
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#187 of 196 Old 09-15-2008, 10:13 AM
 
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I just got rid of most of my DS toys.

I never though that Sent. would make me fell like a good maymay, but it is true, I do. We got rid of them, and I do not want them back!!! He had to many thing that he could not think about what it is he wanted to do, would get everything every were and never get them back put away. Now he goes gets what he wants, plays with it, puts it back (sometimes), and when I do have to clean up there is hardly anything to do. It is all very simple. There are few of his "toys" that I see as toys any longer, rather he has real things, for his size. His shirts and pants are not toys, but rather just the right sizes for him. Why then when a puzzle, flash light, drum is his size it is a "toy". This just how I look at it.

Wish the holidays coming I know little extra support would help!

It is wonderful to find you guys, and I cant wait to see how it all goes.
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#188 of 196 Old 09-15-2008, 12:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Hoopin' Mama View Post
Oh, and just to clarify, is this literally a toy-free tribe, or just a toy minimalist tribe? Because we are definitely not into being toy-free, I think kids need to have their own stuff (he has already broken too many things we let him play with and thought he couldn't break. Like our binoculars ). Just want to make sure I'm in the right place!
For pete's sake, i hav
e an EIGHT MONTH OLD!!!! most people here seem to be toy minimalist (Terran loves his yoga ball and his stack of cardboard boxes and our wrap style carriers dounle as playsilks) so your input is definitely welcomr!

he also loves keyboards, which isn't helping my typing much, but this has been a challenging month for me so i might come back later today for my update and to get some ideas/advice even though he wom't really be 8 months until the 18th
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#189 of 196 Old 09-15-2008, 01:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by noordinaryspider View Post
For pete's sake, i hav
e an EIGHT MONTH OLD!!!! most people here seem to be toy minimalist (Terran loves his yoga ball and his stack of cardboard boxes and our wrap style carriers dounle as playsilks) so your input is definitely welcomr!

he also loves keyboards, which isn't helping my typing much, but this has been a challenging month for me so i might come back later today for my update and to get some ideas/advice even though he wom't really be 8 months until the 18th
GO MAMA GO! :
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#190 of 196 Old 09-15-2008, 02:39 PM
 
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#191 of 196 Old 09-15-2008, 04:11 PM
 
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I'm not quite through all ten pages of this *terrific* thread, but man-oh-man count me in!!! I thought I was all alone out there in this big materialistic world, but I see that I'm not, and i'm so glad to have so many posts to read for ideas on how to make this work for us! We are having our first baby, and we live in a little bitty house, and I refuse to be overwhelmed with what I consider baby _JUNK_. My niece, who is almost 3 and who I have watched grow and change since day one, has been living proof for me that you can buy a kid 9000 toys, and what they'll really want to play with is your car keys, your cell phone, wooden spoons, or the simplest of toys in "the pile"(ball, hoop, bucket, etc)... I am trying to learn from watching her grow and save myself and my husband the hassle of receiving and sorting all the stuff to begin with! Anyway, thanks again for this great thread, and I look forward to reading the rest of the posts. :
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#192 of 196 Old 09-15-2008, 04:25 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by onlyAngil View Post
GO MAMA GO! :
Thank you! I needed encouragement SO MUCH. I've got a little crawler now. I have some appropriate carriers for back carries, which has helped a lot, but he is still a pretoddler and he still needs floor time.

"toe-eaze" are touted as the solution to every challenge that arises in parenting a pretoddler. Becomes hysterical in his car seat? Give him a toy! Pulls your hair during back carries? Give him a toy! Need to keep him safe while you throw together some winter pants? Give him a toy!

I was seriously eyeing some nice wooden spoons at the store the other day.

When I first noticed him happily batting at the yoga ball and exploring his cardboard box tower, i would stop what i was doing immediately and play with him, but now i'm not so sure that i want to interfere with his explorations of the world of inanimate objects.

I am finding myself questioning the common disciplinary tactic of distracting toddlers from dangerous and fragile items. This may be more appropriate for the consensual living thread, but i've been working on a very toxic relationship with my mother and trying to explain in a nonjudgemental tone how it makes me feel when that same technique has been used on me in my 20s, 30s, and 40s.

Quote:
"Mom, I'm really scared. Things didn't go well in court today and I'm beginning to think that dd1 may never come home again!"

"Don't be ridiculous. I sent your lawyer a check and he should get it next Tuesday. Is your cat friendly and purry when company comes over or does she go pfft pfft pfft and scoot out the window to hide in the back yard?"

"Mom, I'm really scared. This George Bush guy is running the economy into the ground. A lot of my friends can't find any work at all and my resume has a large gap in it from being a SAHM."

"Don't be ridiculous. Sometimes Republicans win elections and other times Democrats do. Maybe we'll have a Democrat in the white house next time. If you would brush your cat every day, she wouldn't shed so much and your house would be cleaner. "
I know I'm not likely to engage an eight month old in a calm discussion about the pros and cons of sticking a fork in an electric socket or putting a plastic bag over his head, but Iove him and I don't want to make him feel the way I feel when distraction is used as a technique to control my behavior!

This post has turned into more of a rant than an update. My little boy is continuing along the same path as a human-centric, delightful, easygoing person and I want to keep going, I just need to do a better job of not falling into the "everybody else does it so it must be the right way" mentality that I did with his siblings.

It's a funny perspective I have, with all of my regrets and might-have-beens from the older kids existing simultaneously with the idealism and hope of all new parents.

Terran will be meeting his grandmother next month. Sadly, I don't think she knows how to relate to babies without buying them "toe-eaze" so I will explain as best I can and will probably still need to make a trip to the consignment store or the donation site for the rescue mission thrift store after she leaves.

Christmas is another challenge looming on the horizon. I'd just skip it if my almost seventeen year old didn't love it so much.

It's so great to see this thread being revived but please, I don't want to be alpha dog here, I am trying to find some like-minded people for support, bouncing ideas off of, and to learn from.

Oh, and I hope it's not a UAV to congratulate Zoebird on the birth of her son.

:
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#193 of 196 Old 09-15-2008, 06:47 PM
 
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Originally Posted by noordinaryspider View Post
i
i am finding that people just "don't get it" irl, so i'm going to have to come up with some stratgies for avoiding unwanted gifts. I was bragging about his gentle hands to a childless coworker who is particularly fond of him and mentioning that I thought it was because we don't do toys, and she rep[lied, incredulously, "But what about wooden ones? They're okay, aren't they?" and another friend who is definitely in the "toy light" camp was teasing me about "protecting him from the dangerous evil toys".
Noordinaryspider, I just read through all 10 pages of this thread, and really enjoyed reading it. I am wondering what inspired your desire to be toy-free? What makes toys so evil? I am not asking to critisize, btw, I am just wanting to understand more, as I am fascinated by it. I've met people that are against plastic toys, battery operated toys, but I've never met anyone that is against all toys.

So I am wondering what it is that toys do to kids that you do like? Why not mimimal toys, why completely toy-free?

I was also wondering how you define toys, when you say toy-free? Are toys just things that have been labelled toys, or do objects like pots and pans, sticks, ect. count? You mentioned you want him to be humancentric, what do you mean by that?

I hope you don't mind the questions, I am just intriqued by it all!
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#194 of 196 Old 09-17-2008, 12:45 AM
 
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I am SO subscribing to this... I posted something almost like this a week or so ago that I have serious doubts about the value of toys. How funny to see a thriving tribe! My kids have a playroom - an entire room of our home dedicated to... to.... things. The past few months it's really been hitting me that this is literally 180 degrees opposite the values we work so hard to teach our kids. I am lucky they - shockingly - aren't really "toy" kids anyway, and are very outdoors and make-believe focused. But I'd like it to stay that way.
Anyway.... subbing :
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#195 of 196 Old 10-10-2008, 04:39 AM
 
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Megan, mama to her little boy (Feb2008) and introducing our little girl (Dec 2010)
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#196 of 196 Old 10-10-2008, 10:30 AM
 
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hi!!
i identify a lot with this thread...not many people understand why i don't buy toys for Indi, but the truth is that he doesn't need them. Well, i'm looking for a cloth book for him, 'cause he likes books and also lokes to chew on them and more than one time i get pieces of cardboard from his mouth! he also has a ball and two stuffed creatures I made for him. I'm also looking for a kalimba or some other simple musical instrument.
NOS was mentioning about letting her child explore...i really like this, many times Indi is manipulating something small like a piece of paper, or my mala beads, or a rock, like an amethyst or a quarz and i just let him, watching carefully for safety but not interrupting him. This is something very detrimental that sometimes adults do, unnecesary interventions in children's play and we become obstacles more than facilitators in our children's development (this is something Maria Montessori wrote about). He loves to manipulate tiny things, paper, and of course, wooden spoons!you can see his focused expression, like a meditation, and he withdraws from the world to put all his attention in this sacred task.
What do you mamas do when you go to someone's house and the first thing they do is bring a big box full of stuff to your curious baby?When we go to my cousin's Indi wants to watch and interact with her DD and my cousin just sends her to bring MORE TOYS, and the TV is on and there's just so much stimulation that Indi gets overwhelmed and hides between my legs! How do you handle this?
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