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#1 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 07:47 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Apparently my 8 year old nephew was at the beach with his parents (my SIL) and refused to put on sunscreen. (They live in Florida.) So instead of figuring out a way to get him to do it, they both pretty much said, "Fine, burn." And burn he did. So badly that he had to miss school the following day and take a trip to the ER.

Why? Why would you let that happen to your child?

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#2 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 07:56 AM
 
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Wow! Really?! I think I would have just told my child if he wouldn't put on the sunscreen, he couldn't go to the beach.

I hope he heals quickly. Bad sunburns hurt!
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#3 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 08:10 AM
 
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A trip to the ER for a sunburn?

I can understand why they wouldn't want to get into an argument with an 8 year old about sunscreen. I assume that if they live in Florida, and he's 8, he knows about sunburns. I probably would have said the same thing, but I would still take measures to protect him from a bad burn. I probably would have left the beach before it got that bad.
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#4 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 08:15 AM
 
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One of my children has auburn hair and is melanin challenged. I'm having a hard time getting my mind around her not using sunscreen or a hat/cover at the beach. What got them into that power struggle in the first place?
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#5 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 08:16 AM
 
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That's awful! The short-term consequences of their decision are bad enough, but don't they realize that bad sunburns in childhood are closely linked to adult skin cancer. Grr.

Would it be take as too passive-aggressive if you sent the poor boy a rashguard?
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#6 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 08:17 AM
 
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yeah, the most natural consequence for that would be to not be able to play on the beach (sucks for the parents, but to let the child burn??!?)

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#7 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 08:44 AM
 
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Originally Posted by chfriend View Post
One of my children has auburn hair and is melanin challenged. I'm having a hard time getting my mind around her not using sunscreen or a hat/cover at the beach. What got them into that power struggle in the first place?
My four year old has issues with any kinda lotion, stamps, tatoos, you name it...it feels funny to him. I would have to leave, make him wear a hat and a long sleeve shirt, or force the sunscreen on him. He has a lot of melanin though so if we are going in the backyard for an hour (lots of shade) I don't make him.

When we go to the beach we don't stay more than 1-2 hours. I sunburn really easily. My ds (4yo) got sun poisoning once when we stayed for 4 hours.

Interesting thread.
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#8 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 08:51 AM
 
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A trip to the ER for a sunburn?
For some people, sunburns can be so nasty that a trip to the ER is necessary. My dh got burned badly on a trip to the Bahamas despite wearing sunscreen. He was in utter misery and pain. We went to the ER in the Bahamas, then again as soon as he got off the plane at home (the Bahama meds weren't helping).

As for the OP, if this were my child, we would leave the beach. No question.
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#9 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 09:06 AM
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A trip to the ER for a sunburn?

.
Severe sunburns can be second degree. They can be excruciatingly painful, cause scarring, dehydration and even heatstroke.

Holy cow, what a terrible parenting decision.
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#10 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 10:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My four year old has issues with any kinda lotion, stamps, tatoos, you name it...it feels funny to him.
He doesn't have any issues. He's worn it tons of times. For whatever reason he didn't want to this time. Whether he was being stubborn or not, his parents could have dealt with it much better. I just feel bad for him.

To the pp who suggested I send him a sun shirt, his parents would probably trash it on principle. They don't feel bad. They actually think they taught him a lesson and that the consequence is fitting.

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#11 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 10:38 AM
 
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My son has an awesome sunshirt with skull and cross bones on it and trunks to match. I can't remember where we got them but he thinks they are so cool and won't go into the pool without them on. If I trashed them on principle, he would have a stroke. Get a cool shirt and give it to him as Happy Summer gift.
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#12 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 10:49 AM
 
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'course the real question is - did it work? Does the kid now want to wear sunscreen?

You know the attributes for a great adult? Initiative, creativity, intellectual curiosity? They make for a helluva kid...
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#13 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 11:12 AM
 
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Wow! What a horrible thing to do. Child sunburns are linked with developing skin cancer.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#14 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 11:16 AM
 
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Wow. ITA that a lot of ppl take the whole "natural consequences" thing a little too far.
In safety situations like this I think that a parent imposed consequence makes
PERFECT sense.

So the kid suffered the natural consequences of his refusal to wear the sunscreen, and got severely burned.

I think Grounding him from going to the beach until he is ready to be safe is more GD than than letting him suffer the natural consequence for sure. But there are a lot of ppl who are so committed to GD that they never impose consequences...like letting them suffer much more severe natural consequences is more GD. :


Wow. Poor Kid
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#15 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 11:19 AM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by TanyaS View Post
For some people, sunburns can be so nasty that a trip to the ER is necessary. My dh got burned badly on a trip to the Bahamas despite wearing sunscreen. He was in utter misery and pain. We went to the ER in the Bahamas, then again as soon as he got off the plane at home (the Bahama meds weren't helping).

As for the OP, if this were my child, we would leave the beach. No question.
OT a little...
I bet that plane ride was HELL for your poor DH
I can't even imagine
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#16 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 12:17 PM
 
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I imagine the parents didn't expect it to be that bad.

I've had nasty sunburns - I'm a freckled redhead (not so red anymore). There is a chance I would have made this bad decision myself.
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#17 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 12:20 PM
 
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that's abusive, I can't believe they don't even feel bad

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#18 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 12:27 PM
 
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People have been put in jail for neglect for that. No sunscreen = no time outside in my house.

Unassisted birthing, atheist, poly, bi WOHM to 4 wonderful, smart homeschooling kids Wes (14) Seth (7) Pandora Moonlilly (2) and Nevermore Stargazer (11/2012)  Married to awesome SAH DH.

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#19 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 12:27 PM
 
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Severe sunburns can be second degree. They can be excruciatingly painful, cause scarring, dehydration and even heatstroke.

Holy cow, what a terrible parenting decision.
Just have to second this:

I've still got scars from a high second, low third degree sunburn I got as a child, even wearing SPF 80. I'm a redhead with very fair, sensitive skin. My entire left arm and upper back are scarred (under freckles, so hard to see), and I almost needed a skin graft to correct the damage.

I've also gotten burnt so bad I turned dark purple, swelled up twice my size, and couldn't see straight with the pain. It was horrific. I couldn't get out of bed, or even roll over. My grandmother had to teach me to use a bedpan for the week.


We just moved to FL, and DH insisted he didn't need sunblock. He's part Native American, part Italian, and tans to a (oh so envious here) dark bronze. Well, he wouldn't believe me, and he got his first second degree sunburn. He was laid out for 4 days.


So, I'm hyper about my kids, who both have my coloring. They HAVE to wear sunblock, or we don't go to the beach. I won't let them burn as badly as I have as a 'natural' consequence.
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#20 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 01:01 PM
 
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I have pasty Irish kids and sunscreen is not an option. I remember getting a sunburn at the pool so bad that I had blisters. My mom wouldn't leave becuase she really enjoyed being at the pool. Nice huh? I would have made my kid sit under the umbrella or in the car. I wouldn't have left and ruined the trip for the whole family, but he wouldn't have been out in the sun for sure! I'd not risk future skin cancer on my kid to prove a point.
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#21 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 01:38 PM
 
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Well, I think there is a time and place for everything, and at this time, I cannot see how any parent would think it was just "okay" to let your kid get severely burned. : Had it been me, I would have said sunscreen or we're leaving, period. Some things are non-negotiable.

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#22 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 01:42 PM
 
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I am sorry, but I am thinking of a not very nice "natural consequence" for that boy's parents.

Poor little guy. How painful.

Darcy mama to Dillon, Marah and Leo, partner to Jeremy
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#23 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 01:53 PM
 
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I bet he's a miserable little boy. Is he o.k?

Did they forget he didn't put on sunscreen and stay out longer than they meant to? I can't imagine allowing that in good consience.

I think "fine, then stay here" would have been a better consequence.
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#24 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 02:09 PM
 
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I have to agree with previous posters that allowing your child to get second degree burns (which I'm guessing this was, since it required a trip to the ER) is a horrible parenting decision that does border on negligence.

If he wanted to run in the street would they have let him do that and just get hit by a car so he would learn? :
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#25 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 03:22 PM
 
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Did they forget he didn't put on sunscreen and stay out longer than they meant to? I can't imagine allowing that in good consience.
I know when I've been badly sunburned I've had no idea until I got in out of the strong light, and I know it's happened when I was a child under adult supervision who didn't see it either ... was it maybe something like that? I mean, totally bad decision to not slather the kid up, cover him up, or go home, but I just can't imagine a parent intentionally watching a child badly burn and doing nothing either ...
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#26 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 03:28 PM
 
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ya know I don't know the kid, how he does in the sun or anything so I won't judgethe parents for their descision. i would have likely said the same thing. But a day at the pool with no sunscreen just makes for a slightly uncomfortable burn. However i do try to watch them and make sure they aren't getting too red or over heated or whatever.

It was a bad descision no doubt abuot it but I doubt your SIl saw this coming. She probably expected a slight suburn with irritating itching.

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#27 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 03:35 PM
 
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intentionally allowing a child to receive a sunburn so bad that it required a visit to the emergency room is at the very least neglect and possibly abuse IMO. If the child would not wear sunscreen he should have been removed from the beach. THAT is a natural consequence. When I was a child at the lake if we did not wear a lifejacket and sunscreen we had to stay in the house.
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#28 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 03:44 PM
 
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I know when I've been badly sunburned I've had no idea until I got in out of the strong light, and I know it's happened when I was a child under adult supervision who didn't see it either ... was it maybe something like that? I mean, totally bad decision to not slather the kid up, cover him up, or go home, but I just can't imagine a parent intentionally watching a child badly burn and doing nothing either ...

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ya know I don't know the kid, how he does in the sun or anything so I won't judgethe parents for their descision. i would have likely said the same thing. But a day at the pool with no sunscreen just makes for a slightly uncomfortable burn. However i do try to watch them and make sure they aren't getting too red or over heated or whatever.

It was a bad descision no doubt abuot it but I doubt your SIl saw this coming. She probably expected a slight suburn with irritating itching.
Unfortunately that isn't the case according to the OP

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He doesn't have any issues. He's worn it tons of times. For whatever reason he didn't want to this time. Whether he was being stubborn or not, his parents could have dealt with it much better. I just feel bad for him.

To the pp who suggested I send him a sun shirt, his parents would probably trash it on principle. They don't feel bad. They actually think they taught him a lesson and that the consequence is fitting.
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#29 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 03:48 PM
 
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ya know I don't know the kid, how he does in the sun or anything so I won't judgethe parents for their descision. i would have likely said the same thing. But a day at the pool with no sunscreen just makes for a slightly uncomfortable burn.

Maybe for your kids, you have no idea what the child in the OP's skin is like. For my DH, the situation you describe would mean a trip to the ER.

Mom to DS 5/05 and DD 9/08
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#30 of 118 Old 05-01-2008, 03:51 PM
 
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Unfortunately that isn't the case according to the OP
I guess I can just imagine my own parents having said "well, that's what happens when you do X" and having it completely come off in a "we taught you a lesson" way without having really meant for it to have happened, you know? My mother is a champ of overprotection alongside a "those are the breaks" attitude when something does happen. But maybe I'm just overly playing devil's advocate ... I don't know what the parents actually said, just what the impression of it was.
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