I'm trying to find a way to delicately pass the hint that I'd rather my mom not have a hand in potty training my kid, that it's something I'd prefer to handle on my own. It's such a hard subject.
My kid will be three in June, and he's trained at home as long as he's naked from the bottom down. Right now, we are working on adding clothing to our little arrangment, on getting him to ask me when he has to go (he just drops everything, runs to his potty and sits down to pee right now..) when he we are in public.
I am working on sewing him boxers so that he can have a measure of "freedom" naked feeling to get him to learn to hold it in clothing and pull his clothing up and down when he goes. (Anything remotely like a diaper or a cloth diaper he thinks it's ok to pee in. somebody told me some little boxers may alllow him to feel naked enough want to pee in the potty.)
This is difficult for me to describe. But ever since I was very young and my mom ever babysat some one's baby, I got a .....feeling....that I didn't like. It's so difficult to describe. Maybe it's all in my mind. For a long time after I had my kid, I hoped it was. she just seems to.......eager(?) about diaper changes. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. She's kinda touchy-feely. Not in a touching kind of way but....i don't know.
I tried to ignore it, and I have to admit that my unrelenting bad feelings about her keeping my child is a main reason why I quite my job a couple months ago and am now a sahm again.
I don't let her keep him often anymore, like maybe, once every two weeks, or so. I thought this was something I could feel comfortable with.
But now, she bought a potty for my kid. All those awful vague, unspecific feelings I have come back. I just don't want her to be involved at all in potty training. My husand and I allow my kiddo to be as "in charge" of his on privates as is possible for his age. They are his, and whatever he can handle, we allow him to do himself in as much privacy as possible. (Adjust himself on his potty chair "tuck himself" down there so he won't pee all over the floor, etc...)
And it's very hard and almost ridiculous for me to talk about the things that my mom does...but let's just say she's extremely (nicely, not demanding) dictating and "in charge" of the child's body. Like...overly "helpful"? To the point where it's just weird.
And my husband feels just as uncomfortable about it as I do, it's very difficult for both of us to put into words.
But..I'll try.
We talked about it, one of the things that bothers us
1) when she holds the kids, she puts her hand in their crotches a lot.
2) our kid does spend some time in disposibles. (
: I'm pregnant, and working hard on sewing his diapers..) when it disposables, you can feel the gel in the diaper if the kid has wet. My mom knows this. But she always like to check inside of the diaper, putting her finger near the privates to check for wetness. It's completely unecessary and makes me cringe.
3) to me, i try to reserve my kids privacy. i don't like asking my kid if he's wet right there in front of everyone. she does this (even when I'm there with him) and seems kind of obsessed with the subject. She'll ask, and 5 mins later, she'll ask again. Until I'm like, "i got it, ma!"
4)She likes to take over the "diaper operations" even when me or my husband is there. I always thought this was inappropriate. I mean, sure play with the kid, but don't assume our parental duties upon yourself in our presence.
5) one time she did something that made me EXTREMELY UPSET. (this was when i decided to quit my job and stay at home) she is always harping on me about wiping my kid when changing him...it's not something I always do, usually but not always. So i'm changing him, and before I could even blink an eye good, she just came over there and wiped his privates, like she was GOING to do it whether I wanted her to or not. She was about to change his diaper, I told her, that's ok, I got it. And that's when she does this with the cloth. I'm like I GOT IT!! That one made me furious.
I don't know, it would tear my family apart if I voiced any of these things, and I want to keep quiet about it. and I think, maybe I'm being petty and overly sensitive.
But (with the exception of my mil) i would feel no such hesitation with anyone else in my family keeping my little one. Including my dad. But, my dad is so dependant on my mom to help him whent he grandkids come over. He'd want her help if I asked him specifically to be "in charge" of my little one whenever he visits. and he also would take strong offense at my hesitations about my mom.
I feel like i can't say anything.
but I don't want my mom involved with potty training.
sometimes i need some one to keep my little one for a little while when i have a doctor's appointment. I don't know what i'm going to do when I go into labor. (I have placenta previa right now, so i don't know if i'll end up having to have a c-section or not.)
I have no other family living in town. Maybe i should start looking for a babysitter just for the days when i have a doctor's appointment.
but on the other hand, my kid does love my mom a lot, and asks for her. he sometimes seems more attached to her than to me. but i have also read up on how "people" operate, and how they get kids (my kid is only almost 3) to really fall in love with them, and often times people like that are well liked by young kids who don't know any better yet.
I'm not sure what to do...
My kid will be three in June, and he's trained at home as long as he's naked from the bottom down. Right now, we are working on adding clothing to our little arrangment, on getting him to ask me when he has to go (he just drops everything, runs to his potty and sits down to pee right now..) when he we are in public.
I am working on sewing him boxers so that he can have a measure of "freedom" naked feeling to get him to learn to hold it in clothing and pull his clothing up and down when he goes. (Anything remotely like a diaper or a cloth diaper he thinks it's ok to pee in. somebody told me some little boxers may alllow him to feel naked enough want to pee in the potty.)
This is difficult for me to describe. But ever since I was very young and my mom ever babysat some one's baby, I got a .....feeling....that I didn't like. It's so difficult to describe. Maybe it's all in my mind. For a long time after I had my kid, I hoped it was. she just seems to.......eager(?) about diaper changes. It makes me extremely uncomfortable. She's kinda touchy-feely. Not in a touching kind of way but....i don't know.
I tried to ignore it, and I have to admit that my unrelenting bad feelings about her keeping my child is a main reason why I quite my job a couple months ago and am now a sahm again.
I don't let her keep him often anymore, like maybe, once every two weeks, or so. I thought this was something I could feel comfortable with.
But now, she bought a potty for my kid. All those awful vague, unspecific feelings I have come back. I just don't want her to be involved at all in potty training. My husand and I allow my kiddo to be as "in charge" of his on privates as is possible for his age. They are his, and whatever he can handle, we allow him to do himself in as much privacy as possible. (Adjust himself on his potty chair "tuck himself" down there so he won't pee all over the floor, etc...)
And it's very hard and almost ridiculous for me to talk about the things that my mom does...but let's just say she's extremely (nicely, not demanding) dictating and "in charge" of the child's body. Like...overly "helpful"? To the point where it's just weird.
And my husband feels just as uncomfortable about it as I do, it's very difficult for both of us to put into words.
But..I'll try.
We talked about it, one of the things that bothers us
1) when she holds the kids, she puts her hand in their crotches a lot.
2) our kid does spend some time in disposibles. (
3) to me, i try to reserve my kids privacy. i don't like asking my kid if he's wet right there in front of everyone. she does this (even when I'm there with him) and seems kind of obsessed with the subject. She'll ask, and 5 mins later, she'll ask again. Until I'm like, "i got it, ma!"
4)She likes to take over the "diaper operations" even when me or my husband is there. I always thought this was inappropriate. I mean, sure play with the kid, but don't assume our parental duties upon yourself in our presence.
5) one time she did something that made me EXTREMELY UPSET. (this was when i decided to quit my job and stay at home) she is always harping on me about wiping my kid when changing him...it's not something I always do, usually but not always. So i'm changing him, and before I could even blink an eye good, she just came over there and wiped his privates, like she was GOING to do it whether I wanted her to or not. She was about to change his diaper, I told her, that's ok, I got it. And that's when she does this with the cloth. I'm like I GOT IT!! That one made me furious.
I don't know, it would tear my family apart if I voiced any of these things, and I want to keep quiet about it. and I think, maybe I'm being petty and overly sensitive.
But (with the exception of my mil) i would feel no such hesitation with anyone else in my family keeping my little one. Including my dad. But, my dad is so dependant on my mom to help him whent he grandkids come over. He'd want her help if I asked him specifically to be "in charge" of my little one whenever he visits. and he also would take strong offense at my hesitations about my mom.
I feel like i can't say anything.
but I don't want my mom involved with potty training.
sometimes i need some one to keep my little one for a little while when i have a doctor's appointment. I don't know what i'm going to do when I go into labor. (I have placenta previa right now, so i don't know if i'll end up having to have a c-section or not.)
I have no other family living in town. Maybe i should start looking for a babysitter just for the days when i have a doctor's appointment.
but on the other hand, my kid does love my mom a lot, and asks for her. he sometimes seems more attached to her than to me. but i have also read up on how "people" operate, and how they get kids (my kid is only almost 3) to really fall in love with them, and often times people like that are well liked by young kids who don't know any better yet.
I'm not sure what to do...