I need a fast answer! HIV movie 2nd grade? - Page 4 - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-25-2008, 06:49 PM
 
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for those that say you have really sensitive kids and try not to expose them to negative things....how do you, for example, explain why they need to wear a helmet on their bikes or be in a carseat? I would imagine at some point, those conversations (esp for an older kids who is 7 or 8) would veer to "you can get a brain injury" or "you could die", no matter how much you sugarcoat it. How is that different from explaining that sometimes people get diseases that make them sick and could be fatal? i would guess that by age 7 most kids have been exposed to death in some form (whether through a relative dying, or a beloved pet, or seeing something in passing in the news), and so talking about a disease that could be fatal isnt a huge leap.


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Old 05-25-2008, 07:11 PM
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Right. I don't tell my kids, "You have to use a car seat or you could be HORRIBLY MANGLED WITH PIECES FALLING OUT AND SEVERED LIMBS in a terrible crash AND YOUR HEAD WILL SMASH OPEN LIKE AN EGG AND ALL YOUR BRAINS WILL FALL ON THE PAVEMENT AND LOOK LIKE SCRAMBLED EGGS if you don't wear a helmet!"

I just say, "Wear a helmet so you don't get a boo-boo on your noggin". Or "We buckle up for safety!"


And you don't say, THE AIDS is a bad horrible disease that could KILL YOU! Seriously you could just be sitting around some day and someone sneezes on you and ALL OF A SUDDEN YOU ARE DYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYING! So don't have unsafe sex, kthnxbai, little 8 year olds.

No, we just say, "Some diseases can be transmitted with blood. There are lots of different kinds of diseases like HIV. That's why when someone gets a cut, you shouldn't touch it, and if you get a cut, you should tell a grown up right away."

Oceanbaby, I apologize for the broad brush strokes. I know that wouldn't apply to you
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Old 05-25-2008, 08:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'll be blunt. I think that the people who are saying OH NOZ! OUR LITTLE ONEZ CANTZ BE EXPOSED TO THE EVIL HIV!

are actually hiding a great deal of bigotry towards their misinterpretation of the disease. It's a 'gay' disease, it's a 'sex' disease and sex is bad and immoral!

And that attitude makes me feel ill.
You know, I was going to let this slide because you are obviously so wrapped up in making your point, no matter what I come back at you with you are simply not going to hear. But for the record...

I mentioned before when I was young my dad was an md in the military in the early years of AIDS/HIV. We lived in Texas for 3 years while he was doing his research in a very small community. He worked with monkeys and would tell me quite a bit about it.

In 5th or 6th grade, my father and I attended a meeting at the local Baptist (i think) church that many of my friends from school went to. We did not go to church, as my parents are atheists. It was an after hours thing and I remember it only vaguely, really only my dad doing alot of talking about AIDS and people getting up and leaving.

He was trying to explain to them that AIDS was not a gay disease.That anyone could get it. This wasn't taken well. In fact my best friend was not allowed to come over to our house after that. We no longer participated in the carpool, I had to take the bus which took hours to get home after school.

My parents are not activists. This was a solitary incident which ruined my social life in this small town until we moved a year later. (to SF by the way)

There I participated in the Shanti project in middle school, the Aids quilt in high school and had a great time growing up in San Francisco, going to the Castro every Halloween, and really, learning a whole lot about 'alternative lifestyles' as more of my friends had two mamas or dads (or one or the other), than had a 'traditional' family.

I am not a 'bigot'. I am not 'misinterpreting the disease'. I have a philosophy that I follow, and that is all. That frankly, I thought more people shared. You want to raise your kids as mini-adults, go right ahead. Mine will have a childhood, and not end up as jaded 13 year olds who have seen and heard everything.

I think before you go generalizing, you should remember that the more you think you know, the less you really do.

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Old 05-25-2008, 09:59 PM
 
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You know what? I am really tired of the attitude that people who disagree with you are raising mini adults or depriving their children of childhoods.

Warning 2nd or 3rd graders to not do blood brothers or sisters because of the possibility of blood borne diseases in not robbing them of a childhood.

I think you are way underestimating children and their abilities.

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Old 05-25-2008, 10:02 PM
 
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Mine will have a childhood, and not end up as jaded 13 year olds who have seen and heard everything.
This makes me incredibly angry. You have some nerve.

My kids know about AIDS because my friend has it and my neighbor has it and often is extremely swollen because of steroid treatments.

My kids are having a joyful and fabulous childhood. They just happen to live in our reality, not the one you would like to create for your children based on your crappy experience of having your social life ruined.

And to another poster, this isn't about pride. You can be sad as you like for our children and I'll feel sad for your extremely sensitive children as well having to wear ear plugs and listening to the white stripes instead of listening to current events.
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Old 05-25-2008, 10:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ThreeBeans View Post
I'll be blunt. I think that the people who are saying OH NOZ! OUR LITTLE ONEZ CANTZ BE EXPOSED TO THE EVIL HIV!

are actually hiding a great deal of bigotry towards their misinterpretation of the disease. It's a 'gay' disease, it's a 'sex' disease and sex is bad and immoral!

And that attitude makes me feel ill.
Um, wow.

Would I rather my child not be exposed to HIV? Of course! Why wouldn't I want to shelter and protect their child from all the harm in the world? I'd also my children not have to see someone they love die from cancer, as I have seen. I'd also rather they not see someone they love die of heart disease, as I have seen. I'd much rather my kids never have to know about the evil and violence in the world, also.

And yes, I'd really rather my kids never be at risk for something that would drastically change their lives and potentially kill them.

I don't think a person is wrong for not wanting to expose their child to the harsh realities of the world. They are innocent for such a short time that we naturally want to nurture that.

You don't want to shelter your child and want to let them see what HIV does and educate them, and that's fine. Your kids, your parenting, your choice. I don't think there's a right or wrong here. Different parents will have different POV's on this, and that's ok.

I just don't think a person is a bigot for not wanting their young child to not be exposed to the harsh realities of the world. Just as I think a parent isn't horrible and jading their child and ruining their innocence for letting them see a movie about HIV in school.

I just don't get the lack of tolerance these days on other people's parenting decisions.

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Old 05-25-2008, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm the same poster BTW. I never said anything about pride, so I don't know what that is all about.

I'm being called a bigot and defending myself and you are incredibly mad? Okay.

If we had friend with HIV then my kids would know about it, we'd talk about it, no big deal. I'm not saying that makes them jaded.

My point is, where does it stop? Why not deal with things as they get brought up? I've repeated myself over and over.

I'm not judging anyone's parenting, sorry if it sounded that way, I phrased it poorly.

I have my answer and I'm fine with it.

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Old 05-25-2008, 10:26 PM
 
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Oh, you're judging.

You last post and the one directly before that are completely opposite of each other.

I think you are being called a bigot, although I didn't say it, because AIDS and HIV aren't just a disease, it's about people. It's not a singular cell walking around looking for other faceless cells. It's people, so that is how someone could come up with the term bigot in response to not wanting to talk to your children about it. It's like not wanting your children to know about a religion's followers or something.

Wait, I'm a bigot, I don't want my children to know about Scientologists.

Anyhow, it doesn't begin or stop, it's called living your life and handling things as they come. It doesn't always come in the form of a friend or family member, sometimes it comes in the form of a film to help prep your child appropriately. It's brought up, you turned away. You're happy with that. Okay.
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Old 05-25-2008, 10:49 PM
 
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my son will grow up watching rent along with me and his dad, he will be taught all about HIV when he asks, he will be taught the safety aspects of it and also that they are not people to fear on the playground, I hope he does become one of those "jaded" 13 yr olds.
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Old 05-25-2008, 11:07 PM
 
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You know, to us its all about the right information at the right time. I volunteer locally for an AIDS organization. I wear my little red ribbon (and so does my son- he wanted one), my son goes to the clinic/office, etc. He is 3. Right now, to him AIDS is something that makes people sick, and we all know what being sick is like so we try to help them feel better. Someday we will get to the next stage. Someday he will know the whole story. In time. But not now. Right now he is learning compassion, seeing his mother treat people with HIV/AIDS with respect, etc.

And just FYI- AIDS is no longer the death sentance it was in the '80s. There is no cure, but HIV is now considered a fairly manageable long term illness and those with HIV can often lead long and healthy lives.

There are many things we take this approach to. We are Jewish. The holocaust is a major part of our modern history and our own family history. We absolutely address the holocaust- but at an age appropriate level. At 3 years old, we talk about treating people kindly. We talk about standing up for others. We talk about exclusion and how that makes people feel. We talk about being Jewish. But we have not used the word "holocaust" and don't intend to for a while. But little by little it will come out, each stage bringing a few more facts, a few more ideas when DS has the maturity to understand them (as best as anything like the holocaust could be understood). We discuss sex, but at 3 years old that means talking about respecting our bodies and others bodies. It means giving names to our body parts and learning how to care for our own hygene. We talk about different kinds of love.

I believe it is totally appropriate (and necessary) to discuss hygene related to blood to children (without the scare tactics- but in terms of "staying healthy"). And I don't think that 2nd graders need to get into the nitty gritty of AIDS but can be able to build compassion for those impacted by it.

Life is complex and there is lots of pain in the world. It is really not about "avoiding it" or "protecting kids from it" but talking about things in a way and at a time that they can come to build an understanding of the world that comes from a sense of security, truth and compassion.
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Old 05-25-2008, 11:47 PM
 
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It was a rich and wonderful childhood for me and I will provide the same for my children unless I see that tempermentally they can't handle seeing the world in all its complicated beauty and injustice at a young age.
I also had a very un-sheltered childhood, and appreciate that so much -- and really, I appreciated it as a child, too. I think it helped to make me the confident person I am today -- because I knew my parents trusted me, valued my opinion, and wanted me to experience the richness of the world.

I am very proud of the way I educate my children and introduce them to topics that other parents (apparently) shy away from, and their lives are absolutely enriched by the way they're being raised.

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Old 05-26-2008, 01:28 AM
 
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Yes, that's your child. Mine has terrifying nightmares about certain situations. Everything is "reality." The reality is someone could break into our house tonight and kill us all in our sleep, but that's not something I'm going to bring up unnecessarily.
Danger: personal baggage ahead Oceanbaby I'm sort of spinning off your post and this is really general. I quoted you just because of the nightmares; I had those too.

I was a sensitive little kid to those kinds of things. I really wish they had had developmentally-appropriate films about my fears. (Nuclear war was a big one. Leukemia was another.)

Obviously you know your child, but for *me* people acknowledging reality and talking about the fear and how to manage it helped me a lot more than my mother's non-reality based approach. In my completely personal experience, my parents trying to "keep things innocent" functionally became a sign that flashed *THIS IS SO DANGEROUS WE CANNOT EVEN MENTION IT.* And my anxiety went through the roof.

Worse... the message I actually got most loudly was that my "innocence" was super-important to my parents. That's one of many reasons I endured years of abuse at the hands of a relative.

I do actually remember getting the "good touch/bad touch" talk at school (very early 80s version) and being both relieved to hear someone say that what made me feel dirty was "bad" and incredibly, forever, trapped in the knowledge that I could never ever ever talk about this with my parents. Because in their world (as I perceived it) it didn't exist, not in that way. I never had the feeling that my parents wanted to deal with anything negative, because they spent so much energy in blocking it out. So when the negative happened, I never brought it up.

So I just caution that whenever you chose to censor OR deliver a message to our kids, be aware that your extremely good and loving intentions may not match the message that they get.

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Old 05-26-2008, 05:51 AM
 
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Oceanbaby and a few others who said they handle things as they come up--I absolutely agree. OP, I understand why you weren't sure what to do. It's hard trying to make a decision at the last minute.
I can't really answer the question since school is not part of our lives. If they were showing the movie at the community center, we wouldn't go see it. If there was a kid/family movie DS thought looked good that had a character who was HIV+ we would go see it.
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Old 05-26-2008, 10:27 AM
 
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I can't help but wonder if this is being shown for a reason. Perhaps a child in his class is HIV positive. My advice would be to keep that in mind and if he won't watch the film, then go over basic safety with him.
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Old 05-26-2008, 10:28 AM
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To the moms saying that they will deal with the HIV/AIDS thing "when it comes up".... hasn't it just come up?
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Old 05-26-2008, 10:55 PM
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that's the thing. i don't know that it does come up that much anymore unless you meet someone with HIV. the only shows where it's ever mentioned now are like adult news shows. in the late 80's and early 9Os it was on all the shows young teens watched and in a few places where kids would see it.

for us it came up when little sibling's uncle was diagnosed. DS hasn't asked about it yet. this thread has lead to think i ought to explain to him about contact with other's blood.
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Old 05-26-2008, 11:22 PM
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But it doesn't come up just when you meet someone with HIV/AIDS.

This is a worldwide crisis we are talking about here..an epidemic.. .There are millions upon millions of people living with this disease worldwide. Its a day-to-day reality (ie it effects peoples lives) for I would say a majority of people on subsaharan africa and in india...

Just becuase it not as widespread on this continent doesn't mean it should be ignored.

I plan on letting my children know that not all the worlds kids are as lucky to be shielded from such sad things.
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Old 05-27-2008, 12:23 AM
 
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the only shows where it's ever mentioned now are like adult news shows. in the late 80's and early 9Os it was on all the shows young teens watched and in a few places where kids would see it.
Not that little kids would be watching...but General Hospital has a main character (Robin) who developed HIV in, oh, the 90s i guess, when another main character (her boyfriend) had a major plotline where he was dying of AIDS...it was during a time when AIDS was a "hot topic"...but they havent forgotten that Robin is indeed HIV+, and when she returned to the show (now a grown up successful doctor), she fell in love, and is now pregnant...they've discussed in depth all the issues involved in making those decisions, possibly exposing her lover, the testing, etc....i thought it was so neat that years ago all the storylines on TV involving HIV ended in a character tragically dying of AIDS, but now the storylines revolve more about "living with HIV" and how to have a normal life despite having a chronic illness.


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Old 05-27-2008, 01:21 AM
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that is neat. and i think alot of kids see soaps. it's where i learned about french kissing. my granny kept them on while she cleaned
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Old 05-27-2008, 05:17 AM
 
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To the moms saying that they will deal with the HIV/AIDS thing "when it comes up".... hasn't it just come up?
No it has not come up here. I'm sure it will at some point, in some way--stuff comes up all the time! I feel my DS has plenty of time to take in this stuff a little bit at a time--he doesn't need to know all the ills of the world by age 7. We are also often out in nature where the focus is on the beauty of the world.
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Old 05-27-2008, 05:22 AM
 
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Not that little kids would be watching...but General Hospital has a main character (Robin) who developed HIV in, oh, the 90s i guess, when another main character (her boyfriend) had a major plotline where he was dying of AIDS...

Katherine
I remember that! I remember Stone dying and Robin getting kidnapped (by Ryan?) and she didn't have her hiv medication. It must have been early 90s when I still lived in the U.S. My roommate used to tape it so we rarely missed it!
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Old 05-28-2008, 12:20 AM
 
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They screened an HIV movie when my sonwas that age, the reason was, there was going to be a new kid in his classroom with HIV+, but there was a meeting with us beforehand...
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