What name do you use for your daughters private parts? - Mothering Forums

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Old 05-30-2008, 01:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This question has caused much discussion between me and DH as I don't think there is a normal and sensible word to use for a girl. Everything seems either silly/ridiculous or else too crude or technical. We've gone through as many as we can think of from front bum to fu and mary, etc The three we ended up with were tuppence, fanny or vagina, but none of them seem right. I would go with fanny as I think it's okay to use as it's a girls name, one I use myself, but I have been greeted with gasps of shock from people I've discussed it with, most of who think tuppence is the answer, but I think tuppence is kind of avoiding saying the proper name. When I grew up the only name my mum ever said was 'underneath'! Is there a universally acceptable name for it that I am somehow missing? Something my daughter can say that won't be greeted with either shock or laughter? It seems that most people can't talk about this part of a female body without getting embarrassed. Much easier for boys. What does anyone else use?
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Old 05-30-2008, 01:58 PM
 
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vagina- vahjayjay- girl parts...why is it so hard to say vagina?

i say jyney, my daughter also says it, like hynie with a j

i use vagina too but most jynie

i knooow it is sooo silly...but i can't even remember how it started and it just has always stuck

just pick something that doesn't embarrass you, i know a lot of people who use yoni

i think using another girls name could confuse a babysitter or teacher especially if your daughter ends up with a friend by that name at somepoint
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Old 05-30-2008, 02:21 PM
 
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You can make up a "code" word, if obvious one (vulva) is not ok for you to use...
A friend of mine uses "little fish" (in her language), and if her daughter is in the company of others, that is their code name.


However, be careful about this - it should not be an issue. Out attitude so easily transfers onto our children. If you show that there is a part of her body that she should be ashamed of (speaking in codes etc.), that can really influence her.

Best advice is to teach kids all the proper names, and act normal, there is no shame in being a girl or a boy (and all the smiliarities and differencies).

Here is a short but on the topic article:

http://raisingchildren.net.au/articl...ml/context/504

Take care!

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Old 05-30-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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We always used vulva because it is the outside part that you might see changing clothes.

Your vagina is hidden from view always..... only your lover or midwife would ever see it.
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Old 05-30-2008, 02:27 PM
 
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ew call DD's bits her Tushie i HATE fanny and FooFoo they give me the creeps so we call it a tushie. i will be naming the private parts correctaly as I get used to saying them.
i do call the boys bits Willy/Tinkie but am starting to say Penis. its getting over my own embaresment that needs work
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Old 05-30-2008, 09:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the answers and the link. I found a good article that kind of sums up how I feel about it at
http://www.guardian.co.uk/world/2005/mar/18/gender.uk

Still undecided though
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Old 05-31-2008, 04:09 AM
 
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We use yoni and vulva interchangeably, just like we use willy and penis interchangeably and testicles- actually, thinking about it testicles are always just testicles as far as my boys are concerned. Odd.

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Old 05-31-2008, 04:13 AM
 
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OMG! Wait! So the vulva is the outside part and the vagina....I thought the vagina was the whole thing...an all encompassing term...omg...HOW HAS NO ONE EVER TOLD ME THIS! I feel extremely dumb. Oops, sorry. This isn't the topic at all. But thanks for posting this. I learned something, lol.

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Old 05-31-2008, 07:11 PM
 
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I am curious to see what the rest of the responses will be, as I am still undecided as to what we should call DD's parts. Also, she is going through a phase of sticking her hands in her diaper (DD is 20 months), and I have been telling her "No, that's dirty." I don't think that it is the best response, but I haven't thought much about how I should rephrase that. I don't care if she explores during bath time and such, but I don't want to wash her hands every time she does it during the day.

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Old 05-31-2008, 08:09 PM
 
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We've used 'front bottom' and 'back bottom' mainly so far for girls.

Boys: willy, penis, testicles. It seems more straightforward with them - it is all out in the open and clear what does what.
We girls and ladies are more 'refined'. LOL.

My children know women also have a 'baby hole' where babies come out of, (but we haven't explored how they get in yet! Is there a thread on that!?!)
I guess vagina will be featuring in our everyday language pretty soon as we have babies on the way this year, they know about periods and so on....a proper description would be better now rather than an abstract baby hole!

I guess I feel some of the language is age appropriate to understanding, lots of parenting unfolds automatically as they get older and situations arise: if they get thrush/ wee infection then it is easy to question 'it's itchy here on your vulva/ in your vagina/ where your pee pee comes out'? etc...or 'did you get kicked in the testicles'?!?

I have a friend working in child protection who mentioned that it is good for them to be able to explain exactly how their body works/ where their parts are with names lest, God forbid, anyone interfered with them inappropriately, but I'm not convinced it needs to be dictionary definition.
'Tushie' might not be helpful, but most people are clear on what a 'Fanny' is.

sdmomma: I always just told them if you touch your bottom/ put your hands in your nappy you have to wash them - it's not unreasonable to learn that, as inconvenient as it might be, but what bit of parenting was ever convenient

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Old 05-31-2008, 09:03 PM
 
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Found this article for teens about the vulva.

http://www.teenwire.com/infocus/2000....php?print=yes

Pretty well written.
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Old 06-02-2008, 07:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Final decision is yoni! It's a word I had heard but forgotten about and I feel comfy with it, just a shame it's a bit obscure.

Pajamajes - I thought the same until recently, lol, we are so uneducated about our bodies. Sdmomma, I would try not to react too much to your daughters exploration, it's just natural curiosity - I remember my Mum getting pretty stressed out and saying the same to me when I was little. I have yet to reach that stage with my DD but I hope I'll be more relaxed about it, have you tried the popper vests that fasten underneath? I heard someone saying that made their DD lose interest when there wasn't instant easy access!
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Old 06-07-2008, 05:08 PM
 
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I absolutely loathe the word yoni, it just sounds horrid to me. Sorry! I mean, wtf is a YONI? Why do we need pretend words to hide our embarrassment over our vaginas?

I call DD's privates her 'bits' or 'vulva/vagina' and those are the only words I feel comfortable using. Yoni, va-jay-jay, fanny, etc... all just give me the creeps. *shudder*

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Old 06-07-2008, 10:22 PM
 
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I am moving this to parenting issues, since it's not unique to one geographical area.

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Old 06-07-2008, 10:30 PM
 
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we will be using Vulva and whatever other proper terms are needed depending on what is being talked about.

Right now it is just Penis and Teste.
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Old 06-07-2008, 10:31 PM
 
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We use vulva for dd and penis/scrotum for ds. I don't see anything embarrassing about using the correct scientific terms. I do find it embarrassing to try to use cutesy or fake terms, though, unless it's meant in a joking way. ("Oh, man, you just hit Dadoo in the junk!") It just feels awkward. Even with the best of intentions, it conveys a sense of...I don't know. Shame? Avoidance? It makes a big deal out of something that shouldn't be a big deal. I've found that since we got comfortable with those terms and are very matter-of-fact about it, the kids are, too.
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Old 06-07-2008, 10:41 PM
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Originally Posted by sdmomma View Post
I am curious to see what the rest of the responses will be, as I am still undecided as to what we should call DD's parts. Also, she is going through a phase of sticking her hands in her diaper (DD is 20 months), and I have been telling her "No, that's dirty." I don't think that it is the best response, but I haven't thought much about how I should rephrase that. I don't care if she explores during bath time and such, but I don't want to wash her hands every time she does it during the day.
Please don't do that. Her parts are not 'dirty'.



OP, we call it 'vulva'. Because that's what it is. Sort of the way we call her elbow 'elbow' and her metatarsals 'metatarsals'. (Ok, that last part was a lie.)
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Old 06-07-2008, 10:43 PM
 
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We use vulva for dd and penis/scrotum for ds. I don't see anything embarrassing about using the correct scientific terms. I do find it embarrassing to try to use cutesy or fake terms, though, unless it's meant in a joking way. ("Oh, man, you just hit Dadoo in the junk!") It just feels awkward. Even with the best of intentions, it conveys a sense of...I don't know. Shame? Avoidance? It makes a big deal out of something that shouldn't be a big deal. I've found that since we got comfortable with those terms and are very matter-of-fact about it, the kids are, too.

Yes to this.

We used the slang terms in a joking/silly way, but we were always right up front and totally casual with the actual terms as well. My kids knew vulva, vagina, penis, testicles, and so on.

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Old 06-07-2008, 11:05 PM
 
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We use vulva and vagina. Like many people, I have the sloppy habit of using "vagina" for the whole area, even though I know that's really only the birth canal. DD is picking that up from me, but is learning what's what, as well.

For boys...penis and scrotum, and occasionally testicles are all in use here. I'll admit we also use "balls" a lot, and ds1 usually says he's been sacked when ds2 nails him in the crotch.

We use "bits" as a general, non gender specific term. I don't generally like cutesy names, and I have to say that vah-jay-jay (or however it's spelled) grates on my last nerve.

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Old 06-07-2008, 11:17 PM
 
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Yes to this.

We used the slang terms in a joking/silly way, but we were always right up front and totally casual with the actual terms as well. My kids knew vulva, vagina, penis, testicles, and so on.
Same with us.

IMO there is no good reason to use euphemisms for body parts. Sexual offenders are often warded off by children who call their parts by their proper names, because it suggests that the child is also has no shame associated with those parts, and is probably able to clearly communicate to someone else that something happened to him.

Not all adults will understand a child if she says, "My yoni hurts", or "Someone poked me on my front parts", and sexual predators know this.
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Old 06-07-2008, 11:18 PM
 
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I absolutely loathe the word yoni, it just sounds horrid to me. Sorry! I mean, wtf is a YONI? Why do we need pretend words to hide our embarrassment over our vaginas?

Well I don't use it but it's not a pretend word

The word yoni (Sanskrit योिन yoni) is the Sanskrit word for "divine passage", "place of birth", "womb" (more as nature as a womb and cradle of all creations) or "sacred temple"

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Yoni
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Old 06-07-2008, 11:38 PM
 
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We say vulva.
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Old 06-07-2008, 11:51 PM
 
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Ok, I have to post on this one because although I don't have a girl (yet!), my neighbor is seriously weirded out by proper terms and has funny made up ones for her daughter. She calls breasts chi-chis and her vulva her wookie. I swear I'm gonna get that kid a custom Star Wars t-shirt with a picture of Chewbacca on it that says something like "Keep your hands off my Wookie!"
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Old 06-08-2008, 12:01 AM
 
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We lived in a Women's Medical Institute. I led childbirth classes & Stepdaddy is an OBGYN. Kiddo learned more than most grown women on the Reservation knew by the time she entered PreK She knows the difference between vulva, vagina, labia, clitoris, etc. as well penis & testicles. Anus, too, although she's still confused about Uranus We also use Yoni (we liked drawing Yoni flowers during homeschool However, she has also picked up on a never-ending list of nonsense words that family members & friends use. We're versatile. Hey, this way, if something ever happens & I'm not there, she'll know whatever private part language the other adult speaks so she can get the help she needs
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Old 06-08-2008, 12:06 AM
 
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IMO there is no good reason to use euphemisms for body parts. Sexual offenders are often warded off by children who call their parts by their proper names, because it suggests that the child is also has no shame associated with those parts, and is probably able to clearly communicate to someone else that something happened to him.

Not all adults will understand a child if she says, "My yoni hurts", or "Someone poked me on my front parts", and sexual predators know this.
:

I took a course once and predators have gotten away with stuff because parents and other adults had no idea that when a little girl said a guy touched her "euphemism" nobody realized that she had been sexually assaulted. (I don't remember what the word was but it was not a word that the average person would equate with vagina.) If you want a non-offesnive word, go with something like bottom or private parts so that everyone knows what you are talking about. I don't care if people know we are talking about our "private parts". If some jerk touches my daughters, I want them to be able to go to the nearest adult and be understood. Safety trumps other peoples sense of propriety.
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Old 06-08-2008, 12:21 AM
 
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We use vagina, penis, balls (my son is 10) and hiney. Or butt cheeks, or chicken cheeks for the girls and turkey cheeks for ds when we are goofing off.
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Old 06-08-2008, 12:22 AM
 
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We use accurate names. Vulva, vagina, labia, etc. I can't imagine having to speak to a medical care provider if all I was comfortable with was silly names. The more you say words like vulva the easier it gets. At first I found it really difficult. Now I can sprinkle it into everyday conversation with ease.

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Old 06-08-2008, 12:28 AM
 
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I use proper names instead of slang.

I want my dd to know accurately what her body parts are because I didn't grow up knowing that at all. It is highly embarrassing to try to figure out what a vulva or labia are as an older teen/adult.
In 8 years I've never had to talk to my dd about her vulva or anus in front of other people socially. I can't imagine people being more embarrassed by those terms than some of the odd slang terms other people use. These are normal correct words. There should be no more shame in using them than saying elbow or leg.

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Old 06-08-2008, 12:35 AM
 
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Vulva

Penis/scrotum/testicles
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Old 06-08-2008, 12:39 AM
 
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We always used vulva because it is the outside part that you might see changing clothes.

Your vagina is hidden from view always..... only your lover or midwife would ever see it.
I didn't know this until a couple of years ago. I started saying vagina (like pp's i thought vagina was all encompassing), learned I should have called it vulva and have corrected the term.

My almost 5 y/o DD prefers to call it vagina. If you try to correct her she gets this very 'duh' tone of voice and says, "I KNOW it's the bulba and the vagina is the HOLE but I like to call it vagina!"

She also knows what//where her labia and clitoris are.

DS is 6.5 and he calls his parts penis and ballts. He knows it's scrotum and testes and misheard balls as ballts and prefers ballts.
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