what would you do? -wanting a second child - Mothering Forums

Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 08:01 AM - Thread Starter
 
samy23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,442
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Hello, I could do with some input on making a decision here. Im a single mom by choice of 1 dd aged 4yrs. I have 2 options as I really want a second child.

I can either have a second child while continuing to be a single mom and use a sperm bank to get pregnant, or wait until I meet "mr right" and THEN have a second child.

There are pro's and cons to both options, I'd like to know what you would do in this situation? Im happy being a single mom and I dont want my kids to be too far apart in age, if I get pregnant this year there will be a 5yr age gap between them. If I wait until im in a long-term relationship it could be 10yrs before I have a second child. Advice?

Mom    wash.gif  bikenew.gifgeek.gifdishes.gif

samy23 is offline  
#2 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 11:38 AM
 
hippymomma69's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: on the rocky shoals of life
Posts: 1,374
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Okay I'm not a single mom but I would say if you are in the position to care for and support #2 then go for it.

I've had too many friends who waited for mr. right to come to have kids - then they kind of forced the issue cause their biological clock was ticking and married the wrong guy.....I just think that if you can take the pressure of "having" to have a kid off the table, then you'll have less pressure to find a life partner.....

You could always have bonus kid #3 with Mr. Right....
jmo
peace,
robyn
hippymomma69 is offline  
#3 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 01:19 PM
 
elmh23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Location: Where it's hot!
Posts: 9,359
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
You could also look into adoption.

Mama of three.
 
elmh23 is offline  
#4 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 01:45 PM
 
kblackstone444's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2007
Location: MA
Posts: 3,839
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 3 Post(s)
If you're where you can financially support the child, then perhaps you should go for it. If you wait for Mr. Right, Mr. Right might not want children. I waited for Mr. Right. I had a son from a previous relationship and he had a daughter from a previous marriage. I would not give my Mr. Right (my Hubby) up for anything and I would not give up my stepdaughter for anyrhing, but my Mr. Right does not want any more children. Sometimes I wish I had just gone for it before I met him, so that I could have another child.

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
kblackstone444 is offline  
#5 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 02:24 PM
 
angie7's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Posts: 2,967
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Not a single mama here either but if you can afford it, go for it. Never wait on a man.

single mommy to identical twin girls (3/06) Non-traditional mama just : through life.
angie7 is offline  
#6 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 04:09 PM
 
queenjane's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 3,368
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 1 Post(s)
I am a single mom to an almost 12 yr old boy, and i really really regret not having another one sooner. I say go for it!

I'm adopting a six month old baby (i have had him since three weeks of age, he is my foster child), so there is also the adoption option for you. But the age gap is so large that my son is still basically an only child, he doesnt have a same age "playmate"....i still plan on adopting a boy closer to his age (actually i want about five kids total!) You could also adopt a child a bit older, closer to your child's age, if that was something you are interested in (and if you adopt from the state, you often get a montly support stipend and medicaid card as well)...if you want more info on that, pop over to the adoption forum, we'd be happy to help!


If you want a baby now, go for it!


Katherine

Katherine, single homeschooling mom to Boy Genius (17) geek.gif  Thing One (6) and Thing Two (6) fencing.gif and one outgoing Girl (12) bikenew.gif and hoping for more through foster care and adoption homebirth.jpgadoptionheart-1.gif 
queenjane is offline  
#7 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 05:24 PM
 
tangent's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 212
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
It's such a personal decision. I also wanted a 2nd child, but felt one child was all I could handle as a single mom, so I waited. And waited, and there apparently will not be a Mr. Right for me, so there will be no 2nd child for me, either. I have a friend who strongly pushes that I adopt or have a 2nd on my own - she says it's totally doable and points to other single moms who have done that, but I know that is not right for me. My gut rebels pretty strongly. It's a work issue for me - it's just too danged hard to do it all as a single parent. I am still disappointed from time to time, but it's the right decision for us. Good luck! Listen to your gut instinct.
tangent is offline  
#8 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 05:53 PM
 
soso-lynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,263
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I am in a very similar situation. I am single, my DD will be 4 in a few weeks. I have a Mr.Right-ish or Mr.As-Right-As-It-Gets and I am seriously considering just having another baby on my own. I really like being a single mom, it works well and makes me happy. The idea of having a relationship with a man mixed in with my parenting just does not seem worth it.

It can take a very long time before you 'find' the right guy and, if you are anything like me, the relationship might be weird from the very start if you really want more children and the clock is ticking. You do not want to be looking for a man because you want a baby.

I have certain issues with going the sperm bank route, but I am definitely considering it an option.

You should also think about what it would be like if you did meet a great guy soon and already have had a second child. If you have more, then you will essentially have kids with 3 different paternity situations. Now that I am thinking about it, the idea of having another (or more) child by myself seems ok to me because there is, and will be, zero relationship with DD's bio-dad. Otherwise, there would be more to think about.

Single mom to E (2004) and D (2010)
soso-lynn is offline  
#9 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 07:23 PM
 
Demeter9's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Posts: 4,367
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I had a time line in mind when I was single. I'd give it until I was 34 (the age I am now) and if I didn't have a partner by then (or had one and it went south before children) then I was going to have them on my own schedule.

I even informed my parents. Surprisingly, even my father was okay with this. As long as he got grandchildren from me he thought that it was a good enough plan.

My plan though was too travel and pick some nice looking unsuspecting men from a couple of areas where I thought I might find an attractive match with my ginger gene Irish genes. One child a little of this, and another a little of that. I figured if I picked cultures where the men really didn't care about that sort of thing I could avoid the ethical problem in my head. :

(shocking. Just shocking!)

So I'd go for it if I was you.
Demeter9 is offline  
#10 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 08:27 PM
 
TranscendentalMom's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2002
Location: Heart Chakra
Posts: 2,603
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Would your ex ever consider knocking you up? LOL Just a thought.

"We shape the clay into a pot but it is the emptiness inside that holds whatever we want" Lao Tzu
TranscendentalMom is offline  
#11 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 08:45 PM
 
guestmama9915's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2004
Posts: 1,366
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by Demeter9 View Post
(shocking. Just shocking!)

So I'd go for it if I was you.
At least you're honest.
guestmama9915 is offline  
#12 of 15 Old 07-23-2008, 11:22 PM
 
Jessy1019's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Location: Flemington, NJ
Posts: 3,514
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I would want a known donor, if I were you, but otherwise, I'd say go for it.

I wouldn't choose to bring a child into the world who had little hope of ever knowing his or her dad.

Proud Anti-Adoption, Atheist, Reproductive-Freedom Fighter Mama
Rylie is 7, Ronin is 3.5
Jessy1019 is offline  
#13 of 15 Old 07-24-2008, 12:36 AM
 
mirthfulmum's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2003
Location: The Valley of Wine, Fruit and Honey
Posts: 2,804
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by TranscendentalMom View Post
Would your ex ever consider knocking you up? LOL Just a thought.
That was my first thought too.
mirthfulmum is offline  
#14 of 15 Old 07-24-2008, 12:58 AM
 
soso-lynn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 1,263
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by TranscendentalMom View Post
Would your ex ever consider knocking you up? LOL Just a thought.
If he was a jerk and left you or does not take care of his kid, then I can easily come up with a convincing argument about how he owes you sperm for future babies.

Single mom to E (2004) and D (2010)
soso-lynn is offline  
#15 of 15 Old 07-24-2008, 02:58 AM - Thread Starter
 
samy23's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 1,442
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
edited.

Mom    wash.gif  bikenew.gifgeek.gifdishes.gif

samy23 is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off