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#91 of 112 Old 08-25-2008, 02:33 AM
 
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O.M.G. This thread has me in TEARS, I am laughing so hard. My DD isn't even 4mo yet so I can only laugh, not commiserate ... yet.

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#92 of 112 Old 08-25-2008, 03:03 AM
 
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These are so funny I had to go for a pee break


A while ago Max and I are showering in a hotel after swimming. The shower stall is large, fancy tiled and very echoey (sp). I can hear the people next door in thier bathroom too.

Water is dripping from my private area as is normal in the shower.

Max, at the top of his lungs : Mom! Mom! Mom! You're dripping from your BIG HAIRY!

Me, whispering: Max, let's use proper words, it's called a vulva.

Max, even louder: Mom! You're dripping from your BIG HAIRY VULVA!!!

I could hear giggles from next door.

For the record, it is not BIG, nor is it particularly HAIRY.
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#93 of 112 Old 08-25-2008, 03:39 AM
 
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I’ve always made it a point to teach my children the proper names for body parts and not to make a big deal if they mention them. Lately I’ve questioned that decision.

Friday night we were at Costco. I took my daughter to the washroom and my husband took my son. While in the stall my daughter went, then I did. She said loudly “mommy, you have a really, really, really big butt!”. I wasn’t planning on mentioning it to my husband, in case he hasn’t noticed my butt was big. But today he told me my son said to him that same night in the washroom…”daddy, your penis is huge!”. Not sure why they both chose Friday night to say these things since they’ve gone to the washroom w/us plenty of times.

Not really funny at the time but definitely embarrassing…while at a wake my daughter decides to mention repeatedly and loudly “My vagina hurts”. Then my son says “Are you sure it is your vagina and not your vulva? My penis is fine.” I couldn’t get them out of there quickly enough.

When my kids were around two, they were cracking up laughing saying “mommy has two butts”. I couldn’t figure out what they meant until they pointed it out. I was wearing a v-neck shirt and slouching forward, my cleavage looked like a butt to them.
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#94 of 112 Old 08-25-2008, 04:18 AM
 
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Originally Posted by leerypolyp View Post
3yo DD's new trick that she invented at a family gathering: She came up behind her Daddy, stuck her head between his legs (kind of holding the backs of his knees, and leaning forward), and yelled...

"I'M YOUR PENIS! I'M YOUR PENIS!"

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#95 of 112 Old 08-25-2008, 05:28 AM
 
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We had a tree in our backyard that blew over in a storm. I had a tree guy come over to tell me how much it would be to get it out of here. The guy rang the doorbell, walked into the house, and almost immediately my 4yo says "Hey! Look what I can do!" And proceeds to drop his pants and pick up his penis like he is peeing.

Last year we were in a restaurant and ds1 said to the waitress "Excuse me, can I have some water please?" Well, I guess ds2 thought it would be very exciting to say something to the waitress himself. He says "Excuse me," so she turns toward him and he proceeds to stick his fingers in his ears, waggle them, and say "la la la la la."
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#96 of 112 Old 08-25-2008, 05:28 PM
 
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Not really funny at the time but definitely embarrassing…while at a wake my daughter decides to mention repeatedly and loudly “My vagina hurts”. Then my son says “Are you sure it is your vagina and not your vulva? My penis is fine.” I couldn’t get them out of there quickly enough.
I laughed so much I almost woke my sleeping baby
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#97 of 112 Old 08-25-2008, 06:15 PM
 
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Oh, goodness. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! I can't remember much right now. I wish I'd written them all down. The only one I can think of happened (thankfully) in the car with only dh and I around. They're re-dong the front of the Sam's Club here.
Me: Huh, I wonder why they're re-doing thier entryway again.
DH: Dunno
DS:Maybe they're making the doors bigger so fat people can get in.
Me (trying hard not to laugh): I don't think that's it. The doors are pretty wide.
DH: grumble
DS: What if they're reeeeeeaaaally reeeeeaaaaally fat, fat, fat. (Progressivly putting on his "fat" voice)
Me: (biting tongue and shaking like a leaf)
DH launcehs into a diatribe about how the doors are not being made wider to accomodate large people blah-de-blah-de-blah.

I've found that the hardest part of parenting isn't handling discipline, it isn't sending them off to school, it isn't the scraped knees or the chipped teeth. The hardest part of parenting is not laughing.

:Pagan Mom to Danny and Mal , Wife to Charles Pet Parent to kitty Paige.
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#98 of 112 Old 08-26-2008, 02:50 AM
 
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This is a funny thread.

A couple months ago DS (almost 3) and I were at the library. I was looking through the shelves for a book, turned around to check on him, and saw that he'd pushed down his pants and diaper and was happily playing with his foreskin. I don't think anyone saw. I hope no one saw.
Um, yeah...I know where you are coming from on this one!

Our dishwasher broke last week, and the maintenance guy showed up this morning to replace it. So he was in the kitchen, installing a dishwasher. DS was watching his usual morning show, and I was in the downstairs office checking my e-mail and still trying to wake up when I see ds run past the office towards the kitchen. At the time I was engrossed in reading something, but after a minute or two I realized that he was still back there near the kitchen where the maintenance guy was, and that I haven't heard a sound from him. So I go back there to find that ds had taken his diaper off, and was standing there playing with his penis, right alongside of the maintenance guy as he was working.

:

Oh. my. Goodness.

I was mortified! He had a diaper on not 5 minutes before that, seriously he did. Just decided to take it right off, and make a display of his new found hobby. The guy wasn't looking directly at him, but ds was right in his peripheral vision. Calgon take me away....

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#99 of 112 Old 08-26-2008, 11:29 AM
 
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we were at sea world at the walruses. It was under water and two males were near the window, so you can imagine that a lot of people were gathered around.

One of them kept reaching his flipper down and touching his penis everytime he went up for a breath of air. Well, dd., 5, says "Mommy why does that walrus keep touching his penis?"

I said "I imagine it's the same reason you touch yourself."

she thinks about it for a minute and then say "OH! Because he likes it!"

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#100 of 112 Old 08-26-2008, 12:30 PM
 
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We stopped by to check out a newly opened arts and crafts store and discovered they had a HUGE selection of stickers. dd LOVES stickers, but ds#1 can't stand them. So we're walking along and I'm pointing out different stickers to her ("look! There are rainbow stickers! And look at those ones with ponies!..") kinda quietly because it was pretty crowded. Ds was walking behind us dragging his feet and being crabby at having to be there at all. When all of a sudden he yells out "JESUS!"


And everybody stopped and looked. Seriously. There wasn't a sound.

I was horrified. Then ds said "see, mom?? Jesus stickers!!"
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#101 of 112 Old 08-26-2008, 12:50 PM
 
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Originally Posted by MommaFox View Post
Oh, goodness. I haven't laughed so hard in a long time! I can't remember much right now. I wish I'd written them all down. The only one I can think of happened (thankfully) in the car with only dh and I around. They're re-dong the front of the Sam's Club here.
Me: Huh, I wonder why they're re-doing thier entryway again.
DH: Dunno
DS:Maybe they're making the doors bigger so fat people can get in.
Me (trying hard not to laugh): I don't think that's it. The doors are pretty wide.
DH: grumble
DS: What if they're reeeeeeaaaally reeeeeaaaaally fat, fat, fat. (Progressivly putting on his "fat" voice)
Me: (biting tongue and shaking like a leaf)
DH launcehs into a diatribe about how the doors are not being made wider to accomodate large people blah-de-blah-de-blah.

I've found that the hardest part of parenting isn't handling discipline, it isn't sending them off to school, it isn't the scraped knees or the chipped teeth. The hardest part of parenting is not laughing.
Dd and I were walking home from the store yesterday, and we passed this woman with a little girl and a baby in the stroller. Both the mom and little girl were chubby. The baby was in one of those carseats snapped onto the stroller, so once we walked by them I looked over my shoulder to get a peak at the baby and I said to dd "Oooh, what a sweet baby, he's adorable and chunky" and dd says "I'm not surprised "

Her timing was perfect and shocking and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing, but at the same time I was astounded she could be so evil! I'm not even thin, haven't been thin for over two years.
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#102 of 112 Old 08-26-2008, 01:04 PM
 
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Dd and I were walking home from the store yesterday, and we passed this woman with a little girl and a baby in the stroller. Both the mom and little girl were chubby. The baby was in one of those carseats snapped onto the stroller, so once we walked by them I looked over my shoulder to get a peak at the baby and I said to dd "Oooh, what a sweet baby, he's adorable and chunky" and dd says "I'm not surprised "

Her timing was perfect and shocking and I had to bite my tongue to keep from laughing, but at the same time I was astounded she could be so evil! I'm not even thin, haven't been thin for over two years.
I see from your picture that your daughter is in pageants or something. And she is a beautiful little girl. But I hope you explained to her why that kind of comment is wrong and how hurtful it can be to the other person. You had to bite your tongue to keep from laughing but I imagine this mother had to bite her tongue to keep from crying and possibly had to explain to her little girl that some people are obviously not to be taught to be so hurtful. Looking at the picture your little girl is not a 2 or 3 year old. She is old enough to learn not to comment on people's weight.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#103 of 112 Old 08-26-2008, 01:42 PM
 
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I see from your picture that your daughter is in pageants or something. And she is a beautiful little girl. But I hope you explained to her why that kind of comment is wrong and how hurtful it can be to the other person. You had to bite your tongue to keep from laughing but I imagine this mother had to bite her tongue to keep from crying and possibly had to explain to her little girl that some people are obviously not to be taught to be so hurtful. Looking at the picture your little girl is not a 2 or 3 year old. She is old enough to learn not to comment on people's weight.
They weren't in earshot, or I would have turned around and apologized to the woman right there.

The reason it was so shocking is that it was completely out of character. I would have never expected or even fathomed something like that coming out of dd's mouth. And of course I told her it wasn't appropriate..yeesh.
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#104 of 112 Old 08-26-2008, 02:14 PM
 
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My daughter turned 2 in March. In the last month, she's asked a woman who was a stranger if she had a uterus. A couple weeks later, she told me that another woman at a party had a big belly like mine so she was growing a baby too. (However, it was just a larger non-pg woman). I don't think the woman understood what DD said since we were across the room. Since then, I've taught DD that not everyone with a big belly is growing a baby. She now understands this. However, teaching her to ask certain questions only in public is proving much more challenging.

I now realize that asking women about their uterus is far less embarassing than asking them about the baby they're growing when they're not!

My DS has a speech delay but an above average vocabulary. Luckily, no one could ever understand the embarrassing things he said. DD's speech is average for her age in pronounciation, but above in vocabulary, so I just hope others don't know what he's saying.
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#105 of 112 Old 08-26-2008, 07:03 PM
 
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This one happened to a friend of mine. She was leaving work with her kids (they have a daycare on-site), and there happened to be a protest outside about the city's treatment of blacks. They walked through the protest to the crosswalk and her son (a very fair-haired blue-eyed boy) raises his hand in a heil Hitler way and says "Stop! It's only ok with the white man!"

He was talking about crossing the street only when the white neon guy on the crosswalk sign was showing. My friend nearly died - she worked PR for the city at the time!
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#106 of 112 Old 08-26-2008, 08:28 PM
 
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These are hilarious.

The only stories like this I can think of right now are:

DS and I were eating lunch at a restaurant and there was a bald man seated in the booth right behind us. DS said, loudly, "Mommy, why doesn't that man have any hair?"

DS and I were in the doctor's office waiting room and a Latino UPS guy came to deliver a package. DS said, "Mommy, what is that brown man doing?" I ignored the "brown" part for the moment and just said, "The man is delivering a package." A few seconds later DS pointed at another patient who was waiting and said, "What is that green man doing?" and it finally dawned on me that he was talking about people's clothing colors, not their skin.

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#107 of 112 Old 08-27-2008, 12:19 AM
 
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This one's my sister's (but I was there, so I get to post it)...When my brother-in-law was in residency, my niece was a toddler and had a hard time remembering him sometimes between his long times away. The best was when we were in an elevator and she turned to a man who got in on the first floor with us and says, "Are you my dad?"
The guy responds, "Well, I don't know. I don't think so!"
My sister was mortified and I was laughing hysterically and my poor niece was totally confused.
It was a long ride up!
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#108 of 112 Old 08-27-2008, 01:16 AM
 
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My niece had just gotten back from her first day at camp. My very religious and consertative parents, my sister, nieces, and I were all watching a children's movie together. A scene with a beautiful woman came on and my niece (five or six at the time) shouts out, "Ooooh! I'd like to lick her pu$$y!" There was just stunned silence in the room. Finally my sister saysm "Ummm...what did you say?" My niece happily repeats it. I just about died laughing. Obviously she'd picked that up at camp that day and had no idea what it meant. Having British friends she only knew pussy to mean cat.

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#109 of 112 Old 08-27-2008, 02:20 AM
 
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My niece had just gotten back from her first day at camp. My very religious and consertative parents, my sister, nieces, and I were all watching a children's movie together. A scene with a beautiful woman came on and my niece (five or six at the time) shouts out, "Ooooh! I'd like to lick her pu$$y!" There was just stunned silence in the room. Finally my sister saysm "Ummm...what did you say?" My niece happily repeats it. I just about died laughing. Obviously she'd picked that up at camp that day and had no idea what it meant. Having British friends she only knew pussy to mean cat.
That is seriously disturbing that a 5 year old would be hearing that at camp. :

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#110 of 112 Old 08-27-2008, 11:50 AM
 
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My niece had just gotten back from her first day at camp. My very religious and consertative parents, my sister, nieces, and I were all watching a children's movie together. A scene with a beautiful woman came on and my niece (five or six at the time) shouts out, "Ooooh! I'd like to lick her pu$$y!" There was just stunned silence in the room. Finally my sister saysm "Ummm...what did you say?" My niece happily repeats it. I just about died laughing. Obviously she'd picked that up at camp that day and had no idea what it meant. Having British friends she only knew pussy to mean cat.
: omg I would have died laughing although I do have to agree with Heavenly. I would so not be happy to have my young'un come back from a camp spewing stuff like that. I mean it sounds to me like she probably got a good earful. She not only repeated it, she spit it out at a, well, pretty accurate time, even if she didn't understand what it actually meant.
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#111 of 112 Old 08-27-2008, 04:49 PM
 
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Oh yeah, we were all very, very shocked to say the least. In fact it really made me wonder about the situation of whatever child she heard it from. My sister was pretty upset that she heard something so vulgar.

Thankfully my sister had the wisdom to not make a big deal of it with my niece. She just told her that it wasn't a nice thing to say and my niece has never said it again.

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#112 of 112 Old 08-27-2008, 06:37 PM
 
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When my son was about 2 (close to 3) I had a rash of... um... minor traffic incidents with him in the car. I bumped into my husband's car backing out of the driveway, I banged the garage door, I ran over a few crubs, I bumped into a sign, etc. All in the space of a week or two. There was no damage done to the car or anything else, so I thought I would keep this quiet .

Well, my husband took DS out and came back and told me every time he went over a speed bump, DS would shout from his carseat in the back "Oh, SH*T!" and he was wondering if I had any idea why. I had to fess up. Dang, kid!

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