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Old 08-20-2008, 08:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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The other night Eli and I were sitting at the computer and Loo was watching TV.
During a commerical she jumped up and said to us "Hey watch this....."
We turned around and all in one motion, Lucia juts her hip to the side, whips down her britches, smacks a bare bun and belts out "Who let the dogs out."
At first we were shocked. Just shocked.
Then Eli and I were double over unable to stop laughing.
In between gasping for air I told her never to do that again. EVER. (But, If it makes your parents laugh that hard....it's not going to end with a reprimand.)
The next day we asked my Mom to watch Loo. While we're dropping her off, I told her about the "Who let the dogs out" story. She's laughing about it and I'm getting ready to go, when Loo needs to go to the bathroom.
I took her in and after she was done, I decided I should go too before I hit the road.
When it's my turn, down come my pants and I'm ready to postition my buns on the toilet when Loo opens her mouth and PELTS at the top of her lungs "WHO LET THE STINKY DOGS OUT?"
What?!
I was super embarressed and decided the best way to handle it was to pretend it just didn't happen, once I leave the room.
I turned to Loo and hiss "Loo, Grandma goes to church and she does not like that kind of talk, so be quiet! Then I nonchalantly hicked up my britches and went to leave the bathroom......
but there's Mom, my step dad and my sister....
right outside the bathroom door- they're hanging up a planter over the stairs..
They heard the whole thing.
Now everyone knows how I really roll.
Stinky style.

Your turn.
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Old 08-20-2008, 08:11 PM
 
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I have nothing. But thanks for the best laugh I have had all week!

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Old 08-20-2008, 08:23 PM
 
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oh god that's funny.

ds was/is fascinated with the human body. That's cool, smart kid, wants to know his stuff. I answer all his questions honestly and to the best of my knowledge and when I don't know something, we look it up. Well, he seems to sock this information away to use at the most opportune times. In the grocer store when he was four, a little old lady is talking to me about the price of produce or something and he says "my heart is beating faster and faster.... my heart is pumping blood through my body... I have lots and lots of blood.... if it all came out I would be DEAD!!"

I do daycare in my home, and while we were doing lots of interviews (he was 6) his favorite thing to point out was "you're a girl, huh? well, that means you have overmies and there's eggs in there -but not like chickens! I have sperm! I have spermen in my tentacles! My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them" :
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Old 08-20-2008, 08:30 PM
 
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ALL THE TIME dd (4) likes to freak out when I'm having my period. I try to avoid using the bathroom with her when other people are within earshot, but sometimes it's inevitable. "MOMMY! OH NO MOMMY! YOU'RE BLEEDING MOMMY!! THERE'S BLOOD COMING OUT OF YOUR BUTT! OH NO! IT'S NOT YOUR BUTT IT'S YOUR VULVA MOMMY! DID YOU SCRATCH YOURSELF MOMMY?!?! YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T PUT THINGS IN THERE MOMMY, YOU COULD HURT YOURSELF!"

why's it gotta be like that?
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Old 08-20-2008, 08:46 PM
 
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My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them"

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Old 08-20-2008, 09:01 PM
 
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that was usually the reaction we got. Thing is, the way he said it kind of sounded like a threat.
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Old 08-20-2008, 09:05 PM
 
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This just happened today:

Ds and I were walking down the street. An older woman (later 60's, I think) walked by. Ds said (really loudly, of course) "She has a missing tooth just like ME!"

Um, er...Oh dear.

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Old 08-20-2008, 09:09 PM
 
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I do daycare in my home, and while we were doing lots of interviews (he was 6) his favorite thing to point out was "you're a girl, huh? well, that means you have overmies and there's eggs in there -but not like chickens! I have sperm! I have spermen in my tentacles! My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them" :
That has got to be the best pickup line ever.
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Old 08-20-2008, 09:13 PM
 
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he seems to think so, but so far it's not really working for him. wonder what he's doing wrong....
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Old 08-20-2008, 09:16 PM
 
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Old 08-20-2008, 09:21 PM
 
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Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"

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Old 08-20-2008, 09:26 PM
 
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Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"
Oh. My. Goddess.

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Old 08-20-2008, 09:26 PM
 
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Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"
:
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Old 08-20-2008, 09:56 PM
 
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I think I just peed my pants a little.

My story has already been used in the "You know you're the parent of a toddler when..." thread:

DS is in the very beginning stages of potty learning and is fascinated with flushing. We were in the public restroom at the mall and he yelled out "mommy, I flush you poopies, ok?!?!" ---Um, yep. Sure, go ahead, babe, whatever floats your boat... (I did hear a giggle from the stall next to me)

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Old 08-20-2008, 09:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alicia622 View Post
Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"
Yep. I do..... They have great sneakers (and 30%off coupons!)

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Old 08-20-2008, 09:59 PM
 
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This has been the best part of my day.: (too lazy to find lol smilie)

: Mama to ds (5) and dd (3) and .
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Old 08-20-2008, 10:16 PM
 
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oh god that's funny.

ds was/is fascinated with the human body. That's cool, smart kid, wants to know his stuff. I answer all his questions honestly and to the best of my knowledge and when I don't know something, we look it up. Well, he seems to sock this information away to use at the most opportune times. In the grocer store when he was four, a little old lady is talking to me about the price of produce or something and he says "my heart is beating faster and faster.... my heart is pumping blood through my body... I have lots and lots of blood.... if it all came out I would be DEAD!!"

I do daycare in my home, and while we were doing lots of interviews (he was 6) his favorite thing to point out was "you're a girl, huh? well, that means you have overmies and there's eggs in there -but not like chickens! I have sperm! I have spermen in my tentacles! My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them" :
So far, we're at the whole "babies are made in mommies' tummies, but not where your food goes" place and leaving it at that for a while.

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ALL THE TIME dd (4) likes to freak out when I'm having my period. I try to avoid using the bathroom with her when other people are within earshot, but sometimes it's inevitable. "MOMMY! OH NO MOMMY! YOU'RE BLEEDING MOMMY!! THERE'S BLOOD COMING OUT OF YOUR BUTT! OH NO! IT'S NOT YOUR BUTT IT'S YOUR VULVA MOMMY! DID YOU SCRATCH YOURSELF MOMMY?!?! YOU KNOW, YOU SHOULDN'T PUT THINGS IN THERE MOMMY, YOU COULD HURT YOURSELF!"

why's it gotta be like that?
I get that from DD, too. She is also 4.


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Old 08-20-2008, 10:21 PM
 
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Thank GOD the worst my daughter has said was when we were at home (away from ears that would have taken our child in a heartbeat).

So, about 5 years back (DD was almost 4 at the time), her and DH used to pretend they were animals. A few times, DD would take her bible cover/purse strap and clip it to DH's shirt collar and parade him around like a puppy on a leash. One day, she walked downstairs with the strap in her hand and bellowed "Daddy, do me like a doggy!"

To this day, it makes me want to hide just thinking about it.

Oh, and I cannot believe we got out of the childhood years without a public embarrassment (besides the time DD asked me if a person was a man or a woman, but thankfully she didn't hear).

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Old 08-20-2008, 10:30 PM
 
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Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"
:
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Old 08-20-2008, 10:42 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alicia622 View Post
Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"
Excuse me while I go wipe off my keyboard and monitor...

I pray for the day Family Court recognizes that CHILDREN have rights, parents only have PRIVILEGES.  Only then, will I know my child is safe.
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Old 08-20-2008, 10:47 PM
 
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AAAAAAAHhhhhhhhhhh Thank you SO SO much!!!









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oh god that's funny.

ds was/is fascinated with the human body. That's cool, smart kid, wants to know his stuff. I answer all his questions honestly and to the best of my knowledge and when I don't know something, we look it up. Well, he seems to sock this information away to use at the most opportune times. In the grocer store when he was four, a little old lady is talking to me about the price of produce or something and he says "my heart is beating faster and faster.... my heart is pumping blood through my body... I have lots and lots of blood.... if it all came out I would be DEAD!!"

I do daycare in my home, and while we were doing lots of interviews (he was 6) his favorite thing to point out was "you're a girl, huh? well, that means you have overmies and there's eggs in there -but not like chickens! I have sperm! I have spermen in my tentacles! My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them" :
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Old 08-20-2008, 10:49 PM
 
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OMGoodess! Can't.Stop. Laughing!!!!!!!






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Originally Posted by alicia622 View Post
Just this evening DS and I were at the mall and walked in through Dick's Sporting Goods. As we are walking through the store he innocently asks..."Mommy, do you like dicks?" I chuckled to myself and said, "yes,as a matter of fact I do" to which he replied quite loudly, "Mommy, do you like dicks a lot?"
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Old 08-20-2008, 10:50 PM
 
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This one, thankfully, happened to DH instead of me...

Public restroom. Daddy and his son in a stall, going potty. DS1 says, "Daddy, why is your penis so BIG?!"

And my "want-to-run-and-hide-but-that-would-make-it-worse" moment... we were at one of my prenatal appointments for DS2, and when we came back out to the lobby, there's an older African-American lady sitting there waiting her turn. DS1 says, "Mommy, why is that BLACK GUY there?" He was only just starting to get the hang of gender, mostly only relating to people his own age.

I had to take a moment to prioritize... what's the most important thing here? The gender issue? The fact that we don't generally discuss people's race? The use of the term African-American being preferred? I hit all three, I think in that order, in the most nonchalant teachable-moment tone I could muster.

The lady, for her part, found it amusing... I'm really glad, since we shared a very, VERY long wait for the elevator with her! During which she was in a wheelchair... which again my DS1, who has seen plenty of AA people, women, and wheelchairs, also asked blunt embarrassing questions about... but this gave her an opening to tell him that she was one of the very last victims of polio in the US before the vaccine became widely available, and so get yer shots, yadda yadda (polio is one of the ones we do, so it wasn't totally unwelcome).
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Old 08-20-2008, 11:13 PM
 
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Thankfully, this one came out at home....

DP says "douchebag" all the time- I guess it's his curse/put-down of choice. He mostly says it when he is driving.

The three of us were hanging at home, DP was looking at a Rolling Stone magazine and DS (2 1/2 at the time) was playing with trains on the floor.

DP (to me): Look at this douche! Can you believe what he is wearing?!?
DS: No daddy, doucheBAG!

Stunned silence.
Then I laughed so hard that I cried, which, of course, was an excellent reinforcer. It took about 3 weeks to erase that word from his vocabulary.

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Old 08-20-2008, 11:14 PM
 
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Nothing too terrible yet, but whenever we go in a public restroom, ds likes to talk about not only what I am doing "Mama peeing! You peeing, Mama!" but what other people are doing, too, based on the sounds: "She going poop, Mama! She going poop!"
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Old 08-21-2008, 12:27 AM
 
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Thankfully, this one came out at home....

DP says "douchebag" all the time- I guess it's his curse/put-down of choice. He mostly says it when he is driving.

The three of us were hanging at home, DP was looking at a Rolling Stone magazine and DS (2 1/2 at the time) was playing with trains on the floor.

DP (to me): Look at this douche! Can you believe what he is wearing?!?
DS: No daddy, doucheBAG!

Stunned silence.
Then I laughed so hard that I cried, which, of course, was an excellent reinforcer. It took about 3 weeks to erase that word from his vocabulary.

LOL! Don't forget the bag!
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Old 08-21-2008, 12:46 AM
 
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Ugh. The race ones are the worst, imo.

My ds was 4 and we were checking out a map of the world we had posted underneath our kitchen window. I was pointing out the different continents and touching a little on how people might look/act/eat/dress differently in different places. Then, I don't know what I was thinking, except that ds likes big words, I said "This is Africa. Alot of the people who live here have very dark skin. Even darker than yours (he's mixed aa/w) and Auntie's (she's mixed pr/w). Do you know what we call people who live in America who's families have come from Africa so they have dark skin?" To which he replied

"SLAVES!!" <---him, very very very, humiliatingly proud of himself.

Our aa duplex neighbor happened to be outside said window on our shared porch at the time :

Too much Liberty's kids and not enough history lessons I guess. Poor kid was stuck in colonial America. I swear I did not leave the house for a week.
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Old 08-21-2008, 12:54 AM
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I.love.this.thread.

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Old 08-21-2008, 12:57 AM
 
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Ugh. The race ones are the worst, imo.

My ds was 4 and we were checking out a map of the world we had posted underneath our kitchen window. I was pointing out the different continents and touching a little on how people might look/act/eat/dress differently in different places. Then, I don't know what I was thinking, except that ds likes big words, I said "This is Africa. Alot of the people who live here have very dark skin. Even darker than yours (he's mixed aa/w) and Auntie's (she's mixed pr/w). Do you know what we call people who live in America who's families have come from Africa so they have dark skin?" To which he replied

"SLAVES!!" <---him, very very very, humiliatingly proud of himself.

Our aa duplex neighbor happened to be outside said window on our shared porch at the time

Too much Liberty's kids and not enough history lessons I guess. Poor kid was stuck in colonial America. I swear I did not leave the house for a week.


Oh my goodness. Thank you for that lol.
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Old 08-21-2008, 01:18 AM
 
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I do daycare in my home, and while we were doing lots of interviews (he was 6) his favorite thing to point out was "you're a girl, huh? well, that means you have overmies and there's eggs in there -but not like chickens! I have sperm! I have spermen in my tentacles! My sperm can make your eggs a baby... if I let them" :
: can't... breathe...
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