I am wandering if there are other parents that find thenselves doing both AP parenting and main stream parenting - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 12:15 PM
 
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Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
I would venture to guess that the vast majority of parents here at MDC do exactly what you are talking about.
me too!
we cloth diaper, our newest sleeps with us (mostly b/c i fall asleep while feeding him!), we babywear (for walks and such), and i breastfeed. i also stay home with my LOs. but we do many things that are "mainstream" too.

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#62 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 04:10 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Ks Mama View Post
AP/gentle parenting is our philosophical guideline for sure. We really don't stray from that.

The problem I'm seeing with the question & some answers is that I wouldn't necessarily call things like cloth diapering AP and disposable diapering non-AP. Somethings just aren't AP related, but are more crunchy, enviromental, green, offbeat, whatever. And honestly, I think it doesn't REALLY matter in the long run what you "are", but rather what you DO.

The IMPORTANT thing is that you RESPECT & HONOR your children as independent beings with real feelings & needs.
I totally agree with this! For me, attachment parenting is about treating my child like a human being that has emotional and physical needs that I am responsible for meeting. There are some "tools" that help me to do that, but using those tools (e.g. babywearing, co-sleeping) do not make you an attached parent and not using them don't make you unattached.

To me mainstream parenting is about doing what everyone else is doing without questioning it and following the trend of pushing our kids away (pushing them to be independent before they are ready).

More on this here: http://phdinparenting.com/2008/11/16...ent-parenting/
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#63 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 04:22 PM
 
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But here at MDC, I don't feel crunchy at all!
Me, neither. Read my sig.

I just don't "fit in" anywhere...
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#64 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 05:33 PM
 
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Originally Posted by alegna View Post
Depends on what all you lump under AP



-Angela
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IMO, AP and "crunchy" are not synonymous.
AP is the Eight Principles of Attachment Parenting (which cosleeping, gentle discipline, babywearing and breastfeeding fall under).
Things like CDing, homeschooling and not vaxing fall under "crunchy", IMO. They aren't necessarily AP. You can be AP and not cloth diaper,IMO.
I consider myself an AP parent, definitely, because I cosleep, use GD to some extent, babywear, and breastfeed. I do not cloth diaper for various reasons, and we do vax (on a delayed schedule). I do not plan to homeschool because it just isn't feasible for us. I'm a vegetarian who cares about the environment and I have a penchant for embroidered blouses and flowy skirts, but that's about as "crunchy" as I get.

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#65 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 05:36 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Evan&Anna's_Mom View Post
But a lot of things you all are talking about, IMHO, are "natural living" rather than AP. Food choices, cloth diapers -- those don't have anything to do with AP. I think vaxes are in the same category, actually. And I don't see that setting limits and enforcing them (assuming you are use GD to enforce) aren't AP either, unless we are talking about enforcing the limits of scheduled feeding or CIO. And if your baby hates a sling and you use a stroller, then that's AP because you are meeting the babies need rather than your need to be "more AP than thou".

The other thing that I've discovered as the kids are out of babyhood, the whole thing gets much blurier.

That said, I'm definitely more on the mainstream end of the spectrum than many here. I like the one person who's sig describes them as "crispy".
Yes to everything you said.

Sheila, mother to William and Min Hee, wife of David
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#66 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 06:28 PM
 
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Raising hand.

But for my area, I seem to be a super dupe crunchy person.
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#67 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 06:38 PM
 
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I've never found checklists to be helpful or useful, just divisive. A checklist makes me look deceptively oddball and "perfect", whatever the heck that is. I EC, nearly UCed, CD, babywear, ate my placenta, don't shave, eat mostly organic, don't own a stroller or crib or playpen, etc, etc, but my house looks a lot more like most American's than it does a happy hippie commune. I'd fit in more at a mall than a protest. We all have a lot more in common than checklists imply.

I value attachment parenting, and I want to do my part to reduce my impact on the planet. I try to be gentle and caring toward my child and the earth, and that's why I'm here, and that's why I love this place. Checklists are beside the point.
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#68 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 06:46 PM
 
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Let's see:

AP-- breasfeeding 6 mo exclusive and we are on month 8 and plan to go on beyond infancy, cosleeping, no CIO, whole foods (no Gerber), we plan on GD. I don't wear him, but I pretty much carry him, we have a stroller I've used exactly 0 times. Oh, and natural soaps and oils for his skin. We had a natural birth (no drugs/pitocin).

Mainstream -- sposies, vaccines, circ'd, DS gets an occasional Cheeto or BBQ sauce:

Things we will do more crunchy for next baby: cloth diapers, out of hospital birth, no vaccines. I will be working and we'll be able to hire a nanny next time so CD and no vaccines will be more easily achieved.
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#69 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 06:54 PM
 
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Me me me!!!!

I guess though that if you consider AP parenting to just be listening to your core mothering instincts, and trusting your own and your babies cues and signs, then we are as AP as you can get.

Melanie- Mama to my super hero daughter superhero.gif bravely battling brain cancer. ribbongrey.gif ribbongold.gif  www.fightformaddie.com  and expecting 1sttri.gif 1/13!!!!

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#70 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 07:16 PM
 
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Sure, I also fall into this category. When I checked out the AP principles, I pretty much fall within their guidelines except when it comes to the gentle discipline. . .this is a tough one for me. I really do try, but often my environment influences me. I have found in our family that *gasp* timeouts really do work when our children are so worked up and we explain that sometimes DH and I also need timeouts just to refocus. As for NFL, we do watch about 30 minutes of tv a week, we eat as much local/fresh/real food as we can (although sometimes we do get a craving for chips, not organic chocolate, and we do eat sugar), we do cloth dipe, clw, both homeschool and send our children to Japanese school (the school mostly by their choice though), no circing, DD was vaxed for a year but when we learned more about it we stopped and DS hasn't received any, cosleep/co-room, etc. . .

Barbara:  an always learning SAHM of Ilana (11) and Aiden (8) living in Belgium with my amazing husband.

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#71 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 08:04 PM
 
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thanks for this thread. i've really been struggling with this latley. i feel better now.
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#72 of 92 Old 11-17-2008, 08:09 PM
 
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Just for the record, although not really popular with a lot of people who are really in to gentle discipline (and I think there are good arguments against them), time outs are GD when gently implemented. They're at one end of the GD spectrum, but definitely on there.
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#73 of 92 Old 11-18-2008, 12:17 AM
 
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I was just going to post what Arwyn did... Time-outs are not necessarily "not Gentle Discipline" if they are used to give a child (or parent!) some space to gain perpective or cool off (not as a purely punitive experience). GD also very much includes boundaries, (natural) consequences, finding ways for children to learn social expectations (manners, "playing nice", etc.), and deciding on family rules. Heck, we even yell sometimes .

As with the general idea of AP, GD is about disciplining with the idea of teaching instead of punishing and seeing a parental duty to guide a child into acceptable behavior as needing to be respectful of the child, their feelings, and their developmental stage. And just as we are talking about how many different ways the ideals of AP can be upheld according to the infinite ways we parent, GD is the same.
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#74 of 92 Old 11-18-2008, 01:29 PM
 
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Until I got to MDC I didn't realize Attachment Parenting wasn't mainstream! I guess I just got lucky in the culture I lived in with my first baby. I didn't know anyone who wasn't planning to breastfeed for at least a year, although I knew two women who didn't make it that far. Everyone I knew both wore their babies and used strollers. Half the parents I knew co-slept. No one practised corporal punishment or CIO. Half the births I knew of were unmedicated hospital births, half of the rest involved epidurals. (The other quarter were c/s.) Vaxing was common, circing was rare.

So I'm a bit startled to find out that I'm apparently not all that mainstream after all!
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#75 of 92 Old 11-18-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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I absolutely consider us AP... baby wearing, co sleeping (though DS is starting to take up a LOT of space) Never CIO ... which is one of the things i am really proud of b/c i didn't know it was bad until i found MDC.. i just thought it was stupid to let a baby cry. . I bf for a while and stopped (you know better you do better) i re-lactated and tried to get ds back to the breast but i didn't feel right pushing it.. so i pump as much as possible (which isnt much and is getting even less ) ever since i stopped bfing ds has been bottle nursed on demand. We will use GD when it comes time for that... mostly we just do out absolute best to meet the needs of our son, each other, and our family.

I am aspiring NFL lol. we eat all organic food, we cloth diaper, put an indefinite hiatus on vaxing, use as little disposable products as possible, and try to repurpose our things instead of getting rid of them. we avoid western medicine and only use it as a last resort, and we are a chemical free household! o and all our light bulbs are CFL!!
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#76 of 92 Old 11-18-2008, 02:23 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Murihiku View Post
Until I got to MDC I didn't realize Attachment Parenting wasn't mainstream! I guess I just got lucky in the culture I lived in with my first baby. I didn't know anyone who wasn't planning to breastfeed for at least a year, although I knew two women who didn't make it that far. Everyone I knew both wore their babies and used strollers. Half the parents I knew co-slept. No one practised corporal punishment or CIO. Half the births I knew of were unmedicated hospital births, half of the rest involved epidurals. (The other quarter were c/s.) Vaxing was common, circing was rare.

So I'm a bit startled to find out that I'm apparently not all that mainstream after all!
can i come live with you?
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#77 of 92 Old 11-18-2008, 03:10 PM
 
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of course!

I think the first step is to avoid using the "mainstream" and "ap" labels all together and to jsut do what makes sense to you and works for your family.
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#78 of 92 Old 11-18-2008, 04:20 PM
 
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I agree with what PP's have said, that it's certainly not about ticking boxes and should be what works for your children and your family. No one is going to give you a prize for being the most AP mother. I also like coming on MDC as I'm not the crunchiest, when IRL I am one of the most AP/NFL parents I know.

I don't like to use these labels, but I tend to see my parenting as mainly AP. I have baby-worn as much as I could (less and less now that he is older and bigger and my weak back can't take it) but have finally got over my 'stroller guilt'. I cloth diaper (though that is NFL not AP really), and I would never consider circumcising, luckily my partner's also totally against it. I wouldn't CIO, I demand-feed and always have, and although I've considered formula at times I didn't do it. I also had a pain medication-free birth although not completely without intervention.

I can't think of anything 'mainstream' that I go for, but it's early days yet...when DS gets older we will see what happens with discipline and TV and food etc. At the moment I'm leaning towards doing Unconditional Parenting but I'm not so sure and am open to flexibility along the way on this.
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#79 of 92 Old 11-18-2008, 05:07 PM
 
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Originally Posted by SAHDS View Post
I do what I feel is best for my children, regardless of what category it may fit into. So, yeah, I am a bit of both.

I'm waiting for it to catch on, but I like to call myself:

CRunchy + mainstEAM = CREAMY!
I love this! I'm CREAMy!!! I'm CREAMy!!!!

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Originally Posted by Sierra View Post
I have met a lot of families from MDC. Without fail, I always get nervous beforehand. Will I live up to their standards of AP, natural family living, etc.?? I bite my figernails, and then we meet up and I discover that no one is the NFL/AP supermom I picture when we are chatting online. All of us fall along a spectrum, and I just haven't met a parent here yet who isn't as complex as the other parents I meet in daily life.
Thank you so much, Sierra, for this post. I also have the tendancy to think that nearly everyone on MDC is so much more AP/NFL than I am. Thank you for putting it into perspective. And thank you to everyone who has replied that they are also in the "CREAMy" category.

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#80 of 92 Old 11-18-2008, 06:51 PM
 
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It's nice to be a little bit of both - it keeps things interesting and fun! We certainly enjoyed breastfeeding, babywearing, etc., I'm certainly no where near as crunchy as some mamas I know, but that's okay. That's what makes us all unique.

BTW, thanks for starting this thread! It's nice to see and makes me feel a little better about my parenting 'style'.
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#81 of 92 Old 11-18-2008, 08:02 PM
 
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I'm not an AP parent...I'm a common-sense parent. I don't follow any sort of parenting philosophy...I just do what makes sense for me and my family.

I breastfeed (aiming for CLW), co-sleep part of the night (DD starts out in her room till she needs to eat. After that she stays in bed with us till morning), we CD (which was mainly a financial and comfort decision), I babywear (she sleeps so comfortably in her sling or wrap), no vaxing, avoiding TV till age 2 and then limiting it, homeschool (I was homeschooled myself, so that's what's normal to me), and I tend to avoid modern medicine.

But then I don't eat that healthily. I'll try to do better with DD, but I'm sure she'll eat some junk too. I don't hold her all the time...and I do have a stroller (though the only time I've used it so far is to cart dirty diapers to be washed. ) No clue what I"m doing about discipline as of yet. And I have absolutely no problem with video games. I had DD in a hospital (though I'm very supportive of homebirthing, etc) with a doctor. Even ended up with an epidural. I'm happy with the decisions I've made. That's about all you can hope for.
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#82 of 92 Old 11-18-2008, 08:15 PM
 
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I'm not an AP parent...I'm a common-sense parent. I don't follow any sort of parenting philosophy...I just do what makes sense for me and my family.
Yeah -- when people want me to classify my parenting style I say "pragmatic".
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#83 of 92 Old 11-18-2008, 08:39 PM
 
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What is attachment parenting?

Attachment parenting is an approach to raising children rathar than a strict set of rules. Certain practices are common to AP parents: they tend to breastfeed, hold their babies in their arms a lot, and practice possitive disiplince, but these are just tool for attachemt, not criteria for being certified as an attachemnt parent. So forget the controversies about breast vs bottle, cio or not, and which methid of discipline are acceptable, and go back to the basics. Above all attachament parenting means opening you mind and heart to the individual needs of your baby and letting your knowledge of your child be you guide to making on-the-spot decisions about what works best for both you you.
-Dr Sears from "The Attachment Parenting Book"

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#84 of 92 Old 12-05-2008, 05:17 AM
 
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Following the cues of my child and doing what is best is what is AP to me. Especially when they are babies...I tell new mamas to trust their instincts and love their baby! (vs letting it cry,etc)

As far as crunchy goes...I'm crispy too. Extended bf, co-slept for years, held babies all the time, no CIO, held off solids, no tv until after 2, etc...but I love McD's, have yelled at my kids, they are vaccinated and go to public schools,etc.

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#85 of 92 Old 12-05-2008, 01:13 PM
 
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i'd say I'm mildly crispy

Wife to G, mommy to dd1 (99), dd2 (07), dd3 (09)
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#86 of 92 Old 12-05-2008, 03:56 PM
 
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I am really liking the term "crispy". lol

From my time here I have realized I am totally not mainstream but I am totally not super crunchy like what seems to be the majority of members here... but compare me to most of my family and/or friends and they think I am some sort of crunchy "freak". lol

I guess I'm a middle roader.

I love a lot of things I have learned here, but there are some things that just don't work for me. Such as co-sleeping. I have fibromyaglia and toss A TON due to pain and such... When DSD needed to sleep with us sometimes when she was younger I would wake up in soooo much incredible pain because I could not roll as freely and she would always get her knees into my back... I would spend the next days in agony. I had to put my foot down with DH and tell him if he wanted to sleep with his daughter, he could, but he would need to go sleep in her bed with her, I could not continue being dysfunctional and in mind numbing pain.

I use some of GD, but totally do time outs. Sometimes I need the time out. lol I will give DSD three chances to do something/stop doing something and will try talking to her about something, if she is still screaming and not wanting to talk, we both need a time out til we can communicate in a less stressful time.

Bored at work the past two days and I decided to browse a more mainstream board... and I knew instantly that even though sometimes I feel I don't precisely "fit" here with being less crunchy... I felt way way way uncomfortable on the more main stream board and did not connect to those people what so ever... some of what they were saying was truly disturbing actually.

So yes... a crispy middle roader is what I shall dub myself. lol

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#87 of 92 Old 12-05-2008, 03:57 PM
 
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I'm extremely "mainstream" compared to most people here.

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#88 of 92 Old 12-05-2008, 04:13 PM
 
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I hereby dub myself a "crispy pragmatic parent". Crispy, sort of like the bacon I ate for breakfast (which some people on MDC wouldn't touch, I'm sure). I am a proud CPP!
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#89 of 92 Old 12-07-2008, 09:41 PM
 
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We do both AP and mainstream. I parent the way it feels natural. I never knew there were names and catagories for the way you parent until I joined some mom groups.

AP- Co-slept when DS was a baby (we still co-nap togather), No CIO, No spanking/hitting/shaming-Gentle discipline, Babywearing, Delay vaxing, eating organic and natural foods, I'm a health nut!

Mainstream- Formula feeding (was unable to breastfeed despite my 3 month long, hard battle with trying to get breastmilk), Hunter now sleeps in his own room.
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#90 of 92 Old 12-07-2008, 10:02 PM
 
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i so would not consider ff after a 3 month batter trying to get bm mainstream.. i'm pretty sure thats not a real common occurrence. lol i'm sorry you had a hard time!!
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