why are so many boys treated as sub-humans? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 01:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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....it sickens me daily, in countless interactions with random people.

What is wrong with people??? The emotional cruelty that they must endure, right from Day 1 in the hospital, until they are out on their own is disgusting and unbelievable. what a sick world this is. grrrrrrrrrr.

rant over.
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#2 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 01:07 AM
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I know what you mean.

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#3 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 01:34 AM
 
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You know whats been bothering me for awhile? Girls clothing. No, seriously, Im all for cute slogans like "girl power" thats fine. Its the ones that say "Boys are stupid" "I hate boys" things like that. And in small girls sizes. like for five year olds. I cant imagine my five year old boy knowing how to deal with that.

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#4 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 01:48 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Anglyn View Post
You know whats been bothering me for awhile? Girls clothing. No, seriously, Im all for cute slogans like "girl power" thats fine. Its the ones that say "Boys are stupid" "I hate boys" things like that. And in small girls sizes. like for five year olds. I cant imagine my five year old boy knowing how to deal with that.
I don't even like that girl power stuff b/c it always ends up with, "girls rule and boys drool"

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#5 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 01:48 AM
 
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Maybe you could be more specific? I am the mother of boys and most of my friends have boys. I have never seen any of these children treated as "sub human."
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#6 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 01:53 AM
 
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Originally Posted by zinemama View Post
Maybe you could be more specific? I am the mother of boys and most of my friends have boys. I have never seen any of these children treated as "sub human."
:
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#7 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 01:59 AM
 
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I dont know, maybe she meant the type of parents who tell boys not to cry? Belittle them for showing emotions maybe?

~Me, mama to soapbox boy (1991), photo girl (1997), gadget girl (2003), jungle boy (2005), fan boy (2003) and twirly girl (2011). Twenty years of tree hugging, breastfeeding, cosleeping, unschooling, craziness
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#8 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 02:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Anglyn View Post
I dont know, maybe she meant the type of parents who tell boys not to cry? Belittle them for showing emotions maybe?
I haven't seen that since my stepfather did that to my brother, in the early 80's. I think most people have evolved somewhat since then.
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#9 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 02:10 AM
 
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My oldest was born in 1991. when he was about five or so, late 90's, some ex friends of mine were told that thier seven year old had mooned someone at school. They invited over a ton of people, then forced this child to stand on a coffee table and drop his pants. Then every grown adult in the room proceeded to point at him and laugh. This was their idea of teaching him to keep his pants up. I wasnt there, I heard about it later. I was horrified. Not very evolved at all.

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#10 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 02:12 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Anglyn: You know whats been bothering me for awhile? Girls clothing. No, seriously, Im all for cute slogans like "girl power" thats fine. Its the ones that say "Boys are stupid" "I hate boys" things like that.
WTF? i have never seen clothing like that but I wouldn't be shocked if I came across it. Our culture needs therapy bigtime.

Here's a special little moment I had last weekend:

I'm at my son's school last Saturday because they are having their annual "Craft Bazaar". So I am browsing and come across this "bizarre" craft item. It is at a table with all of these hand-painted signs that have oh-so-cute little sayings on them.

I'm looking at 2 different hand-painted signs about 3 feet apart. The first is written in BLUE and says:

Quote:
Boy: A noise with dirt on it.
Then my eye goes towards the other sign with PINK paint:

Quote:
Girl: A giggle wrapped in sunshine.

I was so irked, and felt that she (the crafter) should be spoken too. So I commented to her that the boy sign was "mean". She laughed nervously and I just scowled at her and walked away.

This is what i am talking about. What's with all these cryptic and blunt negative messages towards boys???!!!

Gee-wiz, if i didn't know any better, I'd think our culture likes it this way.
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#11 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 02:17 AM
 
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It's definitely not in the past, sadly. I hope I am able to teach my children to be compassionate and emotionally healthy individuals.

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#12 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 02:22 AM
 
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Originally Posted by aniT View Post
I haven't seen that since my stepfather did that to my brother, in the early 80's. I think most people have evolved somewhat since then.
sadly, no. I am glad it is better where you live but I am in small town texas and people treat their sons like crap here. What I notice a lot of in my waiting room hours at kid activities is mothers who completely ignore their sons and give them no guidance whatsoever, but tacitly encourage them to be obnoxious and violent until someone gets hurt or something gets broken at which point they yank them by the arm, get in their faces and yell, and then smack them. Then they go back to gossiping with the other mothers, usually with a remark about the poor kid being "all boy" and a laugh. I always want to suggest that if they paid attention to their sons or encouraged any kind of good behavior, they would still be all boy but also all happy boy and probably all well behaved boy and stop the stereotype fulfillment cycle, but frankly, after witnessing this kind of exchange, I am usually too disturbed to talk.
I hope it is on the wane but I see no sign of that where I live.
And I do everything I can to keep it away from both of my kids.
It makes me very sad too.
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#13 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 02:33 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Layne: frankly, after witnessing this kind of exchange, I am usually too disturbed to talk.

Very well put. I am very disturbed to watch perfectly "normal" looking parents treat their boys routinely like crapola.

Maybe I will start to document all of the f***ed things I see people doing with their boys. For those with eyes, feel free to chip in, we should have voumns by the time we are done!
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#14 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 02:37 AM
 
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As the mother of two boys, I've seen this too. It's the stereotypes our culture has about boys being loud, disruptive, destructive and aggressive that sets up such negative reactions to boys simply existing.

And I hate it when people encourage little girls with the "oh no, here comes a BOY!" attitude - and not even it a cutesy cootie type of way, which is annoying enough, but like oh no, the fun is over now that a horrible male child has entered the room.

ETA: To the other mothers of boys who feel like you have never experienced this attitude, have you never had a negative reaction to people even finding out you have boys? i.e. Someone asks if you have kids, you respond, yes two boys, and you get the "oh lordy!" and "you have your hands full!" and "better you than me!" or my personal favorite "good LUCK with THAT!" in a horribly sarcastic tone. I want to smack people - they are putting down my sons, and they think it's acceptable for them to do so.

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#15 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 03:14 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Chimpmandee View Post
As the mother of two boys, I've seen this too. It's the stereotypes our culture has about boys being loud, disruptive, destructive and aggressive that sets up such negative reactions to boys simply existing.

And I hate it when people encourage little girls with the "oh no, here comes a BOY!" attitude - and not even it a cutesy cootie type of way, which is annoying enough, but like oh no, the fun is over now that a horrible male child has entered the room.

ETA: To the other mothers of boys who feel like you have never experienced this attitude, have you never had a negative reaction to people even finding out you have boys? i.e. Someone asks if you have kids, you respond, yes two boys, and you get the "oh lordy!" and "you have your hands full!" and "better you than me!" or my personal favorite "good LUCK with THAT!" in a horribly sarcastic tone. I want to smack people - they are putting down my sons, and they think it's acceptable for them to do so.

Oh yes. My own mother. When I was pg. with my third boy, my mother seriously suggested that dd come live with her (my three and half year old dd) to get away from 'all those boys' and when I got offened, she just shook her head and kept saying, "poor kate,poor, poor little katie"

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#16 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 03:44 AM
 
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Originally Posted by kldliam View Post
For those with eyes, feel free to chip in, we should have voumns by the time we are done!
I hope you aren't suggesting that those of us who don't see this, don't see it because we don't have eyes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Chimpmandee View Post
ETA: To the other mothers of boys who feel like you have never experienced this attitude, have you never had a negative reaction to people even finding out you have boys? i.e. Someone asks if you have kids, you respond, yes two boys, and you get the "oh lordy!" and "you have your hands full!" and "better you than me!" or my personal favorite "good LUCK with THAT!" in a horribly sarcastic tone. I want to smack people - they are putting down my sons, and they think it's acceptable for them to do so.
I get the, "you must have your hands full." but that is because I have four kids, not because the youngest is a boy. So no, I have NEVER had a negative reaction when someone finds out I have a boy. It's usually.. OH.. you finally got a boy!
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#17 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 03:46 AM
 
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Well, I'll admit that I bought my friend a shirt that said 'Boys Cheat' after her boyfriend cheated on her (as an adult), but I don't think anti-boy slogans are appropriate for kids.

I have a boy and a girl and we often comment that they are so different, and yes, my boy is louder, more active and breaks things more often, but then again, he is also less stubborn and less prone to meltdowns than his sister, and a really really sweet kid.

I don't think I've really noticed people around here treating their boys the way some of you mention. . . that's really sad to think that some little boys get treated so badly.

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#18 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 04:29 AM
 
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I have both boys and girls and I've never noticed boys being treated as sub-human. What a terrible thing that would be to witness.

Originally Posted by Chimpmandee
you get the "oh lordy!" and "you have your hands full!" and "better you than me!" or my personal favorite "good LUCK with THAT!" in a horribly sarcastic tone.
I haven't gotten that with my boys, but did hear it a lot with my twins.
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#19 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 04:42 AM
 
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I've noticed it in others, but not with my own son. But that's probably because he has waist length hair and long eyelashes.

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#20 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 04:43 AM
 
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It's also how easily they can be diagnosed by not-very-good doctors with disorders (meaning a GOOD doctor wouldn't consider being a boy to be a symptom, but BAD ones would), or thought to have attention problems, just b/c they are boys.

I actually don't have a problem with "boy=a noise with dirt on it"...I've seen that on a shirt and thought it was kind of funny but in an ENDEARING awwww I love my boy kind of way.

But when it's right up next to the girl thing that's all sweetness (and, um, as a girl I can tell you I'm NOT a giggle wrapped in sunshine, though my half sister is!) then it looks ugly.

Then again, "little boys are made of snips and snails and puppy dog tails" vs "little girls are made of sugar and spice and everything nice" is an oldie!
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#21 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 04:48 AM
 
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i see it from girl dissing stuff to boy dissing. i dont buy it dont like eather way. pink is for girl umm nope my dd wears pink as does my ds. boys are rocks and girls are eggs. i do hear things but when i do i put them in their place. "oh boy here comes trouble"(nope that one is) "hey boy you need your hair cut"(nope just needs to get braided) "oh aint he bad" (ummm no he is just standing there looking).....both of mine are treated the same.

too funny cause i think my daughter is worse then my ds by far. bestfriends dd is worse then her ds. the top defence i have is..........
my mother still to this day (im 30) says she would of taken triplet boys in place of me because i was such a handfull...she had 3 boys in a row then years later me...:i heard that as far back as i remember but i know i am what she wanted all along so i always know i am a mommy's girl:
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#22 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 04:52 AM
 
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Oh yes, I have experienced this. The worst one I have ever heard is a father telling his little boy "suck it up, princess"
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#23 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 04:56 AM
 
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Oh, and my sil refers to her own two kids (boy/girl) as "the brats". Even to their faces
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#24 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 05:01 AM
 
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Originally Posted by urchin_grey View Post
I've noticed it in others, but not with my own son. But that's probably because he has waist length hair and long eyelashes.
My DS as well. And because of his appearance, I know DS appears to many to be a spirited, lizard lovin', tree climbing little girl which is not only just fine, but considered "cool" by most he meets. When they are told he's a boy, it's easy to see their perceptions of his previous "spiritedness" change...

*sigh*

Hang in there, all.

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#25 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 05:02 AM
 
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I think a lot has to do with location too. Some areas aren't so anti-boy. Granted I didn't get a son until yesterday, but I am male and was a boy and have heard very few of these things. (did hear the "Girls rule and boys drool" on the playground but it was usually responded with "Nuh uh! Boys rule and girls drool!").

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#26 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 05:08 AM
 
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I was particularly disgusted when I was at a play group a few weeks back and my son (11 months) was playing with a girl the same age. The girl's mom started talking about how the little girls daddy wouldn't like her having a boyfriend now or ever and went on to talk about how he is already planning the "I'm gonna kill you if you touch my daughter talk" for her future boyfriends.

I was pretty disgusted that because he is a boy he is already labeled as a bad and just out to get what he wants. He is just a baby.

I also hate when people put their gender issues on my baby. If they have something to say about a colour or a toy I tell them to keep their gender issues off my baby.

That being said it must be hard when girls don't fit or want to fit the mold that our society has created for them. I think it goes both ways. There is too much pressure right out of the womb for girls to be "girls" and boys to be "boys".
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#27 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 05:26 AM
 
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I have experienced this through my ds, it's horrible, there is one woman in particular that dislikes my son just because he's a boy, I have to tell him to steer clear of her, she has 3 daughters and the thing that gets me is that her youngest is really a terror, it's all about the child and not what sex they are.

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#28 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 05:33 AM
 
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Congratulations MusicianDad!!! :
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#29 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 05:43 AM
 
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I have girls and a boy, and honestly, have not experienced what many of your describe.

I do hear the 'you have your hands full' thing fairly often, and I find it completely fine. Cos I guess I do have my hands full. Three kids, a busy life, homeschooling.... yep, my hands are full. And having a climbing, noisy, crazy 3 yo boy adds to that.

Maybe I don't take offense too easily, but comments like this never bother me. Nor do ones about boyfriends etc with toddlers. I just smile and move on. It's just no biggie to me.

It's funny, because I said this on mdc when I had just girls, and was told 'just you wait, if you have a boy you'll understand.' But now I've had a boy for almost four years, I still don't understand.

Maybe it's where I live, or maybe it's just that it doesn't bother me. I don't know, but I wouldn't even care if someone referred to my little boy as noise covered with dirt - because half the time, that's what he is. (and so are my girls. )
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#30 of 128 Old 11-16-2008, 05:48 AM
 
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Congratulations, MusicianDad!

Oh, yeah. I'm not even going to try and figure out whether people think I have my hands full because I have 4 kids or because 75% of them are male, (and yes, my girl is way harder to parent.) It's the constant, constant expectations.
Clothing: covered in pockets, giraffes and truly offensive slogans. I'm a little monster. Well, no, I'm not a mummy monster so I'm not genetically able to birth little monsters, that isn't one of my superpowers and evolution doesn't work that fast. Watch out, here comes trouble. Well, no, that doesn't work so well either. And so on.
David and Goliath and the whole "boys are stupid, throw rocks at them" crap.
School systems, especially over here, are set up to have parents believe that because your typical 5yo boy does not, cannot, will not, sees no point in sitting still for an hour then there's something wrong with them, but does not believe that there is something wrong with the 50% of the class who do.
The one that really bugged me though: one of the birthday parties DS1 has been invited to since moving down here was a tank-driving day. Cool, huh? Dress your kids up like minisoldiers, have them run around a field covering themselves in mud and driving in tanks and military vehicles, both boys and girls- which was great until the same kid started making Alex's life a misery calling him cissy and queer and "so gay" and a load of really offensive stuff that's suggesting this 9yo really believes that little boys have to be macho man. Whatever :. There's one of those two boys who has a real problem, and I really don't think it's mine. (They're both 9, btw.) Poor kid.

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