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#61 of 91 Old 11-21-2008, 03:57 PM
 
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Originally Posted by pauletoy View Post
You know, when I just had two (a girl and a boy) I had people to tell me I was crazy for wanting more "Why would you want to mess up a perfect set?"

It seems strange to me for people to assume that everyone believes that the "perfect family" must contain at least one of each sex.
I get the same thing. First two kids are a boy and a girl at the apparently "perfect" spacing of 2 years apart. Now, that I'm having #3 I hear things like "so this one was an accident, huh?" (!) and "why go and ruin a perfect family" (!)

Some people are just idiots.

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#62 of 91 Old 11-21-2008, 04:38 PM
 
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#63 of 91 Old 11-22-2008, 04:13 AM
 
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I understand superficially wanting to experience raising both genders, but not caring so much to the point that you'd be actively disappointed even after your child is born. I truly have no gender preference and would gladly take three more girls, or boys, or both, I have absolutely no preference for either- I can sort of understand why some people do, but not to the extent that they would complain about either. IMO, that's taking your children for granted.
I don't even know how many miscarriages I've had because I stopped counting, at least 12, so I definitely don't take my kids for granted, but I still desperately want a girl this time, as does h. So much so, that we tried gender swaying for the last 3 pregnancies. This one finally stuck & we really hope it's a girl (little monkey wouldn't let us find out at the ultrasound). Doesn't mean we don't love our boys & wouldn't love another one if that's what this baby turns out be, but we will both be extremely disappointed if this isn't a girl. I never even remotely imagined I'd end up with one boy, much less 2.

OP, I think he was probably trying to be funny & it backfired. Not cool to say in front of your dds.

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#64 of 91 Old 11-22-2008, 06:19 AM
 
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OP, I think your daughters just got an object lesson in why feminism is important. At the same time, I had my boys first and you wouldn't believe how many people offended my sons by saying stupid stuff about mummy's little princess and all that crap. Some people just require surgery to get their feet out of their mouths and that's all there is to it.

Oh, and you wouldn't believe how many people look at my beautiful son (who more or less perpetually wears navy blue or boy colours) and say oh, so you have two boys, two girls then? That bugs me.

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#65 of 91 Old 11-22-2008, 08:16 AM
 
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Mum told me yesterday that when B, my little sister (Mum's fourth daughter) was born by emergency C-section, Mum woke up to a nurse saying sadly "Oh, you had another girl". Mum thought from her tone that something had gone horribly wrong--like B dying!--but no, the nurse was just sad that she wasn't a boy!

Mum went on to have two more daughters, incidentally. Yes, we've gotten comments...

I have to say, though, it never offended me as a kid to hear the 'trying for a boy' comments. I think it never occurred to me to feel threatened--our family was close, and I had the natural childhood huge ego which knew my parents couldn't possibly have gotten a better deal than ME. Naturally. So I just thought the commenters were a fraction stupid... no major psychological harm done.

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#66 of 91 Old 12-26-2008, 07:37 PM
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We have six sons and we get exactly the same (well the opposite really :-) )! "Oh, you must be trying for a girl!" or "Six BOYS!" (and then a comment implying that it must be terrible! AARRRGGGHHHHH!

I think the sex of the person making the comment is relevant. I find that men think it is great that we have so many boys and women think it is awful!

(((HUGS))) I wish I could find an easy answer to these people to just point out to them how ridiculous they are, but I haven't found one, yet!
So do you think that women with children of one sex is more open to have more children so she can get a child of the opposite sex? :
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#67 of 91 Old 12-26-2008, 07:40 PM
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I don't even know how many miscarriages I've had because I stopped counting, at least 12, so I definitely don't take my kids for granted, but I still desperately want a girl this time, as does h. So much so, that we tried gender swaying for the last 3 pregnancies. This one finally stuck & we really hope it's a girl (little monkey wouldn't let us find out at the ultrasound). Doesn't mean we don't love our boys & wouldn't love another one if that's what this baby turns out be, but we will both be extremely disappointed if this isn't a girl. I never even remotely imagined I'd end up with one boy, much less 2.

OP, I think he was probably trying to be funny & it backfired. Not cool to say in front of your dds.

So do you know yet if your are about to have a girl or a boy?
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#68 of 91 Old 12-26-2008, 08:55 PM
 
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Yeah, people are weird like that. When we found out we were having a boy, my Dh got comments such as, "I bet your glad you got your boy!" Like if we had a daughter he wouldn't be happy? Weird.

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#69 of 91 Old 12-26-2008, 09:10 PM
 
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My reply would be "All children are precious, boys or girls. Wouldn't you agree?"
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#70 of 91 Old 12-26-2008, 10:36 PM
 
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I would say "oh no we aren't Done yet. WE make beautiful babies don't ya think?" And wink at my kids. LOL.

I got that after two. I had a boy and a girl. One of each. I miscarried my third baby and then we had Erin. I was just so thankful she was healthy! I could have smacked my fil when we announced it and he said, "well you have one of each, what more could you want? and "well we know what causes THAT."

Yes we do and we WANTED more. Genuinely WANTED more. Ppl really struggle with that concept.

My sister has 3 boys and she gets the same baloney. We are just happy with what we got.

I guess these ppl didn't learn "you get what you get and you don't throw a fit in preschool."

I would like to have had another one, but my health won't allow it.
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#71 of 91 Old 12-26-2008, 10:51 PM
 
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You never know what you're going to get from people, eh?

We have two dds, and while I never got any comments while preggo the second time, it became obvious that my FIL wanted a grandson shortly after dd2 was born.

He'd make jokes about 'I read in the paper that women who eat breakfast cereal have boys' or make remarks to dh about not holding his laptop on top of 'his boys'

I completely ignore it.

My paternal grandmother gave birth to eight boys. People constantly asked if they were trying for a girl. She was honestly baffled - she said that if she didn't love and want her boys so much, did people not assume they would stop?

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#72 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 12:06 AM
 
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Originally Posted by funkymamajoy View Post
I get the same thing. First two kids are a boy and a girl at the apparently "perfect" spacing of 2 years apart. Now, that I'm having #3 I hear things like "so this one was an accident, huh?" (!) and "why go and ruin a perfect family" (!)

Some people are just idiots.
I have two boys and am pg with baby #3. I have only told family so far about my pregnancy, BUT just about everyone has asked the, "was this an accident or were you trying" question. I find it kind of annoying. I am sure that soon they will switch over to the, "you must want a girl" comments, which is true, I would love to have a girl, but really another boy would be just fine as well. I wish that ppl would just see the positive in the situation. Whenever, I find out that someone is having a boy or girl, I try to say something positive about it, instead of making a negative comment about the different sex of their children.
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#73 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 12:08 AM
 
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People say that whether you have had all girls or all boys. Its rude.
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#74 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 12:09 AM
 
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As you can see in my siggy, I will soon be the very proud and happy mom to my third daughter (and last child.) People were ugly when they found out that this baby was a girl. Because there was such a big age difference between dd1 & 2, and because dd1 is from a previous relationship and dd2 is by my dh, it was like it was "ok" to have another girl b/c it was like "starting over." Well, now that I'm pg again, people were open with telling me that THEY wanted me to have a boy, I "needed" a boy, etc. I was on the phone w/ my dh crying after calling everybody to let them know what I was having b/c the comments were not at all supportive.

I'm perfectly happy with all girls. It's what I know and am used to.

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#75 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 12:09 AM
 
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From the sound of it I don't think he meant that boys are better than girls. He probably just meant then you would have both genders and get the best of both worlds.

We're having our second boy and plan to have at least one more, and yes, I hope I have a girl next. Not because I think girls are better than boys, but because I want both.

It sounds like he was kinda rude the way he said it, but I really don't think he meant anything by it.

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#76 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 05:16 AM
 
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Especially in light of the "man-child" (what!?!?) comment, I would take the snarky route, and say something like, "Nope! We plan to keep on going until he has a little brother to pal around with."

Since I had twins, I used to get the "instant family" comment. Idiots are everywhere.
" Idiots are everywhere" sure made me laugh and I bet that would be enough to make them feel pretty stupid for even opening their mouth! lol
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#77 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 07:01 AM
 
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I don't know why people do this either, but it doesn't seem to matter what gender the first 2 are. I cannot tell you how many people have said to me, in front of my darling two boys, "Oh, you *finally* got your girl!" Oh yeah, these other two here, they don't matter, just had to take them as they came along before the girl. : Ticks me off and makes me worried my boys will get their feelings hurt.
ITA. I don't think the gender has anything to do with it. If you have girls, stupid people make comments about getting 'your' boy. If you have boys, same stupid people make comments about getting 'your' girl.

Some people are just stupid, that's all.

I had the same thing when I had ds after my girls. I would just look at people as if they were crazy and were talking nonsense. If my girls were there, I'd quickly correct them and say that we'd have been equally delighted with another girl, which we would have been.

As I say, some people are just stupid.
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#78 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 07:10 AM
 
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I would hesitate to use it in front of my kids, but I'd be tempted to tell the guy
"No, actually. We were hoping for another wonderful girl. We're a little dissapointed, but he's cute so we'll keep him"

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#79 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 10:34 AM
 
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yeah, we have 3 girls and then a boy, and people say that ALL THE TIME. I can't go in public without people saying that. If we didn't have four kids already, I would almost consider having another just to prove that we didn't keep trying till we got a boy.
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#80 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 09:24 PM
 
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Ew, I'm sorry you had to deal with those ridiculous comments. I have 1 dd and we just found out that this baby is also a girl. I was talking about my kiddos and said that we'll have 4 or 5 and someone (can't remember who, a co-worker) said, "Oh so you're going to try for that boy?". My usual comment is "I just love kids, I do not care what sex they are."...... the snarkier side of, "A kid is a kid whether they have a penis or not. I don't care what sex it is."

It's very frustrating, but gender stereotyping runs rampant and the more I learn about it the more I notice it.
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#81 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 09:45 PM
 
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Eh, people are odd about the gender thing. I'm expecting my first, so you wouldn't automatically assume I wanted one or the other by virtue of having "one of each" or "some of each" but people still ask all the time, boy or girl, of course, to which I reply, I don't know, I'll find out in February! And then they never fail to ask, so which do you WANT? I suppose some people really do root for one or the other, with a first or a subsequent child, but honestly, if gender was that important to me, I probably would have gotten the gender ultrasound don't you think? I never know what to say, it's like they are asking an either/or question and the answer is neither.. or either one really!

Sorry you've had to put up with such comments.. people can be really ignorant..

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#82 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 09:58 PM
 
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My stock response for "Do you know what it is?/What are you hoping for?" is
"Well, I'm hoping for a baby, cuz the last one was a zebra, and the hooves tore the #$%# out of my vagina!"

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#83 of 91 Old 12-27-2008, 11:37 PM
 
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Honestly, when we were first trying for DS, I not so secretly wanted a girl. Not because I didn't want a boy, but simply because I want a daughter at some point. At the ultrasounds, when we saw he was a boy, it took me all of about two seconds to get used to the idea. I absolutely adore DS and wouldn't change anything about him for the world. I still would like a daughter at some point, though.

The "matched set" kind of amuses me. I have a brother almost exactly two years older than me so we got that "perfect family" thing a lot. Of course the people making comments like that didn't know about my oldest brother who died at 9 yrs.

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#84 of 91 Old 12-28-2008, 02:52 AM
 
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We had hoped at first that we would have a girl, and I admit to being kind of disappointed when I found out DS1 was a boy, but I certainly never dwelled on it. I accepted it and I was excited to be having a healthy baby. DS2 was a total surprise and a wonderful blessing because our oldest would have a brother to grow up with, and now they are best friends and totally inseparable. When we were TTC #3, we were again hoping for a girl, and we got her But to be honest, if she had been a boy, we'd probably "try again" for our little girl. Sometimes I feel bad now knowing that DD won't likely have a sister unless by some miracle DH's vasectomy fails (he's already tested sterile) or we adopt a girl. But we are very happy with our family and wouldn't change the gender of any of our kids for anything.
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#85 of 91 Old 12-28-2008, 03:03 AM
 
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My longtime girlfriend was pg w #3 after 2 boys. I knew she had wanted a girl w/ #1 and w/ #2 - even though she loves her boys. (She had been saving her favorite girly things for eons to give to her baby girl.) When she called me on the phone after her US to tell me (in a rather disappointed voice) that it would be, "my three sons" I replied with a very enthusiastic, "CONGRATULATIONS" and a more moderate, "... and I'm sorry, I know you were hoping for a girl. How are you feeling?"

That having been said, I'd never say anything like that in front of kids, or to someone I didn't know really, really, really well. I have 2 - 1 of each, and I get the "now you can be done" comment all the time and it irritates me. I want more and DH doesn't. If that comes up in public, people will actually say they could understand my wanting another if I had 2 of the same sex, but since I have one of each... well, what's the point? OI VEY!

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#86 of 91 Old 12-28-2008, 01:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for all the replies, everyone.

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Originally Posted by jmmsunshine View Post
My longtime girlfriend was pg w #3 after 2 boys. I knew she had wanted a girl w/ #1 and w/ #2 - even though she loves her boys. (She had been saving her favorite girly things for eons to give to her baby girl.) When she called me on the phone after her US to tell me (in a rather disappointed voice) that it would be, "my three sons" I replied with a very enthusiastic, "CONGRATULATIONS" and a more moderate, "... and I'm sorry, I know you were hoping for a girl. How are you feeling?"
This is a much more considerate response. I'm not saying it's wrong to hope for one gender or another, or even to hope for the experience of raising each gender- that's normal. My post was more in regards to commenting in front of my DDs in a way that (to ME) sounded chauvinistic and rude. Interesting that people have different takes on it, and a lot might depend on your own family situation/make-up. All the more reason to carefully word your comments to ppl, kwim?
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#87 of 91 Old 12-28-2008, 06:32 PM
 
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Everyone seems to have an opinion on what the perfect family is. And it usually isn't the one you actually have!
I remember being in a restaurant with DH and my boys, DS2 was just a week old. The hostess said something like "Aw that's too bad it's another boy. No girls for you!" I was hormonal enough to tell her what I thought of that, that I'd be happy with 5 boys, and who said we were not going to have any more? She backpeddaled by saying something about "well I guess if you're a good parent" and then said something about kids being so expensive. DH retorted that they are the best investment you can make.


But on a positive note, some older gentleman stopped me in the grocery store one day and said I had the million dollar family. I looked at him quizzically because generally that means one of each but he stated again that it's the million dollar family to have two boys. He had two boys and thought it was perfect

DH and I - totally winging life with our four children, DS1 (6.5yrs), DS2 (5yrs), DD (3yrs) and DS3 (1)!

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#88 of 91 Old 12-28-2008, 06:35 PM
 
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I like that response.

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#89 of 91 Old 12-28-2008, 07:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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But on a positive note, some older gentleman stopped me in the grocery store one day and said I had the million dollar family. I looked at him quizzically because generally that means one of each but he stated again that it's the million dollar family to have two boys. He had two boys and thought it was perfect
That's a perfect story!
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#90 of 91 Old 12-28-2008, 10:29 PM
 
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I'm pregnant with our 5th dc.... 4th in a row boy, our only dd is the oldest. I ALWAYS get the "trying for another girl" since pregnant with our second ds

Maaaammaa!! to A 2/99 M 7/00 J 10/04 B 4/07 S 3/09
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