|She [Peggy] also clarified what she is prepared to host here: sexual issues in relation to parenting, pregnancy, breastfeeding, and conception.
That seems to cover everything being discussed here. And there has been nothing graphic, beyond some sexy jokes.
I like sex way more than I used to. Sex was fine when we got married. I'm manic depressive, so I liked it a lot when I was manic, and didn't want it at all when I was depressed. Then we had baby #1 and I lost all libido. I had a lot of uptight, guilty thoughts about sex and couldn't put it in a healthy perspective. I had an episiotomy (and tore more on top of that), and was just scared to have sex after that. When the ubiquitous 6 weeks was up, I was no where near ready to have sex. Honestly, I would have been happy to never have sex again. Really, I wonder if we had some sort of societal norm where it's expected that mothers are off limits for 3 to 6 months post partum, I wonder if I would have healed faster emotionally. It ended up being 7 months before we had intercourse. In the mean time, I got pretty tired of strapping on the knee pads...
Catch 22 is right on. I hated the pressure. And dh hated the guilt. He says he felt like a jerk for wanting to have sex with me after a while, since it was so clear I didn't want to. And of course he wondered what he was doing wrong, why I was rejecting him.
When dd was maybe 2 y.o. I started listening to a radio talk show host who isn't very popular with some folks here. Well, she has a really positive, healthy perspective on sex. She's all for it, very enthusiastic. I started to get from her that not only is it ok for me to have sex, it's normal and I should even expect to enjoy
She recommended this book, Kosher Sex
, by some rabbi. I read it and it was like a revelation. Truely, you mean there is a time and place for sex? It's with my husband? Even I have a sexual side of me? And it's nothing to be ashamed of?? Nothing to feel guilty about? Not all sex is bad, dirty, evil? It's not all about men oppressing women?
That's what my dear, dear mother's brand of feminism, and her emotional baggage, did to me. (Not, NOT starting the debate about the feminist word here.)
That was 6 years ago. I've been slowly healing, and can proudly say I always enjoy sex, have an orgasm at least once a month, if not many more times (sometimes the depression puts a damper on things) and when we have utilitarian sex it's still affectionate and pleasant. Our marriage is in 100% better shape than it was when we first got married, though we didn't think it was bad then.
I'd say our healthy sex relationship is very important to our marriage. And I feel like a whole woman.