i have often asked myself the same things. i wish i knew the answers; but things have settled down for me. less questions these days.
my only advice would be, to look at the big picture. it sounds like there are alot of outside things affecting your situation. where you are, hormones, etc.
we have been together 11 years and it has never been easy. there is still some resentment there, things he hasnt done or does do, but heres what i've learned;
we are both trying. and we are headed in the right direction. sure we went through hard times but we are here now, where we planned on being. and i have faith in making the rest of our lives even better.
marriage is all about "in good times and bad". do you believe things will only get worse? or do you have solid plans that include the two of you working together to raise your children?
we both have our bad habits, but i know, you have to draw the line somewhere. dh never cared about counselling etc. but thats not to say he hasnt changed. he has, and he was willing to. i dont think he set out to though, nessecarily...
& i've changed to. mainly, i try harder to stay on top of the cleaning, and he tries harder not to stress about mess. we've adapted to each other better.
we both brought our own baggage, but we've got it almost down to a matching set. but boy do we need a vacation.
what i mean is, i dont see some things getting easier. but i have invested this much time and am looking forward to the next part.
dh is older than me which can be good and bad; he got alot of immaturity out of his sysyem but he also has different expectations and is more set in his ways.
i am sure you will try your hardest to work it out. but marriage is a 'partnership'. maybe you should draw up a plan? after all he is the father of your kids, and they deserve parents who love each other. even if you eventually go different ways!
all u can do is give it your best, but i dont think you can fix it on your own. he has to realize he risks losing his family to spend lonely nights puking behind clubs; i hope he wakes up and works with you not against you.
and coming here to get things out is the way to go, i can totally relate!