Upset at DH - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 04-19-2004, 10:35 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I thought DH and I had pretty much the same ideas about child rearing. A biggie was no hitting. Well, we were changing DS after a massive poop and DS wanted to run off so DS was holding him down as we were quickly trying to clean him (it was a big job). Well, DS got his legs free and kicked me. I knew it wasn't on purpose, he just wanted to be free. Well DH got mad and started hitting his legs. I yelled at him to stop and never hit him again. I scooped up the diaper and just bawled my eyes out in the bathroom. I can't believe he did that. DS didn't seem to care that it happened, but it really upset me and I feel betrayed. It seems DH gets so easily upset at everything DS does lately. Some things are age appropriate (mainly curiosity), but DH doesn't realize that.

What do you do when your husband does something that you don't agree with?
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#2 of 5 Old 04-19-2004, 03:28 PM
 
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I would talk to DH about in when you are not in an angry mood and neither is he. Explain your feelings. Is DH going through some external stressor that is making the situation worse also? My DH is less tolerant with DS when he is under a large amount of stress. Talking about the real cause will sometimes help.

Realize too, your DH will also likely have a strong need to protect you out of his love for you and DS hit you. I don't agree with the actions taken but that might play in. My DH is very protective of me and one that makes him extremely angry is if DS hurts me, even unintentionally. He can tolerate DS hitting him easier than DS hitting me.

Talk about alternative strategies for next time, like maybe a gentle restraint of DS so you aren't kicked and DS is told it is wrong to kick? Or whatever you decide is appropriate according to your philosophies.

Just thoughts.
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#3 of 5 Old 04-19-2004, 04:42 PM - Thread Starter
 
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In the past when I try to talk to him about his anger, he always says he doesn't know what to do or that when he gets mad, he can't think and just "acts" (there have been other issues with his anger lately, but this was the most recent straw to break the camel's back, so to speak, as he's never laid a finger on either of us).

He was in anger management therapy shortly after DS was born and they taught him techniques to deal with his anger, but it seems like everything he learned has been forgotten as he just can't deal lately. He didn't share with me what he learned so I can't remind him. When I suggest he go back, he makes excuses.

His anger has been having such a negative impact on our household, I'm ready to tell him he has to go back to therapy or else (I haven't figured out the "or else" as I don't want to make empty threats). I'm not one for ultimatums, but something has to change. Is he's under stress, who he was seeing was also a counsellor and he can deal with that too. As far as I know, things are going pretty good for him, but if he don't tell me, I don't know.
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#4 of 5 Old 04-19-2004, 04:47 PM
 
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How frustrating for you though. A hug ...

I hope for his sake and yours he gets back on track with anger management issues. Peace can add years to your life. I know because I used to spend a lot of time with negative thoughts and feelings. Life is so much more pleasant when you are at peace with yourself. I hope he reaches that, and I hope soon for your sake and your DS's.
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#5 of 5 Old 04-19-2004, 04:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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THanks .
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