My dp and I did Imago BEFORE I moved in with him.
At first I thought, holy smokes, this is nuts.
: He was talking about something particularly hard for him and he started to cry. The therapist said to me, "He needs his Mommy, hold him".
I was like, "Lady, you are nuts. HELLLOO? We're PAYING you for this crap?"
Anyway, I hung in there cause I just KNEW dp was The One.
We both still occasionally use the "format"..
You: "When you do this, I feel like this, because __."
Him: "When I do this, you feel like this, because__."
Sounds like parroting, right? It's so not. I think it's the first time in my adult life I felt HEARD.
The rest of the format is in the book, I won't waste space here except to repeat...
When I felt heard for the first time in my life, and knowing I could generally trust this person to care about me and about us, it was the most freeing experience I ever had. I could let go of all the angst and rubbish, and work out problems.
That's a huge thing. When two people are working withing a loving framework to make something work for BOTH of them, and aren't wasting energy on feeling angry or hurt or unheard or misunderstood...jeez, it was like magic.