imago therapy success stories? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 04-22-2004, 08:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i could really use some inspiration

does anyone have an imago therapy success story that they'd like to share?

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#2 of 6 Old 04-23-2004, 10:50 PM
 
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imago therapy?
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#3 of 6 Old 04-24-2004, 12:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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it's based on the work of the guy who wrote getting the love you want i'm just a couple of chapters into the book right now, but so far i really like how he explains things. it clicks with me.

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#4 of 6 Old 04-26-2004, 02:06 PM
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My dp and I did Imago BEFORE I moved in with him.

At first I thought, holy smokes, this is nuts. : He was talking about something particularly hard for him and he started to cry. The therapist said to me, "He needs his Mommy, hold him". I was like, "Lady, you are nuts. HELLLOO? We're PAYING you for this crap?"

Anyway, I hung in there cause I just KNEW dp was The One.

We both still occasionally use the "format"..

You: "When you do this, I feel like this, because __."
Him: "When I do this, you feel like this, because__."

Sounds like parroting, right? It's so not. I think it's the first time in my adult life I felt HEARD.

The rest of the format is in the book, I won't waste space here except to repeat...

When I felt heard for the first time in my life, and knowing I could generally trust this person to care about me and about us, it was the most freeing experience I ever had. I could let go of all the angst and rubbish, and work out problems.

That's a huge thing. When two people are working withing a loving framework to make something work for BOTH of them, and aren't wasting energy on feeling angry or hurt or unheard or misunderstood...jeez, it was like magic.
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#5 of 6 Old 04-26-2004, 02:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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that's awesome moon


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#6 of 6 Old 04-26-2004, 04:31 PM
 
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It's worked for us too! I won't waste too much space with the details, but... DH & I had dated years before & had broken up for years. We got back together, but because we had some communication issues and some really deep hurts left over from before. I said before we commit to get married I want to be as sure as we can that this marriage will last & that we know how to talk to each other. We went to a weekend workshop and followed up with a few therapy sessions with a local therapist. I had read the book years before & just knew I wouldn't get married without doing this & I'm glad I insisted upon it.

It was wonderful - definitely challenging if you can stick with it! Both of you really have to be ready to be honest about your feelings, and it really helped us let go of some past resentments and hurts and I was afraid I could never trust him again, but now we both trust each other in ways I never thought I could trust anybody. It can seem weird, that's for sure, but if you think it thru - it makes total sense. I like it 'cause it's just not about fixing the relationship, it's about learning how to understand & love yourself at the same time, too.

We still use the communication tools, too. They're really the basic communication skills that you can learn at any community college, but when coupled with exploring & healing your past like this it's a real wake up call.

i've heard some people say they don't like it 'cause of the religious "aspects", but I think if you're serious about making your relationship work, you can look past those things, i don't think they're all that important in getting the benefit of Imago therapy.

HTH!
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