If you had to go back in time, knowing what you know now, and marry again... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 31 Old 08-15-2004, 08:51 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If you HAD to start over, if you HAD to go back before you had children, and marry/start a family with a different man, would you look for different qualities in a man then you did the first time? Here are some questions to expand upon the topic, but that don't necessarily need to be answered:

Would you still believe in true love?
Would you marry rich?
Would you expect a higher level of maturity?
Would you even get married again?
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#2 of 31 Old 08-15-2004, 09:02 PM
 
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Would you still believe in true love?

Yes!

Would you marry rich?

Only if I loved him!

Would you expect a higher level of maturity?

Dh is pretty mature, so I doubt it.

Would you even get married again?

Absolutely!
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#3 of 31 Old 08-15-2004, 09:45 PM
 
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I definitely believe in true love. Absolutely.
An similar attitude about money is necessary, but the amount in the bank is irrelevant. In fact I think I'd prefer poor. That way if we got money it'd be together.
More mature? No, he rose to the challenge.
Would I get married again. Yes.

As far as looking for different qualities, I think I have what I want. But who we were when we met and who we are now a decade later are two very different people. A lot of his characteristics have changed. Mine too. I wouldn't have chose him then, the way he is now. And I certainly couldn't handle him now the way he was then.
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#4 of 31 Old 08-16-2004, 02:15 AM
 
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Well, in a sense I'm already on my "do-over". I was married once before for 17 years to a real sh*thead. I never had children with him and I can't explain how thankful I am for that. I raised his daughter and that was enough. I swore when I got divorced I was NEVER going to marry again. I was 17 when I got married and I had never seen life....

But.... 4 months after my divorce was final, I met my now DH. We were compatible on every single level, he made me realize what true love was. Although he was 12 years younger than my previous husband, and 5 years younger than me, he had an amazing level of maturity... he actually made me grow up :LOL

He was far from rich (and still isn't ) but having dated very wealthy men.... I choose poor.... I swear they have a better constitution.

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#5 of 31 Old 08-16-2004, 10:45 AM
 
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Would you still believe in true love?

Oh yes! Like Icequeen, I'm also on my "do-over". I married at 20 to a man who was immature as well as physically and emotionally abusive. It took me 4 years to realize that I would be better off without him and that I deserved better, even if that "better" was alone. I realized that if I was that unhappy at 24, it would only get worse with time. Luckily, it was a "starter marriage" for me - no property, no kids, no regrets (at least none about ending it).

Would you marry rich?

It's not an attribute I would deliberately seek out. I have found in the last year that DH and I are much happier now that we have much less money. I had an extremely high paying job, but it came with rotating shiftwork and 60+ hour workweeks. The financial gain was not worth the stress it caused in our relationship. We are now living happily on his income with me counting the days until I am a SAHM to our first child. I feel that we are very lucky to have this as an option.

Would you expect a higher level of maturity?

I would expect a higher level of maturity than my ex-H had, though to be fair I was not the most mature 20 year old either. I would expect a higher level of maturity from both of us, and found that in my current marriage.

Would you even get married again?

Yes! There were times after I left my ex when I didn't think I would ever find anyone again, but I still knew that I was better off out of my first marriage.

Overall, despite the pain it caused me I would not undo my first marriage. I learned a lot from it and it was a major influence in me becoming the person I am today. My past experiences, both good and bad, have shaped the person I am today. I am both stronger and wiser and now KNOW that I can take care of myself and that happiness is both my right and my responsibility.

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#6 of 31 Old 08-16-2004, 11:36 AM
 
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I have only been married for six years and together for about nine. I like thinking about these questions because it helps to evaluate just what you do have.

Although my dh is not perfect, I don't think I could have made a better choice. So I suppose he has a fine amount of riches and maturity for me. (Of course it would be great if he was independently wealthy but we get by!) I don't know if I believe in "true love." I believe in a lot of love and respect and I know that being married, being partners, being parents and being happy can take a lot of work but it is well worth it.

If I could go back in time--I would marry him all over again. I hope I feel the same way 20 years from now.

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#7 of 31 Old 08-16-2004, 11:38 AM
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Would you still believe in true love?

Yes.


Would you marry rich?

N/A

Would you expect a higher level of maturity?

Yes.

Would you even get married again?

NO way.
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#8 of 31 Old 08-16-2004, 01:05 PM
 
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Would you still believe in true love? Yes!
Would you marry rich? No!
Would you expect a higher level of maturity?no
Would you even get married again?Yes
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#9 of 31 Old 08-16-2004, 04:54 PM
 
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Would you still believe in true love? Yes!
Would you marry rich? No--see below
Would you expect a higher level of maturity? YES!!
Would you even get married again? no
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#10 of 31 Old 08-16-2004, 06:59 PM
 
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Would you still believe in true love? Yes!

Would you marry rich? No. I honestly would prefer a regular joe. I dont want someone who is going to work themselves to death trying to get rich and our family suffers because of it. I would be perfectly content living in an RV at the beach, as long as we BOTH got to live life to the full and not pour every once of spare time trying to "get rich." I also like the attitudes of regular joes better. People that have never had to struggle dont know what real life is like for others.

Would you expect a higher level of maturity? No.

Would you even get married again? Definately! I love waking up to my best friend everyday. I definately love companionship. I also love the security of being in a marriage (not money wise....but knowing someone is commited to you and always there for you).

Desiree

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#11 of 31 Old 08-17-2004, 05:30 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Vivianna
If you HAD to start over, if you HAD to go back before you had children, and marry/start a family with a different man...
would you look for different qualities in a man then you did the first time?
Absolutely not. DH seriously has the PERFECT qualities for me.

Would you still believe in true love?
True love as in ONE true love? I've never believed that. I feel that love is something that grows and that can be had with different people, but would never be the same with more than one.

Would you marry rich?
No, probably not. I would never seek wealth, would be cautious of a wealthy man, but would not steer clear 100%. There are good men who also have money. I would be wary of his drive to work, his commitment to family, etc. If it was family money that dealt with well mentally, that would be fine. If he was self-made, but not a work-a-holic, that would be fine, too.

Would you expect a higher level of maturity?
Higher than my DHs? No way. He's fun, but very mature, especially when needed.

Would you even get married again? I would love to be married, but fear for finding someone that suits me. For example, I'm a bit of an oddball, in the fact that I am seriously nature-crunchy/organic, believe in AP/Cloth/BF/etc./etc, but also am a clothes horse who loves fashion. I am a motorhead that likes gardening, I am a pilot by trade but would NEVER put a child in daycare. Finding someone to agree to my ideas, even with lots of compromise on both sides, would be difficult. DH
and I just fit soooo well.

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#12 of 31 Old 08-17-2004, 05:56 PM
 
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i'm five years into my "do-over," as was mentioned earlier, and couldn't be happier.

i guess i'd have to understand what you mean by "true love" before i could answer. if you mean, the lightning strike happily-ever-after frission between strangers, i'd have to say no. i think true love is something that both partners have to commit to work on, always, everyday, for the life of the relationship. i didn't get that with the ex, but i've got it with dh and i'm sooo grateful. it's a completely different way to live, and i'm learning more about it every day.

rich? well, by most standards worldwide, i'm pretty far up there on the material scale. one thing i told dh was that if i had another kid, i did NOT want to have to worry about where the rent was coming from, or how to feed the family. he agreed, and so we are in a position where we aren't worrying about money while i stay home with the baby. i already did the poverty thing and it sucks to have to put a kid in childcare, or to have to say no to your kids all the time because you have zero fun money. we aren't rich by american standards, but we are comfortable and with some care, we'll stay that way for a while. by the way, dh was a broke student when i met him... we waited for him to finish grad school and get a job before we invited this baby to join us. so i didn't marry "rich," but we planned ahead and made good decisions and now we're enjoying the benefits. a pp mentioned having similar attitudes towards money... that's the ticket, i think!

dh is ten years younger than me, but as (or more!) mature than i am!

would i marry him again? in a heartbeat! (the ex... well, obviously not, but i have no regrets, either)

katje
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#13 of 31 Old 08-17-2004, 09:49 PM
 
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Would you still believe in true love? Yes...but not try to make my idea of it match up to the reality of it.
Would you marry rich? Not unless I loved him.
Would you expect a higher level of maturity? About 1000 times moreWould you even get married again? It would take a lot for me to marry again. I'm just happier on my own. A fact that I don't share with dh.
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#14 of 31 Old 08-17-2004, 10:26 PM
 
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Would you still believe in true love?

Yes, but not as I saw it when I first married. A more sober view.

Would you marry rich?

No, but I would marry someone financially sensible.

Would you expect a higher level of maturity?

Yes, but I have met few men who are, and those who are, have other deficits.

Would you even get married again?

With a prenup, yes.
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#15 of 31 Old 08-17-2004, 10:44 PM
 
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I don't think I would've married dh at the time I did. I wish I had let our relationship develop without putting so much pressure on it to be, well, "it." I was on the rebound and in a difficult place emotionally, and by any reasonable odds, it shouldn't have worked out.

Luckily for us, things have worked out. So far (12 years), at least!
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#16 of 31 Old 08-17-2004, 10:47 PM
 
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Would you still believe in true love?
Yes.

Would you marry rich?
I wouldn't marry for money, but money wouldn't hurt either.

Would you expect a higher level of maturity?
Yes!

Would you even get married again?
No.

Sarah : , mama to Lucas (8) , Ryan (5) : , Andrew (1yr) , and someone new : due early Dec.
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#17 of 31 Old 08-17-2004, 11:52 PM
 
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Would I still believe in true love- Yes
Would I marry for money? Maybe- but I would marry someone who had the same goals and ideas about money- I would have looked into his debt a little more- cause it is such a pain in the butt!!!!
Maybe tie this in with maturity and responsibilty!
Would I marry someone more mature- probally- but dh is trying to grow up and doing a good job of it
Would I marry again. Yes- I am glad that I am not a single mom trying to do this alone. And I would never give up our good times- to erase the bad
Em
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#18 of 31 Old 08-19-2004, 06:32 PM
 
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Well, I consider myself very fortunate to have not been married until I was a bit older (33). I had some serious relationships that might have ended in marriage (and that would have been a mistake) but I was too involved in my education. One guy did me a favour by being "too scared" to propose for the longest time. I would have said yes, and looking back knowing what I do now it would have been a huge mistake.

By the time I met my DH, I had learned a few things. Do I believe in true love? Yes, I do. But I don't define it the way I used to. In the past, I felt an attraction to someone first, and then worked from there. I realize now that many of my relationships were based on a physical attraction (pheremones probably) that has little to do with the important things in life. I learned that you can truly love someone, yet they are totally unsuitable as a husband or parent.

DH and I didn't start out with physical attraction. In fact, I hadn't seen him in 10 years when we were reunited over the Internet. But I did remember certain things about his personality. I remember that he loved deeply, that he wore his heart on his sleeve, that he really wanted to find "mrs. right", that he wanted a family and kids. I remembered he was loyal and very willing to fight to the stubborn death to keep a relationship working. Then there was his gentle nature (no worries about child discipline issues) and very laid back/easygoing (which has made him perfectly adaptable to AP, he's a natural!).

The money thing isn't a huge issue, but I have to admit I probably would not marry someone who didn't have some earning potential. It has been very important to me to be a SAHM when my kids are babies, and with my DH I can have that. If I had to be the sole breadwinner, I think it would have really torn my heart out to not be able to stay home with my babies.

The maturity thing..well, I think my DH is pretty mature, definitely alot more so than my past boyfriends, so I think I scored well on that part. And yes, I would marry him again in a heartbeat!

I often see posts by people who are having major conflicts with their spouses while they are dealing with young children and my heart goes out to them. I can't imagine fighting over whether or not to spank or cosleep, or to have a DH who isn't supportive of AP, who doesn't respect me, etc....It's one thing to have marital problems before kids come along, but I simply cannot imagine the pain of having to share custody, especially if the discipline/parenting philosophies are different.

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#19 of 31 Old 08-19-2004, 07:36 PM - Thread Starter
 
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As the OP I have enjoyed reading all the replies, especially the ones that go into detail.

I have been married just shy of 2 years and if I HAD to do it all over again I don't think I could find a better man for myself than my husband. However, I have this semi-pessimistic streak stuck in my head that always wonders "what if..." and that is part of my inspiration for asking this question. Also, I have been reading many posts from women who are unhappy in their marriage and I was hoping to get some elaboration on how/why their feelings for their partners changed before and after marriage (or children). Do they see any bad tendencies now that they overlooked in the past and what caused them to overlook those tendencies?

As far as finances, I agree with Piglet that earning potential (which for me is related to intelligence and health among other things) is important so that I can be a SAHM (which was never important until I actually got pregnant). I agree with Emilie about looking into the debt thing, I found that out the hard way and it definitely was a pain to convince my husband that paying off interest only and not the principle on a huge credit card bill every month was not okay. I'm talking 23% on things he'd bought years ago. That issue has definitely caused our biggest and only major arguments.

Before I got married and became a mother, I equated true love much more with an enduring physical attraction then I do now. And while I still think physical attraction is important, I realize that in the long run the many other more practical qualities that I percieve in my husband such as honesty, intelligence, stability, and maturity influence my level of attraction to him on a physical as well as emotional basis.
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#20 of 31 Old 08-19-2004, 10:46 PM
 
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I'd marry him again, but I would've been soooooooooooooo much smarter about money and, frankly, would've made a million different choices. but him? no regrets at all. It would've been cool if we'd have met when we were older and wiser though...

Sahm mom to three lovely girls, and happily married to a great, sweet guy
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#21 of 31 Old 08-20-2004, 12:08 AM
 
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I think my dh and I ended up married because we were both in the right place in our lives at the same time. He had been married before, and that had been a disaster, and he really wanted to have a family. I was desperate for security. We must have been somewhat attracted to each other, but that faded quickly. I think many things (such as those you listed, Vivianna) are at least as important as physical attraction, but I wouldn't say that physical attraction is UNimportant. It is hard to find myself in a relationship in which my dh is pretty much my co-parent and housemate.

All of that said, I probably would have married dh anyway, because I wanted a family, too. I'd rather be in a passionless (but still mostly happy!) marriage with three beautiful kids than single and having sex (even good sex!).
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#22 of 31 Old 08-20-2004, 08:24 AM
 
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Interesting questions! I love my life right now and feel that we are really on track and happy. However, I have a few comments - or thoughts.
Im 31. Something happened to me when I turned 30. My world opened up, I felt in tune with everything and enlightened to the world more than ever. I often wonder if my choices would have been different had I waited to marry and start a family. I went from college to living with my husband (well, at that time, we werent married yet). I wish that I had spent some time on my own. I wish that I had the opportunity to "date" and be single for a while. I married and got pregnant when I was 22. Would I have been more patient with my first two children if I was older? Strangely, All of my friends my own age are chosing the career path right now- or just getting married. My friends with children are in their 40's. I dont have a problem with this. But I wonder "what if"..

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#23 of 31 Old 08-20-2004, 01:22 PM
 
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1) True love? I believe more in true friendship and care about each other. (maybe that's love?) When we got married (because we expected our son) we weren't trully in love but shared the same interests. (I would never marry him if we weren't friends)

2) Rich man? I would...if we share the same interests and plans. I don't really care about me becoming rich but just to think that our kids would be able to attend great private schools, summer camps, travel alot, college! Plus when kids are small I wouldn't have to work and will be able to spend quality time with them. Why not?
I don't care about expensive cars, yahts etc. It's more about kids.

3) Maturity...Well my DH's matured alot since we got married (It's natural ,he was 18 and now 32)... When our kid was younger while DH helped me alot with feeding, washing etc, he didn't play with the kid alot. (We even were separated for for more than a year when DS was 2) But now...he spends at least 4-5 hours a day with DS playing studying. He loves kid so much! I wish DH matured earlier but it's better later than never.

4) I probably would marry again but only if I won't be able live without this person. When I was younger I felt very insecure about being alone...not anymore. I have good job, respect etc. I WILL think twice.
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#24 of 31 Old 08-21-2004, 02:36 PM
 
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Would you still believe in true love?
-I definitly believe in true love but I think our hearts can deceive us. I thought I was in love 3 times (the 3rd being my DH) but after a while I realized I didn't love the first two I was just nieve.

Would you marry rich?
-I wouldn't care if the man was rich or poor as long as I truely loved him and he had great values.

Would you expect a higher level of maturity?
-Definitly. My DH is pretty immature and I admit I can be immature at times, but DH is very selfish, I don't think he has out grown the high school 'it's all about me' attitude.

Would you even get married again?
-No. I would date for a few years, then move in together and just be partners instead of a married couple. I have been married twice now and I regret both of those marriages. But I refuse to leave my second when there really isn't a whole lot wrong, I didn't really know my DH when I married him, it was my fault now I have to learn to accept our differences and work with what we have.

If I could go back in time I wouldn't have married either of my DHs. I wish I had just been friends and never carried the relationships past the "friend zone". We were much better as friends than we were as a married couple. I tend to jump into things with both feet and I don't watch the ground. I regret a lot of the decisions I have made in my life, but I have my DS so I really can't complain. Now that DS is here there is no way I would change a thing.

True love is the love of a child.
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#25 of 31 Old 08-21-2004, 06:48 PM
 
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If you HAD to start over, if you HAD to go back before you had children, and marry/start a family with a different man, would you look for different qualities in a man then you did the first time? I don't know. With DH I wasn't exactly looking for certain qualities. I was 15 and it wasn't like I was looking to get married.

Would you still believe in true love? I'm not sure what you mean by "true love". I think all love is true when you're feeling it. If you mean a love that lasts forever, then yes. And I believe that can be had for more than one person. I loved my first bf and still do. Even if DH and I got divorced I'd always love him also.

If by "true love" you mean one person in the whole entire world that you are "destined" to be with, then no. I think that's just a silly romantic notion.


Would you marry rich? If I met a rich man I fell in love with, I would. I wouldn't marry a man just because he was rich though.

Would you expect a higher level of maturity? I don't think so. DH was (and still is) pretty immature but I think that is a benefit to me because I've always been way too mature. He reminds me to stop and have fun and not take everything so seriously.

Would you even get married again? I would. I like being married.


I know you were asking if we had to go back and start over with a different man, but I gotta say, if I had to go back I'd prefer to start over with DH. Knowing all I know now, I'd DEFINITELY marry him again. He's the best.
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#26 of 31 Old 08-21-2004, 07:31 PM
 
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Would you still believe in true love?
Oh yes. with 12yr of marriage under my belt I think true love is in a different form then it was at the young age of 20.
Would you marry rich?
No in the sense that I would not proposely look for a guy with lots of money. But MAN would I make us both go to college for a trade right away instead of starting college at age 30.
Would you expect a higher level of maturity?
I looked for someone close to my level of maturity. Again at 32 I see teenages and think WOW was I that inmature? But at 20 I don't doubt I was.
Would you even get married again?
Okay funny family joke. DH cousin is not married kind of shy/scary of women. DH said if he died I would have to take pity on his cousin and marry him. His cousin was happy with that idea. That said I am not sure. Since we have a child I feel if DH died or left I would want to give my all to my child. I would have to find someone major special that could take my son as his own. Plus all the things they do that my dh didnt do. Ugh its to complicated.
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#27 of 31 Old 08-25-2004, 02:31 AM
 
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I honestly find it hard to believe that everyone is so in love with their husbands...not that I think anyone lied! I just think that maybe I missed the boat on a few things like...

Would you still believe in true love? no
Would you marry rich? yes
Would you expect a higher level of maturity? yes
Would you even get married again? no

Does that make me a complete bitch??? My husband is as gentle as they come about most of the important things in life. He just sucks as a husband. He naturally (and probably unknowingly) pushes all my most sensitive buttons and gets me defensive over all of the insecurities. We're not a good match because we're too much alike...and when we first met I thought "MY GOD, this is true love." I went through hell and back getting my family to accept him...and let me tell you, marrying him the way I did with parents like mine took guts. I just don't know what went wrong and when but we DEFINETLY rushed into having a family. I think my stress level went through the roof the moment my 1st was born BECAUSE my husband is so laid back. He trusts in the universe that everything will fall into place and I rush around physically and mentally putting everything where it belongs. I think he just thinks magic happens and I think that there is a lot of effort and sacrifice involved in raising a family.

Does anyone out there feel the same? Like, a little disillusioned?

Please say yes!
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#28 of 31 Old 08-25-2004, 11:03 PM
 
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The only regret that I have is that I didn't meet my dh sooner I dated so many not rights that when he came along I knew the minute I met him.

If I had to do it all over again, I would still believe in true love for sure. We are together 12 years now, married for almost 10 and I am even happier then when we first met, he is everything I could have asked for and so much more. I still cannot believe how lucky I am some days.

Rich? Well no, he was set financially when we met, by no means rich. But I knew that he was good with $$, that I would be be able to have a nice comfortable life and not really have to do without. Fabulous trips would be great but I honestly would be happy with this man even if we had a one room shack in the woods

Maturity? He is very nature but he is also 5 years older then me. He is very level headed and knows what it takes to make a wife and kids safe, happy and comfortable


Married again? I would absolutely get married again!

nelmomma I am sorry that you have had a bad experience. I myself didn't meet my dh until my late 20's and by then I knew exactly what I wanted in a dh and I was not going to settle for less. I met him when I least expected it and I think because he is the complete opposite of me ( he says we are like two sides of a coin that meet in the middle) that we truly do balance each other out. He has helped me so much to be a calmer, more forgiving understanding person and I am truly a better person due to him. I truly am one of those people who is ga-ga over there dh. I hope that over time you and your dh can find a happy meduim for the both of you

We may not have it all together, but together we have it all
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#29 of 31 Old 08-26-2004, 07:38 PM
 
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Would you still believe in true love?
Yes. I'm very fortunate.

Would you marry rich?
No. We had *no* money at the beginning of our marriage (both in school), and it didn't affect our marital happiness (grad school didn't make me particularly happy, but that's another story).

Would you expect a higher level of maturity?
I think my dh is about as mature as men get.

Would you even get married again?
I would definitely marry my dh again. We were high school sweethearts (and then had a break from each other for several years of maturing). We know each other *really* well. He's the one for me. But if anything ever happens to dh, I wouldn't marry anyone else. I've had it awfully good; I don't think another marriage could be as good as this one.
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#30 of 31 Old 08-27-2004, 01:15 AM
 
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Sorry I think this will be a long vent, or at least untill my dh comes home and I have to stop.

I do believe in love.

I wouldn't marry rich unless I truly loved the person. But having the same values about money is important and there has to be earning potential. I worried about money as a child and never wanted that for my children.

I don't know if I would ever marry again. And I wouldn't marry my husband if I had to do it over again.

We had a good marriage before our daughter, not perfect but probably a B. My husband has anger management issues. That never really came up, significantly, until now that he's really stressed and sleep deprived. We have been together for ten years married for 4. And we hardly ever fought. The times he got really angry and verbally abusive before we were married we're incredibly rare and very unusual circumstances so I foolishly made excuses for him.

But now that we have a daughter. The traits that I think are really important in a husband weren't the things I married for.

I married someone I was physically attracted to and we had awesome sex (not the only reason I married but one and something I thought was important). Now I think I really couldn't care less what my husband looked like if he was really kind and loved me well. Respected me. My husband loves me, but not well. He always wants me to be happy, but happy wanting what he wants. And he's so tired all the time we never, never have sex.

My husband isn't all bad. He does really support me with continuing to breastfeed. And we cosleep because our daughter wanted it, we didn't have it planned beforehand. In fact I have a beautiful $1500 crib that hasn't been slept in once. He loves to throw that in my face. And he is totally into ap and gentle discipline. And he really loves our daughter.

But . . .
The biggest reason I married him was because I thought we had the same values. Family being the most important. My husband says his family is the most important thing but his actions don't agree. He works all the time and hardly ever sees his family. I am a sahm, but he works that much to pay for an incredibly expensive hobby not put food on the table or a roof over our head. It costs us well over $20K per year. And he says it's a family hobby but it's really for him. His boat. We could also own a smaller, less expensive boat. But then he wouldn't have the biggest one on the dock. We aren't wealthy, we're middle class. We have a modest home, our cars are a little older, 97's paid for and we have absolutely no credit card debt. In fact our house was almost paid for until we took a home equity loan for the boat. But my husband will throw in my face he works all these hours so I can stay at home. But he forgot I have a degree in finance and know how to use a calculator. I know where our money goes. To the boat. We could live comfortably not high on the hog but comfortably on his salary and he wouldn't need to work overtime and 2nd jobs. He wants to spend all his free time on the boat because he has so much invested in it, which is hard for me with our daughter who is 20 mos. She's fearless and adventuresome and active. She's not a child content to sit in front of a TV watching videos. In fact I don't let her watch tv, which isn't hard because she has no interest. She's too busy doing other stuff. My husband spends very little time w/us at the boat because he's out drinking, socializing, hanging on the dock talking. I don't do that because I'm still breastfeeding and I'm watching our daughter. You have to pay attention constantly to children on a dock especially when they can't swim. I can't really socialize the way he does and what get distracted as my daughter falls in and slowly sinks and drowns. But enough of that I think you get the point.

My husband is very difficult to talk to, it turns into him yelling if you don't agree with him. He gets verbally abusive. I would love to be with someone you could discuss your difference with and make compramises.

I thought my husband was mature. But since this boat came into his life that seems to be his most important thing. And my husband is obviously very insecure that a boat makes him feel more like a man than all his other accomplishments including his family.

I got married later so you would think I would of been smarter and better able to pick a husband. But no cigar. So I don't think I trust my judgement to do it again.

There was a therapist who believed that if you got married for love, then that person was put into your life to repair the damage of your childhood and if you did the work you could live a blissfully happy life.

I'm hoping that true. I did marry for love and I'm trying to do the work but it's so hard with a man like my husband.

No patience, short fuse, verbally abusive, negative -- need I say more.

Hoping this is just a big valley in the peaks and valleys of marriage.
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