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**UPDATE ON UPDATE** Update on DH & paternity suite served to him.

967 views 5 replies 5 participants last post by  BklynJen 
#1 ·
http://www.mothering.com/discussions...=garrettsmommy

Hope this link works. It's my first time trying to link in a post. It's my original thread about this. Back in December a policeman served Dh with a paternity suit. We did not get a lawyer because we talked to the prosecuting attorney and she advised that all we needed to do at this point was send a letter requesting a DNA test. We did that in December. The letter was stamped "so ordered" and returned to us. The prosecuting attorney said we would receive a letter in the mail stating when and where the test would be done. We never received anything. I kept hounding Dh to call and find out what's going on and for reasons unknown to me he was "dragging his feet". Finally I blew up at him last week and told him he would call and find out what's going on. He just talked to the prosecuting attorney today and, well guess what!! No one (not even mother and child) showed up for the test and now they have defaulted and stated Dh is the father. The prosecuting attorney said he needs to file a continuance on Monday and also she would try to find out why we were not sent a letter about the test. Dh was like "I guess you were right, I should have kept hounding them". DUH!! We are now in over our heads (not knowing how to file for continuance) and I told him that he will get a lawyer on Monday.

I am so ticked off. (at DH) I know there are lawyer mommies around here somewhere or people that have been through something like this. Do you have any advise for me? Thanks.
 
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#2 ·
wow... I just read your other thread..and that was quite a roller coaster of emotions from so many people! phew...

listen, I just wanted to say you might want to put up a post in Activism with a link to this thread. I had to go looking for lawyer mommies here once and it seemed I found them on that forum. They seem to hang out there.

it seems you really are trying to do the right thing. I know that in itself can be hard. good luck. hugs.
 
#3 ·
I understand how overwhelmed you both feel right now, and how confusing the legal world of paternity, child support, etc. etc. is. I met my husband when his daughter was 1 1/2 years old and he was dealing with trying to get child support set at an affordable level and getting the mother (they were never married) to let him have regular visitation with his daughter. I highly recommend that you go ahead and just hire an attorney. My husband and I found a father's rights organization (United Fathers) who we didn't actually work with but who referred us to our current family law attorney -- she has been with us through thick and thin (dh's ex put us through hell trying to keep his daughter from him) and she's the reason my husband has had regular and legally protected residential time with his daughter for the past 11 years as well as joint decision making and child support that is affordable for him but also sufficient to help raise his daughter. Having an attorney to help you navigate these issues is essential, and with some research you might be able to find one who will do the work pro bono or charge you a sliding scale fee or let you pay off the bill over time (as our attorney does -- we're still paying her for issues resolved years ago). The peace of mind alone from having an attorney to advocate for your dh is worth the cost.

My stepdaughter has been a wonderful addition to my life and I love her dearly, and while her mom has truly made life hell for both of us at times and the legal challenges we've faced have been scary, this child has been worth every agonizing minute and dollar of it.

One thing to be aware of, however, is that if they do find your dh is the father, they will most likely back-date child support to the time of the child's birth. If the mother was on welfare for all of that time, he'll owe the money to the state, not to her. A good attorney should be able to get part of the arrears amount set for what your husband was making during those years and to negotiate a reasonable repayment plan for those arrears.

Good luck to you both.
 
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