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-   -   whats the most insensative thing Dh or partner has said??? (http://www.mothering.com/forum/353-parents-partners-archive/304367-whats-most-insensative-thing-dh-partner-has-said.html)

peacefulmom 06-22-2005 12:08 PM

ok here is mine...yesturday i bought a maternity swimsuit...we have alot of swim parties this July I am 4 month preggo..with my 3rd, dear hubbie was in the room when I was trying it on and said I remember when your boobs looked like this and actually lifted one up...
then said here you lift it up like it used to be...let me tell you I wanted to nice huh

nonconformnmom 06-22-2005 12:43 PM

Ouch! I feel your pain. When I was several months postpartum with this last baby, I was commenting on how I was happy that I could fit into my pre-pregnancy jeans, although I had a bit of belly 'spillage' over the waistband. My husband said that my belly was like "the Michelin man" (cartoon character that is a stack of tires). I said, "Hey! That's not nice. I prefer to think of it as a 'Pillsbury Dough Boy' belly."

'Michelin man'! Sheesh. :

abbylotus 06-22-2005 01:11 PM

"Sometimes you act just like you mother!" :LOL

Starr 06-22-2005 01:16 PM

"Oh, you hair looks good. Trying something new? Not nearly as plain as before." :

Halfways through supper.."So what exactly is this?"

fluffernutter 06-22-2005 01:59 PM

My DH is full of gems.

"How can you be tired? You were in bed until 9, and it's not like you did anything today." Riiight. I just chased 2 preschoolers around all day. What'd you do? Oh yeah, that's right. You sat at a desk. Gee, you must be really worn out. Let me cook dinner for you while you lay down and watch t.v.

MomBirthmomStepmom 06-22-2005 02:29 PM

This was a BAD one...

Last year I gave birth to a little girl whom I placed for adoption. This past Christmas/holiday season was her first, and I was feeling pretty emotional the entire time. I missed her, and was just down.

Sometime right after New Year's, he'd decided it was enough basically and said 'it's okay for you to be upset, I just don't want it taking over our lives'..

Which, okay, may be true, but OMG I was SO hurt by that comment. It sticks with me and I still just DO NOT talk to him about her, or anything regarding her or my feelings for her. Don't want him thinking that me missing my child is taking over our lives or anything...

BumbleBena 06-22-2005 02:43 PM


momo7 06-22-2005 03:40 PM

Let's see...it was 1990 (do I have a long memory or what?) and we were living on military pay at the time. He would b%$#& at me for spending 50$ a week on groceries. We had one child at the time, who I stayed home with, and we were barely making ends meet. So he buys a car amplifier from his brother right...spends $200. So I was like "How can you spend THAT on a piece of audio equipment when we are barely getting by as it is?" So you know what he says? "When you get a job you can tell me how to spend my money." That's been 15 years ago...I STILL get pissed when I think about it. but thanks for making me relive the moment. :LOL

jen : mom to seven : wife to Rich 16yrs

Storm Bride 06-22-2005 04:11 PM

I honestly can't think of anything dh has said that I would call insensitive.

But, my ex had a real gem. In 1998, after my second miscarriage (and the miscarriages were after 3.5 years of trying to conceive), I was suffering from a really bad bout of clinical depression. I thought I was a terrible mother, a terrible wife, and I'd lost my babies because I didn't deserve them.

I was having a really bad day, and my ex said something - I don't even remember what - and I said, "the thing is I just don't care - I just want to die and it doesn't matter if I live or not". His incredibly sensitive and understanding response? "Stop saying things like that - I can't deal with it." I know living with someone who is depressed is difficult (he also had problems with depression), but some kind of support...help..something?...doesn't seem too much to ask...at least, that's what I thought.

lynsage 06-22-2005 04:20 PM

"If you can't lose the weight after you have the baby, are you going to have a gastric bypass?"

onlyboys 06-22-2005 04:32 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by lynsage
"If you can't lose the weight after you have the baby, are you going to have a gastric bypass?"


Oh my. Seriously, that's insensitive.

BabyOsMommy 06-22-2005 07:58 PM

We were driving home from the hospital after I'd given birth to ds#2 5hours ago and dh says "You were whinier this time than you were with ds#1... that time you were just nasty." I really didn't have anything to respond with... wtf could I say? I was on a high because I'd just had the drug free birth I wanted and was proud that I did it myself (ie, no pitocin, etc).

Then after having fallen asleep that same day for 2whole hours (note I was 9hours post partum at this point), I woke up hungry and said I could go for poached eggs. His response "I suppose that means I have to get up and make you something to eat." I made my own poached eggs.

disclaimer: dh does actually help around the house and is an incredible husband/father, but the above comments will stay with me for probably ever. His defense was that he was really tired and he doesn't remember saying the first one. Yeah, HE was tired... having watched me birth a baby and all.

Storm Bride 06-22-2005 08:25 PM

You were whinier??? Help...

And, I can't even imagine the poached egg scenario!

broodymama 06-22-2005 10:00 PM

my XH, when walking behind me - "ya know, you have what they call child-bearing hips"

at the time I was 18 years old, 5' 8", 110 lbs wearing a size 2!! ( those days are long gone :LOL )

DesireeH 06-23-2005 05:23 AM

When I was pg the first time my butt got bigger before my belly did and dh said jokingly "is the baby in your belly or your butt?" I reminded him of this recently and he swears he wouldnt say something so stupid. I clearly remember!

kiahnsmum 06-23-2005 05:50 AM

After having dd around 5 weeks after I had her, I decided that it was time to take the plunge and have a little "mom and dad" time. It was the first time we had sex since dd was born I was a little tense and worried about it being uncomfortable but it had been so long for dh and I wanted to get back in the saddles as soon as possible. Poor dh didnt last long I think the anticipation had been too much, anyway the first thing he said to be was "well that sucked"!
Lets just say that after my reaction that night I now wear the pants in the bedroom!!

Brisen 06-23-2005 04:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by LadyBug & BabyBug
my XH, when walking behind me - "ya know, you have what they call child-bearing hips"
I would take that as a compliment! But then, I'm built like a skinny little boy. I'm surprised there was room for my kids to get their heads through the birth canal.

Linda in OZ 06-25-2005 10:34 AM

When I asked him why he married me.
"Cause your mother talked me into it."

Sucker

cappuccinosmom 06-25-2005 02:48 PM

When our first ds was born, he was a miserable screamer. And I was overwhelmed and depressed. Several times, dh said "What are you doing to him? Why are you making him scream? I can't sleep." As if I didn't need a little sleep myself. Maybe he thought I was pinching the babe, just to make sure our ears were ringing 24/7 :

He said it again with this baby. But I called him on it this time.

Note to men:do not tell your newly postpartum wife that the baby crying is her fault. And if you think you can do a better job making the baby happy, don't sit there and criticise--just take the baby and give the wife a break!

Past_VNE 06-25-2005 03:46 PM

This isn't particularly insensitive, but it really sticks with me.

History: DH and I started dating in high school, right after I turned 16. We went to college together, flight school together and got married in 2000. We've been together nearly 12 years now all told.

In college, I was at his apartment, we were smoking pot (I think?) and he told me that he loved me very much and I was a great person, "...but you aren't the kind of woman I could ever marry."

We had been together for probably five years at that point. It hurt me soooo deeply, more than anything he ever said or did. Now, we have a good :LOL about it whenever it comes up.

ashleep 06-25-2005 07:15 PM

Past_VNE, that sucks!!! But I was cracking up at this:
Quote:
In college, I was at his apartment, we were smoking pot (I think?)
The 'I think' part had me laughing 'cause I've lost a good bit of my memory due to that silly green stuff. :

China white 06-25-2005 10:32 PM

My father passed away 3 1/2 years ago. This past Christmas, I was having a particularly hard time with missing him & whatnot, and my husband pipes up with "You're just gonna have to get over it." :

I don't know that I'll ever get over him saying that to me, nevermind the hole in my life left by my fathers death.

Love & miss you, dad!!

Mydragonboy 06-28-2005 02:28 PM

My DH commented, "Gee, Charlene and Julie have stayed slim all through their pregnancies. Wonder why you haven't this time?"

Trish O 06-28-2005 02:30 PM

About four weeks ago (our 2nd DD is now 6 1/2 weeks) I asked my DH to bring me something (food or water I think) while I was nursing our DD. I had had a C-section after trying a VBAC for 26 hours of labor. His response was, "I didn't sign up to be your nurse maid."
He's had a couple of whoppers since then as well. I'm trying to chalk it up to the stress of having a 15 month old and a newborn. Hmm.

KyleAnn 06-28-2005 02:53 PM

Aww, hugs fellow mamas-I do believe some of those warrant a punch in the nose....I have a little annoying one from yesterday.

We were getting ready to go to dh's softball game, and I walked out of the bathroom with a bandanna on my head (bad hair day ). Dh gave me a funny look, and I said, "What? Do you care that I'm going like this?"
He responds, "No..I won't be sitting with you at the game...."

Btw, I have been told I look purdy darn cute in my bandannas......

Maybe next time I'll just have to layer on the makeup and slut it up, parade around the ball park that way?

miranoron 06-28-2005 07:01 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by KyleAnn
Aww, hugs fellow mamas-I do believe some of those warrant a punch in the nose....
More like a kick in the bollocks with a steel-toed boot. I can't believe some men can be so cruel and insensitive. My husband would be passed out on the floor, clutching his groin, if he ever said some of those things to me.

FuelJetA 06-28-2005 11:42 PM

Quote:
Originally Posted by Past_VNE
This isn't particularly insensitive, but it really sticks with me.

History: DH and I started dating in high school, right after I turned 16. We went to college together, flight school together and got married in 2000. We've been together nearly 12 years now all told.

In college, I was at his apartment, we were smoking pot (I think?) and he told me that he loved me very much and I was a great person, "...but you aren't the kind of woman I could ever marry."

We had been together for probably five years at that point. It hurt me soooo deeply, more than anything he ever said or did. Now, we have a good :LOL about it whenever it comes up.
In my defense, we were pretty much wacked out of our skulls and I had just moved in with 2 girls, one with whom I had a big 'crush' on at the time and Past had just been getting on my nerves. I think it was a terrible thing to say but we are really So it's a moot point.

I do have to say that she is such a sweety that I can't think of anything she has said that is really insensitive besides cursing at me, which I REALLY dislike and she has pretty much quit that too.

FuelJetA 06-29-2005 12:00 AM

I forget to mention this to DW and thought I could spare her the twinge of anger...

I commented to my mother how DW looks so good and that she is back into all her pre-baby clothes and how her legs are so fit from carrying the babe around in the sling and mei-tai that she doesn't have a bit of cellulite and her butt looks like it did when she was 17.

Her response...

"now she just needs to do some sit-ups."

I didn't know what to say so I didn't say anything at all...I may have grunted. But that really peeved me off.

I thought that was an insensitivity worth mentioning!

BTW...DW looks great AND has a pretty flat belly, not quite as flat, but almost AND just as sexy. (What the heck, she just had a baby 6 months ago!)

tug 06-29-2005 12:35 AM

hmm, about 4 hours ago, my dh told me that my fretting made me unbearable tonight and so he had to have several drinks just to tolerate me. this following having a sick 2 yr old at work with me today whom i was told to keep quiet b/c of a meeting at the office, plus ds is probably still sick so i'll have him at work tomorrow too, plus a co-worker called late this afternoon to basically tell me that we have a big, big problem at work that i'll have to deal with tomorrow. all of this on top of the usual dealing with my fussy 5 month old and my dad with alzheimers who lives with us.

blissful_maia 06-29-2005 02:15 AM

My dp told me that my breasts looked like an old lady's with nothing left in them... empty beanbags.


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