I am so hurt right now.I just called h at work.I've been telling him for weeks I have an ehocardiagram today,which I am scared about,and I really would like him with me.He NEVER told his boss!So now he can't get out today.They're too busy he says.Had it been PLANNED,they would have kept someone else on the job!So since my mom told me she'll drop me off at 4,take the kids to her house,but she's not picking me up.I'll have to wait until my dad gets home around 6,he has to pick up the kids,then come and get me.So I'm stuck by myself,for over 2 hours,when the test takes about 30-60 minutes.So if I get bad news,I get to take it by myself.
I'm shaking now.
H knew about this!!For weeks!!I am just so,so hurt.I feel like the only ones who care are the kids and my dad.If something is wrong my mom will just flip out and make me feel a million times worse,and h will just drown himself in vodka and drunkenly tell me what a selfish you know what I am for having medical issues.
He'll yell"What do you want me to say or do?I'm not coming home after work to take over for your lazy a$$! I have problems too(his stomach,he doesn't eat at ALL during the day,just drinks coffee and then vodka and wonders why his stomach hurts
,I've tried making him breakfast and lunch,he claims he has no time)!!"
I just can't live this way.It's literally killing me.I'm going to divorce him as soon as I can.He won't leave.I live in my dad's apartment house(just us,him,and my mom,she rents from dad),and I have no money,so I can't afford anything else.I have 5 cats,and I refuse to leave them behind.So I'll just get the divorce as soon as I can.I don't even know what I'm going to do about our trip(see siggy).If he goes,he'll ruin it.If he doesn't go,the kids will be very disappointed(he doesn't show his bad side to the kids usually,he'll act like everything is ok to them but get me alone and chew me out for everything he thinks we did wrong
,so then I'm crying and trying to cover it up).
I'm just done with feeling this way.Completely done.I'm going to my first Alanon meeting tommorow night.I just need the strength to get out of this mess,and with my health issues and ds's issues(he has a developmental eval coming up the beginning of July,of course h is blowing that off too,so I'm alone there too) it's very hard.
I just don't know what I'm going to do about money.Welfare I guess for a while,but they won't give me a dime for myself,since they sanctioned me 6 YEARS AGO because I cancelled my benefits since I had a job,and didn't go to an appointment that was for a week AFTER we no longer had benefits(I would have had to take off from my brand new job,which I would have then lost).So it'll be for just the kids.Better than nothing,I don't have to worry about rent at least.
Thanks for listening.